Work Text:
“There should be a heart behind that shield, you’ve got a good one”
The compliment makes Carlos smile, if only for a second, before the overwhelming hopelessness that had followed him since leaving the station takes over again. He barely remembers leaving for the fire house after being stripped of his badge and watching his father exit the dark interview room knowing that he wasn’t on his side. He remembers sitting in his car, gripping the steering wheel trying to remember how to breathe through the rush of anxiety he felt. Going home seemed wrong somehow, like he would know he wasn’t meant to be there. Seeking out TK was where his mind had gone if for nothing else but a distraction from the constant whirl in his mind, and the doubt that was starting to creep in.
He stupidly didn’t even think about the chance of him not being here, nor that he would be sitting in the kitchen with his boyfriend’s father drinking a green smoothie and being on the receiving end of some strangely comforting words.
“Thankyou. I don’t know if that will help me out of this one” he says quietly, staring back down at the smoothie and wringing his hands together nervously. He hears Owen move towards him and feels his grip on his shoulder.
“Hey, whatever you did or didn’t do, Carlos, you’re a good cop. I’m sure it will work out” he can only nod in return as he feels his emotions getting a hold of him again as he hears his own father’s words echo in his head, feels the crushing weight of disappointment and knows that he is moments away from breaking point with his boyfriend’s father.
“I’m sorry. I forgot I need to be somewhere” he says quickly, and he knows Owen can hear the shake in his voice as he slides himself off the chair. “I’ll catch up with TK later” he adds as he backs out of the room.
“Or you can catch up with him now, there’s his crew just rolling in” Carlos stops and turns and quickly spots the familiar face of his boyfriend from across the station. He sees TK talking animatedly with Nancy before his eyes cast over to where Carlos is standing, and he can see the confusion in his expression. His eyes don’t leave Carlos as he says something quick to Nancy to which she just nods in reply, and then he is walking towards him.
“Hi babe, what are you doing here? Thought you were still on shift until later?” TK says as he grabs his hand in his before kissing his cheek in greeting.
“Hi, yeah I was” is all he can get out before he swallows down the tears building in his throat. TK stares at him and Carlos sees the moment that he recognises that something is wrong.
“You okay? What happened?” TK asks and Carlos knows that if he starts talking now, his fragile emotions are bound to break and the centre of a firehouse is not where he wants it to happen, but he yearns for the comfort of his boyfriend.
“Can we go somewhere a little more… private?” he asks, avoiding the eyes of his boyfriend which he knows will break him in seconds.
“Bunkroom should be clear” he hears from behind him and he realises he had forgotten that Owen was standing behind him. TK looks at his dad and nods but says nothing before leading Carlos through to the bunkroom and in the back of Carlos’s mind he senses some kind of tension between TK and his father, but it quickly goes to the back of his mind.
The door shuts behind them and cuts the sounds of the fire station to a low hum, and TK leads Carlos through a mass of beds until he stops at one which Carlos assumes is his and sits down, pulling Carlos down with him.
TK grabs Carlos’s hand as he patiently lets Carlos get his words out. “Can you just hold me for a minute?” Carlos asks finally, giving up on trying to fight through his emotions and lets the tears in his eyes finally spill over.
“Oh, Carlos, of course I can” TK pulls Carlos towards him, his arms coming up tight around his back as Carlos pushes his face into TK’s neck and lets himself cry, curling himself further into TK’s embrace.
“You’re okay, baby. You’re okay” Tk whispers into the silence, holding Carlos until he feels the tension in his body start to subside. Carlos pushes himself away slightly and takes a deep breath as TK grabs his chin gently and makes him look at him.
“So what’s this all about, huh? I’ve never seen you so sad, can’t say I like it so much” TK says as he uses his thumb to wipe away the tears that have formed on Carlos’s cheeks.
“Will you still love me if I’m not a cop anymore?” Carlos stutters out.
“What? Why?” Tk’s hands move down and grab Carlos’s own as he lets Carlos move to a more comfortable position, but still right next to him.
“Something happened at work today and I got suspended” Carlos said, pausing “we followed this guy who had robbed a bank, and when we caught him he swore that someone had made him do it and that they would kill him if he didn’t go back. I believed him, and we let him go and I was so sure I was right” Carlos paused, and gave a look at TK like he was pleading with him to tell him that he wasn’t wrong. “At the time, I thought I was right, but now I’m not so sure” He finished, staring back down at his hands in TK’s.
“Babe, you read people better than anyone I know. If you felt it was the right decision, it was right. No doubt in my mind.” Tk said confidently
“My dad thinks I failed. He thinks I have bad instincts” Carlos mutters, not meeting TK’s eyes.
