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Kenma’s desperation gets the better of him, driving him out of the comfort of his bedroom cocoon to the middle of the woods. He threads the grass through his fingers, letting the familiar motion soothe him. He and Kuroo spent countless summers out here when they were kids, playing games and talking and taking naps. Even when he was reluctant to be torn away from video games, he’d always follow when Kuroo asked him to come out here.
They don’t come here that often anymore, volleyball and school and videogames all take precedent over their tiny forest oasis amidst the streets of Tokyo. It had seemed impossibly dense when they were kids. Even after Kuroo had a growth spurt and could see over the bushes and brambles, it still felt like it was impervious to the sprawl of the city.
Now that Kenma’s older, he can see that it’s only a few meters behind both their houses. He can clearly see his kitchen window where his dad is doing the dishes, and Kuroo’s back door. No wonder their dads let them come here to play so often; it was the perfect place to keep an eye or four on them.
It’s because of this view that Kenma can see clearly when Kuroo’s backdoor slides open, and he starts making a beeline through the backyard. Kenma should have known this was going to happen sooner rather than later, but he’d thought he could delay it. He doesn’t know how to express this feeling. He doesn’t know how to express any feelings, and he definitely doesn’t know how to express them to Kuroo.
He closes his eyes and lays back, hoping to delay the inevitable, only to be startled by a thud as his DS lands on his lap. He picks it up and turns it on before his brain remembers that he was crafting a ruse, and he cracks one eye open to see Kuroo grinning down at him.
“I knew you couldn’t resist it,” Kuroo splays out next to him in the grass, “even if you’re avoiding me.”
Kenma keeps his eyes on his game as he burrows deeper into his sweatshirt. Kuroo’s sweatshirt? Same difference.
“I wasn’t avoiding you,” he lies. But Kuroo’s never been fooled by him. Of course Kenma was avoiding him.
Kenma sees Kuroo purse his lips out of the corner of his eyes, but other than that Kuroo stays silent, letting Kenma play in silence for a few more minutes.
“So what’re you avoiding talking to me about?”
Now’s Kenma’s turn to roll his eyes.
“I already said I wasn’t avoiding you.”
“And I already didn’t respond which means I don’t believe you, because I don’t believe you, because you were,” Kuroo throws a handful of grass in Kenma’s direction, “in fact” he throws another handful, “avoiding me.”
Kenma deliberately doesn’t brush the grass off his knee, focusing instead on his game.
When Kuroo sees that Kenma won’t give in to his taunting, he reaches forward and brushes the grass off. His hands are gentle and warm through Kenma’s sweatpants and Kenma’s not paying attention to it because if he’s avoiding seeing Kuroo, and avoiding talking to Kuroo, he’s definitely avoiding thinking about his feelings for Kuroo.
Kuroo leans back in an attempt to look casual, but Kenma can see his smirk and knows that he’s playing some sort of game. He’s always playing some sort of game. But then again, maybe so is Kenma.
He mashes the A-Button down in frustration, before gritting his teeth and giving into Kuroo’s grin.
“Shouyou and Tobio are dating. And are in love.”
Kuroo’s face cycles through emotions too quickly for Kenma to parse before he falls on some mixture of confusion and concern that looks unnatural.
“In love? Isn’t that a bit-”
“Much?” Kenma cuts Kuroo off, “Yeah, but they’ve been dancing around each other and been best friends since they first met, so I guess it makes sense. Plus it’s Shouyou.”
Kenma shrugs and looks back to his game, until he feels Kuroo’s hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Kuroo looking uncharacteristically serious.
“I’m sorry, Kenma, it must be hard to see Hinata with someone.”
“What.”
Kuroo blinks.
“What.”
Kenma’s eyebrows knit together in confusion.
“What?”
“Well, I know that you and Hinata are close,” Kuroo inhales before continuing, “and I’ve never seen you that way about someone before so I figured you, you know, like-liked him and to be honest I kind of thought he felt that way about you but you never said anything and I didn’t know if it was because he’s a boy or just because you didn’t want to tell me, which is okay! But it must be hard for you to see him date Tobio.”
Kuroo pauses to catch his breath before continuing, eyes firmly fixed on the grass he’s pulling up in front of him.
“So I wanted to support you! And, I don’t know, comfort you!”
Kenma’s DS beeps loudly into the silence between them, indicating his death.
“I don’t,” Kenma holds his hands up in air quotes, “like-like Shouyou.”
Kuroo blinks at him before blushing.
“Oh! Oh. Well, okay then.”
The silence lasts for a second before Kuroo remembers that there was more to their conversation than Kenma’s potential crush on Shouyou.
“Wait. So what are you sad about then?”
Kenma sighs, picking up his game again.
“I’m not sad.”
Kuroo sits in knowing silence again, same stupid grin on his face.
“I’m just...contemplative.”
Kuroo rolls his eyes but doesn’t comment, letting Kenma push a few more buttons and burrow deeper in his sweatshirt. He knows that Kenma will talk eventually now that he got him going. Stupid Kuroo, he won the game again.
Kenma sighs.
“You know Lev and Yaku started dating yesterday, too.”
