Work Text:
Izuku was accustomed to change. After he was diagnosed quirkless, it seemed to wreak havoc in his life. His father left quite promptly, his best friend deserted him then soon after turned bully, his mum only ever looked at him with pity. His life was full of changes. Didn’t mean he liked it.
With people always leaving him, he latched onto something he knew would always be there. The moon and stars.
Even when Bakugou had left bulging blisters on his skin and his dad had forgotten another birthday, Izuku could slip out his window and climb up a fire escape to the roof of his apartment complex where the moon would light the night and the stars would smile back at him.
It had been relatively easy in middle school to sneak out when he couldn’t sleep, with his mum effectively unconscious in her bed due to picking up a few too many double shifts and no one else about to care. Even the few times he’d accidentally tripped when climbing back through the window or slamming it closed did nothing to alert anyone. That fact upset him a little but on the most part he was grateful.
Which was why when it was announced that the classes at U.A were being given a choice to move into dorms, his immediate excitement was quite quickly dissipated by the realisation of how difficult it would be to get a chance to see the moon and stars. He considered rejecting the offer, but one look at the relief on his mum’s face at the thought of having something less to worry about when she came home quickly vanquished that notion. He couldn’t take away this opportunity for his mum just because of his own selfish desire. So, a few days later, Izuku was packing boxes.
Ignoring the immediate thought on his mind, he found himself looking forward to living with his friends. Despite his dismay, he only had one grievance when it came to the dorm system, and he’d pledged to ignore that for as long as possible.
Izuku dropped the last of the boxes onto his dorm room floor and turned back to face his mum. She had been grilling him with questions for the past hour, asking if he had everything. After multiple assurances of ‘yes, mum, I do have my toothbrush’ and ‘no, I didn’t leave my notebooks in the living room’ she had eventually gone quiet.
When he saw her watching him expectantly, he just offered her a sad smile. Her face dropped as she saw his expression and pulled him in for a hug.
“You’ll be okay. I know it’ll be different, but I can bet in a couple days you’re going to be glad to be staying at school with your friends. We’ll see each other on holidays and some weekends anyway,” she assured, mumbling into his hair.
Izuku plastered on a comforted smile and pushed out of the hug.
“Yeah, I know.”
As much as he appreciated his mum’s attempts at encouragement, he didn’t really mind that aspect. With her work schedule, he only ever saw her on the weekends and holidays anyway, so there wasn’t much of a difference. The holidays were never even guaranteed before, with holiday shifts being paid double-time, Izuku would find himself alone on Christmas and New Year’s occasionally.
Not long after, they exchanged their farewells and he was left standing alone in the bare room. He decided then was as good a time as any to start unpacking and decorating, so he set about it.
“Hey! Why don’t we do a dorm room presentation contest!”
Izuku looked up from his position on the couch at the sound of Mina’s voice.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” Uraraka piped up, some others speaking in agreement too.
Izuku didn’t particularly want everyone looking into his room, but he supposed he didn’t mind if was just for a fun competition.
The group started making their way toward the boy’s dorms. Much to his dismay, it seemed they were headed towards his dorm to begin with.
He stood in front of his door and gripped the handle.
Facing them, he started, “I don’t really know whether this is what you’re going to expect but I hope you like it.”
He gave a partially embarrassed smile before pushing the door open.
“Woah, Deku! I thought your room was going to be full of hero merchandise!” Uraraka said.
“Yeah, I didn’t really peg you for a space guy,” Sero agreed.
Izuku glanced up at the contents of his room, letting his eyes run over the galaxy photos hung on his wall and the star bed sheets before landing on the telescope by his balcony door.
“If I’m honest, I was really confused when you asked me to make you that telescope stand, but I guess it makes a lot more sense now,” Yaoyorozu lamented.
Izuku brought his hand up to rub the back of his neck, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I found the telescope when I was packing boxes in my apartment, but I couldn’t find the stand anywhere. I think it must have been my dad’s or something.”
Yaoyorozu shook her head, “It’s fine, I was just curious earlier.”
Within another couple of minutes, they were moving onto the next rooms. Eventually they’d made it through everybody’s dorm who was participating and a winner was declared. It wasn’t a surprise that no one could resist Satou’s cake in the end.
Izuku was still lounging in the common room after most people had headed to bed, eagerly reading a book in his lap. He looked up when he felt a weight sit down next to him to be greeted with purple hair and dark eyebags.
Izuku raised his eyebrows, “Can’t sleep, Shinsou? I thought you went to your room a while ago.”
“Insomnia,” Shinsou stated, not directly answering the question.
They lapsed into silence.
“So, when we were looking at everyone’s room earlier, you said you thought the telescope was your dad’s or something. Why don’t you know?”
Izuku sputtered. He knew Shinsou was blunt, but he still hadn’t expected such a personal question to be thrown at him. On one hand, he knew that if he didn’t answer there was a chance Shinsou would just get more persistent, but on the other hand, he really didn’t want to start having this conversation.
