Chapter Text
Paradise on Earth
Chapter 1
“So, writing our own story, huh?” Dean said pensively as he and Sam sat in the bunker, drinks in hand. He was staring off into space, taking in the reality of what that truly meant for him and his baby brother.
“Yeah,” Sam replied, also staring at the space ahead and sounding as if he was taking in the situation just as much. “What are you going to do? I know you’ve talked about retiring. About you, me, and…and Cas…”
At the angel’s name the brothers went quiet.
“Yeah,” Dean spoke up, sadly. He then finally looked over towards Sam. “You know, I didn’t tell you what all when down before the Empty took him. What he said to me.”
Sam angled his head to return Dean’s gaze and looked at him in surprise. “No, you didn’t. What happened?”
Dean sighed before beginning the scenario that had been playing in his head on a loop since it happened.
“Apparently Cas had made a deal with the Empty. When he experienced a moment of true happiness, it would take him.”
“So, Cas made himself experience a moment a true happiness before sacrificing himself?” Sam asked, taking the information in while remaining confused. “How exactly did he do that?”
“Well, that’s where things get complicated,” Dean replied. “He made a speech to me, about how I’m more than just an angry killer. About how I’m the best person he’s known and how I helped him learn how to care about us and the world.” Dean knew he was merely sugar-coating Castiel’s words and their effect on him. But he was getting too emotional reliving the scene out loud.
“What happened after the speech?” Sam asked, eyes wide with curiosity. “Is that when he was taken by the Empty?”
“Not exactly,” Dean finished. “He said something else before it opened up and swallowed him.”
Sam pursed his lips and straightened up, appearing very serious. “What did he say, Dean?”
Dean opened his mouth, but no sound came out at first. Then, he cleared his throat and tried again. “He said he loved me.” Dean spoke quietly, uttering the words out loud for the first time.
His brother fell quiet for a moment, shoulders slumping. “Wow,” Sam finally spoke.
Dean narrowed his gaze towards him, eyebrows furrowed. “‘Wow’? Really, Sammy, that’s all you have to say is ‘Wow’”?
“I’m sorry, Dean, but it’s just a lot to take in.” He clung to his drink, tapping his fingers on the bottle. “I mean, a part of me always knew.”
“You did?”
“Well, yeah. After all these years, the way that he would look at you and do literally anything for you. I mean, didn’t you know?”
Dean shook his head, taking a large swig of his own beverage. “Not a clue,” he admitted. “He was an angel, after all. I didn’t think he could feel that way about someone.”
Sam cleared his throat and looked down at the ground before he spoke again. “How do you feel, Dean? Do you, you know, return his feelings?”
“What is this, high school?”
“You know what I mean, Dean.”
Dean paused and took another big gulp of his drink before replying. “Like I said, Sammy, it’s complicated. I don’t know if he even meant it that way.”
“Dean, come on.”
“What do you want me to say, Sam? Okay, yes, maybe there has always been a part of me that returned his feelings but kept them buried because I wasn’t sure he could return them. But you know what I did when he finally admitted everything to me?” With this he sat up, turning to face brother head-on. “Nothing. I just stood there like a damn fool because I didn’t know what else to do. There was just so much going on, and I…” he broke off, catching his breath. “But none of it matters anyway, because he’s gone.”
An idea sparked up in Sam’s mind, and he sat forward in his seat. “Maybe not.”
Dean glanced at him. “What?”
“What if we could bring Cas back?”
“And just how could we do that? Believe me, Sam, I have been racking my brain ever since trying to figure it out. And I have nothing.”
“Dean, we’re in charge of our own stories now. We just have to decide what we want. If you had the chance to talk to Cas again, what would you say?”
Dean thought about it. “You know, Sam, if this was another point in time, I would say that it couldn’t work. Because I’m not worth it. And because I’m destined to just die young and alone on a hunt. But now…I don’t know, now I’m starting to see things differently. I’m starting to see that there is more to me than being angry, than being a hunter. And I want to have a long life with family by my side.”
