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Dinner threatened to rise up your throat as you put on your shoes in the dark. It was foreign, standing alone in the living room trying not to make a sound and wake your boyfriend, almost as if starting a teenage rebellion phase. You were too old for that though, and he was the last person you wanted to disobey, but the knife weighing heavily in your coat pocket had a purpose to fulfill, a hatred to soothe. If Connor could see you now...
Who’d have thought the precinct’s golden boy would date a soon-to-be killer?
Perhaps hatred wasn’t the right word, and as much as you would’ve liked to think otherwise, love wasn’t either. It was fear, the sickening anxiety of losing your other half, the fist around your heart that had you grasping the weapon with a gloved hand and inspecting it under the moonlight coming in through the curtains. The blade’s glint calmed the ache in your chest. If you got caught it’d be the end of your life with Connor and the beginning of a life behind bars, but the sight reminded you of what would happen if you did nothing.
Your golden boy was drifting away.
You never asked for complete devotion. Connor’s job took so much of his time, and the day’s events often plagued his mind long after collapsing into your loving arms. That was okay. If you were the one he came home to you could live with it. However, lately he was more preoccupied than usual, paying you an even smaller fraction of his already limited attention. Nerves, you guessed. Stress. But when you asked what was wrong he only said you shouldn’t worry, he’ll take care of everything, just go back to running your fingers through his hair and telling him how much you love him. You complied, of course. It was all you ever wanted to do.
But for the past few days he forgot to return the favor. No kisses goodbye in the mornings as he rushed out the door, no details about his day in the evenings. Yesterday when he arrived home Connor only gave a curt acknowledgement of your existence before receiving an emergency call from the DPD, and you believed him until you snooped through his phone that night. It wasn’t his boss who rang him up.
It was Gavin Reed.
From what you heard about him you didn’t think Gavin swung that way, and he was a fellow officer, but he used his personal number, and when you pressed for specifics about the “emergency” Connor dodged your questions like bullets despite his usual eagerness to vent. You always thought his aversion to letting you leave the house was a byproduct of his risky lifestyle, that perhaps like you he didn’t want to lose his other half, but it only made it easier for him to betray you. With Gavin out of the way Connor would have to rely on you again.
And if he didn’t, well… At least you’d get revenge.
Slipping the knife back into your pocket, you opened the door to a gust of freezing air. Thankfully it didn’t snow, meaning no footprints in the yard when you stepped out. Living with a detective who regularly told stories of violent criminals came with learning how they were caught. That was the tricky part, though - that same detective might be tasked with finding Gavin’s killer. You couldn’t leave a trace, physical or digital, which was why you wore gloves to cover your fingerprints and planned to discard the cash-bought knife instead of bringing it back. Leaving your phone at home was the most necessary yet difficult precaution, preventing the tracking app Connor pressured you to install from gathering accurate location data, but also preventing you from calling anyone if things went south, both results defying everything he drilled into you about what happened to those who didn’t stay connected and safe.
But you were playing a different role in this cautionary tale as the brisk night wind pushed you toward Gavin’s house. Even so, being alone outdoors was almost paralyzing. You weren’t sure if the voice in your head telling you to retreat was your common sense or Connor pleading with you to turn back before you became the victim of one of his stories, though your nerves settled slightly when the streets grew busier, helping you blend in. Technically it was a long walk, but after entering another quiet neighborhood it seemed as if you arrived instantly.
Just like you remembered, Gavin’s small, weathered house fit in with the ones around it, and his car sat in the driveway. Connor brought you here once, though not by choice. While the two of you headed home from a warm day at the park, Gavin called and asked him to stop by, something about returning a “borrowed” gun. Partnered together, he snatched Connor’s during a chase after losing his own. Even though it was a chance to finally meet one of his coworkers Connor insisted on you staying in the car, but once you saw them interact you were grateful he did. With an expression you didn’t expect from what Connor told you about him, Gavin looked right at you. You couldn’t forget it, but you couldn’t describe it either - it was almost like he was afraid of you, a complete stranger.
