Chapter Text
"So this is Earth?” Dean asked no one in particular. It was the first time he had stepped on Earth since his death, nearly one hundred years ago.
“This is it,” Jack answered.
“When did it become such a shit hole?” Dean asked.
“Probably after the first apocalypse,” Jack said, matter of factly.
“Apocalypse?” Sam asked. “How long has it been?”
“Not long,” Jack responded.
“Then what happened?” Sam asked.
“I have to go,” Jack announced, holding up a hand for his signature goodbye, and then vanishing.
“An apocalypse?” Dean asked, turning to Cas. “You know anything about this?”
Cas looked around at the broken earth. “No.”
“Monsters?” Eileen asked.
Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. Seems like it.”
Dean looked at Cas once again. It was crazy to believe that he was standing right in front of Dean when, what felt like only a week ago, Dean had seen him die right in front of him. It had happened many times before, but this last time was the worst. This time, Cas said something Dean didn’t know how to respond to. He couldn’t comprehend what Cas had just said. Cas loved him? Dean, the same person that had been a complete asshole in the past. The same Dean who pushes everyone away that he cares about. The same Dean that let down everyone who had ever come close to him. The same Dean who killed everyone he touched.
“Is something wrong?” Cas asked, catching Dean staring.
“Yeah, the whole freaking earth,” Dean answered, not wanting to have any kind of conversation that required tapping into his emotions. Right now, he just wanted to focus on what was right in front of him.
“I never thought about what would happen without us,” Sam admitted.
“Me neither,” Dean admitted. “I always thought the world would be better.”
Cas looked at Dean as if he wanted to say something. Dean held his breath, waiting for the scolding statement Cas was about to make. However, it never came.
“So what now?” Cas asked.
Dean shrugged. “We find a motel, see if there’s anyone still around.”
“And if there’s no one?” Cas asked.
“Then we’ll figure it out,” Dean said. “Me and Sam’ll go scout out a motel. Cas and Eileen you go scout out some people, or food, or something.”
Cas looked at Dean with a confused, almost hurt expression. Dean felt bad, but he wasn’t prepared to talk to Cas right now, especially not alone. However, Sam he could handle, even if Dean knew he would ask a hundred questions.
“Okay,” Eileen said. “We’ll meet back here.”
Dean nodded. He wished they could just call each other, but Dean figured that his hundred year old phone wouldn’t exactly work anymore.
“And if something goes wrong?” Cas asked.
“It won’t,” Dean said.
“Dean-”
“It’ll be fine, Cas,” Dean said, sternly.
Cas huffed and turned away from Dean and towards Eileen.
“Ready?” Eillen asked Cas.
Cas took one last gaze at Dean and nodded. “Yeah, I’m ready.”
Dean turned to Sam, and nodded, signaling for them to start walking. At first it was kind of nice with the cool breeze against his skin and the smell of fresh air. Of course this was cut short when Sam cleared his throat.
“What?” Dean asked, knowing what that meant.
“You have to talk to Cas eventually,” Sam told him.
“I know that,” Dean said.
“So why do you keep avoiding it?” Sam asked.
Dean let out a snort. “It’s like you don’t even know me, Sammy.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “You can’t ignore it forever.”
“Sure I can,” Dean replied.
“I can’t believe you never talked about it,” Sam said.
Dean shrugged. “Never had the time.”
“You had a hundred years, Dean,” Sam told him. “You know I’m not gonna judge you. Whatever you feel or don’t-”
“Can we not do this right now?” Dean asked, annoyed that Sam was even bringing this up. He wasn’t surprised, however. In fact, he suspected that this would happen.
Sam rolled his eyes once again. “Ignoring your feelings won’t make them go away, Dean.”
“Sure they will,” Dean said, throwing in a grin to convince Sam that he was okay and didn’t need to have a click-flick feelings talk moment.
“Whatever,” Sam said, dropping the subject. “Do you know where we are?”
“You’re the nerd,” Dean responded. “Didn’t you learn geography crap at Stanford?”
“Yeah, like a hundred years ago, and it’s not like we covered different places God could drop you off at when you decide you don’t wanna be dead anymore,” Sam replied sarcastically.
Now it was Dean’s turn to roll his eyes. “Whatever, bitch.”
“Jerk,” Sam responded.
Dean smiled. This was really happening. They were back.
“So, how was it without your big brother around?” Dean asked his little brother. He had asked multiple variations of this question before, but now he was actually listening. Now he wanted all the details. Okay, maybe not all, but most.