Sam smiled at him. “Sounds like you’ve written your story, Dean.”
“Yeah,” Dean smiled, “I guess I have. Now, how do I get there?”
“I’ll help you.”
Dean shook his head. “No,” he stated sadly. “You have Eileen. You need to go to her and focus on the two of you. Trust me, I’ll be okay, Sammy.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah,” Dean replied semi-convincingly. “Look, I just need some alone time to clear my head and sort some things out.”
“Okay. Well, then, I’ll leave you to your thoughts.” He then walked out of the bunker, clapping his older brother on the shoulder as he made his exit.
Dean heard the door close behind his brother and immediately let out a big sigh. He walked over to a pile of his dirty clothes and picked up the jacket he was wearing the last night he saw Castiel. The handprint etched on the left shoulder from where Castiel had pushed him out of the way still remained. He stared at it for a moment, and threw it back in the pile.
“Cas,” Dean began through a heavy breath as he stared at bare wall. “I don’t know if you can hear me where you are. But I hope you’re okay.”
He suddenly was jolted out of his thoughts by a gust of wind he felt from behind him. He spun around quickly and was shocked at the sight of the being he was just praying to before him.
“Cas?” Dean asked softly, hesitant to approach him. “Cas, is that really you?”
Castiel wore a flat expression and appeared just as hesitant. “Yes, Dean,” he declared. “It’s really me.”
Dean observed the other man for a moment longer, then closed the gap between them and wrapped his arms around Castiel’s neck. “You’re back,” he declared happily, his eyes beginning to water.
“How?” he asked once they had broken apart.
“Jack,” Castiel explained. “After he took on Chuck’s powers he pulled me from the Empty. Then I helped him rebuild Heaven. He just sent me back.”
Dean let out a sigh of disbelief and shook his head. “Well, good, ‘cause I have some unfinished business with you after what you said to me before you were taken.”
Castiel showed his first sign of emotion, his eyes widening and mouth opening, as if afraid of a confrontation that was about to happen. While he was happy to see Dean, he was wary at the reception his return would receive after all that he had laid out at their last encounter.
His thoughts were broken by Dean continuing to speak. “Cas, how can you just lay all that on a guy and not give me a chance to have a say?”
Castiel still remained standing still, expression blank. “I wasn’t expecting anything from you in return, Dean. That’s not why I made my declaration.”
“You know, Cas,” Dean began, shifting his focus to the side, “I’ve actually been thinking a lot about your, uh, declaration, as you called it.” He turned his head up. “And, well, you were right. You see, I’ve never really thought much of myself. I’ve never thought I was really worthy of love, especially from someone like you.” He really felt like he was rambling at this point, the words just spewing out. He glanced at Castiel, whose expression remained the same, taking in his words.
“I mean, I didn’t even know if you could love me that way since you’re an angel and all,” he continued. “And there was just so much going on around us and in my head. You said all of that, something I was never expecting you to say, and then you were just being taken. It was just a lot to take in, so I couldn’t respond.” He stood still, looking his best friend straight on. “But I’m ready now.”
“Dean, please,” Cas said, unsure if he wanted to hear the response. “You don’t have to-”
He was cut off by Dean’s hand up in the air. “No, Cas. This time you need to hear me out, okay?” Cas silenced himself and Dean took a deep breath.
“Cas,” he began, “You said I changed you but, you know, you changed me too, man. All those things you said I am, it’s because you make me want to be that way, because you remind me of who I really am.”
Castiel began taking Dean’s words in, his lips parting ever more slightly in a form of disbelief.
Dean looked a Castiel’s reaction and decided he needed to continue. “You said the one thing you want is something you can’t have. What exactly did you mean by that?”
Castiel swallowed and broke their gaze. “I think you know, Dean.”
“Yeah, I think I do too. But I think we owe it to ourselves to just lay everything out in the open.”
