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Chan isn't really one to be the first to make the move. Not in this relationship, anyways.
Chan is known to be pretty "opinionated", as Seungkwan has said. And Vernon followed that up by saying Seungkwan meant Chan likes taking control of everything and Chan can't honestly deny that. He likes being in control. It's comforting in a way, you know? But, like he said, he isn't necessarily the one to take initiative in this specific relationship. Chan thinks it's because of the age difference but Wonwoo still insists that Chan secretly likes being taken care of for a change and Chan's not gonna admit that.
He's not denying it but he's not gonna fucking admit it when Wonwoo smiles at him like that.
But when days like this come by in the rare occasion that they do, Chan thinks it's kind of an easy shift in the air to get used to.
It starts with the heavier than usual thud of their front door that reaches even to his room followed by the softer thud of a heavy bag on the floor. Chan scrambles to get off his bed and to his feet and by the time he opens his door Wonwoo's just by his door. Brooding. "Hey." Chan greets him and Wonwoo turns his body to face him but his eyes are wandering the floor. "I'm just gonna sleep a bit. Can you wake me up for dinner?" Wonwoo asks and Chan walks up to him and smiles as Wonwoo just looks at his shirt. "Everything okay?" Chan asks and there's a second where Wonwoo's shoulder tenses and then they sag again. "Yeah, I just wanna rest up a bit, and all." Wonwoo says taking a step backwards into his room and Chan thinks that desperate times call for desperate measures.
He reaches for the hem of Wonwoo's shirt with his fingers and tugs on it to pull him back out a bit. "Hyung. You sure you're okay?" Chan asks and now Wonwoo looks at him in his eyes. "Yeah. Just... a really tiring day. Sorry." Wonwoo says, pulling Chan in closer and Chan takes his chance to press his nose against Wonwoo's chest. "Don't apologize. It's okay. Can I join?" Chan asks and Wonwoo pulls back with a curious look. "Join me sleep?" Wonwoo asks and Chan nods. "I don't want you to be alone when you're like this." Chan says truthfully and Wonwoo looks a bit sheepish. Chan wraps his arms around Wonwoo's waist under his shirt and leans his weight against Wonwoo's front. Wonwoo lets out a soft exhale and Chan feels his chest fill with pride when Wonwoo smiles at him. "I'm totally just gonna use you as a pillow, you know that right?" Wonwoo asks and Chan nods.
Wonwoo pulls him in his room, not bothering with the lights, and promptly pushing Chan on his bed. Chan laughs as he falls back and thinks he probably should've turned his laptop off before coming out but he at least has his phone in his pocket. Wonwoo takes off his hoodie and Chan hands him the sweater by the foot of his bed to put on over his shirt. Chan moves closer to the wall and waits for Wonwoo to climb on top of the bed and lie half on top of Chan. Chan takes his glasses off for him and he stretches his arm to reach the table above their heads and sets them there. Wonwoo wraps his arms around Chan, burying his face under Chan's jaw and Chan wraps his arms around his shoulders. "You smell good." Wonwoo mumbles against his skin and Chan slots his fingers through Wonwoo's hair. "You're just saying that because I'm wearing your shirt." Chan says and Wonwoo hums contently.
Chan can't exactly pinpoint when but sometime in the last five minutes, in between running his fingers through his hair and just smoothing his palm down on the back of Wonwoo's neck, Wonwoo fell asleep. Chan can't see his face to confirm it but given how his arms around Chan are still there but more relaxed and the fact that Chan can feel his weight on him, Chan's pretty sure Wonwoo's completely unconscious. Chan pulls his phone out from his pocket, glad that it's not on the side he can actually pull it out from, and he unlocks his phone to message Jihoon. But when he sees that he isn't online, he messages the next best option who is probably physically next to Jihoon right now.
V
sup?
I need to talk to Ji hyung
V
??
hes not answering his phone and he's not online
Its about Wonwoo hyung okay
did somethign happen ??
I cnat help with his thesis but i might help better if i know what its about
Chan waits a while as he sees Vernon type and then stop and then type again and he just opts locking his phone and wrapping his free around Wonwoo's shoulders.