Turned out he had a reason to be. Your goal was to get in, do the job, and get out without attracting attention, which was why you headed straight for the back door instead of trying the front. Back doors usually weren’t as well made or protected, and even though Gavin lived in a crime-ridden city his arrogance knew no bounds, so this was where the other use for your knife came in - jiggling the lock open. Expecting the warmth of the house to wash over you led to disappointment. The air was just as cold inside, maybe the result of an unpaid bill, but comfort didn’t matter.
You were in.
Already adjusted to the dark, your eyes scanned the kitchen, cramped and messy, half-finished food still left on the table. Moving through to the living room, you took mental notes of the layout so you could find your way back, though that was simple enough compared to a new problem: this was worse than the kitchen.
Ordinary trash and clutter could be excused, but an all-out war swirled through here. The coffee table was knocked over, along with a tall shelf that had books, DVDs, and picture frames spilling out of it onto the floor, shards of broken glass gleaming in the scarce light. Was this how Gavin lived? Or was this a sudden fit of anger he didn’t bother cleaning up? Both, possibly, though the benefit of the doubt made you wonder if someone else had a bone to pick with him. Although you never met Gavin, it wouldn’t be out of character for him to have enemies. You were here, after all, which was why you couldn’t stand around gawking at the scene, not with a mission. From this area you could go anywhere. The front door sat straight ahead, but off to the side was a short hallway with three doors, one of them presumably leading to Gavin’s bedroom.
Ah. Bedroom.
Did Connor see through your facade? Did he realize what you truly were and sought comfort in someone else? Up until now you suppressed most of your urges and played the role of the perfect partner, but it could be one of those things you can’t truly hide, especially not from an android programmed to detect lies. A smile that doesn’t always reach the eyes, clenched fists and tense shoulders when he mentioned a friend you didn’t like, arms that clung a little too tightly whenever he had to leave for work…
Or maybe this wasn’t about you at all. What if he was always this selfish, what if he was just one of those men?
If you did this, if you became his only option, would you still be his second choice?
Stepping carefully toward the hall, you placed your feet between scattered objects and bits of glass while a golden light from outside glowed through the blinds, gradually growing brighter. At first you thought it was a car passing by, but you froze in place when you heard it rolling into the driveway. Gavin’s car was already here, so you tiptoed your way over to a window and peeked through the blinds, not pulling them down enough to be noticeable.
You’d recognize Connor’s car anywhere.
You wanted to scream. You wanted to throw something. You wanted to stab something, or someone. He knew you were gone, he had to, so why was he here instead of looking for you? Of course. Connor didn’t care where you were because your absence created an opportunity. The bastard didn’t even change clothes before driving here, still in his t-shirt and pajama pants as he got out of the car and headed for the front door. You needed to hide. Backing away from the window, you hurriedly crept over to the hallway and tried the door closest to you - bathroom. Not the best spot in case Gavin had to, well, use it. The next door revealed a shelved storage closet with barely enough room to crouch and squeeze in at the bottom, but you managed to shut it from the inside before hearing the front door unlock.
Right. Why wouldn’t he have a key?
For someone usually light on his feet Connor’s steps landed heavily in the dead silence of the house, your boyfriend stomping around as if he owned the place. As if he was meant to be here. You couldn’t help it - your hand found its way around the knife in your pocket. Gavin didn’t know you, he didn’t know what he was getting into, but Connor did. He looked at the life you built together and decided betraying you was worth it, not even giving you the decency of the truth. Now though, his guard was down. Your free arm reached to open the closet door-
Connor yelled your name.
Compared to the stillness of the night his voice was an explosion, loud and enraged. You never heard him like this before, at least not directed at you.
“I know you’re here,” he said, “and Gavin can’t help you now. Come home without a fight and I’ll go easy on you.”
Help you? What the hell was he saying? You were the one who should’ve been making demands, but the two of you never argued before since you gave him everything he desired. Attention, affection, time and energy... Now you had no clue what to expect. Connor never physically hurt you but there was a first time for everything. Pulse pounding in your ears, the sound drowned out your thoughts, though you could still hear Connor walking toward your hiding place. His footsteps stopped right in front of the door, and you almost shrieked when a knob turned - not the one to the closet, but to the door you didn’t get to try. He was going to wake Gavin up, if he hadn’t already. Hiding wouldn’t last, and you couldn’t hope to fight off a combat-trained android, but you tightened your grip on the knife anyway.
You had to run.
