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There was nothing on his mind other than finding him. Had Reki already gotten home? Did he even stay to watch Langa win? Yes he had to, Reiki wouldn’t leave. He would stay, just to make sure Langa had made it out okay but where was he? Langa could swear Reki had been right here. He wandered around the track ignoring that pats on his back as he shouldered his way through the people on the sidelines. Reki had been here for him and he still believed in him and that was all that Langa needed to try to fix this. All Langa had to do was find him first. As he made way towards the gates he spared one last look at the crowd that had gathered to watch the beef between Cherry and Adam. Langa knows he should have been paying attention, he should have been watching the way they took their turns and gauged their weaknesses. He doubted they had many but even knowing if they leaned too far forward was something he could use. One of those two men was the only thing standing in between him and winning in the finals. He needed to know what he was facing but not before he got his friend back.. He ran through the gates of S and didn’t turn to look back, he didn’t have time to second guess this, he needed Reki. It just sucked that it took him this long to realize exactly why. His feet felt slightly sore and his knees felt a little banged up but he ignored that sticking to a fast pace. He wiped the sweat from his brow and rubbed his gloved hands on his shirt. He pulled his gloves off with his teeth and shoved them into the pocket of his jeans; he then readjusted his grip on the broken board, and pulled the pieces tightly to his body. He picked up his pace slightly turning his head back and forth as he ran through the streets hoping to see a head of red hair. Langa tried not to think about what would happen if Reki refused to talk to him as he ran through the streets following the path he had memorized to get to his best friend’s home. Reki had come to make sure he was okay and the moment Langa knew he was there something had awoken inside of him. It had been since the day Langa saw Reki do an ollie for the first time, he had brushed it off as awe for months now but there was no mistaking the way his heart beat when his name flew out of Reki’s mouth like that. His heart had begun to beat so loudly for those few seconds he could hardly hear the roar of the crowd and the sound his board made on the track, Langa needed Reki and he hoped to whatever skateboarding god was out there the Reki needed him too.
The clouds began to shift over the moon as Langa ran casting a eerie darkness all around him, the shadows of the trees hanging over him made for creepy scenery and he fought the smile that threatened its way onto his mouth as he thought of the beach and Reki holding onto him as they ran away from mud monsters. That moment seemed so long ago now and as he thought of the way Reki looked at him with wide and grateful eyes that night the sky began to thunder. Langa had always thought that rain was beautiful. He loved to open his window and stare at the way the rain would hit the ground below him, how it gave the sidewalk a glossy sheen and the trees looked just a little happier. He would rest his face on his arm and reach out watching as each drop pooled in his palm reflecting the sky on its surface eventually his arm would get tired and he’d turn his hand over his fingers pointing down as the remaining droplets rolled off his long fingers and onto the ground.
Langa jumped over a railing and sped past the road that would lead him to his house and didn’t bat an eye when a car honked it’s a horn as he narrowly missed being hit. He pumped his arms faster, turning a corner and bursting onto the street that would lead him to Reki’s house. The sky rumbled angrily as Langa slowed his pace the closer he got to Reki’s house he switched his broken board to his other hand and stretched his fingers. The grip had begun to rub his fingers slightly raw making him wish he would have kept his gloves on. He stared at his hand as he jogged slowly rubbing his fingers together as another wave of thunder, much louder than the previous, made him jump. He turned his face up squinting at the dark clouds that had gathered all long the deep blue sky and scowled. The sky was always angry with him. The solace he took in the smell of wet dirt and the soft sound of droplets was forever ruined by the memory of his best friend in tears. Langa couldn’t get it out of his head. He would close his eyes and see the way Reki looked at him, it made him want to double over and retch. The look in Reki’s brown eyes had changed from gratitude to something else he couldn’t pinpoint at the moment he had been too caught up in trying to keep his friendship intact to realize what that look had been. He spent his days thinking about the look until Langa realized it was betrayal on his friend’s face, all he could feel was shame. It came in waves, it would creep up his spine and linger at his nape and no matter what he did he couldn’t rid himself of it. He had never been the best at understanding others emotions but at that moment he wished he could have done better. The shame would poison his mood and leave him feeling helpless. It had begun now as he saw Reki’s house in the distance. His pace slowed even more, he was walking now, rubbing his thumb and his forefinger together eyeing the window he knew belonged to Reki. The first strike of lightning hit and he truly realized what was happening.
