Chapter Text
Namine had never asked to be given a body, but nobody had asked how she felt about it first.
She’d opened her eyes in Ansem’s lab, realizing that she had eyes to open; she looked down at her hands, her legs, touched her hair and her face. She had a body again. A replica body, at least. The scientists told her that she was one hundred percent human now, or as close as possible to one hundred percent as they could get. The important part was that she was free.
She had sat in silence for most of the ride, but now she looked over at the boy in the driver’s seat of the gummiship that was currently speeding them through the Ocean Between. “...Riku?”
“Yeah?” He didn’t take his eyes off his driving, swerving the ship deftly around an asteroid.
“Where are we going?”
“To Twilight Town. Ansem the Wise wanted you to have the Old Mansion.”
“Me?”
“He said it was a small way to apologize for everything, giving you a home.” Riku looked over at her. “Unless you wanted to go somewhere else?”
Somewhere else? She had nowhere else. The idea of a home was a concept she had never entertained.
“Twilight Town is fine.”
“I’m glad to hear that, since we’re almost there.” Riku tilted his head at the windshield and smiled. “You want to take a look?”
As Namine peeked over his shoulder, the clouds ahead of them were parting to reveal Twilight Town in all its golden glory. From the sky, the buildings were no bigger than matchboxes. Even the clock tower looked like a toy. Despite this, Namine could see familiar places and familiar streets as they descended: the Sunset Terrace, the tram lines, Station Heights. The sights made her chest feel tight, as if something was squeezing her heart.
It made no sense. Namine had only ever visited the virtual Twilight Town; in the real world, she had spent all her time in the mansion as she restored Sora’s memories with DiZ and Riku. She had never known the real Twilight Town, so why did seeing it make her ache like this? The thought was confusing and uncomfortable. She stepped back from the window, not wanting to see anymore.
Riku steered the gummiship over the town and past the woods, finally touching down in a familiar clearing in front of a familiar gate. He helped Namine down from the ship, then turned back to close the door while Namine stood at the gate and looked up. In the sunset light, the shadows of the iron bars fell across her face. Beyond the bars sat the mansion.
It was just as she remembered, as inexorably alone as it had been the last time she’d seen it.
The sound of Riku coming up behind her made her jump. “If you’re set with everything, I’m going to head back to–“
“Wait!” Namine reached out suddenly, pulling Riku’s sleeve. She hadn’t meant to do it, but her body had moved on its own. She cast a look back over her shoulder at the mansion and turned away just as quickly.
She opened her mouth, trying to tell him she was scared, that she didn’t want him to leave just yet, but the right words weren’t coming out of her mouth.
“No...I don’t…” Her breathing was quickening, her hands shaking. She didn’t understand why her body was reacting like this but she couldn’t stop it.
Riku looked down at her. His eyes softened with what looked like understanding. “Come here with me for a minute.” He gently removed her hand from his jacket and led her towards the woods. As they moved away from the mansion, Namine felt herself calming down.
The feeling of sunlight was strange and familiar to her at the same time, a disorienting sense of deja vu. It was the same with the feeling of the wind in her hair, the sound of her footsteps, the sensation of taking a deep breath of air. It all felt lovely, but wrong. She had existed for so long as nothing but a heart, she had forgotten how it felt to be human.
If she had ever been one, that is.
Riku directed her to a sunlight patch of grass and made her sit. He sat down next to her and looked at her with concern. “What’s wrong?”
“I hate this place,” said Namine softly. “I never thought I would come back here.”
Riku’s eyes widened slightly, then narrowed as he pressed his lips together. “I’m sorry, Namine. I never thought–I didn’t realize how you might feel about this. We should have talked it over more before bringing you here.”
“No, it’s ok. I understand. And I’m not mad at Ansem. He was just trying to do the right thing. I don’t hate it completely. It’s not the mansion.
It’s just...” Namine paused, trying to find the right words and settling on one. “...Complicated.”
Riku chuckled softly at that. “That’s for sure.”
"I spent so long being alone, and then being used, but I never really thought it was wrong. I just woke up one day in Castle Oblivion, with no concept of who I was or why I was there. I didn't know anything about the world. When that's all you've known, you'll cling to anything that gives your existence meaning. But that's just what life is for people like me. For Nobodies.
