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It always baffled Loki how the Earth's mightiest heroes could be so oblivious, especially when one of their own was silently suffering. Maybe it was because everyone else was so often caught up in their grievances to notice, or maybe he was just too observant for his own good.
He had always been good at reading people, but rarely did the well-being of others, especially those who resided in this tower capture his curiosity. Even after missions when they were bloodied and emotions were raw, Loki could easily slink away to a silent corner of the tower without care.
But with you… it didn't come easy for Loki.
You had come to the tower after being rescued from an illegal underground facility that tortured mutants. You had struggled with debilitating flashbacks and night terrors and when the medications of this realm failed to bring you relief, Loki was asked to use his seidr to help. So he did, he made potions for you to help you sleep and gifted you with charms to keep the flashbacks at bay during the day.
In no way had these things absolved you of the trauma others had inflicted upon you, but they had given you a good place to start.
During your time here he had found that you were rather tolerable to be around, and he felt in some way responsible for looking after you.
And now as he discreetly glanced at your curled up figure from his position in the furthermost seat at the back of the dimly lit theatre room he couldn't help but wonder what it was that made you wince now and then.
It was a subtle movement, one you were trying to stifle by obstructing your face with a blanket but Loki could see the way your eyes screwed shut and the way your body fidgeted in discomfort.
For a moment Loki had thought that you had forgotten to wear your charm, as you had many times before. He thumbed at the spare he kept in his pocket, prepared to get it to you in some way. However, when he reached out with his seidr and felt the energy of a charm radiating from you his brows furrowed. Perhaps a physical injury then?
The others seated by you, took no notice as the large screen before them held their attention. As the movie progressed the others would jest and argue, and when he saw you flinch at Thor's brutish shout Loki instinctively summoned a dagger from thin air, tempted to send it flying across the room and into his overtly obnoxious brother.
No, he couldn't act so rashly he thought, and especially on the behalf of someone else. The dagger evaporated into a green mist, and he instead turned his glare to you wishing that you would go to the infirmary, or simply anywhere else that was away from the noisy group.
He thought you may be stubborn enough to try and make it through the whole movie, but then you stood and began maneuvering your way through the group to make your leave.
"Hey! Where are you going? You're going to miss the best part!" Clint called out to you.
You apologized with a tight smile and reassured him that you would return before quickly leaving the room.
Loki debated between following you, and minding his own business as he usually did. After awhile his fingers began to fidget restlessly, and against his better judgment, he teleported from the theatre room leaving a green mist in his place.
Once in the halls of the tower, he reached out again with his seidr and began following the energy associated with your charm. He followed the energy and ended up standing outside of a hallway restroom.
A light illuminated out from under the doorway and when he heard a muffled sniffle he raised his hand to knock on the door and called out to you.
It grew silent for a moment before he heard you respond, "Loki?"
"Yes, may I come in?" he asked. He cursed himself, wondering what in the Norns had possessed him to do this. Surely Natasha or anyone else for that matter would be far better suited than him in handling this situation.
He waited, and when another sniffle was the only thing he heard, his impatience got the best of him and he simply walked through the door. He found you sat on the floor with your knees pulled up to your chest, and when your watery eyes landed on him you shrieked startled.
"Loki! W-what are you doing, you can’t just barge into the w-women's restroom!" You called out to him between hiccups.
Loki carelessly crossed the small area to lean against the sink, "That matters little to me at the moment. I am, however, more interested in why you are crying. Is the charm working efficiently?"
It was a question he had already known the answer to, but somewhere along the way, he had convinced himself that he was simply worried about the condition of his charm.
You sighed and wiped at your eyes with the sleeve of your sweater. "Yes, the charm is fine… it's just that… never mind... it's nothing…"
Loki glared at you sensing your dishonesty, and he was about to pry again when your head tilted up to peer at him and he caught a streak of crimson trailing down your chin.
Red filled his vision and before he knew it he had quickly kneeled before you and grasped your chin to get a better look. You flinched at his speed and struggled in his grasp, but quickly went still when your attempts grew futile. He found that the blood appeared to be coming from the broken skin on your swollen lips.
"Has someone dared to lay a hand on you? Tell me, and their waking moments shall be their last." He seethed.
"No, no Loki it's nothing like that! I... I did this to myself alright?" You confessed.
Loki froze then and released his hold on you. His clenched fists eased open as his anger began to fade. He watched you quickly wipe the blood from your chin. "I'm afraid I'm not quite following…"
You opened your mouth to speak, but the words died in your throat and you shook your head. "You would think it was silly. I'm supposed to be stronger than this." He could barely make out your words as your body curled in further on itself and you hid your face away in your arms.