He saw Reki everywhere, in everything that brought him joy since moving to Japan, Reki was there. Reki was in the sunsets he watched from his window and in the fresh breeze he felt hit his face every morning and best of all Langa heard Reki’s voice whenever he skated. Langa could hear Reki telling him to shift his feet a little farther up the board and too bend his knees a little more. He could hear the strangled yell that left Reki’s throat as passed him just hours earlier. He stopped just before reaching the house and stared at the dark exterior of the house, there was something up against Reki’s window, he tried to make it out in the darkness but it looked like the outline of a skateboard. Langa hung his head and stared at the broken mess in his hands. He had been there when this board was built, he knew how hard Reki had worked on this and he had shattered it, Langa had broken it just like he did their friendship. He felt the tears begin to roll down his cheeks but he couldn’t process what the hell it was he was feeling. That suffocating feeling was worse than it had ever been, the shame had dug it’s cold fingers into his spine and made its home there inviting in the guilt he felt for breaking something his friend had worked so hard on.
He let the pieces drop to the floor, he had broken one of the tails off, this was no easy fix he knew as much. Langa would need an entirely new board if he wanted to keep skating and somehow it made him feel worse. If he was so good why couldn’t he just use a normal skateboard. He paced back and forth his fingers picking at his lips. What the fuck was he even supposed to say? Hey Reki! I know you don’t want to be my friend and you refuse to talk to me but do you think you can spend hours making me a new board? Thanks, love you bro! Langa let out an exasperated sigh and dropped onto the curve trying to hold it together. He pressed on his temples and rocked back and forth staring at the broken board, it was perfect for him. It was a gift specially made for Langa and it was gone now. Sorry wouldn’t fix his board and sorry wouldn’t fix his friendship. He stared at Reki’s window one more time before picking up the pieces of his board and turning away his shoulders hunched.
He had to come up with a plan better than just saying sorry. He thought of all the things Reki had done for him and the thought of simply apologizing left Langa with a sour taste in his mouth. No, that wasn’t enough. Not for Reki. It would never be enough. As he continued his walk home his head hung low, the sky finally broke open. It didn’t just rain, it stormed, the wind howled all round him and it was cold. Langa shivered as he felt a stray drop of rain fall down the length of his back.
He was almost home but he was tempted to turn back around and bang Reki’s door until he came outside but he couldn’t, not until he found a way to make things better. Langa might never get to make things right but he could make them better and that was all he could ask for. He wouldn’t see Reki until he could think of the right way to ask for his forgiveness. The rain never let up, not when Langa stepped in a large puddle of water that went up to his ankles, not when he almost slipped going up the hill near his home, and not when he noticed the huddled figure of a person next to his front door. He walked cautiously towards them, his broken board held up in defense just in case it was some thief that had come to steal from his home. Langa saw the person look up and he almost choked. There just as soaked through as he was was Reki. He looked wrecked.
His hair was sticking to his forehead and his jacket looked almost black with the amount of rainwater it had soaked up. Reki’s eyes were dark and the bags under his eyes were noticeable even from a distance. The relief that Langa felt was like no other; he felt the shame loosen its grip a little as he walked closer. Reki stood his hands tucked into his sleeves, his teeth were chattering and he avoided looking directly at Langa.
“Can we talk?” Reki murmured. His eyes were glued to the ground as he kicked an imaginary pebble and Langa almost couldn’t believe it. He blinked once, then twice, then one more time Reki was still there each time. Langa nodded his head and made his way to the front door, he resisted the urge to stare and turned the knob. It was locked of course. Langa felt heat rise up in his face as he set his broken board on the ground gingerly and began wrestling the key from his pocket. Langa felt his face grow even hotter when he noticed Reki staring at the two pieces that used to be Langa’s skateboard, he couldn’t make out the look on Reki’s face. When he got the door open he let Reki in first. They took off their shoes and Langa gestured for Reki to follow him to his room. As they tiptoed to Langa’s door Reki stuck close and despite being soaked through Reki still somehow emanated warmth. They got to Langa’s room and closed the door, both of them standing awkwardly in the dark. The only light was coming from Langa’s window and the light hit his bed showcasing how messy it was, all Langa could do was hope Reki didn’t notice the crumpled school uniform near his pillow. Both of the boys were dripping wet and they hadn’t spoken much in days, Langa decided he would speak first.
