Work Text:
‘Why do people consider their significant other as their ribs? Not the backbone? With broken ribs, you will still able to walk, but when your backbone broke, it will be hard to stand on your own.’
Armin has been always cautious. He had always been.
As a lecturer and scientist, being observant and vigilant didn't require so much effort for him. The necessity to devise a research-plan as flawless as possible to optimize the effectiveness and get the desired result forced him to quickly analyze and conclude all around him. Whether they were occurrence and situation or even someone’s behavior.
But his lover never got him any easier. Sometimes her lack of words frustrated him while he knew there’s wrong with her, but he didn’t know where should he start from. Or how should he ask her.
She disliked any kind of pressure. He was too afraid he would end up cornering her.
She was surely strong, even on her own. As expected from art and martial art enthusiast. They’re like the polar opposite. She was a fighter and an artist, while he was a nerd, travel and marine enthusiast.
His strength laid on his mind, paper, and writing, while hers laid on her fist, crafts, and drawing.
However, it didn’t matter how her strength and passion glued on her, she’s human. She has always been.
Armin’s keen eyes caught her being a little bit, weird. For two days in a row.
The bad kind of weird, a misplaced. She smiled and acted like usual despite her gaze said another thing. Last night, Armin had tried to ask her, but her mind seemed unfocused. He decided to wait for the next day. Slightly hoped she would talk about her problem by herself.
So, he waited. But no explanation, even a word close to explanation, uttered from her lips.
Should he wait for another next day? He actually talented in waiting, unyielding patience. But when it came to Annie Leonhardt, his heart walked a different way.
Drowsiness nearly put Armin into slumber until Annie, who lied beside him sounded shifting the blanket, lightly kissed his hair and step out of the bed. She walked off quietly to prevent waking up her significant other, without knowing that he had barely fallen into his dream. Her hands trembled when turned open the doorknob and closed it with her breath restrained. She turned her heels over and walked down the hallway.
Blood, giants, unknown town debris.
Corpses beneath her feet, half-chomped face, blood-stained razor-liked blades.
Clear sky, blue-white wings emblem, green cloak. Some walls, explosions, burned flesh, and loud cries.
Her father gone, left her with unbearable pain and a broken heart.
‘What were they exactly?’
Annie stood in front of the bathroom mirror, cursed. Her mind betrayed her with those dreams again. She curled up her fists, focused on staying sane.
‘Whose memories are these?’
She raised her right hand, covering her side face. Her brain recalled that scenery again.
Armin, his younger version, with a similar green cloak from her previous dream. His eyes looked up, at her, an unfamiliar feeling of scared, betrayed and traumatized dig up to her chest.
‘Why would he stare at me like that? Since when?’
His figure, on the dungeon-like stairs. Flashing through her vision. Blurry.
Her mouth felt dry. Her hand rolled her sweatshirt sleeve, nails shoved to her skin, intended to get rid of the pain.
The door closed with a soft click. Armin sat up, looked down at her still-warm side of the bed. He twisted golden blond bangs with his fingertips, sometimes late-night was the best time for solving relationship problem. But just some part of any time.
His instinct silent-screamed in his mind to go after her. So, he made up his mind and shifted the blanket away, got up from the bed.
Armin walked through the living room, to the kitchen. He found her nowhere.
‘It must be the bathroom, then,’ he forced his mind to stay easy until he passed the bathroom door.
He heard her wail, like a wounded cat. And her sob. Panic and worry struck off Armin’s mind immediately. His hand turned open the doorknob which wasn’t locked, found her on her knees. Her thumbnail scraped her lower wrist with some pressure. As if she was trying to wound her wrist, near her arteries. Annie’s neck bent low near her chest, tears prickled from hair-covered eyes and trailed down her cheeks.
Armin tried to maintain his composure and not shouting because it would only surprise-scared her. She looked so fragile after all, akin to a small child, lost to herself. He gritted his teeth when noticed one of her upper arms that have been scratched so raw, leaving claw marks and some hint of almost-peeled skin. Armin quickly kneeled, pulled her into his embrace. Her fingers tracing her arms, separated her hand from her others, halting more self-injury. His lips let free hoarse whispers. Calling her name like a spell.
He let her tucked her face upon his shoulder, listened to her whimpers. Arms circling Annie’s waist, slowly placed her onto his lap, between his legs. His mind stuck at her marked arms, inspecting them. They didn’t draw any shed of blood, but the crescent marks on the skin surface surely would be more visible for a short time. Armin gripped her wrist softly with four fingers while his thumb rubbing her reddened lower wrist, seeking her pulse beneath it.
She’s still alive. But it wasn’t better because he knew her heartbeat being erratic caused by particular reasons.
Her nightmares.
Annie could feel her body shivering against Armin’s firm one. Her arms didn’t make any difference either. Some part of her dreams still there. Behind her eyes, where she could never reach. But the sensations were too real.