If only you had known just how strong he thought you were.
"Darling, I assure you there is nothing silly about how you are sat here before me with a bloodied lip and tears in your eyes. You can confide in me."
By now Loki had made himself comfortable, seated on the floor in front of you, and he waited patiently until you finally peeked up at him.
"Okay, but you promise not to tell the others?" You asked, and Loki stared at you dumbfounded when you stretched out your hand with a closed fist except for one digit raised and waited for him expectantly.
"I must confess... Never in all the nine realms have I seen this gesture before."
Your eyes widened and a radiant blush crept up your cheeks.
"Oh right… well, it's quite simple you see, if you agree to uphold a promise you interlock fingers… like this." You raised both of your hands and interlocked your fingers together to demonstrate.
Loki nodded in understanding and stretched out his hand to interlock it with yours. He didn't know what to make of it when his heart jolted upon contact with your soft skin and he quickly pulled away.
"I promise."
This seemed to ease you slighty and with that, you took a deep breath and closed your eyes before you spoke.
"Some days… my mind is so loud and I'm bombarded with thoughts that pass by so fast that I can't seem to get a grip on reality. I don't know how or when this started, but I… I started tearing at my lips with my teeth and nails. The pain worked to quiet my mind and it even felt... good... like relief. But eventually, I would cut too deep and the pain in my lips would migrate up into my brain and cause the worst headaches. The worst part is that even when my head is pounding and my lips are split open, I can't seem to stop and - ugh I'm so sorry… this sounds stupid…"
Loki could see the anxiety building as you opened up and shared your feelings with him. He also noticed the way your teeth unconsciously captured and tore into your lips, causing more blood to spill from them.
He quickly reached out and pulled your mangled lip free, and he couldn't hide the concern from his face when your eyes squeezed shut and you reached above Loki's hands to cradle your head. Once again tears spilled down your face and sobs racked your body.
His stomach churned with guilt at the fact that you had turned to inflicting pain upon yourself and he couldn't help but think that he of all people should have noticed this sooner.
"Please, please make it stop," You choked out.
Without a second thought, Loki gathered you into his arms and settled you across his lap with your head against his chest. His seidr flared, casting a green glow from his hand that he carefully laid over your forehead and he was shocked at the pain he felt there.
The effect was immediate. He could feel the tension in your body melt away as you relaxed into him, and he found himself sighing in relief when eventually your sobs died down.
Emotions that Loki had been suppressing rushed to the surface, and finally, he decided that he didn't want to fight with himself anymore. He didn't want to distance himself and watch over you from afar. He was drawn to you and he would no longer fight that pull.
With his other free hand, he carefully traced his thumb over your lips and softly chanted a healing spell.
"You no longer have to endure this alone, this I promise."
He offered his hand to you in the same gesture you had shown him and his lips twitched when you gave a breathy laugh and interlocked your trembling hand with his own.
"It scares me, how much I need you…" You whispered and nuzzled your face into Loki's chest.
He was temporarily stunned and his muscles coiled at your admission. No one had ever needed him.
"You don't need me, darling. There is nothing I have done for you that you are incapable of achieving yourself, it just takes time."
"Maybe that's true, but you have saved me from so much pain… and I'm not just talking about the potions and charms. It's the small conversations we have late at night when I've found myself at your door. It's the way you don't act like you have to walk on eggshells around me. And it's the way you always seem to be there looking out for me. I value it all and I don't know how I could ever repay you."
"There is nothing to repay. Continue to heal… that is all I want."
In truth, you had brought a light to Loki's life, one that you wouldn't allow to be snuffed out no matter how hard he tried. He basked in your rays and for once, let things simply be as they were.
Loki tugged your lip free again when you had unconsciously taken the newly healed skin between your teeth. You huffed in frustration but did not protest.
"And we shall work on this." He added.
"Alright, but no more charms okay? Cause at this rate you're going to turn me into a Christmas tree."
Your voice had grown deep and sluggish from exhaustion.
"As you wish."
You hummed against him and when soft snores filled the air he peered down at you to see that your eyes had closed. It was at this moment Loki realized that this was the first time you had fallen asleep without the requirement of a potion.
He allowed himself to smile then and held you a little tighter against him, gently tracing his fingers over your skin.
"Sweet dreams, darling." He whispered into your hair before he summoned his seidr and a green mist enveloped you both.