Work Text:
Ok kittens, here goes!
(To the tune of "Harper Valley PTA")
*ahem*
“I wanna tell you all a story
‘Bout a Purgatory single mom
With a teen-age daughter
She been raisin’ all on her own
Well her daughter came home one afternoon
And didn’t even stop to play
She said ‘Mom I got a note here
From the Purgatory PTA.....’
Well the note said ‘Wynonna,
We noticed you been drinkin’ way too much
Plus Alice Michelle’s just been actin’ way too tough
And we don’t believe you oughta be a-bringin’ up your daughter
Just like you
And if this continues, we’re gonna put her out
Good-bye to you!”
Well it happened that the PTA was gonna meet
That very afternoon
And they were sure surprised when Wynonna Earp
Stomped into the room
And as she slammed her bottle on the table I can still recall
The words she had to say
She said “I’m here to address the assholes
Of the Purgatory PTA”
“For years Tucker Gardner heres’
Been stalking my sister like a creep
And shouldn’t Cocaine Cleo
Keep her freedom yells down
So we all can sleep???
And Dr Reggie, can you tell us why
Your assistant kinda vanished from this town
And wasn’t ‘Perky Tits’ warned to keep
Her PornHub all shut completely down
Well Judge Cryderman can’t be here ‘cause he
Spent the night in Sheriff Haught’s drunk tank
And didn’t Bunny Loblaw’s
Purchase of the PTA completely stank?
And now you have the nerve to tell me
You think that as a mother I just suck!
Well at least my kid is honest and true
So screw you all, good luck!
No I wouldn’t put you on, because it really did
It happened just this way
The day my mom busted the balls of
The Purgatory PTA”