It was her. Trapped. Alone. In a frozen crystal-like coffin. Soul-less and lifeless.
‘When even did I?’
Annie pushed Armin’s chest with her fist, weakly. She knew it was futile. But at least she’s trying.
“Armin, let me go.”
“No. If you wanna cry, do it on my shoulder but please stop hurting yourself.”— ‘It shattered my heart.’
“Dear, I’m hyperventilating, and I won’t, promise.”
She didn’t lie. That damn crystal thing might give her claustrophobia right now.
Armin loosened his embrace, look down on her who was red-faced, mouth gasping for air. There was a faint trail of tears on her cheeks but no longer in her eyes. The frantic look already gone from her face left a weary expression behind. Between her eyebrows slightly rumpled as if she was in pain. Well, she really was. Physical and psychological.
Annie sat on the fortunately-dry bathroom floor as Armin rolled her (actually his) sweatshirt sleeve up, checking if she had done something worse than scratching. She ran her fingers through her hair, slowly clearance her mind and gathered her breath. Armin bumped their foreheads, releasing a low hiss from Annie. One of his hands intertwined with one of hers.
“Breath Annie, slowly. Adjust with mine,” he whispered. His blue eyes, half-lidded, never left her.
Once she calmed down, Armin hooked his forearm below her knees and the other one circling her torso before picked her up bridal style. Annie who was surprised, flinched but did not fight back. Instead of brought her back to the bedroom or to the couch, Armin entered the kitchen and settled her on the kitchen counter. His fingers swept over her face, kissed her roman nose and left without saying anything. He left the kitchen for half a minute and back with a small striped blanket on his arm.
He covered her with the blanket. Still silent.
Armin stepped away from her, opening the cabinet. He took a can of cocoa powder and two cups from the shelf, pouring cocoa powder into the cups. Annie's irises followed his movements, speechless. Her hands intertwined. Too focused until she realized he put a cup of hot chocolate beside her.
‘It yours,’ his look wordlessly told her.
Annie picked up the cup, stared blankly at her reflection on the dark liquid surface. She built a small amount of courage before asking:
“Are you mad?”
“Huh?”
“You look irritated, sorry.”
Armin sighed before placing his cup beside the sink and got closer to her. His hands reached her side but didn’t touch her, instead, he gripped the counter edges, caged her between his body and arms.
“There is no need to apologize. And yes, I’m mad,” he answered and Annie’s heart sunk. Avalanche of guilt occurred in her head, her jaws clenched.
“I’m mad with myself, that I let you hurt yourself, waiting for you to explain by yourself. I should be the one who asks. I’m mad with myself… I still, can’t be good enough for you.”
His continuation stunned her, “Armin.”
“I’m aware something got off the track but I couldn’t take any step to it.”
Annie inhaled and clapped his boyish cheeks with both hands, squeezing them. He groaned.
“Say, you were waiting for me to explain? So, you are aware?”
“Of course, I’m aware. You never left half-eaten doughnuts yet you left three of them this morning and yesterday afternoon. I didn’t have any other choices but eat them so they wouldn’t be wasted. You forgot to wash your dishes twice despite you’re stricter than me for such a thing. And the way your eyes stare, you can smile but I have been with you long enough to know that kind of weary look.”
Initially dumbfounded Annie snorted. She put a hand covering her lips, laughing leisurely towards his explanation.
Although confused, Armin’s chest felt lighter. Her lively laugh had broken their previous tense atmosphere.
“Sorry, sorry, I made you eat my half of the doughnuts,” he didn’t dislike sweets, but Annie knew he had reached his limit of sweets because of her leftover.
“I’m glad they were just sugar-glazed, not over-sweet, creamy stuffed ones,” his lips grumbled before changed to her favorite smile.
Annie lowered his head, kissing his forehead and button nose. The actions invented blush on the marine biology lecturer’s cheeks. Then sound of laughter filled the kitchen when Annie kicked his knee and let him go, saying that his chocolate would be cold if he left it any longer.
“I won’t pry about your nightmare, just tell me if you need my ears and my advice.”
“Ha, advice. Nice try Arlert,” mocked her, shifted her empty cup to the sink. Fingertips twirled the edges of her blanket.
Minutes passed. The altered atmosphere helped to make up the artist’s mind, reduced her hesitation. She waited until her lover finished cleaning up.
“Okay, I’m ready.”
“Oh? Isn’t that too fast?”
He cackled, pretended to be surprised. But he indeed impressed by how fast she composed herself.
Well, once she determined, Annie has always been straight and sharp as an arrow after all. Typical of a person who most likely solves the problem at a place with her fist than keep it long lasted in her mind.
“It’s now or never, can I hold your hand?” she asked.
"Which one?”
“Both.”
Armin raised his hand with his palms up. Annie chuckled before holding his hands and pushing him closer to her. Thanks to the kitchen counter, their height difference wasn’t a problem while she was sitting on it. Sighed, she put some efforts to remember the necessary part of her nightmare. The main source of her most feared matter. Her pale blue irises stared at their hands, avoiding contact with his.
