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You stare at the texts and chats between you and Yoosung, heart pounding wildly. It’s barely been a week since you were mysteriously led to this deserted apartment by the strange app on your phone; everything has happened so fast, it’s making your head spin. Learning about the RFA and the charity parties that Rika coordinated; getting to know the guys and Jaehee; talking everyone through their problems and emotional meltdowns; the 3 am chats and the early morning phone calls with everyone making sure that you’d eaten breakfast...you wouldn’t trade it for anything.
You’d never expected to fall so hard and so fast for someone, especially someone you’ve never met, but you’ve always had a knack for bringing out the best in people, and it’s been so easy for you to see through Yoosung’s playful gamer front into the core of who he really is. Aside from his looks—you still can’t get over how cute he is—his earnest and sincere personality had hooked you instantly. And at first, you’d been a little annoyed about the comparisons with his late cousin; but your patience and gentle guidance had paid off. You’re sure that Yoosung sees you as your own person now, and you’ve been fairly forward in your attraction to him. You’ve saved every selfie or random picture that he’s sent to you; shit, you’ve even started casually playing LOLOL, just to have something else in common with him.
But.
Old insecurities run deep, and Seven is the only one who’s ever seen a picture of you. He’d called you cute on that initial first day; but you’re not sure if he was just trying to be nice or not. You’ve always been heavier, despite years and years of trying various diets or exercise routines. You know that your friends and family love you, and that your worth isn’t tied to a number on a scale, but...still, it’s hard, when you haven’t exactly been lucky in the romance department. And poor Yoosung—if he can’t get a partner, what chance do you have?
Still, the text and chat records don’t lie—Yoosung is definitely into you. He hasn’t formally asked you out yet, but...you choke up as you think about what might happen if you tell him more about your physical appearance. You don’t perceive him to be that shallow, but then again, it’s only been about a week. Will all the flirting have been for nothing? All the healing of past trauma, of being a shoulder for him to lean on as he deals with the loss of his cousin and the lack of answers from V? Will he change his mind when he finds out that you’re heavy?
With your mind reeling, you finally send a text to Seven, hoping that he has a few minutes to help you through this crisis.
707, I need help
The reply is almost instant. Not the infamous _______~~! What’s wrong?
Your heart is pounding as you type. You know what I look like.
Yes I do...only a skilled hacker like me can do a background check on you lolz
Okay, well...you know that Yoosung and I really like each other...
Young love in such a short time~! I never thought I’d see it. I am so happy for u
Well, but...Yoosung doesn’t know what I look like
Yes! He will be so surprised at the party. His cute girlfriend, lol
But I’m...I’m fat... You can’t help the tears that begin to fall. Your mind is already going to the worst possible places.
Yes?
You blink at his reply. You act like that’s nothing.
So what, though? Yoosung isn’t superficial like that...he likes u! He’s fallen for you without ever seeing your face or meeting in person.
I just don’t want him to change his mind when he sees me...what if he doesn’t like how I look...
There’s more to life than looks~!
It’s been a deal-breaker before...I’ve gone on blind dates and as soon as the guy asked if I was (name), he was like, I’m sorry this isn’t gonna work...without even talking to me for five minutes!
OMG...that makes me so mad...I know you’ve only been in the RFA for a short time, but I know you’re working hard on convincing people to come to the party...ur a great person! We all really like you, and you’ve helped Yoosung so much...he wants to change because of you...do better in school, be more mature...
I know that...and I really like Yoosung ...but I’m sure he has this mental image of me...and he’s probably not imagining someone like me. He deserves someone prettier...who can wear his hoodies and sit on his lap...
OMG...scandalous~! ;D
Be serious!
Lol u sound like Jumin... what do you want me to do...?
I’m not asking you to DO anything, I just...can I show him a picture of myself?
Hmmm....I dunno if it’s safe to do that...with the security measures and all...you’re already in danger...
I don’t care about some damn bomb—I care about Yoosung! I want him to accept me...
Can’t you just tell him? He will accept you. He’s falling for you, and you’re a good person...
So you think that my size truly doesn’t matter...?