V
this is Ji
my phone died on me lol
also hes fine
we got our progress checked and i guess it jsut hit him how much work we have left before graduating?
the question mark at the end is really reassuring
V
your boyfriend is dramatic as hell idk what exactly goes on in his head
but he did shut down after the progress check so thats my take anyway
Chan thanked him and left them with half an invitation to dinner tomorrow and he knew better than to wait for a confirmation to it given that it's Saturday tomorrow and everyone's kind of on edge. Vernon sends him a photo of a cat giving a thumbs up and Chan rolls his eyes before closing his messages and setting up an alarm for dinner. He could use the break, too. And maybe he can sleep now and pull an all nighter to finish all his work for the weekend by tomorrow morning. Wonwoo groans in his sleep and tightens his hold around Chan and he can't help but smile at the action.
Wonwoo, in a word, is overwhelming. In two words, he'd be very overwhelming.
Wonwoo has a way of making you feel like everyone's attention is on you even when it's just the two of you in a room. He has a way with words that Chan thinks he could probably weaponize if he chose to but instead he uses it to make Chan helpless and wanted and loved. Chan thinks he's been conditioned to think that Wonwoo's pretty much reserved to himself all the time so every touch and every hold is more than just a simple act of skinship. Even before they started dating, Wonwoo's made it his life's goal to swarm Chan by himself and make Chan feel too much of everything. He always goes out of his way to always walk next to Chan on their night outs and Chan's pretty sure Wonwoo always volunteered to be the designated driver every time they went to that one bar out of town and he always make Chan sit in the passenger seat and always drives him last (aside from Seungcheol who owns the car and is also Wonwoo's room mate back then but he seems pretty comfortable passed out in the middle seat of the van anyways). Chan can only act stupid so much before he actually starts losing braincells so he did admit to Vernon and Seungkwan that the attention is nice. It's obviously welcomed and like he said, Wonwoo's overwhelming.
But it's not the kind of overwhelming that's suffocating, you know? Like the perfume section of a mall or how that one spicy noodle completely flooded his mouth that he choked up. Wonwoo is more subtle. Like lying down on the couch one afternoon and the afternoon sun hits just right that warms you up bit by bit as it seeps through the window. Like, if you sat on that spot just then it would be too hot, yeah, but it's the gradual warmth that sits on your skin and kind of sinks down on you to the point where you get used to it. Chan has punched Wonwoo's arm for this because it's exactly what he planned to do. The one time they went out and Wonwoo couldn't come with them, Chan legitimately felt lost. He used to think that Wonwoo goes to right next to where Chan is for the entire night but that night, he thought maybe Wonwoo made Chan's place to be always next to him because Chan looked completely stupid in their booth as he realized how much he's fallen for Wonwoo. The punch wasn't about looking stupid, though. The punch came to Wonwoo's arm when a drunken Jun admitted that Wonwoo skipped for no other reason than to see if Chan would fucking notice. Wonwoo's smug face is hot and all but he fucking hates how cocky he is when he wants to be.
Chan did eventually get used to it. As much as he could, anyways. Wonwoo's well versed in the act of debilitating flattery and he won't ever pass up the chance to use it on Chan for absolutely no reason at all other than to show that he can. It could be interpreted as just a light joke and people have questioned Chan about his reaction to Wonwoo every time but none of them can understand Wonwoo the way Chan does. Or at least, he thinks no one can. Because Wonwoo can tell Chan that he's one of the most important people in his life and it won't have a hint of sarcasm in it. And he has said this before. And Chan is not used to that kind of raw honesty and most of the time it still scares the living hell out of him.
But Wonwoo's other side scares him even more.
Wonwoo is known to be a bit blunt and kind of intimidating which Chan thinks has some kind of truth in it but not enough for him to agree. Wonwoo calls things out for what they are and some people just can't handle that. But when Wonwoo's going through a rather difficult time, he shuts down. Jihoon was the first to tell him about it when he just completely drops off the face of the earth and Chan couldn't find any other proof of his existence other than photos of him in his phone and the fact that none of his friends think he's crazy when he asks them about him. "Sometimes Wonwoo just completely leaves his phone off for days and doesn't show his face to anyone if he doesn't necessarily have to. It's nothing you should take personally, you know?" Jihoon had told him and Chan obviously didn't like it. He obviously can't know how Wonwoo's feeling but what he does know is that he wants Wonwoo to know that he understand. So he kicked Seungcheol out of their dorm and insisted on seeing Wonwoo.