Annie had tried to believe and keep this problem by herself. She didn’t want him to be worried so she suppressed it on her own.
Damn his keen eyes.
But communication was prioritized. They’re in a relationship and he deserved to know.
"I can't tell you all of them, they’re too much. But Armin, do you,… do you ever think to start hating on me?”
Ocean blue eyes blinked, eyebrows furrowed with confusion and his voice stutter.
“Whaa,…? Are you drunk? Did your head hit the sink earlier?”
“No, I'm not and it didn’t, just in my nightmare there was you,… younger you, looking at me with eyes I never knew.”
“…”
“I just thought if my nightmare was your inner thought told me that you start hating on me or such.”
Armin settled his right four fingers under Annie’s jaw and the thumb caressing her lower cheek. Arm sliding around her waist, securing her. Heart dropped.
“Annie, I never think if I will ever be able to stop loving you. Besides, how could someone inner thought transferred to a dream like that.”
“My imaginations are beyond your capacity, so yea, that’s my bad,” Annie exhaled heavily, put her hand on his while kissing his palm. His face softened.
“You shouldn’t hide it from me, huh. I always tell you everything when I’m bothered even just about the seashells I found on my research or how clamps moving.”
Living together meant to take care of each other. It wasn’t the first time they handled their lover’s nightmare. Sometimes, burnout and breakdown happened, bring the tense atmosphere back.
“My deepest apologize, sir. I don’t want to be your nuisance through your recent research.”
“And you ask me to focus on it while you’re in such breakdown, ma’am? You must be kidding me, no?” he replied in a similar manner.
Annie didn’t answer, but her smile told him that she’s fine. At least for now.
“Annie Honey Leonhardt,...” “
"Huh?” platinum blond owner raised her eyebrow, her eyes narrowed.
“Eh?”
“I know that nickname already, but what the hell, sticking it to my mid-name?” asked her with a slight of disgust.
“Why? It isn't wrong, at least for me, if your demeanor is so sweet sometimes. Moreover, Annie and Honey have a quite similar spelling, don’t they?” Armin teased. His fingers tucked her hair behind her ear, revealed her face.
“You jerk.” A smack reached his chest. They were both laughing.
"Calling me that won't stop me from receiving a kiss on my forehead every morning.”
“Hmm, still damned your sweet words though.”
Annie’s fingertips swept over his eyelids, twisted his golden blond strands. She always loved the way his hair, especially his bangs, fell into their places like dominos. As though they knew where must they come home. Hovering his eyes, barely smashed with his eyelashes.
The girl always found peace and home in those shades of deep.
Those reassuring sapphire-colored irises, darker than hers yet so tender and cheerful. The eyes of a young boy who had infinite curiosity and dreams.
The first reason she fell for him.
“I love your eyes,” she muttered, unintentionally.
“I love yours too.”
“Yours are like the deep ocean, an endless sky.”
“And yours are like frozen lakes and a storm.”
“Then yours are more peaceful.”
“And yours are more powerful. Don’t underestimate them.”
Damn dictionary in his head.
Sometimes, Annie cursed herself for not able to express her affection through the words. Her voice always cracked when it came to vocal affection, so she rather did the physical ones. Well, Armin said he never mind it.
“Sorry if I’m not strong enough to protect you,” time already passed when he muttered out of the blue.
“Armin,… We already talked about this right. I don’t need you neither as my shield nor my sword. I need you to be my backbone, so do you. We can hold each other and fight together, back to back, with our own shield and sword.”
“Said the girl who made me panic half an hour ago.”
Armin pinched his lover’s roman nose, his eyebrow twitched because of annoyance.
“Hey, I just tried to assure you this time, it’s a payback,” her hand grabbed his wrist, slapped his hand away.
He cackled, locking his arms around her waist and rear. She did the same on his neck.
“Thank you. For being my side, for being my backbone.”
She pecked his cheek, “Well, that’s my line, blondie.”
-end
Extra :
“So back to bed?”
"And asleep? I doubt it Arlert. You seem almost in the mood for that.”
Deep red-tinted tinges fiercely burned his face, made Annie snickered witnessing his embarrassment. Sometimes he couldn’t help but did more efforts for self-control.
“How could,…?”
“I have been with you long enough to know that kind of mood,” Annie's fingers caressed his undercut. Her lips hovering close to his face, kissing his jawline.
“My wits aren’t that bad you know,” she continued. Both of Armin’s hands nestled her face before smashing their lips so harsh as if his lungs tried to take a breath directly from her.
“Hmmm,… I won't force you though, in case you’re tired,” they separated, breath, and aligned their lips again.
“But if you don’t mind, one-two round?”
“Tomorrow is the weekend, right? I won’t turn you down if you ask for more,” Annie smiled softly yet seductive, deepened their kiss this time.
And he surrendered.
-end 2