No...it’s what’s on the inside that counts...and plus, I meant it! Ur cute...I’m kinda jealous...hackers like me don’t have gfs... DX...I’m a slave to my job...no free time...
Lol cheer up Seven, I’m sure you’ll find someone soon~!
Lol ok ...I don’t think it’s bad to tell him...but I promise he will still like u...ur beautiful inside and out, okay? You’re good for him...he needs you
Okay, if you really think so
Yes~! Oh, I have to go! V is calling me.
Bye, Seven.
You sigh and wipe the tears from your eyes, closing out Seven’s message thread and opening up Yoosung’s. With trembling hands and a fluttering heart, you nestle under the covers of Rika’s old bed and begin to type to your almost-boyfriend.
Hey Yoosung~!
OMG...hello...my heart beats so fast whenever you text me...!
Mine too...what are you doing right now?
Oh...I just logged out of LOLOL...
I thought you said you were going to ease up on games? Haha
I am!!! I swear...I was only online for an hour...my guild did a raid and then I told them I had to study...my books are open right now!
Lol okay, good. I’m proud of you.
I...want you to be proud of me. I will study hard to be the man you want me to be.
You’re perfect already, Yoosung. I know you will study hard in school.
You’re so understanding...I like you so much...!!!
I really like you too...
God, my heart...it’s pounding... I want to dream about meeting you tonight. Will you let me?
Of course...I dream about meeting you too. But...
What’s wrong...?
You’ve never seen me in person, Yoosung. You don’t know what I look like. You only know what I sound like, and how I talk. And a little of my personality through text.
Yes...ugh I am so mad at that Seven! And V!...I want to rescue you...and meet you...
Well...about meeting me. And seeing me. Seven says that I can’t send you a picture, because of safety, but...I wanted to tell you something about me. But I’m so nervous...I want you to still like me...
Whatever you have to say, I am listening. I think about you all day, every day. I want to know everything about you, my love. Don’t be nervous with me...
You gulp, breath coming in short, stuttered pants. Worrying at your bottom lip, you type the words you’ve dreading for days. Yoosung, I... I’m not...I’m not exactly skinny.
Hm? Is that what you’re nervous about?
Yes...do you...I mean is that okay...I don’t want you to be embarrassed of me.
I could never...I don’t care about looks like Zen does...I think you’re cute...! You’ve helped me so much; I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I want to protect you. You’re smart and caring and kind...that’s all I need.
So it’s okay if I’m not skinny?
I don’t care anything about that. Besides, when we meet...more to kiss, right? I keep thinking about where to kiss you first.
OMG...no one’s ever said that to me...
You’re cute no matter your size...! What’s on the inside is more important, but I bet you’re very beautiful. Even if you don’t think so. I think so, and I will tell you that until the end of time.
So your mental image of me isn’t ruined?
That could never be ruined. I love you so much...I cannot wait to hug you, and hold your hand, and kiss you...
I want all of those things too, Yoosung.
Are you feeling better now?
Yes...^ ^;;; Thank you...
I’m sorry you were scared to tell me...I know it’s a bit unusual, falling in love like this. But...isn’t this the purest attraction I can have? I have fallen for your personality...that makes you beautiful to me. I am attracted to all types of women...I do not care if she is big or small. The heart is what matters...and your heart is so precious to me. You are precious to me, ________.
You’re precious to me too, Yoosung. Thank you. I love you.
I love you too. I’m off to study...and think of you.
You close out of the text messages, heart feeling lighter than air. You know now that your relationship with Yoosung is solid. You should have never doubted such a kind, gentle soul like Yoosung. He’s too pure for this world, and as soon as the security breech at the apartment is dealt with, you’re determined to be there for Yoosung physically as well as emotionally. You’ve never been so in love before, and you can’t wait to meet him in person. You open up the email server and check the party guests that have responded to you. The chat room lights up, and with a happy smile, you click over to see who’s talking.
You fall asleep several hours later, one thought drifting aimlessly through your brain: Yoosung loves me and accepts me for who I am, and for how I look.
That matters more to you than anything in the whole world.