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“do you love me?”
just four words. four simple words, directed at him, yet akira finds himself not able to answer it.
he keeps his mouth shut, knowing that if he opens it, he’ll spout another nonsense. instead, he stares at tobio’s expectant eyes, as if waiting for him to say yes. waiting for him to say ‘i do. i do love you.’
but akira looks at tobio and sees a boy with too much love to give. sees a boy with so many plans for their future even when akira was the one who asked him out on a date. sees a man with his heart on his sleeve — and the guts to lay it all bare to one kunimi akira — because he trusts that akira will take care of it.
akira looks at tobio and sees a hopeful boy with a heart so pure and love so beautiful and he thinks this boy deserves to be loved back.
but akira knows he can’t answer that.
because while tobio looks at akira like he’s the whole world, tobio is a creeping fear akira can’t shake off of him. he shouldn’t be scared, he knows he shouldn’t be.
but when he looks at tobio, he sees something that he regrets ever forcing himself of doing. looks at tobio and remembers he can’t be on par with the love that tobio gives.
tons of excuses then fill up his mind: you deserve more than what i can give. it’s not you, it’s me. i don’t think i can be the right one for you. i can’t look at you in the eye and give you the fondest stare like your blonde-haired friend could. he likes you. you should go with him. i cannot compare. you’re far off better with anyone else.
he looks at tobio’s hopeful eyes and can only gulp.
this — this is the consequences of grasping borrowed emotions. hiding in a facade of fondness. hoping for love when you just declare it.
love’s a word akira has never learned. not yet, not even from volleyball, not from anything else.
and especially, heartbreakingly, not from tobio.
because while akira’s got tobio wrapped around his finger, love is still an enigma he can never be able to grasp, no matter how much he tries.
maybe he never will. and that’s what scares him.
——
“do you love me?” tobio has asked.
——
night has come, and tobio’s long since gone.
akira has never given him an answer he’s longed for.