"I don't want you to see me like this, Channie. Come on." "I don't care. If I'm gonna be your boyfriend then I need to be there for you even when you think you don't need me." Chan says and Wonwoo crying is definitely the last thing he had wanted to get from this. "Boyfriend?" Wonwoo asks and Chan doesn't give himself the chance to be embarrassed and nods. Wonwoo invites him in, asks him if he's watched this anime before, and Chan pretends to watch the anime as Wonwoo curls on his side and wraps himself around Chan.
All in all Chan thinks he did well. Both in comforting Wonwoo and accidentally asking him to be his boyfriend.
Having Wonwoo come to him first is still an ongoing process but Chan's getting better in seeing the signs now that he didn’t necessarily need to.
But there was one time that Wonwoo came to him first though. And Chan still takes pride in that day.
Chan had just woken up on a very cold Saturday and was about to wash up to wake himself up when someone knocked on his door. Chan checks his phone to see if Vernon or Seungkwan messaged him about coming over but the last message he sees is Mark thanking him for his help last night. And when he opens the door he sees Wonwoo shivering, huffing out deep breaths as he stares down on the floor. "Hi." Wonwoo says and Chan stares for two more seconds before his brain finally catches up and pulls Wonwoo inside. He smiles at him and asks him if he's eaten anything yet or if he wants to eat anything and he asks if he wants to shower or just a change of clothes. He asks him everything he could to keep him from asking what he really wants to ask.
He stays in the bathroom as Wonwoo takes a warm shower and he makes sure to turn away when Wonwoo asks for a towel behind the shower curtain. He excused himself when Wonwoo went to change into the clothes Chan had laid out for him and told Wonwoo he's gonna make breakfast. Chan's grateful he has enough oversized shirts to fit Wonwoo but he can't help but smile at how Wonwoo's legs seem longer wearing Chan's sweatpants. They drank their coffee on Chan's bed in slightly awkward silence and when they were done they set down their coffee mugs on Chan's table and Wonwoo surprised them both by pulling Chan on his lap. "Everything alright?" Chan asks and Wonwoo hides his face by pressing it against Chan's chest. "Is this okay?" Wonwoo asks and Chan nods, hugging him back. "Of course. Do you wanna lie down?" Chan asks and Wonwoo nods. Chan gets off from Wonwoo's lap and lets Wonwoo scoot back as he climbs next to him. Chan figured Wonwoo still wanted to hide a bit from him so he turns and presses his back against Wonwoo and lets him wrap his arms around him. Granted that this is the most intimate they've ever been at the time, Chan thinks he did well in the not freaking out about how close Wonwoo was. "Hyung? Are you sure you're alright? You know you can tell me anything, right?" Chan asks and he feels Wonwoo's breath fanning on the back of his neck. "I know. And I am. I just... Being with you calms me down." Wonwoo says and Chan is definitely glad he turned because he's pretty sure he's blushing hard right then. He slots his fingers through Wonwoo's as he sets them on Chan's stomach and Chan could feel Wonwoo pulls him closer. Hours later, Wonwoo tells him how he's stayed up all night finishing something by himself when it was supposed to be a group project and he can't even be mad at his groupmates because he already gave up on them and submitted his project with just his name. "And I just felt, uh... I don't know. Empty. And I was tired and very frustrated at first so when I kind of..." "Shut down?" Chan finishes for him when he trails off and Wonwoo nods. "I was... It was kind of scary because I could tell when it happened. I could feel it happening." Wonwoo says and Chan takes his hand and kisses the back of his hand. "And I told you you could come to me when it does. And you did." Chan said and Wonwoo kissed him.
That was the first time they were, you know... intimate. But that's a story for another day.
