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A little over a year had passed since you’d joined the Akatsuki, you could scarcely remember what your life had been like before. You’d never achieved much. Running from village to village as a paid assassin, willing to do anyone’s dirty work for as long as they had the money. You had no loyalties, no friends, no comrades, nothing. Your situation wasn’t an especially uncommon one either. On your travels, you’d met hundreds like yourself. Internal strife meant there was always work for people like you, people who thrived off discontent.
Your admission into the Akatsuki had been a reluctant one. Pain himself had scouted you out, requesting you join. You’d initially declined, however, Pain had insisted, coercing you to bet your freedom on a fight. Win and remain free, lose and become tied to an organisation you didn’t care about. Needless to say, you lost the fight. Even now you still didn’t care about the goal of the organisation, heck, you barely knew what it was. You simply did what was asked of you, not wanting to make a fuss. Running away was futile, so you just had to make do with the circumstances.
On your arrival, you’d been introduced to the other members in what you could only describe as the most uncomfortable situation you’d ever been in. Nobody seemed especially enthusiastic to be there, and nobody seemed to care about you joining. The only person who had even attempted to make you feel welcome had been Kisame, he’d given you a toothy grin as he introduced himself, remarking that he looked forward to working alongside you. It was here you were given an insight into the aims of the Akatsuki, at least you think you had been. You’d struggled to focus on what Pain was saying, distracted by the eyes of each member boring into your skull. This was also the moment you were partnered with Kakuzu, or in other words, the moment you were forced into Hell. You’d remembered how the older man had barely batted an eyelid when you were told you’d be partnered together, the way he’d muttered something about how he would be better by himself, his cold eyes piercing your body as he’d threatened to kill you if you got in his way. You had initially dismissed your partner's morbid comment, assuming it was simply a tough-guy act to make himself appear strong in front of the other members. However, before leaving to embark on your first official mission one of the other members had gently placed his hand on your shoulder, giving you a toothy grin before whispering something you’d never forget into your ear.
“You're the fifth to be partnered with Kakuzu. Don’t die.”
Your partnership with Kakuzu had been one which could be easily described in one word. Hell. From not caring whatsoever if you were caught in his crossfire, to forcing you to walk for days on end with absolutely no breaks the man was a tyrant, a monster. You found yourself unable to ever completely relax, your body was in a constant state of emergency knowing full well if you let your guard down for even a second that would give Kakuzu the opportunity to strike. Thinking back on those Hellish times you wondered what had kept you going. Death would have been the easy way out, yet you’d persevered and for what? You’d found yourself growing attached to the grumpy old fuck, you hated to admit it but it was true. Recently you’d found your mind drifting when you were around Kakuzu, you no longer felt like he was an immediate threat. You’d been able to learn his attack patterns and formulate battle strategies which benefited you both. You’d been talking with each other more too, although Kakuzu’s answers were always abrupt and uninviting he was at least finally responding. On the rare occasion, Kakuzu himself had even tried to spark a conversation, although it usually revolved around money. Not long ago you’d even cooked together, well… Maybe it was a stretch to call it cooking. It was more like you’d forced him to cut the mushrooms you’d gathered for lunch after he’d spent roughly ten minutes complaining that you were doing it wrong. Watching his skill with the knife had made you wonder why he always refused to cook meals, he was clearly much better than you were. Given his age and experience you always felt like he’d probably find your cooking skills lacklustre, yet he never once complained about your sub-par skills. This had led you to believe the stoic and grumpy ninja had a slight soft side, or maybe he just really didn’t care.
You raked your hands through your hair, trying to steady your own breathing. Why were you thinking about Kakuzu at a time like this? The man who had brought you so much pain and suffering, and yet was the only person you could trust. He was the only person who hadn’t abandoned you. Placing your hands over your mouth you tried to stifle your cries as you doubled over, cowering into your knees. Your whole body convulsed from the pressure of the wrangled sobs which were trying desperately to escape from your body. You wanted nothing more than to just scream, to let your tears flow freely, to remove the constraints you’d placed on your emotions. Yet you couldn’t. Not here, not now. Kakuzu would hear you, he’d see you. You already knew what he’d say. You’d spent so long carefully constructing an image of yourself, an image which portrayed only strength and aggression. One of independence. One which implied you were able to find joy in your solitude, that you were proud of the person you’d become. Yet here you were, crying on the floor of your rented room like a little bitch. If Kakuzu saw you now he’d know it was all a lie, he’d see you for what you really were. A terrified young shinobi who was in way over their head. An incompetent fool who’d been forced to abandon everything. An idiot who couldn’t even take their fate into their own hands. You tried yet again to steady your breathing, squeezing your eyes shut as you scrunched up your face, balling your hands into tight fists and pushing them roughly against your eyes.