“I broke the board you made me.” He blurted out. Fiddling with his fingers in front of him, he saw Reki flinch slightly and Langa cursed himself. “I didn’t mean to break it. I would never-” He stopped himself as a bolt of lightning illuminated the room for a second before sending it back into darkness. Something about Reki had looked different and Langa couldn’t take his eyes off him, Reki’s upper lip had looked slightly bruised as if he had been chewing on it and the wet T-shirt was clinging to Reki’s slim chest. Langa cleared his throat and looked to see Reki staring back at him, his expression unreadable. Langa tried to gain back his train of thought and broke their gaze. “Do you need a towel? I have clothes you can borrow.” he told Reki with a nervous smile.
“Thanks.” Reki answered as he watched Langa pull out a whiteT-shirt and a pair of sweats from a drawer near Langa’s bed.
Langa nodded and handed the clothes to Reki, careful not to make contact with the other boy’s hand. Reki slipped out into the hallway and Langa let out the breath he had been holding since he had seen Reki on his doorstep. He shook his head and grabbed a long sleeve from his drawer quickly changing out of his clothes. His heart was beating like crazy and he hurried to pull on a pair of sweats before Reki had a chance to walk in. The last thing he needed was for Reki to walk in while he was half naked and wet, things were already awkward enough. His hair was still damp but he could care less as plopped down onto his bed and listened to sound outside. Langa still didn’t know what to say and the howling wind was making him more nervous than he already was. He heard his door open and sat up onto his elbows as Reki walked back into the room his wet clothes in hand. Langa ignored the way his heart rate picked up when he saw Reki in his clothes and let out a small sigh clenching his fists at his sides. Get a grip. He passed a hand through his wet hair and went for it.
“I want to skate with you again.” he said looking at Reki. The red haired boy looked pained as the words hung in the air between them. Langa spoke again standing up, “I want to memorize the feeling I get when we skate together. It’s something that I only feel when I’m beside you and I’m sorry for saying what I did before.” Langa hadn’t realized he was walking closer with his arms outstretched until he was halfway to Reki and he felt himself begin to shake. “I don’t want to be without you. I broke our promise but I’ll make a new one.” he urged, grabbing onto Reki’s hand. Reki began to protest but Langa cut him off pressing the other boy’s hand to his heart. The warmth of Reki’s hand was seeping through Langa’s T-shirt and he wanted to live in that feeling. Langa’s heart was racing, threatening to come out of his chest and he knew Reki could feel it, hell he could probably hear it now. “Do you feel this?” he insisted, looking at Reki begging him with his eyes to understand. “It only gets like this with you so please. Please, I want to be by your side again. You said we weren’t a good match, but I want to be. I want to be your match.” Langa whispered.
Langa didn’t realize how close they were until he felt Reki’s lips slightly touch his. It was nothing really, it was barely a kiss. Langa would have thought it was a mistake if not for the way Reki’s hand had snaked up to rest lightly on his throat. It wasn’t what he would have expected from his first kiss but suddenly he was aware. He was aware of the cold air coming into his room and how cold Reki’s lips were. He was aware of how long Reki’s fingers were and how they felt on his bare skin and he wondered where this would leave them. Langa was still holding the other boy’s hand to his chest and he didn’t want this to end.
Reki pulled away first, a small flush on his cheeks. “Langa,” he said softly. “ I’m afraid that all I’ll ever be is the red haired loser who you let trail behind you.” Reki was avoiding his Langa’s eyes again, his voice was a little shaky and his whole body seemed to be on high alert. Langa wasn’t sure if Reki would run out the door in the next few seconds.
“But that’s-” Langa remarked, pulling away before Reki put a hand over his mouth with a sad smile on his face.
“I’m not gonna let that fear in again.” said Reki confidently. “I don’t care how many times I have to fall but I will be there right there next to you. You said you’d make a new promise? Promise to not let me fall behind you again.” Langa nodded slowly. All too aware of Reki clutching onto Langa’s shirt and pulling him close again, Langa inhaled deeply and realized that Reki smelled of rainwater and cut wood. Langa smiled as Reki tucked his head underneath Langa’s chin, the smaller boy was still trembling, his hand tucked awkwardly in between them still resting lightly on Langa’s throat. Langa wasn’t sure where to put his hands. He had embraced his friend before but never like this, never this close. Never alone in the darkness of his room the rain pounding outside. It had never been this intimate but he relished it and he wanted more.