“Your dad? Why is he involved?”
“It’s all connected to a case he is working on, he came and interviewed me” Carlos paused for a moment and TK could sense he wanted to say more but he shook his head, seemingly shaking off a memory. “I think I’m wrong, TK. The guy has just disappeared and it’s now just sinking in that I let him go, I just let him walk. It could have been fake for all I know. They took my badge from me and I don’t think I’m getting it back”
“There is no way that is happening. This guy could still show up, right? I mean what if it was real and you took the guy in and then that bomb goes off? You are so good at your job, Carlos. You’re one of the best, no way they let you go” TK says squeezing Carlos’s hands as he speaks.
“I think you might be a little bit biased” Carlos jokes, but TK can see the tears rolling down his cheeks as he speaks.
“Maybe a little, but I’m still right. I know he’s your dad, but that doesn’t mean he’s right. You know that, yeah?” TK says but Carlos just looks at him shaking his head and TK can’t stand the hurt that is so evident in his boyfriends brown eyes that never fail to hide whatever Carlos is feeling, good or bad.
TK feels completely out of his depth, he’s not used to Carlos being anything but his calm and steady boyfriend. He can count on one hand the amount of times Carlos has ever come to TK needing any kind of reassurance but as soon as TK ever has an ounce of a problem in his life Carlos was his rock, and without fail could make him feel better.
He stands up, releasing Carlos’s hand as he does before standing in front of him and putting both his hands on either side of his face forcing Carlos to look at him, he glides his thumbs over his cheeks removing the wet streaks as he goes and leans down to slowly kiss him, tasting the tears on his lips but doesn’t pull back until he feels Carlos’s arms wrap around his waist and pull him closer.
“I’m sorry you’ve had such a bad day” TK says softly “but you’ve got to give this time to work out, because it will” He says as he leans down to kiss his boyfriend again “where’s all that positivity you’re always preaching to me” he adds and has a quick fleeting feeling of the world returning to its rightful place when he hears Carlos let out a soft laugh.
“Temporarily suspended like me I think” Carlos replies, but TK can see that the glassiness in those brown eyes he adores is gone and he takes that as a win. “I just never thought I’d be getting suspended”
“Maybe this isn’t so bad, I could keep you around here all shift” TK quips before moving his arms around Carlos, pulling him into a tight hug.
“I feel like that wouldn’t be the best idea” Carlos says and TK laughs gently.
“Yeah maybe not” he agrees, but he keeps his hold of his boyfriend and relishes the comfortable silence as the tension that seemed to fill the air dissipates. It’s only when he hears the bunk room door open and close and the sounds of the fire station start to filter back in that he pulls Carlos back from his waist and stares down at him.
“You feeling any better?” he asks, and Carlos smiles back up at him and TK feels relief wash over him as he notes the smile seems genuine with no sadness masking it.
“Better than I was when I got here, thanks to you.” TK grins down at him “I love you, TK. I’m sorry for the minor meltdown. I didn’t know where else to go” Carlos admits shyly.
“You can always come to me, meltdown or no meltdown” TK adds “and I love you too” Carlos stands up from the bed and TK sees him shake off his emotions and sees the Carlos he knows and loves in front of him. Carlos’s phone starts to ring and Carlos stares at the screen for a moment.
“It’s work” he says before accepting the call.
TK watches his expression as he listens and when he hears him say “really, are you sure?” with audible relief in his voice, he knows that it’s good news.
“I’ll come right now, sir” Carlos finishes and hangs up the phone, smiling at TK.
“Okay, they want me back at the station. They think they might have found him” Carlos says, smoothing down his shirt and giving TK one of his true crooked grins.
“Told you” TK says, grinning when Carlos just rolls his eyes at him.
“Yeah, you did. I’ve never been happier for you to be right” Carlos says, smiling at him “Okay, I better go” he adds and then jolts when the station alarm sounds announcing the next emergency and the station seems to all start moving at once.
“That’s my cue” TK says “You going to be alright?” he asks.
“Yeah, I’m good. I’ll see you later at my house?” Carlos asks and TK nods in reply before leaning in to kiss him goodbye.
“Be safe, yeah? Had enough drama for one day” Carlos adds as TK walks away from him.
“Paramedic life is nowhere near as risky, relax” Tk promises, grinning at him as he exits the room and runs to catch up to Nancy who is just climbing into the ambulance.
“All good?” she asks when he gets in next to her “He seemed pretty upset”
“He’ll be okay, I think. I’m just ready for this day to be over” Tk sighs as they exit the station and head to their next call.