Chan hears his alarm ring and feel it vibrate inside his pocket. He reaches for it and shuts it off without pulling his phone out and he opens his eyes and sees Wonwoo still half on top of him. "Hyung?" Chan tries waking him up and Wonwoo would only groan. "I have to make dinner." Chan says, pushing Wonwoo off of him by pushing his shoulders off. Wonwoo just grabs his hands and pulls them to his sides before wrapping his arms around Chan again. "Let's just order something in. Please?" Wonwoo says and Chan hates when Wonwoo uses his cuteness against him. "Hyung. Come on." Chan says and Wonwoo whines. Whines.
Chan admits defeat and snuggles up against Wonwoo. He plays with his hair a bit, waking him up softly by running his fingers through the back of his head and curling his fingers around his hair gently. Wonwoo hums and leans against the touch. "What time is it?" Wonwoo asks. "Some time past seven. What do you wanna have for dinner?" Chan asks and Wonwoo hums. "Anything. Something fried." Wonwoo says and Chan nods. "I kind of missed that chicken we used to get after everyone's done with bar hopping." Chan says and he pulls out his phone and sees if he can order from there. "You smell nice." Wonwoo says and Chan feels him kiss his neck. "Stop sniffing me you creep." Chan says and Wonwoo slips his hands under Chan's shirt and then licks Chan's neck. Chan laughs as he pushes him off and Wonwoo bares his teeth against Chan's skin without biting down. Chan laughs and pulls him off by pulling his hair. Chan only realizes he's closed his eyes when he goes to open them and he's faced with Wonwoo smiling right at him. "Hi." Chan says, grinning, and Wonwoo's smile morphs into this softer one. It’s not forced or weird. It's more sad than not which Chan can't really understand. "I don't know how you put up with me." Wonwoo says and Chan's giddiness retreats but his smile stays. "Sorry." Wonwoo adds and Chan shakes his head. "Do you remember what Soonyoung kept saying back when we were drunk philosophizing like, three months back? How whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger?" Chan asks and Wonwoo blinks at him and nods. "Personally, I think what doesn't kill us makes us weaker sometimes. Sometimes some hurt is just too big that it's hard to like, pretend it's not there. And It's not your obligation to act tough and all. You're just hurt."
"I don't know what happened. And I don't need to know what happened to know that you're more than that. You know you can tell me any time you want to but I want you to know that i don't need to know what it is for me to love you the way that I do." Chan says all of this as he pulls Wonwoo to lie down next to him. He knows he's not a big fan of eye contact but just having his head facing him is enough. "I know you think you're so pathetic for being so weak and don't deny it. I know you do. But so what? You get to be weak from time to time." Chan says and Wonwoo nods. "I think it shows how strong you are to be honest." Chan says and Wonwoo laughs. "I mean it. Because every time you feel like this I always see you get yourself back on your feet." Chan runs his hand through Wonwoo's head and he smiles as Wonwoo closes his eyes. "Even though your pain makes you weak, your choices make you strong. I never understood what that meant but i think I do now." Chan says and Wonwoo hums. He sounds content. Whole. He pulls Chan until their noses are pressed against each other and Chan thinks he can see Wonwoo smile. "Where did you hear that from?" Wonwoo asks and Chan smiles. "Tiktok." He admits and Wonwoo laughs.
And just like everything he does for Chan, Wonwoo kisses him tenderly but holds him like it'll be the last kiss they'll share.