Castiel looked back up, regaining eye contact. “It’s you, Dean.”
At the raw honesty, Dean smiled. “And why exactly didn’t you think you could have me?”
“I didn’t think you could return my feelings.”
Dean let out a quiet laugh. “Cas, listen to me,” Dean said, cupping Castiel’s face in his hands. “You have me. Of course you have me.” He took a step towards Castiel, who now was the one to hold up a hand to halt the other, a single wet streak beginning to flow from each cheek.
“Dean, wait.” Castiel began. Dean looked at him with a confused look. “Since we’re being honest with each other, you should know that in order to free me from the Empty, Jack had to remove my grace. He was able to get some back by running his hand over the handprint I left on your jacket, but I used it up helping him rebuild Heaven. I’m… I’m human now, Dean. And I want you to know that my feelings haven’t changed. But, I understand if yours have now that you know.”
Dean furrowed his brows. “What? Cas, no. Of course my feelings haven’t changed. I don’t love your powers. I love you.”
Cas stared at him, mouth agape in disbelief at hearing those words for the first time. “You love me?”
Dean finally took the step towards Castiel he had been wanting to take. “Yeah, I do.” He threw his arms down at his sides. “Human or not.” Castiel remained frozen in place, feeling as though he was in a dream, as Dean put his hands on the former angel’s face and pulling him in for a kiss.
When they broke apart Castiel’s face remained in Dean’s hands. He took in the former angel’s expression, eyes wide and full of surprise and awe. But Dean knew there was more he wanted to say, what Cas deserved to hear.
“I love you, Cas,” he proclaimed, voice full of emotion. “I love you so much.”
Castiel’s eyes began to tear as he smiled and let out a small sound of pure joy, similar to before he had been consumed by the Empty. He lunged forward, this time being the one to initiate a kiss. When they broke apart this time, they rested their foreheads against each other, smiling.
They pulled away, but their eye still lingered on each other, as if afraid the other was going to suddenly disappear.
“So, what does this mean for us?” Castiel broke the silence.
Dean rolled his eye humorously at the question. “Really? We’re having the ‘where is this going?’ conversation already?”
Castiel gave a slight smile. “I just mean, what are we going to do now?”
Dean pondered for a moment. “Well…how are you feeling? Do you need anything?” His eyes began to show concern. “I mean, after being freed from the Empty and being human and all. I know that can all be a lot to deal with.”
“I’m…” Castiel thought on it. “...Fine. Tired, mostly.”
“Alright, we can take care of that.” Dean took his hand, entwining their fingers, and lead him towards his bedroom. “You can borrow a pair of my pajamas. And tomorrow we can go shopping.”
When they reached his room, Dean let go of Castiel’s hand to search for some clean pajamas. Once he was victorious, he handed them to Castiel. They both cleaned up and changed.
“There’s some beer in the fridge,” Dean offered as they both emerged back in to his room. “Would you like one?”
“Sure.”
“Okay,” Dean smiled. “Wait here, I’ll be right back.”
Castiel sat on the foot of the bed, unsure what was to come next. Next for him as a human. Next for him and Dean. And next for them as hunters.
His thoughts were interrupted when Dean returned with a drink in each hand. He stood up, more seriously than intended. He looked at Dean as he stood frozen in place. Dean set the drinks down on a nearby table and began to do the same. He then cleared his throat and swallowed, hearing the words not spoken between them.
“Cas,” Dean called to him, face brimming with concern. “Everything alright?”
Cas swallowed to resolve the dryness he felt in his throat not breaking eye contact with Dean. It was as if he was afraid that if he did, he would disappear.
“Cas, come on man.” Dean’s voice began to quiver with concern and nervousness. “Talk to me.”
Castiel let out a deep breath. “I just…keep thinking this is all a dream. Like you’re not really here, and I’m going to wake up still in the Empty.” He turned his head away, shaking it. He sat back down on the bed. “There’s no way you could return my feelings. This has to be a dream.” His voice appeared distant and sad.
