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When Langa came to Japan, he left behind some friends, but mostly memories. Ones with his father. Ones with people he cherished. But meeting Reki had made up for all of it. He had found more than he could have hoped for. The red-haired boy had helped him get used to a new life. He had shown him a new world.
After losing his father and his passion for snowboarding, never would he have thought to retrieve that burning desire to get back on a board. All it took was a genuine smile and the sparkle in Reki’s eyes and Langa was ready to follow him till the ends of “S”.
Day after day, he spent every second he had of free time with his new friend. Every morning, they would roll together to school and come back every afternoon next to each other. The long evenings at the skatepark were more than routine for the two. The boys were closer than they had ever been with anyone, sharing their passion and every random thought passing through their heads.
Or so Langa had thought.
Somehow, he had managed to miss a whole lot of what Reki had in his thoughts. Sure, he had a bad experience with Adam, but Langa believed his friend had also felt the thrill of riding next to such a unique and great skater. The night Reki confessed to being scared, Langa hadn’t known how to react. He wanted to take Reki in his arms and hold him close and apologize. He wanted to forget about Adam and skate with only Reki. He wanted to do so many things, say so many things yet did none. He stood there, in shock, as his friend walked away from him.
Above his desire to skate with someone as talented as Adam, Langa wanted Reki to be proud of him. He wanted to make him as happy as he was when Langa succeeded his first ollie.
The next few days plunged the two boys in a weird world, not quite ignoring each other, yet never exchanging more than a few words. The whole opening in Langa’s heart grew a bit wider every day.
With Reki gone, the fire lit by this new passion was slowly dying out. Just like when he could no longer snowboard with his dad, skating without Reki made him feel empty. It didn’t feel right.
He managed to win his first race of the competition, qualifying himself for the next round. Yet little thoughts during the competition were about the race.
On his second competition night at “S”, after his race against Joe, Langa set out to find Reki. After all, his window was opened when he had passed next to the house. He had to be there somewhere. The crowd closed in around him, calling for Snow. All they said was pointless. Langa couldn’t make any sense of what they were saying. His mind looking frantically for a spark of red hair. The too tall people around him made it impossible to see more than a few feet away.
Next to him, Joe looked at the blue-haired boy and smiled. He congratulated the younger one for the race with a strong clap on the back and leaned in close to his ear.
“Go find him. I’ll take care of the crowd.”
Joe walked away after a discrete wink. Before Langa could thank him or make sense of what was happening, Cherry was in Joe’s arms, the pair kissing and attracting the entirety of the crowd to them. How and when Cherry had gotten down the race was a mystery, but Langa didn’t have a second to spare by thinking if he wanted to find Reki.
He hadn’t lied when he said he would take the crowd’s attention away…
Using the escape Joe had given him, Langa began his search, skating his way to the top of the race. He still didn’t quite understand the reason he wanted to find Reki now, when he knew he would see him the next day at school no matter what.
By the time Langa got back to the beginning of the “S”, he had scanned every person in his way and asked more than two dozen people if they had seen Reki. No success no matter how many people he asked.
He scanned the crowds a few more time before he decided to head to the skatepark. Surely, he would find his friend there. If not… Langa tried not to think about the if not.
The wind flapping his hair around his face, Langa grew anxious. A strange feeling took hold of Langa’s stomach as he got closer to his destination. He had no idea of what to say to Reki when he saw him – if he saw him. Would he simply apologize for his actions? Try to get Reki back to “S”? Convince him to forgive Langa for breaking their promise? Act cool as if nothing had happened?
He had no idea.
He reached the skatepark faster then ever before, sweat dripping from his forehead and blood thumping in his ears.
His heart started pounding in his chest when his eyes landed on a silhouette seated on one of the modules. Red strands of hair poked out from the sides of the green hood. Reki.
Langa ran to meet the other person, who still hadn’t noticed Langa’s presence.
“Reki!”
The person turned around, shorts seconds before arms were thrown around him and held him close. His cap fell away.
Eyes wide, Reki tentatively wrapped his arms around his friend’s waist.
“Are you okay?” Reki asked, a grin lifting the end of his mouth. However, the smile did not reach his eyes. “Did something happen to have you running like that?”
Reki. Reki. Reki.
Langa paid little attention to what his friend said, too concentrated on how Reki’s body fit against his. He squeezed a little tighter, muttering the same words again and again against Reki’s neck.
“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want to break our promise.”
A soft chuckle escaped Reki’s lift.
“It’s not your fault you’re so much better than me. You deserve to skate with the best,” Reki’s voice wavered as he continued, “ever if it means it’s not me.”
Langa still gave no answer, only holding on to Reki’s hoodie with renewed eagerness. His fists clenched over the soft material. “Please don’t talk about yourself in such a way.”
Reki furrowed his brows, not understanding what his friend meant. He was simply stating facts. He was an average skater how had befriended a talented new athlete. Like the others, he would grow out of skating with people who couldn’t stand to his level and leave.