“Um- He’s working in America on business at the minute so I can’t ask him and my mum doesn’t know,” Izuku compromised, leaving out the fact it had been over 10 years since he’d seen his dad and he would most likely not be seeing him again. Izuku also wasn’t even sure whether his mum knew or not, having never asked her. She understandably didn’t like talking about her ex-husband, so he never mentioned it.
Shinsou seemed to believe him as he hummed in response.
Seeing that Shinsou had nothing more to add, Izuku refocused his attention onto his book, only breaking concentration once again when he heard soft snores coming from Shinsou.
A fond smile broke out on Izuku’s face, glad his friend was getting some rest. He stood up and grabbed a blanket, throwing it over Shinsou.
Izuku was proud to admit he only looked back over his shoulder once as he left the common room.
Izuku couldn’t sleep.
The only thing he could focus on was the image of Nighteye impaled by a spike of concrete.The image of splattered blood. The image of death.
It was a horrifying image to begin with, but it was only exacerbated by the blame he placed on himself. If only he’d been better, faster, stronger, maybe then Nighteye would still be alive. But he wasn’t, and now someone was dead.
He’d been thrashing in his bed for hours, trying to force the thoughts out of his head. In the end, he lay on his side, facing his balcony. A slither of moonlight peeked through his curtains, looking up and taunting him.
Izuku’s self-control on goes so far, so he wasn’t overly surprised to find himself climbing out of bed and heading towards the glass doors. Pulling back the curtains, he sighed pleasantly as the moonlight hit his skin. Opening the doors and standing on his balcony, he shamefully powered up his quirk. He knew he shouldn’t be doing this.
With a powered jump, he shot towards the roof of the dorm building. He shivered through his thin pyjamas as the wind whipped his skin. As soon as he landed, he turned and sat on the wall ledge, eyes fixated on the landscape in front of him.
There was a full moon that night, nestled in the sky and surrounded by twinkling stars. It sat so effortlessly in the sky, not a cloud in sight to disrupt the view. It was perfect. Izuku knew nothing would ever surpass the tranquillity of a starry night. The sight of the stars, who’s light had travelled so far that the star itself had likely already faded out of existence or gone out in a colourful supernova. The moon watching down, lighting the ground beneath whilst passing no judgement nor expecting anything in return for its efforts.
Like he said: perfect.
Soft footsteps hit the ground behind him and he exhaled. The peace could only last so long. He looked to the side as a figure sat next to him.
“So, Problem Child.”
“Aizawa-sensei.”
“Care to tell me what you’re doing up here?” Aizawa stated, the question coming across as more of an instruction.
“The moon-” Izuku spoke, “-and the stars too.”
He glanced to Aizawa’s face and noticed he was going to probe further, so he elaborated.
“People always come and go. They either die or they get bored and leave. The moon and stars don’t though. They don’t judge me or blame me. And they listen.”
Izuku knew as soon as he spoke that he was going to regret this in the morning, but his tired mind possessed no filter or preservation at that moment. He was either going to have to deal with more questions then, when he couldn’t reasonably dance around the truth or the next day, when he would have to awkwardly wither under Aizawa’s stare and fabricate some half-truths and white lies.
“Blame you?” Aizawa questioned, picking out one point to focus on.
“For my mistakes.”
“I’m afraid you’ll have to explain further.”
Izuku hummed, thinking.
“Your injuries at the USJ, Kacchan getting kidnapped, All Might’s retirement, Nighteye’s death.”
Those were the most prominent ones, the ones that would keep him awake many nights or wake him up with nightmares. He would lie and recount every way he could’ve done something better, gone faster or pushed himself more until exhaustion sent him to sleep again. Of course there were other, smaller mistakes he would stumble into thinking about during the day occasionally, but they were harmless for the most part.
“I fail to see how any of those were due to a mistake you made,” Aizawa declared, like it was the most obvious thing.
“If I was better then-”
“Then nothing,” Aizawa cut in, “Midoriya, you’re not a pro-hero. Not yet. You shouldn’t have been in any of those situations to begin with. If there was blame to be placed on anyone in those situations, it would be the pro-heroes. You’re still a hero-in-training, a teenager for god’s sake.”
Izuku faltered.
“And, despite the fact you shouldn’t have been there to begin with, you performed remarkably in each one. You did the best you could. Just think of how you saved Kouta and Eri. You can’t save everyone or do everything, that’s something you need to understand if you want to ever become a Pro. You do your best, but people still fall through the cracks.”
Izuku looked to Aizawa and saw the reminiscent look on his face as he gazed across campus. He didn’t know what to say in response, unable to formulate a reply, so instead he just let the silence lap over them.
Aizawa was the one to break the silence again.
“You should probably head inside now, Problem Child. You can use the roof door this time.”
Izuku nodded and stood up, walking away from the ledge. He placed his hand on the knob or the door.
“Oh, and Midoriya?”
Izuku turned expectantly.
“There’s a clearing in the forest that’s good for stargazing. Don’t let me find you on this roof again.”
Izuku nodded stiffly and continued on his way.
