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“I think we should live in this house, at least for tonight. Can you give me tonight, Jeno?”
There’s a hum in Jaemin’s voice, his words giddy as he skipped up the steps of the porch, kicking up the sand on the beach as he did. The water-damaged wooden planks creaked underneath him, almost wanting to give in to his weight as he walked towards the front door. Jeno wondered how he could be so happy and carefree, knowing he’d be gone from Jeno’s memory by the time morning rolled around. Or maybe that had been the reason why he was so happy.
“I don’t think we should be doing this.” Jeno sighed, his feet reluctantly carrying him up the stairs. He could feel them collapsing behind him, and he knew he wouldn’t have much time left with Jaemin. The world around him would fade away soon, and Jaemin would go with it. “Someone lives here.”
“I should’ve expected that response.” There was a bitterness in Jaemin’s words that slipped through his teeth as he grabbed ahold of the doorknob, quickly opening the door and waiting for Jeno to follow him. Jeno does. If he couldn’t follow Jaemin to the end in real life, he could at least do it now. Jeno watched Jaemin let go of the handle and how the door fell off its hinges and onto the floor. Neither of them paid any mind to it, simply stepping over it to wander through the rest of the home.
The house was old, yet still showed evidence of someone inhabiting it. A pile of stamped letters marked for that day left at the entryway, shoes kicked off onto the side, picture frames hanging from the walls. Jaemin’s steps were quick as he wandered down the hallway, the light of his flashlight guiding him through the dark home.
“I wish I could give you tonight. I wish I could give you a tomorrow, Jaemin.” Jeno shoved his hands inside of his pockets, hoping to warm them up. The mixture of the ocean’s breeze and the already freezing temperatures of winter seeped into the home from the open entrance, and even with Jaemin’s warm aura following him through his memories, Jeno could feel the tips of his fingers starting to freeze.
“You don’t get to say that. You’re the one who walked away.” Jaemin huffed, turning momentarily to shine the light on Jeno’s face. Jeno squinted as the bright light went into his eyes, flinching back instinctively as Jaemin shoved the flashlight into his chest. “You don’t get to be upset when you’re the one who gave up on us.” He sighed out, a somber look written across his face. The same one that had replaced all his cheerful grins and loud laughter as they neared the end of their relationship. Jeno missed his smile, but maybe he shouldn’t have been allowed to, considering he was the one who took it away from him in the first place. Jaemin whipped back around, stomping up the staircase that came into view as they walked down the hallway. “I wonder where the bathroom is. It took a long time to get through all those memories, you know? I thought I was going to piss myself on the way here from your last memory.”
“Jaemin, I really think we should leave,” Jeno gnawed on his lip. He could hear glass shattering and the heavy thuds of various objects come crashing onto the ground in the room next to him. “We shouldn’t be here. This isn’t our home.”
“Then go!” Jeno could hear Jaemin shout from the second floor. Part of the roof collapsed with the sound of his voice, a mixture of wood and cement falling just a couple of feet away from where Jeno stood. Jeno could see the snowflakes already start to trickle down into the home through the new hole in the roof, coating the hardwood floor in a thin layer of snow.
“I already have.” Jeno’s voice was weak. He stepped through the rubble, sniffling as he watched the home around him fall apart like he had watched his and Jaemin’s relationship deteriorate. A wall collapsing to his left, a cabinet crashing down to his right. More and more of the outside world could be seen with each second, letting in the cold air and allowing more snow to fall in. Jeno was already having a hard time lifting his feet from the snow blanketing the ground as he walked. “I couldn’t give you what you wanted. You wanted to get married, have kids, start looking for homes, and it scared me, Jaemin. I thought we were too young, and you were insane for wanting all of this so soon. But you were just excited because you loved me. I loved you too, you know?”
“I wish you had stayed.” Jaemin’s voice rang out over the sound of destruction. Jeno slid past a hole in the floor, careful not to slip, cautious about his next steps as even more of the hardwood began to give in from just the weight of the snow. “I waited for weeks, months for you to come back, Jeno. I thought you would come back. I thought we could’ve made things work.”
“I wish I had stayed, too. There’s a lot of things I wish I had done, Jaemin. I wish I had never called you crazy for wanting a life with me. I wish I wasn’t always picking fights with you. I wish I spent less time at work because I know how many nights you’d wait to eat dinner with me, and I would never show up. I wish I hadn’t left you without telling you. You know I had to listen to Renjun yelling at me for weeks for leaving you without any answers, right? He begged me to call you and at least give you a proper goodbye. You deserved a proper goodbye.” Jeno croaked out, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. A tear escaped his eye, instantaneously freezing against his cheek as it did. There was no more shelter from the howling winds as more of the walls began to break down. Jeno was just surprised the second floor seemed to be holding on still.