Kuroo tilts his head.
“Yes…?” He draws the word up and out into a question before his eyes light up in recognition, “Lev?! You two did always have that enemies to romance thing going on I guess…”
Kenma throws the DS at Kuroo.
“Don’t be gross, Kuro. I don’t have a crush on Lev.”
Kuroo visibly deflates, and Kenma decides to throw him a bone so he stops making that pathetic face. That’s the only reason.
“I do...like boys though.”
Kuroo’s eyes light up and suddenly Kenma’s being pulled into a hug.
“That’s so cool! I mean, great! I mean, me too! I mean...thank you for telling me?”
Kenma pats Kuroo awkwardly on the back before he pulls away from the too warm grasp.
“I know you like boys too, Kuroo, you already came out to me.”
“I know! I was just excited!”
Kenma lets out a chuckle, before picking up his DS from its place between where they’ve shifted close enough together that their knees are brushing. He stares at where they’re touching for a second, before he presses start on his game at the same time he begins talking.
“It’s just weird that so many people are dating. And not just like dating. But like...in love.”
Kuroo tilts his head in acknowledgement.
“I don’t know. I don’t think it’s that weird. Plenty of people are in love all the time. Like our parents have been in love, and I’m sure our teachers are in love. And Nekomata is married and has kids, right? So I guess he’s in love too.”
Kenma grimaces, both at the thought of Nekomata being in love and in frustration at this conversation.
“That’s not what I mean. It’s just weird,” he forcibly mashes the Y-Button to punctuate his point.
“But it’s not weird.”
Kuroo’s face is also contorted in frustration. This is why Kenma didn’t want to talk about his feelings with Kuroo like this. Because either he would mess it up or Kuroo wouldn’t get it or both, and then they’d be here, frustrated with each other. And that was the worst, rarest place for them to be: on different wavelengths, frustrated with how hard it was to reach each other.
“Weird isn’t the word I want to use.”
“Then use,” Kuroo exhales harshly, “the word you do want to use”
“I can’t,” Kenma’s voice finally rose, giving into the restless energy that had been eating at him since Shouyou had told him about his ‘great big love confession’, “I just can’t, Kuroo! I don’t know how to explain it.”
Kuroo dug his fingers into the ground, clenching and unclenching them, but he stayed silent, and Kenma’s frustration was left to run wild in the space Kuroo’s words didn’t fill.
“One day everyone else is going to fall in love too! And you’re gonna fall in love! And I just know that one day people are going to expect me to fall in love too! But I don’t know if I can do that when the only person I’ve ever loved is y-”
Kenma cuts himself off with a gasp. This has gotten out of hand, this is exactly what he was worried about. This is the nightmare scenario.
Kuroo stares at him with wide eyes, before getting onto his knees and shuffling closer so he can look into Kenma’s eyes. Kenma closes them, but he knows Kuroo would still be in the same spot if he opens them again. And he knows that Kuroo won’t let this go. That Kuroo knows now. He’s not stupid, he can finish the sentence. He knows.
So Kenma draws on some of Kuroo’s courage, some of whatever Kuroo’s talking about in his stupid pregame speeches, and opens his eyes. He’s right, Kuroo’s right there in front of him, peering into his face. But his eyes are open and honest and a little bit hopeful, and his fingers are clenched into the knees of his jeans and he looks so, so vulnerable and Kenma figures maybe he’ll let Kuroo win this game.
“The only person I’ve ever loved is you, Kuro,” and now that he’s started talking he can’t stop himself, “and that’s why I’m scared. I’m scared no one will love me and I won’t be able to love anyone else. Because I’m too busy loving you.”
And Kenma is rewarded for his bravery with one of Kuroo’s beautiful smiles. Not a smirk, or a grin, but a genuine smile full of happiness that makes Kenma’s heart beat twice as fast as it ever would on a volleyball court. Maybe being brave had some benefits after all.
“I love you too, Kenma,” Kuroo looks dazed, like he’s never imagined this could happen. Of course Kenma knows Kuroo loves him now. He knew as soon as he saw Kuroo’s smile.
He reaches out and gently unfurls Kuroo’s fingers from where they’re still gripping his now grass stained knees. Kuroo’s hands are warm in his, and trembling at the fingertips. That, more than anything else, lets him know this is real. This is happening. He confessed to Kuroo and the world didn’t fall apart, and he didn’t lose his best friend, and Kuroo loves him back.
Kenma feels his own smile growing in response to Kuroo’s. Kuroo untangles one of his hands from where they’re holding Kenma’s, and touches the corner of Kenma’s smile gently in awe.
“Sorry,” he pulls his hand away like he just realized that it might be weird, “you just...you look so happy, Kenma. You really do love me.”
Kenma rolls his eyes, but summons his courage for the second time that day and leans in slowly. Kuroo’s eyes widen as the realization of what’s about to happen washes over him, and before he can react Kenma presses their smiles together.
The warmth of Kuroo’s smile and the setting sun surround Kenma as they roll over in the grass. Kenma kisses Kuroo again, and again, and thinks maybe being in love is worth all the hype his friends gave it.