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“Can you believe she actually said that to me?” Anthony asks with a scoff.
Simon twirls a cigar between his fingers and asks, “Who are we talking about?” Not that he doesn’t know. Kate Sheffield is all Anthony rages about recently.
“That dreaded Sheffield chit.”
“Miss Edwina Sheffield? Why, I’ve only heard lovely things about her.”
“No, Kate Sheffield. Dark hair, dark eyes, no manners to boot,” Anthony snaps. “Do keep up Simon. I don’t know what Daff’s done to you.”
“Right, my apologies,” Simon retorts sarcastically. He reaches for the finest whiskey he owns. God knows he needs it tonight.
“Apology accepted dear friend. Because some of us have a sense of propriety and respect. Unlike Kate Sheffield.”
Simon sighs and finishes his drink with a chug. Fine whiskey is meant to be savoured and enjoyed, but he knows his best friend will go on his rant for a while and he needs something to keep him sane. He pours himself another glass.
“She wants to protect her sister from me ? What sort of misguided notion is that?” Anthony spews, moving his hands in an animated way that Simon’s never seen before.
“Yes,” Simon intones dryly, “what kind of monster would do that?” Anthony is too busy pacing to notice the pointed look Simon shoots his way.
“And she has no grace, none whatsoever,” he seethes. “My toes are black and blue, Simon! From her stepping on them so hard.” Simon looks out the window, wishing he could be out there at the moment. Anthony’s rants are usually unbearable.
“Maybe she just needs some extra lessons.”
Anthony doesn’t seem to register the comment, “She didn’t even apologize! Said I needed thicker boots!”
Simon downs his drink.
“She’s a menace, Simon. I’m telling you.”
Simon sighs again. He perks up when he hears footsteps, hoping it is Daphne coming to fetch him but the footsteps recede and he realizes he is in for a long night
Simon enters the club, looking forward to some time to relax. Being a duke did come with its own stressors. His hopes are dashed when he sees Anthony wearing a hole into the plush carpet in his private room. Simon already has a feeling what the topic will be as he nods a greeting to his brother-in-law.
“Simon, she made me look a fool in public.”
“Who,” Simon asks though he feels he already knows the answer. Daphne and Eloise had been laughing about it all last night.
“The menace Katharine Sheffield of course. Who else is out there torturing me?”
“Right,” Simon remarks wryly.
“I went over to their residence to give them all flowers, each member of the family. Even the She-Devil and you know what she does? She tempts me with the most alluring lavender dress.”
“She changed into this most alluring dress after you arrived?” Simon can’t help but ask dryly.
Anthony’s face heats, “Of course not, the temptress just knew I was coming so she wore that. Probably to distract me. She doesn’t want me talking to Edwina.”
Simon tips his head back, pressing a hand to his temples. “Good thing it didn’t work,” he responds mockingly. Anthony is his best friend but he really could be quite daft at times.
Anthony nods, “She sent her sister off to the park with another suitor.”
“Okay, so you used that Bridgerton charm that I’ve seen you use a million times before, found a way to leave quickly and ventured to find Edwina on your own right?” Like any sane man would, Simon wanted to add but didn’t.
“Well we did leave to find Edwina.”
“We?”
“Yes, well, Kate had to walk that dreaded mutt of hers so naturally we went together.”
“Yes, naturally,” Simon snickers.
“And it was that filthy creature that made me embarrass myself in front of everyone.” Anthony huffs. “I would bet anything that the spinster orchestrated the whole thing.”
Simon raises an eyebrow.
Anthony continues, wringing his hands, “Somehow taught it that trick.”
Simon lets out an exasperated sigh, “Right, so she taught her pet to specifically embarrass you by any means possible. In the span of a few hours. Without the thing even meeting you.”
Anthony nods resolutely. Simon’s eye twitches.
“I heard you at least got to take Edwina back home privately. Must have made some real progress there.”
“What are you talking about? That’s not even important right now. The fact is that Kate Sheffield has no control, and she must be stopped.” Anthony goes on, but Simon stops listening and wonders how deluded his brother-in-law must be.
“MY mallet of death! She just up and used it like it was hers! An absolute menace.”
Simon bites back a laugh.
“And now the pink ball is gone too! Down into the lake. It was a part of the original set.”
Simon rolls his eyes, “Like you’ve ever cared for the pink ball or mallet.”
“It’s the principle of things Simon! She just goes and throws away Bridgerton property on Bridgerton land when we’re hosting her! No elegance. No class. No charm.”
It is in Simon’s opinion that Kate had completely charmed Anthony, but he doesn’t mention it. Instead, he asks in a bored tone, “Aren’t you lot the ones who say there are no rules to Pall Mall?”
Anthony wipes a bead of sweat off his head, “You wouldn’t understand, Basset.” Anthony had claimed earlier his sweat was due to the game but Simon knew it was because Kate’s victory and banter got him all worked up.
Simon blinks and wonders where the hell Benedict and Colin have gone off to. He’d rather them deal with this right now.
“It’s quite obvious you feel something for her,” Simon remarks.
“She is NOT the woman of my dreams!”
“I never said that.”
“I do NOT want to marry her.”
“I did not say that either,” Simon mumbles under his breath.
“I can’t believe you would even think - that you would say - I just! Kate Sheffield and I do NOT belong together!” Anthony snaps before stomping out of the room.
Simon muses to himself, wondering if he should speak to Violet about having Anthony’s mental functions examined.
“Do you think Kate would like the purple one or the green one better?” Anthony holds out two maternity gowns for Simon to examine.
Simon presses his lip into a thin line. “Why don’t you ask Edwina, or Mary, or Violet - or Daphne, or any one of your numerous sisters?”
“You’re absolutely right. She looks rather amazing in anything she wears.”
Simon had hoped once the two had gotten married Anthony would calm down, but it seemed the only thing worse than an oblivious Anthony Bridgerton was a lovesick Anthony Bridgerton. Sometimes it was truly trying being Simon Basset.