“So make one up. Give me one now.” Jeno could hear Jaemin’s footsteps rushing down the stairs, the steps completely deteriorating behind him with each step. “Give me one now before I leave your memory forever. I don’t want our last memory together to be a bad one.”
Jaemin’s eyes were red and glassy, holding back tears like he always did because he hated crying in front of Jeno. Jeno had only seen him break down twice, and Jeno was ashamed to admit that he was the reason why both times. The tip of his nose was just as red as his eyes, and Jeno didn’t know whether it was from holding back tears or because of the harsh weather. Jeno just knew Jaemin’s gloomy expression was a reflection of what he looked like.
“I never wanted to forget you, Jaemin, but remembering you just hurt too much. I’m a coward, really. I deserve to hurt, and I deserve to remember all the pain I put you through.” Jeno choked out. Jaemin did his best to rush over to him, jumping over debris and shuffling through large mounds of snow. Jaemin made an effort to reach out to Jeno, just how he always had. Jeno just waited for him, doing nothing. He didn’t make the first move or even try to lend out a pathetic hand to help Jaemin stumble through the snow. He could swear he’d changed, but that would just be a lie.
Jaemin’s hands were ice-cold as he cupped Jeno’s face, letting go of the flashlight and letting it fall into the snow. Jeno swore his hands were turning blue, but he couldn’t shift his gaze far enough to confirm it. “Don’t say that. I don’t want you to hurt, Jeno.” His voice was gentle, a soft coo following.
“Jaemin Na, you are far too forgiving for your own good,” Jeno barked out a dry laugh, feeling a few more teardrops leaving his eyes, them immediately being wiped away by the pads of Jaemin’s thumbs. “I don’t deserve forgiveness, Jaemin. I hurt you.”
“I hurt you, too, Jeno. I tried rushing you into things I knew you weren’t ready for. Marriage, kids. I wanted a fucking house when we could barely afford living in a studio apartment somewhere in Chinatown. I was way too touchy with our friends, even after you told me you wanted me to tone it down a little because it made you a little insecure. We both hurt each other.” Jaemin gave him a doleful smile before dropping his hands from Jeno’s face in favor of wrapping his arms around Jeno’s waist instead. Jeno didn’t think he’d ever return a hug so fast in his life, letting out another sob as their bodies touched.
“We hurt each other, but I would do it all again to spend one more second with you, Jeno.” Jaemin sighed out into Jeno’s shoulder.
“I don’t want to forget you.” Jeno cried, clinging onto Jaemin as tightly as he could. He didn’t want Jaemin to go, especially not when the end was creeping upon them. Only a couple of support beams and walls were left standing, and as soon as they fell, Jeno knew he’d wake up from the procedure with a mind wholly erased of Jaemin. “I don’t want you to go.”
“I don’t want you to leave either, but we can’t run from this. I tried so hard when I had my procedure. I didn’t want to forget you.” Jaemin whispered. A couple more things collapsed around them. “Just promise me one thing, Jeno.”
“Anything.” Jeno wept. He could see the sun slowly rising above the horizon through blurry eyes, a soft yellow glow hitting their bodies. He’d wake up to the sound of his alarm in just a minute. Jeno could remember all the mornings where Jaemin would groan, annoyed at him for having to get up so early for work. But still, he’d wake up with Jeno, cooking him breakfast in their tiny kitchen while Jeno got ready.
“If things are meant to be, and we’re meant to be in each other’s lives, then meet me right here in Montauk. As soon as you get up, come to this exact spot. If I wake up with the same urge, and we somehow see each other and feel something, even if we don’t know why, it’s meant to be. And I hope we can make things work that time.” Jeno could feel Jaemin pulling his upper half away from his body, and Jeno nearly pulled him back in. The hopeful glint in Jaemin’s eyes stopped him. “I hope we’ll be able to talk shit out instead of screaming at each other right away. Maybe future us will be smarter than past us. I really hope they are. I want to make things right, Jeno.” Jaemin sniffled.
Jeno grabbed onto the back of Jaemin’s neck, pulling him forward and pressing their mouths together for one last time. He could taste his tears on Jaemin’s lips, their gentle sobs breaking them up momentarily as they desperately tried to keep their lips connected.
“I love you, Jeno. I hope we can meet again.” It was nothing but a whisper against Jeno’s mouth, barely audible over the waves crashing into the shores and more of the home collapsing. Jeno couldn’t remember the last time they had said I love you to each other, though Jeno could guarantee it probably was filled with just as many tears.
“I love you too, Jaemin.” Jeno barely managed to get the words out in time. The last wall of the home crashed onto the sand, and everything turned black.