When Sora went to sleep and Ansem–DiZ–brought him to Twilight Town, I was so excited at first. Leaving Castle Oblivion felt like my life was starting over again. But it wasn’t. I was still doing what other people were telling me to do. I couldn’t go anywhere or do what I wanted. I was still a prisoner. And in the end, the last time I was at this mansion...” Namine didn’t have to continue. She and Riku both knew how it had ended, with DiZ dragging her away in a corridor of darkness even as Roxas was reaching for her.
“Even then, I didn't think much of it until I returned to Kairi's heart. I felt through her heart how she loved everybody around her so purely, and felt how that love was returned. It made me realize...I didn't know what that was like. Until I met Sora, I didn't know what it was like to have someone care for me. Well, Sora and one other..."
Namine's voice trailed off as the memory of another boy surfaced. A face she'd only known for a short time, but still tugged at her heart whenever she thought of him.
“Your replica…”
Riku turned his face away. “He’s gone.”
Namine let out a breath. “I thought so.” Disappointed, but not surprised.
“Namine…I didn’t want to tell you, but...the reason he’s gone…” Namine had never heard Riku sound so hesitant before. “The truth is, he had a chance to take a body for himself. But he gave it up for you. He said you needed it more.”
It was difficult to keep her face blank at that, so she turned her head away.
“I think he was happy with that though,” Riku continued. “It was his choice.”
His choice, huh? Namine laughed sadly. “Of course it was. I guess he never thought about my choices.” She leaned back and looked up at the canopy of rustling leaves overhead. “I wanted to see him again, just once. Just to say thank you.” Dust motes were dancing in the shafts of warm afternoon sunlight that slanted through the branches. “And to say ‘I’m sorry.’”
“I’m sure he knows.”
Namine shook her head and smiled, her eyes closed against the sunlight. “Maybe he does. But it’s not the same as if I’d said it to him, right? Maybe it’s selfish of me, but I wanted to say it properly. I wanted to look into his eyes and know that he heard me, and see that he’d forgiven me for what I did.” Her voice trailed off as she opened her eyes again. The sunlight was dazzling. She was suddenly aware, with a startling sharpness, of every blade of grass brushing against her skin, the crisp bite of the breeze on her neck, and rush of forest sounds that was swelling all around her.
“I don’t know why I’m here, Riku.”
The forest fell silent.
“I don’t think any of us do,” said Riku, leaning back on his hands. “When I was a kid on the Destiny Islands, I was convinced that I was meant for a life of adventure. I wanted nothing more than to leave that tiny island, and see all the other worlds for myself.” He laughed ruefully. “I certainly got my wish. But I also wonder sometimes if just spending those years on that quiet island with Sora and Kairi, having fun together and growing up...might not have been so bad either.” His bright green eyes met her own with a reassuring smile. “None of us know what we’re doing here, Namine. Too often we wish for what we don’t have, only to realize we never wanted it once we get it. We’re all messed up in one way or another. But that doesn’t mean you have to let that get in the way of being happy.”
Namine hid the smile that twisted her lips. It had been a long time since she thought she was allowed to be happy, but Riku had said it so matter-of-factly that it almost made her want to laugh. She didn’t know if she believed him yet, but knew that he meant it sincerely, so she didn’t argue. She simply leaned back and closed her eyes again, letting the sunlight soak into her skin.
“It certainly is a beautiful day.”
Riku walked her back to the mansion. Namine put a hand on the gate. The metal was warm to the touch, radiating the heat of the afternoon sun. Ahead of her, the mansion sat still and cavernous and empty. She turned back to look at Riku.
“What will I do tomorrow?”
Riku smiled. “That’s up to you.”
But without Organization XIII, without DiZ, without Sora...who was she? Namine didn’t have an answer. In the light of the setting sun, all she knew was that she dreaded the moment she went inside and shut the gate behind her. Alone again, and this time, utterly without purpose.
Darkness might have been preferable.
But they hadn’t given her that choice. And now that she was here, Namine had to admit that deep in her heart, she knew darkness was never what she would have wanted. She had been resigned to her fate, but had never wanted it. In this world without darkness though, everything was different. This was her life starting over, and this time she was free.
Namine took a deep breath, and opened the gate.