Langa ran his fingers up Rekis waist and along his spine before lacing Langa laced his fingers through the soft damp tresses of his hair pulling Reki up toward his face almost desperately. This kiss was everything Langa wanted since he came to terms with his feelings, he might not have realized it before but now as Reki responded with the same enthusiasm he knew he would do it all over again to end up here. This, this was better than anything S had ever given him, this was better than any move he had ever tried and this was better than winning his first beef and it was better than skating. There was nothing more than the press of their lips together, the rapid beating of his heart and the soft sigh that left Reki’s lips as he angled his face higher. He wanted more, he needed it. Langa wanted everything Reki could offer and then some. He didn’t know how far he would go to get it, but he would find a way. Langa was nothing if not determined. If it was Reki’s heart he wanted he would get it no matter what. He tugged on Reki’s hair a little harder until the redheaded boy let out a small gasp, Langa didn’t hesitate to use his tongue as he continued to enjoy the feeling of kissing the person he had yearned to be with for days. He didn’t know what he wanted from the but his body was hot and there was a feeling beginning to spread from the pit of his stomach all the way to his toes. Langa let out a small cry as Reki pulled away too soon an incredulous look on his face.
It wasn’t until that second that the reality hit, they had kissed. Langa lurched away the back of his knees hitting the bed. He put a hand to his mouth as he felt the panic begin to settle. Stupid, stupid, so fucking stupid. He took it too far!
“Well that was one way of solving things.” smiled Reki, he was standing a little taller and his smile wasn’t as sad as it had been. Langa watched Reki with a confused look on his face. “You leaned in first.”
“I did.” exclaimed Reki at the exact moment lighting struck illuminating the room for a split second.
Langa smiled as he caught a glimpse of his friend looking a little more like himself, except his lips were red and slightly swollen not to mention his hair was sticking up in the back. . Langa felt his face heat up and nodded his head. “You did.” he said blankly. It was that moment that Reki seemed to finally relax, his shoulders sagged and he let out a small laugh before his face broke into the smile Langa had missed the most. The type of smile that infects everyone around you and hurts after a while.
Reki hooked an arm around Langa’s shoulder playfully and bumped his head against Langa’s. “ You did too, and you went for it again that says a lot more than being the one to do it first.”
Langa rolled his eyes without thinking and pushed Reki off of him and made his way to the broken board across the room, Reki followed close behind and they both looked tilting their heads at the snapped contraption. Reki moved first, reaching a fist out and pressing it to Langa’s arm. “I can make a new one but it will take a couple days and you can’t keep breaking them.” Reki said genuinely. Langa nodded his head still wary of the fact that he had broken his gift.
“Thank you.” he whispered, turning to his friend,eyes wide and thankful. Reki shrugged his shoulders and jumped into Langa’s bed pulling his phone out and resting his back against the wall. It wasn’t long before Langa followed him sitting next to him on the bed watching the rain from his window. They sat together quietly, enjoying each other’s presence and the harsh sound of the storms outside. Langa closed his eyes and sighed, turning to look at Reki. The other boy’s eyes were closed, his breath soft and melodic. Langa chuckled to himself before bringing his attention to the phone in Reki’s lap playing the video the smaller boy had been watching before he dozed off.
Langa tried to resist until he saw himself on the screen, struggling to even stand on the skateboard Reki had lent him back then. It was a peculiar thing to think about, this seemed like a lifetime ago, had this really been just a few months ago? Langa watched as his virtual self tried to land an ollie and failed each time, it was hard to watch himself over and over again but each time the Langa in the video took a hard fall Reki was there giving him a hand, urging him to try again. Back then skateboarding was an afterthought, his friendship with Reki was nothing but one of convenience and Langa’s mind reeled at how things had changed in such a short amount of time. He paused the video and turned off Reki’s phone, careful not to disturb his sleeping friend.
Langa clenched his jaw and closed his eyes, he wouldn’t let this go, not again. He scooted closer to Reki, just enough for their shoulders to touch. Langa felt the other boy’s breath hitch slightly before Reki relaxed again, angling his body towards Langa putting more pressure on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” Langa said, voice barely above a whisper. Reki let out a quiet hum, before going quiet again, Langa spared one last look outside as the storm had quieted down and the moon was finally shining through the clouds. He hoped things were okay now, that Reki really had forgiven him. Langa had no idea what he would do if Reki woke up the next morning regretting what had happened between them. Langa leaned his head against the wall and closed his eyes trying to discern what sound was sweeter, the pitter patter of the rain or the small noises coming out of his best friend’s mouth. Langa didn’t come up with an answer that night but that was okay he had time to think now, this wouldn’t be the last time it rained.