In one swift motion you flung the closet open, springing out and bolting for the back door, Connor chasing close behind. You made it to the kitchen when he grabbed you by the coat and trapped you in his arms, pinning your own arms to your sides as you collided with him. While he dragged you toward the front of the house you thrashed and screamed, not caring if Gavin heard you. “Let me go!”
“I won’t let you leave me!” he shouted.
Knife in hand, you swung it with limited motion in an attempt to slice at Connor, but he caught your wrist before the blade could make contact. With only one of his arms around your torso you managed to wriggle out and turn to face him, but you couldn’t gain any distance when he still had you by the wrist.
“This is your fault!” you said. “If you hadn’t slept with that-”
“Slept with?” He furrowed his brows. “What are you talking about?”
Still holding the knife, you grabbed it with your free hand and drove it toward his face. “You and Gavin!”
Releasing you to dodge the weapon, Connor stepped to the side, letting you stumble forward. With your balance thrown off he forced you up against the wall, your face pressing uncomfortably into it as he took both wrists this time, pinning them by your head and keeping your body in place with his own weight.
“Let me get this straight.” Strangely calm now, the shift in his tone caught you off guard. “You think I’m having sex with the man who’s trying to take you away from me?”
“What? Gavin’s not-” He should’ve heard you and Connor fighting. He should’ve been here to explain. “Where is he?”
Connor responded with a low, deep laugh. “Go see for yourself.” All at once he backed away, freeing you, the ghost of his grasp lingering on your wrists. When you searched his face for answers he only grinned, staring you down with those dark brown eyes you used to find solace in. Finally you headed to Gavin’s bedroom. Connor left the door ajar, so it only took a hesitant push to open it fully, giving you a view of the entire space. The bed was empty, but even with your vision adjusted you couldn’t make out what the lump on the floor was, something almost the length of the mattress. Flicking on the lights, you took a moment to blink until you could bear the brightness.
A body bag.
Your knife fell to the floor as your arms went limp. Questions balled up in your throat but none made it out before Connor came up behind you, his voice startling you back into tensing your muscles.
“I had no choice,” he said. “This is all because of you.”
“I didn’t do anything!” Still facing the room, you couldn’t ignore the body, the plastic clinging to Gavin’s frame. His face wasn’t visible but who else could it be? “You were the one going behind my back! That’s why...” The knife caught your eyes, shining by your feet as you fell silent.
Connor stepped even closer. “I think I see what’s going on here. This is perfect.”
His hands around your waist made you jolt and swivel around, backing away from him. “I was going to do something horrible,” you said. “And you…” The two of you locked eyes. “You already did.”
“Because we’re the same.” Connor grabbed you by the shoulders, keeping you from going any further. “Don’t you understand? Gavin thought you weren’t happy, he thought he needed to save you, but he was wrong!”
“He never talked to me. How could he know anything?”
“Exactly!” Eyes wide, Connor ran his fingers through his hair with a breathy laugh. “Some detective. He probably wanted to ruin the only good thing I have because of his hatred for androids, but for a while I almost believed him. He wouldn’t stop pestering me about our relationship, always trying to convince me that the way I treated you wasn’t fair, even going so far as to get other officers involved, though it never led anywhere. Out of the two of us I’m the trustworthy one.” Connor sighed, bringing a hand up to your cheek. “My mistake was letting the tension at work affect our relationship.”
The look Gavin gave you months ago flashed in your mind. Only now did it occur to you that his expression wasn’t one of fear but something worse - pity. You pushed Connor’s arm away. “If it never led anywhere, why kill Gavin?”
Momentarily Connor’s face went blank as he gazed at his rejected hand, eventually letting it fall to his side. “I wasn’t planning to, but yesterday he called asking if I wanted to ‘confess’ before he took serious action, so I agreed to meet him here and explain everything. I thought I could make him understand. After all, I’m a negotiator, but…” He averted his eyes to the wrecked living room. “You’ve already seen the outcome.”
“How did you know I was here, then?”
“I didn’t,” he said. “I figured there was no way the two of you had contact, but when I woke up to move the body and you were missing from bed this was the first place I thought of.” Pausing, his smile returned. “It all worked out in the end though. From now on we won’t have to keep secrets anymore. Everything will be so much easier!”
