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Damn!
was her first thought.
Oh shit….bloody hell…
was her second, and she began to wonder if she was really the same innocent, wholesome, fearfully celibate girl that her mother raised. Maybe she’d been switched out with an android and didn’t know it. Lorena shrugged. It was entirely possible.
The ground under her feet was even and hard and had been for however long she’d been wandering it.
“Jesus Christ, will you just let me fucking go? I’m not going to tell him, you’re not going to tell him, and everything will be just fine-as it’s been, consistently , for the last fourteen bloody months!”
As if in reply, the glowy orange lights beneath the floor turned green and then went dark. Frustrated, she punched the wall, crying out as pain ricocheted up her hand.
“Gah! Fuck, fuck fuckity-“
“Lorena?”
“Ah. Fuck.”
“What on Earth are you doing?”
She tucked a lock of hair behind her ear and cleared her throat.
“Swearing. A lot. What’s it to you?”
The Doctor frowned, the light from the console room behind him illuminating his hair.
“You get mean and defensive when you think I’m cross with you.”
“But you’re not cross with me. And I’m not being mean,” she grumbled, pushing past him through the narrow doorway.
“You’re being very mean…” he whinged. In her clumsy tiredness, Lorena’s arm bumped the console and she winced, pulling her hand to her chest before dropping it under his sharp gaze.
“I’m going to be, aren’t I?”
“What?” She huffed. To her chagrin, it came across less intimidating and more...defeated.
“Cross,” he said, shutting the door and approaching her light-footed and cautious, as if she were some wild animal with her foot caught in a trap.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said. There was defiance in her tone but a wavering beneath, because she knew she wouldn’t win this, and so did he.
“Why’d you punch her?”
“Doctor, we’re alone. In outer space.”
“The TARDIS, why did you punch the TARDIS?”
Lorena sighed.
“I was getting some water-“
His face got all sad and exhausted.
“I know you’re lying, I always know. Try. Again.”
She chewed her lip.
“Fine. I couldn’t sleep, went for a walk. I tried to get back to my room and it-“
He narrowed his eyes.
“-she, lit up these lights in the floor for me, to lead me back but I was just going in circles...I got frustrated and punched the wall. Her. I punched her. But I didn’t think about the wall as the TARDIS, I thought it was just a wall. I’m sorry, okay?”
She muttered the last bit with every ounce of sincerity she could muster. Which was absolutely none.
He set his jaw and walked away.
“Wait-“ she called, following him into the kitchen.
“What? Why are you so pissed? I apologised!”
He didn’t look at her, filled the kettle and put it on to boil.
“Doctor.”
The Time Lord’s eyes remained on the carvings in the kitchen island, wandering only inches.
“Doctor.”
“What did you do.”
“I don’t-“
“Lorena, we talked about this! You promised me you’d take care of yourself! Now you’re telling me that this- my TARDIS, one of the most intelligent life forms in this entire universe, decided to lead you, to me, instead of your own bedroom on purpose- and for no reason?”
The kettle began to whistle.
“No, I’m-listen, all I’m saying is I got lost, all right? I’m fine, there’s nothing wrong with me-“
“Don’t you dare make it like that! You know exactly what I meant, and you know I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you!”
“I know you don’t! I’m just saying that by my own standards, I’m doing just fine!”
“Your standards are absolutely bullshit and you know that.”
“No! What’s bullshit is you, constantly trying to control my life! What’s bullshit, is the fact that you hold it against me every time I hurt myself, and you don’t even bother saying it out loud! You just look at me, with those eyes and I don’t know if I want to die or just-would you turn the bloody kettle off!”
Lorena shouted, tears in her eyes while his were somewhere far away. She knew that he was looking at someone else, someone from long ago. She tried not to take it personally.
Calmly, he poured the water through the strainer and into the pot, securing the lid and sitting gingerly upon the kitchen floor. She sank down with him, her chin on her knees, leaning against the cabinets across from him.
“Katherine.”
“I beg your pardon?”
“That was her name. Her name was Katherine,” he said, and his face lit up.
“She and I travelled, much like we do. She was...sad, much like you are.”
We, she thought.
“And one day, she died. Much like you will. But the day she left me, it came too soon. Because she wanted it to. Jumped off a high-altitude air transport after a day on our favourite planet.”
The day she left me, Lorena thought. So that’s how he sees this…
“And the day that came after, I nearly left her,” he said, glancing down and patting the floor fondly. As if it were a promise, a thank you and a fearful smile all in one.
“But she wouldn’t let me, the stubborn old girl. Flew me to a hospital, opened the doors. Woke up to a roomful of cat nurses who saved my life and then slapped me on her behalf. I always wondered how they managed to communicate that with the TARDIS, but now I realise they probably didn’t need to.”
He sighed.
“But I’m here now. And so are you.”
He let his hand flop gracelessly.
“And erm...well, I’m not going anywhere, try as I might. You’ve got a good seven-or-eight decades left on your ticker, factor in everything I’m putting you through with the aliens and the getting-shot-at and the nearly-dying-every-other-day.”
He smiled grimly.
“But if I’ve got to serve my time, you do too. Katherine got out the easy way, but she locked the door behind her.
With that, he patted her knee and stood up just as the timer went off, taking out the strainer and pouring them both tea. He left her mug on the counter and went back to the console room.
“I’ve restocked the cupboard. Use the disinfectant this time.”
Lorena looked down at her soaking wet sleeve and cried-really cried.
And once the shudders were gone and her body felt weak, she picked herself up and went to the bathroom, where she used the fucking disinfectant.