Chapter Text
Eijun is tired from the game that they just lose this spring tournament. He felt like no matter how good he will become the team will only see him as second to Furuya. He did his very best at this match but it wasn’t enough for the team to win. The pitcher was ready to play in the match, and if the coaches did put him earlier, maybe they can still win the game. There are so many thoughts running inside Eijun’s head after that exhausting duel, but atleast someone did acknowledge him as a good pitcher and it is no other than the ace of the team—Amahisa Kousei—that just defeated them.
Watching the semi-finals of Inashiro and Teito, the gears of Eijun’s brain are still running, thinking of different what ifs from their previous game. He felt something while watching the showdown of aces from Teito and Inasiro—Mukai Taiyo and Narumiya Mei, Eijun realized tha he needed to do something to accomplish his goals. He didn’t even want to sit with his team members as he didn’t want to deal with team after their loss.
The team is now already back at their grounds and doing their own stuff. But Eijun didn’t feel like doing anything after suffering from the loss, so he decided to just lay in his dorm and take a nap.
Upon seeing Eijun’s disappointed face and clenched fist, Miyuki decided to call him, “Eijun,” the pitcher stopped from walking, but didn’t bother to face the catcher. “are you all right?” he asked.
He knows and feels it. The disappontment that surrounds Eijun’s aura, it was all new—but the pain that hides in his eyes aren’t. Miyuki understands it all, their loss will hunt him in his sleep for months but he also know that it already happened, they can just move forward and work hard, to aim higher and achieve higher—Koushien.
“Yeah,” Eijun whispered. “I am okay, Miyuki-senpai,”
That response surprised him because typical Eijun would appeal to him how they lost and other sort of things—he is not okay. “Do you want me to catch your pitches? We can do 20,” he offered.
At last, it made the younger one look at him. “I’m sorry, Miyuki-senpai, but I am tired. Can we do it next time?” Eijun didn’t wait for the catcher to respond and walked away.
Eijun was lying at his bed and trying to sleep, but the gears in his head won’t stop turning as if they were saying something. Kuramochi didn’t bother Eijun when he saw him laying in the bunk bed. He knows that Eijun is still feeling their loss, so he decided to head to the cafeteria and maybe talk to their captain about the things that happened in the match earlier.
He spotted Miyuki and sat down in front of him, they talked about how will they make the team stronger for the preparations of their last summer.
“Say, Kuramochi,” Miyuki called his attention then sipped from his shake, “Do you think that there is something wrong with Sawamura today?”
“Ah, is captain finally being caring? Kyahaha!” Kuramochi laughed but it subsided when Miyuki raised his right eyebrow. “He seemed disprited. I saw him just laying down on his bed and looking at the ceiling. He looked angry,” he sighed. “Tsk. That brat. I hope he doesn’t get that yips again,”
“Well, let’s give him some time to breathe and think, then we’ll confront him,” Miyuki muttered while writing something on his journal. “I feel that something will happen,” he clicked his tongue, “let us just hope that it will be beneficial to us,”
Kuramochi just laughed, “Kyahaha, I like the way you think, captain!”
Oh, boy. Think about how wrong their thoughts were.
Back in Eijun’s room, he boy was still thinking about a lot of things. Especially his time at Seido. He is now doubting that going to Seido was the best choice that he ever made. Now, it was like the greatest mistake.
Memories came flashing back into his mind. He thought about the first time that Miyuki catched for him, how great that it felt for him. The sound of Miyuki’s mitt when it met his ball, the satisfaction of striking out Azuma, and having a partner for the first time. He also remembered how his first day turned into a disaster, following that was his first two weeks at Seido—where he only run as a punishment. The memory of him begging to pitch in the Intra squad game. How badly his first meeting with Chris went. How the team almost abandoned him when he was falling apart and breaking down… when the end of his career was looming behind him.
The deadball still haunts him up to now, whenever he closes his eyes or when he is pitching. He heard everything that the team has said when he was suffering from the yips. It all hurted, honestly. Never did he questioned himself before the yips happened. But when it did, he doubted his worth as a player, he felt like he was nothing without his pitches. Nothing was going right for him at that time. He only needed one word but no one said anything. Everyone was going forward after the loss. Some were vying for the spots in the roster, too. He understood it all but it doesn’t mean it does hurt less.
Still, he pushed through with the help of Chris-senpai. He was able to learn low and away because he can’t pitch an inside pitch. When Coach Ochiai suggested Eijun to be a sidearm practice pitcher, he accepted it thinking it would help the team, but in can cause him to suffer an injury. He was finally able to pitch in the inside again from gaining a control on his low and away, he was slowly building his confidence once again. Additional to that, he was able to pitch a breaking ball that helped them alot.
In the fall finals, he asked the coach to let him pitch until the end, but the coach decided to use the ace—Furuya. Eijun understood it because he is the ace, but it made him agitated to the core. Also, he didn’t shine that at Koushien, he felt so frustrated and thought that he can do so much better, but the pressure that he puts in himself didn’t help him at all. Now, at the spring semifinals, he was put at the back burner once again. In the hope to get their ace back to the game, but it was too late.
Looking up at the ceiling, bunch of tears flowing out of his eyes were evident. Thinking back at all these things, he questioned whether he deserves to be treated like this. All of those efforts he put in practicing yet the team just doubts it. That shit really hurted that much.
Why is it only me? Why do I have to go through these tough ordeals when I just want to help the team? Why don’t I have the trust that they have given so easily in the other players? How many more pitches do I need to learn? How many more good games do I need to play for them to trust me? When will I be fit for this team to recognize my hardships? When will they stop doubting what I can do?
When will I be enough?
These kinds of thoughts were running on Eijun’s mind and they just won’t stop.
Eijun sighed and pat his tears dry. He got up and decided to go to cafeteria to eat because they still have a meeting in the evening. Almost everyone was so energetic that makes him wonder if they really lost, he wanted to speak but he can’t bring himself to interact with anyone with the thoughts running on his mind because he didn’t want to speak something that he will regret.
In their meeting, he didn’t even listen as he has no strength to comprehend what they were saying. Suddenly, an idea popped out of Eijun’s mind. He knows he deserve better after all the things he went through. It’s about time to put himself first so that he can still play the sport that he loved so much. With that, he decided that it is time for him to end his playing time with Seido. He will not object himself to much more scrutiny. As much as he love playing for Seido, it is not healthy for him aymore. He needs a place where he can truly heal and play for himself where he didn’t need someone’s validation. Because staying where he is right now is destructing him and can destroy his future as a player.
With that, he steeled his resolve.