“I’ve already told you, Dean. Eileen and I got married a few years after you died, we had a kid, I died, end of story.”
“Well that’s a shitty story,” Dean responded.
“Yeah well at least I actually talked to Eileen,” Sam said, giving Dean a small, teasing smile.
Dean didn’t say anything.He knew Sam would lead back to that subject eventually. Of course, that didn’t mean Dean had to be happy about it.
“Look, Dean, seriously, I don’t care. If you love Cas, if you don’t, I won’t judge you. You know that,” Sam said. “I know how Dad was. I know the things he said. I’m not him, and I see the way you look at Cas.”
“What are you getting at?” Dean snapped.
“That whatever you decide, whatever you do or don’t do, I’ll support you,” Sam replied.
Dean looked at the ground. “Okay, Sammy.”
Sam stopped walking, forcing Dean to stop as well. “Dean, I’m serious,” he said.
“Okay, Sam,” Dean replied.
Sam sighed, and continued walking. He said nothing, which gave time for Dean to think.
“I love you,” Dean heard Cas’ voice echo in his head. It certainly wasn’t the first time Dean had thought about that night. In fact, he thought about it every time he was alone with his thoughts. He remembered how he felt. He felt helpless and powerless watching as the empty took Cas away from him.
“Don’t do this, Cas,” was all Dean had said. He was too stunned, too unstable to process what Cas had said, and, just like that, Cas was gone.
So, the million dollar question, did Dean love Cas back? Of course he did, but he could never say that. If he did, that would be confirming his feelings. It would be saying something he had denied for years, and, honestly, he wasn’t sure if he could or was ready to do that.
“Dean,” Sam said, loud and sternly. He must’ve been trying to get Dean’s attention for a while because he seemed annoyed.
“What?” Dean asked, snapping out of his thoughts.
Sam gave Dean a look like Dean should know. “The motel.”
Dean looked up and noticed a motel sign that had obviously been very damaged, but because of the apocalypse or just because it was a shitty motel, Dean wasn’t sure.
“The Olivers Motel?” Dean asked. “What the hell kinda name is that?
Sam gave him a look that basically told him to shut up, and started walking towards the motel. As they got closer, Dean noted there were cars in the parking lot. That was a good sign. However, the cars looked different. They were more high-tech, more futuristic, and they all looked like shit.
“What happened to actually having nice cars?” Dean asked, shaking his head at all the new, shitty cars.
“That died when they released self-driving cars,” Sam said. “They looked even worse when I was alive.”
Dean shook his head. “People don’t even drive anymore? Maybe these cars are what caused the apocalypse.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “I’m sure there’s some old cars still out there.”
“There better be,” Dean replied. “What did you do with Baby, by the way?”
“Dean has it,” Sam said, then added, “my son.”
Dean nodded. “He better be taking good care of it.”
Sam rolled his eyes. “It’s probably not even running anymore, Dean.”
“Don’t you dare say that,” Dean told him.
“It’s a car, Dean, you can live without it,” Sam told him.
Dean huffed, but didn’t say anything. Sure, he loved Baby, and it was his most prized possession, but, at the same time, it was just an object. Sam, Cas, Eileen, Jack, and everyone else Dean loved, they were real, they were people. They mattered more to Dean. They were what Dean lived for them. They were who Dean cared about. Of course Baby still mattered, but not at the moment. At the moment, Dean was just glad to be alive again with his family.
When Sam and Dean finally reached the entrance of the motel, Dean pushed it open. He closed it in Sam’s face and laughed.
“Really, Dean?” Sam asked, extremely annoyed with Dean’s antics.
Dean laughed even harder. “Gotta be faster, Sammy.”
Sam shook his head, and stepped up to the front desk. Dean looked around, but didn’t notice anything different than when he was alive. Of course it was a shitty motel that people had probably died in, but Dean still expected something to be different.
“Two rooms please,” Sam told the lady at the front desk. She looked no more than twenty five, and had black hair with purple streaks throughout it. The name on her nametag read “Ryan.”
“Single beds or double?” Ryan asked.
“One single one double,” Sam replied.
Dean was confused at first, wondering why Sam would want a single bed, then remembered Eileen. Then, he realized he would have to share a room with Cas.
“Okay,” Ryan replied, and handed Sam two keys. “Rooms five and seven.”
“Thanks,” Sam said, then headed out of the lobby. Dean followed close behind him.