“Hey,” Dean said firmly, kneeling down in front of Castiel and placing a hand on both of Castiel’s shoulders. Castiel looked up to face him. “Listen to me. This is real, okay? It is. And I do. And if I have to remind you every damn day, I will.”
“Dean,” Castiel retorted quickly. “My new humanity is going to be an adjustment.”
“Yeah well, welcome to being human,” Dean laughed. Seeing that Castiel was not amused, he moved to join him on the bed. “It’s alright, Cas. No matter what happens, we’ll get through it together.” Cas did not seem eased by those words. “Are you worried about something?”
Something was on Castiel’s mind, but he was nervous to be so frank so soon after Dean confessed that he returned his feelings. He did want to risk scaring him off. But, he also wanted to be honest with him, and ultimately, that part of him won.
“It’s just little things,” he admitted. “I don’t even know where I’m going to sleep tonight. I mean, you leant me pajamas, so I assume you’re okay with me sleeping here in the bunker-”
“Hey,” Dean cut him off, his tone soft and tender. “That’s something you definitely don’t have to worry about, okay? This is your home. And as for a bed…” he placed a hand on the space next to him. “Look, Cas, at the risk of sounding forward, I would really like it if this was your room too. If that’s what you want.”
Cas smiled at him, eyes widened. “For how long?”
Dean felt momentarily like he had been punched in the gut. Of course Cas would think that this was too good to be true, that it wouldn’t last. It’s not like Dean had really ever given him a reason to think otherwise. “For as long as you want, Cas,” he tried to assure him.
He breathed a sigh of relief when Castiel smiled at him in reply. “Thank you, Dean.” He let out a slight laugh and shook his head, smiling. “I must admit, When I found out I was coming back here, this was not how I imagined the events of my return would play out.”
“Really?” Dean asked, eye brows raised out of curiosity. “How did you picture it?”
“Well, I figured there were three possible outcomes. One was that you would avoid discussing anything I said during our last encounter all together. That one was the most likely.”
Dean wanted to argue, but just shrugged and nodded in agreement instead because, well, Castiel had a point. “And the other two?”
“If we had discussed what I said, I figured you would either let me stay here and we could continue to be friends. Or it would all be too much for you. In which case, I would have just left and figured out another arrangement.”
Dean’s face sunk. “You really thought I would kick you out?”
Castiel frowned. “Like I said, my new humanity is going to be an adjustment, Dean. I thought it may eventually become too much for you to handle. If you hadn’t requested that I leave, I would have left on my own accord.” He paused. “That’s still a possibility.”
This was getting too much for Dean to hear. “Cas, please stop. Don’t do this to yourself, okay? Whatever problems you come across as a human, I promise I will be there to help you. You belong here.” He placed a hand on top of his. “You belong with me.”
At Dean’s words, Castiel’s eyes began to water.
“You really didn’t think things would play out like they are now?”
Castiel looked him straight in the eyes, shaking his head. Dean straightened up and took Castiel’s hands in his. “Well, I am happy to prove you wrong.” He smirked. “Will you go out on a date with me?”
Castiel creased his eyebrows in surprise. “A date?”
Dean appeared slightly nervous. “Yeah, you know. I was thinking we could grab something to eat, then come back here and watch a movie. And then, you know.... whatever. We could go tomorrow after shopping.”
“I didn’t think you would be that forward, Dean. Or that traditional. Dinner and a movie?”
“Yeah, well, I feel like we’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for. Besides, if I’ve learned anything in my career, it’s that you need to seize the moment. So, what do you say?”
“Of course, Dean.”
Dean flashed him a warm smile. “Alright.” He stood up and grabbed the beers from the table. He handed one to Castiel. “Can’t risk letting them get warm.” When Castiel accepted his drink, Dean clinked the bottles together.