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Aside from the distant chatter of birds outside and the sound of the knife gliding through the apple clutched in Levi’s hand, quietness hung heavy in the airy bedroom. Erwin sat propped up in bed, his tired blue eyes fixed on the world beyond the large window. With his tousled, overgrown hair and uncharacteristic stubble, it was almost as if Levi was looking at a completely different person now. And even though there was a strange look of serenity on the commander’s face as he gazed out of the window, it was difficult not to think back to how he had looked upon returning from the expedition to recover Eren. Levi remembered the way his blood had run cold at the sight of Erwin, deathly pale, clothes soaked in crimson, practically falling off of his horse from the blood loss and exhaustion.
I should’ve been there, Levi had thought bitterly. Erwin’s arm being bitten off was bad enough, but the reminder of just how close Levi had come to losing him altogether was a whole new kind of terror.
Still, he tried not to think about that right now. The commander was recovering rather well, though of course it hadn’t been an easy process. Throughout this time, Levi had pretty much refused to leave Erwin’s side – from the moment he had first opened his eyes after returning, the smaller man had been practically glued to the chair by his bed. Today was no exception; hell, he was even peeling apples for him now to make sure he was eating enough. Quite frankly, the idea of leaving the other man alone seemed unthinkable at the moment. Watching Erwin with his usual guarded expression, Levi idly wondered what was going through that burdened yet brilliant mind of his. It was then that the blond turned back to face Levi, light blue eyes meeting his as he smiled.
Not that fucking weird smile again.
“Levi,” Erwin spoke softly, his smile widening ever so slightly. “Will you go on a walk with me?” For a moment, Levi stared back at him blankly, then he gave a small nod that anybody else might not have spotted.
“Have this first,” he replied as he handed over the apple, and Erwin’s expression brightened just a little; almost like a child who had just gotten his way.
It was a comfortably warm day with a gentle breeze rustling through the leaves every now and again, and Levi figured that some fresh air would probably be good for the recovering commander. Walking alongside him, Levi glanced over, slate grey eyes taking in the sight of Erwin with the wind in his golden hair and a small smile still lingering on his lips. As well as Levi knew him, sometimes it was still difficult to know what he was thinking; now was one of those times. Either way, the sight of him with his features gently illuminated by the afternoon sun was enough to make Levi’s heart ache. As they walked together along the oath into a more wooded area, Erwin suddenly stopped and pulled what looked like a small brown bag out of his pocket. Levi raised a questioning eyebrow. “What’s that?”
“Sunflower seeds. I requested them from the nurse,” Erwin explained as he tugged the bag open to reveal the small black seeds inside. Then he looked over at Levi. “Lend me your hand.” The dark-haired man held out his hand without hesitation, not bothering to ask questions when Erwin poured a little pile of seeds into his palm. “Hold it out, with your fingers flat. Yes, just like that,” he carefully instructed his captain, who did exactly that, even though his brows furrowed a little in confusion. However, before he could even open his mouth to complain, a small bird landed on his hand with a delicate flutter of its wings. It was small yet plump, a pale colour all over save for the jet black that covered its tiny head, and after a brief moment of hesitation, it began lightly pecking at the seeds in Levi’s palm. His dark eyes widened a little in surprise at the sight, which did not escape Erwin, who was watching intently. “They’re blackcaps. I saw them from my window. I’m sure they could use the food this season.” Levi watched the bird in his hand with interest, then he dubiously glanced over at Erwin.
“It’s not gonna shit in my hand, is it?” he asked in his usual deadpan fashion. Erwin chuckled softly and shook his head.
“Hopefully not.” He couldn’t help but fondly watch Levi as he let the bird eat from his hand; after all, who wouldn’t trust that man? “These were the common birds of the region I grew up in,” Erwin explained, quietly, so that he wouldn’t startle the bird. “As a boy, I made sure to leave seed for them every day.” Levi looked over at him as he spoke, taking in every detail of his face as he did so. Everything about him seemed to soften as he talked about feeding the birds during his childhood, and it was hard to believe that this man was the supposedly ruthless commander of the Survey Corps. No; Levi knew that deep down, that wasn’t him at all. This side of him was.
“So, your plan. That’s why you brought me here, isn’t it?” Levi asked, breaking the silence between them. After all, Erwin must have had some kind of plan now that they were beginning to learn the true origins of the titans. Even with this in mind, though, Levi wasn’t entirely surprised by his response.
“When did I say that?” Erwin replied, his voice laced with amusement. “Maybe I just wanted to feed the birds with you.” Levi scoffed.
“Are you serious?” One glance over at Erwin was enough to confirm it; the taller man was still watching him fondly, that small yet warm smile still there. Levi huffed and shook his head, pouring the seeds into Erwin’s hand, and the bird hopped into the other man’s palm almost immediately. “You lose an arm the moment I’m not around, and now you demand all my free time like a spoiled child,” he continued, although both of them knew damn well he didn’t truly object. “It’s a wonder we haven’t disbanded yet, with someone so pitiful as commander.” Erwin couldn’t help but chuckle again; he was sure he would never be tired of Levi’s blunt observations. But what he said next made Levi’s chest ache once again.
“You’re the only one who will take pity on me, Levi. That’s what makes you so kind.”
How could Levi not pity the kind, beautiful man in front of him? Of course I pity you, he thought. A man who spends all his time masquerading as a heartless monster... when this is who you truly are. When Levi neglected to respond, Erwin carried on speaking.
“Your life, and those of our troops... nothing is guaranteed. My life is up for forfeit should our gamble fail.” With what could only be described as an adoring smile, Erwin gazed across at Levi. “Despite that, I can’t help but be glad you’re still by my side.”
Are you fucking kidding me? By now you should know that’s a given.
“You still don’t get it?” Levi replied, his voice hushed.
“Get what?”
“Seriously, Erwin...” Levi sighed, taking a step closer to his commander. “You’re a clumsy, spoiled, perverted blond bastard.” As he spoke, Levi gently let his hand come to rest on Erwin’s stubbly cheek, gazing into the wise, inquisitive eyes he had come to know and love. “And... I’ll stay by your side, even if it kills us both,” Levi continued, lowering his voice so that it was barely more than a whisper and ghosting his thumb across Erwin’s bottom lip. For a moment, Erwin looked as if he was close to tears. Then when the bird seemed to take a hint and flew away, he let the seeds carelessly fall from his palm and instead let his fingers tenderly brush against the pale hand that cupped his cheek, closing his eyes as he savoured the gentle warmth.
“Then let’s hope it doesn’t kill us too soon,” he murmured, before leaning in to press a lingering kiss against Levi’s forehead. The shorter man’s breath caught in his throat, like it always did during these intimate moments with Erwin, and he let his eyes slowly slip shut. This was far from being the first time Levi had felt those soft lips brushing against his skin, but he was sure it was a feeling he would never fully get used to. Erwin pulled away after a few long moments, and Levi stood on his tip-toes to kiss him properly, the delicate fluttering sound of bird wings seeming to fade into the distance.
I’ll be damned if it does.