“I’ll go get Eileen,” Sam said, then, as an afterthought added, “and Cas. You stay here, and get settled.”
“Why?” Dean asked. “I’ll just come with you.”
“It’s a one person job, Dean,” Sam said.
Dean huffed, but didn’t feel like arguing right that second. “Fine, but you own me.”
“What do I owe you?” Sam asked.
Dean thought for a second. “A burger, some beer, oh, and pie.”
Sam just shook his head, handed Dean one of the room keys, and started walking.
“Don’t forget the pie, Sammy!” Dean called after him.
Luckily, Sam had handed Dean the key to the room with two beds. He chose one and laid down, staring at the ceiling. For the first time in a while, Dean felt okay, and almost normal. His life, the life he had missed so much, was back, and Dean couldn’t have been happier. Sure, he would die again, but, as far as Dean was concerned, that day was not today.
***
Dean woke up to knocking on the motel door. He bolted awake, realizing that he must have fallen asleep. He got out of his bed with caution, and grabbed his gun out of the duffle he had taken with him when Jack had brought him back to earth. Sam and Eileen had almost identical ones.
Dean opened the door, keeping the gun positioned behind it. However, he was met face to face with Cas.
“Damn it, Cas,” Dean said.
Cas looked at Dean with a puzzled expression, then stepped inside.
“Sam told me you’d be here,” Cas said.
“Well he was right,” Dean said.
“Yeah,” Cas said.
An awkward silence filled the room.
“Look, Dean, if this is about what I said-”
“It’s not, Cas,” Dean said.
“I could get another room-”
“No,” Dean said, quickly, almost too quickly.
“Okay,” Cas nodded. “Do you wanna talk about it?”
“Do you even know me, Cas?” Dean asked. It was a stupid question. Of course Cas knew him. Cas knew Dean better than Dean knew himself.
“You know ignoring your feelings isn’t healthy,” Cas told him.
“Who’d you learn that from, Sam?” Dean asked.
“Yeah,” Cas admitted.
“‘Course you did,” Dean said.
“Just forget it happened,” Cas said. “I don’t wanna ruin our friendship.”
This sent a knot into Dean’s stomach. He thought he wanted nothing more to forget about it, but, as Cas stood right in front of him giving him an option that a hundred years ago he would have taken, Dean didn’t want to forget. For once in his life, Dean wanted to remember.
“No,” Dean said.
“What?” Cas asked.
“Let’s talk,” Dean said, a sentence he never thought would come out of his mouth, as he sat on the bed he had fallen asleep on.
Cas sat on the edge of the other bed across from Dean’s. “Dean, what is this about?”
“Look, ever since that night, ever since you said what you said, I- I haven’t stopped thinking about it,” Dean said, damn that nap must have really changed him. He was now spilling his feelings out like he was on some kind of click-flick Jody used to watch.
Cas nodded, not adding anything, but somehow encouraging Dean to go on.
“And I wondered if I felt the same way,” Dean added.
Cas nodded once again.
“And-” why was it so hard to say. It was just a few words, just a few words to tell Cas how he felt, just a few words.
“Dean,” Cas said, causing Dean to look at Cas in the eyes, and allowing Dean to focus once again.
“And I do, Cas,” Dean finally said. “Of course I do. I don’t- I don’t know why it took me until now to say it.”
Cas smiled one of the biggest smiles Dean had ever seen. “I’m happy to hear that.”
Dean laughed. “You better be because I am never doing that again.”
Cas laughed as well, and got up from the bed, but, before he could even take a step, a blood-curdling scream sounded through the motel.
“What the hell?” Dean asked, getting up and running out of the motel room. He was met by Cas and watched as many other people rushed out of their rooms, including Sam and Eileen. Dean quickly ran towards them, beckoning Cas to follow.
“The hell was that?” Dean asked.
Sam shrugged. “I don’t know.”
“It came from over there,” Cas said, pointing to a room to the right of where they were standing.
Dean, Sam, and Eileen all nodded at each other, and ran over to the room. They pushed the door open and found a woman lying on the floor.
“Check her pulse,” Dean said to Sam, stepping into the room.
Sam did as Dean asked, but shook his head, indicating that the woman was dead.
Dean looked throughout the room, and, as he reached his hand behind a dresser he felt the texture of leather. He quickly pulled it out, and, in his hand, he held a hex bag. He held it up for Sam, Cas, and Eileen to see.
Sam nodded, and looked at the group. “We’ve got work to do.”