Chan feels short of breath as Wonwoo pulls away and the last remaining breath he has is knocked out of his lungs as he sees the way Wonwoo's looking at him. Wonwoo then pulls Chan to his chest and flips himself on his back, making Chan fall flat on top of Wonwoo. "You're…" Wonwoo starts and he just stares at Chan. He takes a deep breath and leaves a trail of kisses around Chan's jaw. "I love you so much." Wonwoo says and Chan lets himself melt in the attention. Let's himself get distracted by the palm on his waist and the weight his fingers press against his skin. He lets himself be pulled higher, surrendering his neck to Wonwoo and trying his best to at least keep himself breathing. "Wait." Chan says, breathless, and Wonwoo's lips leave his skin. "Sorry." Wonwoo mutters and Chan huffs out a laugh. "It's fine. And we both know you're not sorry." Chan says and he pushes himself up and sits right below Wonwoo's stomach. "Dinner. And maybe a shower for you." Chan says and Wonwoo frowns. He pulls himself up and wraps an arm around Chan's back to keep him from toppling over as Wonwoo moves him down to sit on his lap. "Fine. Can I sleep over your room?" Wonwoo asks and Chan sighs. "Sure. I'm gonna go order while you-" "Can I kiss you again?" Wonwoo cuts him off and Chan rolls his eyes as he holds back his smile. "Please? Just one last time and then I'm taking a shower." Wonwoo says and Chan nods. Wonwoo leans in, tilts his head down a bit and takes Chan's lower lip in between his. Chan's hands on Wonwoo's chest turns to fist his sweater as Wonwoo licks his lips and Chan parts his lips a bit when he tries to regulate his breathing and Wonwoo tilts his head to the side to kiss him better. Chan isn't a stranger to Wonwoo's mouth but no amount of making out is gonna get him used to how Wonwoo kisses him. Chan moves his hands from Wonwoo's chest to the sides of his neck. Wonwoo pulls back slowly and Chan finds himself chasing his lips. "I'm gonna take a really cold shower now." Wonwoo says and Chan hums. "Shut up." Chan says and he tries to look for his phone next to them.
Chan grabs his phone, gets off of Wonwoo's lap and pulls him out of bed. "Go. And think of what we can watch while we eat." Chan says and Wonwoo nods. The darkness in Wonwoo's room is kind of weird. And unreal. He can practically see Wonwoo just fine but in his mind he knows it's supposed to be dark. "I wanna rewatch Haikyuu because Jihoon told me something about the new season and it's been years since I saw the first season and I honestly do not remember their names." Wonwoo says as he digs through his closet and Chan hums. He finds the restaurant in his app and places an order. "Also I think you took my good sweatpants again." Wonwoo says and Chan scoffs. "No I didn't." Chan answers. Technically, Wonwoo left his sweatpants in his room one night some time last week and it's not Chan's fault he forgot about them because he didn't need them for the rest of the night. Chan gets up and goes out of Wonwoo's room and finds the entirety of their apartment just as dark. He turns the lights on as Wonwoo comes out and he groans as he takes a step back inside his room. "Stop hissing at the light and go shower." Chan says and Wonwoo pouts. "Yes sir." Wonwoo says and he squints as he walks to their bathroom.
Chan sets everything on their small couch and a passable coffee table. He goes back to Wonwoo's room to get his glasses for him and leaves them on top of his folded clothes in the bathroom as Wonwoo dries up. Chan pulls his laptop out from his room and sets it on the coffee table as well and just as he did, their food comes knocking on their door. He thanks the delivery dude and locks up the door before setting everything up on the table. It's not a five-star restaurant date nor is it a luxury suite dinner with a perfect view of the night skyline. But it's their black couch and their favorite chicken and their own perfect. "New life hack." Wonwoo says as he comes out of the bathroom and Chan watches him dry his hair with his towel. "If your boyfriend's smell calms you down then use their body wash and conditioner to smell him on yourself all the time." Wonwoo says and Chan sighs. "If you're gonna keep doing that then just buy the same things I use." "Nope. Doesn't work that way. If I don't use my things sometimes then my brain will register your smell as mine and I don't want that. That's totally not the point." Wonwoo argues and Chan rolls his eyes. Wonwoo's annoyingly overbearing, and insufferably hot because he knows he's hot. "Plus I think my brain registers shit differently because I like smelling you but I like smelling my clothes on you. Does that make sense?" Wonwoo asks and Chan shrugs. "Your brain is a…. Let’s say it's its own kind. I'm pretty sure you're just obsessed with me." Chan says and Wonwoo stops drying his hair, staring at Chan, before taking the towel off of his head. "You're probably right." Wonwoo says and Chan laughs. Wonwoo's unusual and he's far from being easy. But he's Chan's own kind of perfect.