Chapter Text
She was in the wards, there were noises and conversation, the tinkling of glasses and the rolling of dice. The casino, the area around her shifted, taking form and placing her in front of the bar. The bar they had once met, next to the dance floor they had danced upon. There were people around Asari, Turian, Krogan, Humans, Geth, Quarians, and Salarians. They took no interest in her, but that was alright, she had no interest in them. They weren’t him.
That’s right, she remembered. She was waiting for him. Two drinks were before her. Waiting for them. She reached towards hers, no sense in it getting warm. He would understand. A voice stopped her.
“That wouldn’t be advised, Commander Shepherd.” Her head whipped around by its own accord recognizing the voice beside her. This was not who she was waiting for. Though relief flooded through her, all the same.
“Mordin.” She had never seen Mordin in a setting like this. It was strange, but not unwelcome. It made sense. All of this made sense, though it really shouldn’t. She was dead.
“You still have things to finish.” He said matter of factly sitting beside her.
“I’m tired, Mordin.”
“I know, Shepherd.” She looked up at his giant black expressive eyes. They held galaxies in them rather than her reflection. That made sense to she thought, some philosophy lecture briefly passing through her mind, though it was not her memory.
“It’s so good to see you…” He smiled like he knew that was what she was going to say. She paused unsure what to say next. Questions rattled around in her head, but none seemed to find themselves to escape her lips.
“It did not hurt.” She could feel her doubt manifesting in the air, the color of fire and smoke started to cast over the floor, creeping in. The impossibility of this conversation was slowly weighing down on her.
“I fixed my mistake, I finished my work. Yours is not finished.” Mordin stated. She focused on him, she did not understand what he meant.
“What more could I have left to do? Saving the Galaxy wasn’t enough?” She stood from her seat.
“You have more to do in the world you left behind.” Mordin smiled awkwardly, he did not have the proper words to translate what he meant. He could not tell her what was next. She had not sipped the ethereal alcohol of the beyond and thus would not understand even if he did.
As the conversation lulled she wondered when Garrus would be arriving. She looked back to the drinks on the table, tempted yet again. She could take a sip, eventually, Garrus would walk in through those doors, and then they could go home. Her heart longed and ached as the noises of the casino lessened and the smell of the drink increased, it was ambrosia and it was calling her.
“Don’t you want to find out?” Mordin asked, “The drink is known, Commander, it will always be there. The gamble of life will not.”
Her head ached as the sounds and the lights from the casino blared, she did want to know. “Mordin, I don’t- I don’t understand this…” Shepherd waved her hands about trying to encompass everything in this statement but failing.
“Not supposed to!” Mordin grinned almost smugly but in the warm sort of way he would when explaining something he loved. “You’re not supposed to know Shepherd, not yet.”
Adventure had always called her name, unknowns, tight spots, and danger; it was the smell of life the adrenaline coursing through her veins it called to her more than any home had ever had. She looked back towards the drinks. They looked watered down and the orange garnish in hers looked limp and lackluster.
“Mordin, where are we?”
Mordin's eyes twinkled mischievously like he had found something by being particularly smart and clever. “We are here Commander Shepard. You are only half here. I am here already, you are arriving or not arriving. Both possibilities coexist in this time.”
Shepherd did not want an explanation for that. In fact, she was regretting asking in the first place. Her head felt heavy with the thoughts of unpacking that statement.
“I’ll see you, Mordin. Next time.” She pitched herself off the stool, her decision was not made so much as destined. She walked towards the gambling console across the dance floor.
Mordin’s eyes twinkled knowingly, “I look forward to it Shepherd.”
Her hands touched the console and she was thrown into pain.
Pain is bearable as long as you know it will end. Even more bearable still if you know what waits for you at the end of that pain. Shepherd did not know when it would end or the world that would greet her when she got there. All she knew was she was breathing, and that everything hurt. At points, she knew there was an absence of pain and pressure only to be thrown into it the minute she was cognizant of it.
Time seemed to stretch and stretch until it didn’t. The pain stopped, time left and her only constant was an inky black nothing. It scared her more than the pain. In the absence of pain, she was more aware of it. Sometimes, however, there were voices. None she recognized, they did not interest her. She turned her attention to the vastness of the nothing. Sometimes she enjoyed the empty void. But mostly it bored her. And in the end, the void replaced the pain. It would be bearable if only she knew when it would end.
In her heart of hearts, however, she knew it would end. And she would set off once again.