“No, this is-” You shook your head. “We can’t stay together, not after all of this.”
Excitement dying down, Connor composed himself. “You’re in shock. That’s okay, you just need time.
“We need to break up,” you said. “You and I are the last people who should be together. We’ve both gone way in over our heads and we weren’t even encouraging each other. Who knows what would happen if we-”
“First,” Connor stated, “I have to deal with this.” He gestured to the body. “Or else we'll both be in trouble. Then we can talk.”
Swallowing thickly, you didn’t say a word. For a second you stood there and shivered, the sensation serving as the only thing grounding you to reality. Almost as if your legs moved on their own, you walked up to the bag and got down on your knees, grasping the zipper and dragging it open.
“What are you doing?” Connor asked. “You don’t need to see it!” He rushed to stop you but it was too late. You needed to make sure. You needed to know if it was true. You needed to know why Connor let this house get so cold.
Gavin’s face stared up at you.
Connor flattened the dirt with his feet. Any human would’ve been panting after the work he did, but the android was quiet as he stepped back, inspecting the ground to make sure it didn't appear suspicious. It was unlikely anyone would come to this exact spot in the outskirts of the city so late at night, or, by now, early in the morning, but he had ordered you to keep watch while he dug, giving you time to fidget and pace back and forth. It technically wasn’t your fault. Yes, you fully intended to kill an innocent man, but you didn’t. Even if you hadn’t changed your mind someone else got to him first anyway. Those were the thoughts you clung to as Connor approached you, shovel in hand.
“We’re done here,” he said. “Let’s go home. It’s not good for you to be staying up this late.” Heading toward the car, he looked back once he realized you weren’t following. “Come on.”
You stayed still.
Connor waited for you to speak, but when you didn’t he dropped the shovel, walking up to you and taking your hand. “What is it?” he asked, voice suddenly sweet and gentle.
You took a deep breath. “I’m not staying the night.”
Despite maintaining his smile, the softness in his gaze disappeared. “What?”
“I won’t turn you in, not unless I want to go to prison too. The only reason I know what you did is because I was planning on doing the same. But we can’t pretend nothing happened either. I’ll stop by and grab some things, but I think we need some time apart.”
His grip on your hand tightened. “Look, I’m sorry. From now on I’ll be honest with you. Let’s just-”
“It's not only about you.” The sentence came out more forcefully than intended, but once you started you couldn’t stop. “It’s us. This whole time I was obsessing over you without having any idea what you were actually like. I accepted everything you did without question and you never tried to change. And the most ridiculous part is, when faced with the possibility that things were less than perfect, we went behind each other’s backs to kill someone instead of talking about it!” Glancing down at your hand in Connor’s, you brought your other one over his. “You can’t take back what you did to Gavin, or to me, but we both can become better now.” You waited for him to meet your eyes before continuing. “Do you understand?”
The agonizing silence seemed to claw at your throat, begging you to fill it in with an apology, or perhaps it was the strain in Connor’s face making you nervous. Standing your ground was the only option that felt right though. You couldn’t go back to normal after this. Hoping Connor would agree, or at least be open to discussion, the sound of his laughter stunned you.
“This is because you thought I was cheating on you, isn’t it? You’re confused.” With a sigh he released some of the tension in his body. “I’m sure you’ll see things the way you used to once I get the chance to prove my devotion.”
Instinctively, you attempted to pull away from him. “Weren’t you listening to me?”
“I was.” Keeping his hold on your hand, Connor yanked you back toward him, grabbing you with his other arm. “And I don’t care. I killed for you. Do you think I’m going to let you go that easily?”
“We can’t-”
“And deep down, you don’t want me to either. You were in that house too, remember?”
“But I shouldn’t have been!”
You barely kept up with Connor as he dragged you to the car and opened the door to the back seat, reaching for something under it. “Once we go back to living without a certain detective in the way you’ll remember how much you love me.” A pair of handcuffs. Struggling with all of your might, it wasn’t nearly enough to escape when he trapped your wrists behind your back, the click of them sealing your fate. No one would hear you if you screamed for help. The realization sank in while he pushed you inside, examining your helpless state as he spoke.
“Until then, I suppose I’ll have to make sure you can’t get away from me again.”