“You are an amazing skater, you build the best boards, you taught me how to skate and spread your passion to me. And above all else, you make skating fun.”
Reki found comfort in these words, thinking about all those years of fun, of racing through the streets, of almost getting caught one too many time at school. Of teaching Langa how to skate. Of the pride he took in the other boy’s achievements.
But the pain came back almost as fast as it had gone. Piercing his heart with the understanding of Langa’s talent. Of how keeping him close meant holding him back, keeping him away from all these amazing opportunities better skaters could offer him. His jaw clenched at the thought of Langa leaving him.
He had to push him away before the blue-haired boy could. It would hurt. He had already done it once, he could push him away again. He had to.
Only this time, Langa wasn’t letting go. Since he arrived by his side till many minutes later, his arms were still draped around his shoulders, holding him close to his chest, fists tight around the fabric of his hoodie.
For some reason, Reki hadn’t let go either. He realized lonely tears ran down his cheeks, losing themselves in Langa’s hair. The frustration and pain built up by the last weeks hit him in a strong wave. His silent tears broke into sobs. As much as he wanted to keep this weak, fragile side of himself unknown to others, having Langa rubbing slow circles on his back made the fear of vulnerability die down.
Again, Langa whispered his apologies to Reki.
When his breathing found a normal rhythm again, Reki let the tension of his shoulders go. His sole thought being how great he felt so close to Langa, of how good the other boy smelled. A nice comforting scent of lavender. It smelled like home. He was home again, with skating and Langa.
Langa slowly pulled away, though he kept a hand on Reki’s arm, his other one reaching up to dry his tears with his thumb. Once he had dried his friend’s face, he cupped his cheek. Their eyes locked together, Langa offered his friend a smile.
“I lost against Joe today,” Langa said, still smiling fondly at Reki. “Even against a skater as good as him, it was hard to find the fun. If I know you’re not at the end of the race, I have no reason to want to reach the finish line quickly.”
Reki’s mouth dropped open. Langa’s face was too close to his for him to be saying such things. Way too close. Eyeing his slightly-parted mouth then returning to his eyes, Langa continued, “It’s no fun without you. It’d be no fun even against Adam without you cheering me on. Skating without you feels like snowboarding without my dad. It makes me feel empty.”
It was rare for Langa to bring up his dad in a conversation. To be compared to such an important person in Langa’s life made his heart flutter. He couldn’t help the warm feeling spreading throughout his entire body, bringing red to his cheeks.
Langa replayed the conversation he had had with his mom not too long ago. Express your feelings, huh? At the time it had felt embarrassing. Now it felt right.
“Reki?”
Eyes closed, he hummed in response, leaning in the touch of Langa’s hand still cupping his face. His eyes, slightly red, fluttered open to fix themselves in Langa’s gaze. They were still awfully close. Neither of them pulled away.
“Do you know how important you are to me? I know I already said that, but you’re an amazing skater, board-builder and friend. I’ve had more fun with you these past few months than I had in many years in Canada. You mean more to me than skating does, more than pretty much anything does. I don’t want to lose you because I acted like an idiot.”
Reki could barely hide the chuckle escaping his lips.
“Yeah. You kind of are an idiot.”
Langa did not laugh nor smile. He stared right at Reki’s eyes, knowing that what he said next could not be taken back. He let out a small sigh before asking,
“Would it be okay if I were your idiot, and you were mine?”
Reki’s jaw dropped and his eyes widened in shock.
“Do you mean… Two idiots together, in a relationship?”
Langa only nodded.
His face is so close. I can feel his breath against my mouth. Cheeks burning hot, Reki still managed to utter a coherent response.
“I’d like that. If you promise me to keep your promises now.”
Langa shook his head again, hairs falling before his eyes.
Instead of closing the gap between then, Langa pulled away and dropped his hand from Reki’s face. He then laid on the ground, close enough to Reki to make his heart pound harder against his chest. Langa pulled the red sleeve, offering a place for Reki to lie down with him.
The two boys laid on the ground, Reki’s head nuzzled comfortably in the crook of Langa’s shoulder. Both processing the past events, thinking about how much happier they could feel just by having the other by their side. So, this is what it feels like, both boys thought. This is what it’s like to be with the person you cherish most in this world and hold them as close and as tight and for as long as you want.
“You know I love you, right?”
“I know” answered Reki.
“I mean it in a ‘more than friend’ way. In a ‘I absolutely never want to lose you and I want to kiss you’ way.”
“I know,” Reki repeated. He swung his arm around Langa’s waist.
Langa pressed a soft kiss on Reki’s head. Even without seeing him, Reki knew Langa had a smile on his face. A big, soft smile just for him.
Reki turned over and propped himself on his elbows, facing his idiot.
“I love you too, Snow.” He said before kissing Langa’s soft lips.
Telling the person you like how you feel was not so embarrassing after all.