He was sure he was going to regret everything that just happened when he woke up in the morning.
Izuku flipped the page of his book, sitting in a dark, empty common room. The only light in the room was coming from his reading lamp. It was yet another time when he was left reading as everyone else retired to their bed.
For this reason, he near jumped out of his skin when he felt a weight sit down next to him. He was getting a strong sense of déjà vu.
“Well, isn’t this familiar?” he joked.
“I guess so,” Shinsou replied.
“Can’t sleep again?”
“Yeah, and it feels absolutely crap. I think I only got one or two hours sleep last night and I doubt I’ll be getting any tonight with the way things are going,” he sighed.
A thought flashed across Izuku’s mind. He didn’t particularly want to acknowledge it, but it certainly was desperate to make itself known. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he should mention it.
“If you don’t think you’ll be sleeping soon, I have an idea?” Izuku spoke cautiously.
“Fire away, I’m open for pretty much anything at this point.”
Izuku grinned. He grabbed onto Shinsou’s hand, oblivious to the blush that spread across Shinsou’s face at the action, and reached for a blanket off the couch. With that, he started to make his way outside. He shivered a little as he opened the door and the cool night air hit his skin. However, he didn’t let it deter him and carried on, still dragging a confused Shinsou behind him.
“Hey, hold up a minute, are we not going to get in trouble with Eraser for leaving the dorms?” Shinsou protested.
“Nah.”
Shinsou sighed, but didn’t give any further complaints.
Izuku was glad that the forest was grassy instead of muddy as he realised in his haste, he hadn’t given either of them a chance to put on any shoes. Oh well, no going back now, not in his eyes at least.
The trek through the trees wasn’t all too long and it was only a few minutes before they reached the dusty clearing where the trees parted. Izuku ignored the confusion radiating from his friend and lay the blanket down on the ground, mentally noting to make sure he washed it once they returned to the dorms. He sprawled himself onto his back, dragging Shinsou down with him so they were lying side by side.
“So, care to enlighten me on what we are actually doing?” Shinsou questioned.
“Looking at the stars and, if you look just over there, the moon.”
Shinsou turned to look at Midoriya, smiling to see the calm that was washed over his features. It was the most relaxed Shinsou had ever seen him, his shoulders no longer looking as if they were carrying the weight of the world.
Izuku pointed to the left, eyes still fixated on the sky.
“There’s the Lyra constellation and if you look just a bit to the right you’ll see Aquila.”
He continued on, naming the stars and constellations that were visible to the naked eye.
Shinsou was following along silently, tracing the shapes of the stars. Even when Izuku had long since finished his spiel, he didn’t tear his gaze from the night sky.
“How do you know all that?”
Izuku gave a bland chuckle, “My dad would tell me about the stars and moon when I was younger and couldn’t sleep at night. I guess, after he left I sort of latched onto them because they were the only thing he really left behind.”
Shinsou quirked a brow and turned to face Izuku, getting a bit of a shock when he was greeted with Izuku already watching him.
“He’s only on business, right? I’m sure you’ll see him again soon.”
“That was a bit of a lie if I’m to be honest with you now. Sure, he works in America, but he left when I was 4, hasn’t returned once and I doubt I’ll ever see his face again.”
Shinsou didn’t know what to say, so he settled on, “Oh. I’m sorry.”
Izuku only hummed in response.
Now with no distraction, Shinsou felt the cool breeze wash over him and could hear the background noise of animals in the forest. He didn’t think he’d ever been into these woods before, having no reason to do so. Thinking back on it, it was obvious that Izuku had been out here often with how confidently he had led them between the trees.
“Have you been out here before at night?”
“I mean, I probably come out here at least once a week. Mostly on the weekends, though.”
“How do you not get in trouble with Eraser?”
“He was the person who told me about this spot, so it’d be a bit contradictory if I got in trouble for being here.”
Izuku sensed that Shinsou was still lost.
“He found me on the roof one night, sitting on the edge. Looking back now, I can imagine how horrifying that must’ve seemed to him, but I was just looking at the night sky because I couldn’t sleep and I needed to calm down. I don’t think I could ever do it anyway, the thing he thought I was going to do. Anyway, he just told me about this place and told me he never wanted to find me on a roof like that again.”
Izuku rolled onto his side, still facing Shinsou and closed his eyes. Shinsou took that as an end to the conversation, though he catalogued a few thoughts into the back of his mind for the time being, knowing he was going to bring them up at some point. Specifically, he was going to have to dig deeper into the ‘I don’t think I could ever do it anyway’ comment, he was concerned about the implications that the green-haired boy had at least considered it before.
Time seemed to fly by as Shinsou was lost in his head and Izuku drifted to sleep. Breaking out of his thoughts, he looked to see his friend’s chest rise and fall in shallow, even breaths. The sight made him realise how exhaustion had rushed over him. With one last look at Izuku’s calm face, he closed his eyes. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to sleep here, next to him.
And, if they awoke in each other’s arms in the morning light, who’s to know but them?