“Breathe normally you pathetic fucking bitch” you muttered to yourself, forcing your legs to move out from beneath you. Forcing yourself to stand. You were going to go and have a shower and clean yourself up. After that you’d forget about this tiny little slip-up, you’d completely wipe it from your memory dismissing it as nothing but a silly dream.
“What are you doing?”
You froze. Shit. How had you not heard him return? This is why you couldn’t let your guard down, you’d let yourself grow comfortable and for what? For Kakuzu to stumble upon you at your absolute worst. Maybe you could salvage the situation, he could only see your back after all. Straightening your back, you let out a long fake yawn, stretching your hands up to the ceiling, then dropping them to your sides as you began taking slow steps in the opposite direction to where Kakuzu was stood, your eyes desperate scanning the bare walls for something, anything, you could use as an excuse to not turn around and face him.
“I’m bored. There’s nothing to do.” You winced, even to you your voice sounded impossibly thick. Unless Kakuzu was actually brain-dead you didn’t have the slightest chance of escaping him unscathed. Spotting your bag in the corner of the room you marched towards it and squatted in front of it, opening it up slowly you rummaged around mindlessly. Acting had never been your strong suit but you hoped this was at least mildly convincing. The silence between the two of you was almost deafening, had you not been able to feel his steel-like gaze piercing through you you may have assumed he’d already left. You breathed a sigh of relief as you heard Kakuzu’s feet move, although that relief was quickly displaced with immediate dread as you realised he was walking towards you. Ducking your head you tried to make your bag rummaging more convincing, although at this point you knew it was pointless.
“What are you looking for?” You felt a shiver run down your spine as the older Shinobi spoke, his deep gravelly voice always put you on edge, no matter what he was saying. You hummed loudly “Nothing in particular. Do you want something?” you inwardly cringed as your voice cracked, you could already feel the pressure building up in your throat. Your body wanted nothing more than to completely break down but that wasn’t an option right now. You tried to control your breathing, praying that he would leave.
“We have a mission. We’re leaving early tomorrow morning”
“Right. Is that all?” you snapped, instantly regretting your tone as you felt a strong hand grip your shoulder.
“Look at me when you speak to me” Kakuzu growled. You felt tears prick your eyes. God not now, please not now. Forcing a laugh you tried to swat his hand away which only caused him to tighten his grip. “Pathetic really, I come all this way to tell you we have a mission and this is the thanks I get. I could have easily just left you here all by yourself-” You’d had enough, gripping his hand with your own you tore it from your shoulder. Turning to face the surprised Shinobi with tears streaming down your face. “Just shut up! Shut up! Leave me the fuck alone!” you screamed as your arms flailed wildly in a series of punches and slaps, each one directed at Kakuzu’s chest. You felt his skin harden beneath your fists, you didn’t care if you weren’t hurting him. You just wanted him gone. Your breath rasped as you repeatedly flung yourself at him. He just stood there, completely still, his face unreadable beneath his mask. Yelling in frustration you turned away from him, picking up your bag and tossing it across the room. “Just fuck off!”
“Me or the bag?” He retorted, Taking a step towards you. You attempted to throw another punch at him, this time however he swiftly caught it. His large hand enveloped your fist as he pushed it harshly down to your side, his eyes meeting your own. There was something different about his gaze, it was still his usual stone-cold glare yet there was something… Almost like guilt? Or maybe it was sadness glimmering within its depths. You tried to disentangle your fists from his grip to no avail. “Kakuzu please, leave me alone” you begged, your voice barely a whisper. He sighed heavily, his feet shifting slightly as he pulled you into a rough and uncomfortable hug. His arms wrapped stiffly around you for a few seconds before he quickly withdrew them and pushed you away. You were in a state of complete shock, your entire body seemed to be malfunctioning. Had you took the time to look up at Kakuzu you might have noticed the delicate shade of pink decorating his face. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you be” He muttered. Before you could even compute what had happened, never mind think of an adequate response he had already left the room. Leaving you completely alone once again.
You shook your head roughly, it must have been a dream, right? Had Kakuzu, the man devoid of any and all emotion, really just given you a hug? You laughed, you couldn’t help yourself. Maybe you’d finally turned insane. The hug had been possibly the absolute worst you’d ever received in your life, yet somehow you felt lighter. His body had been warm. So warm. So muscular. You pinched yourself, what on earth were you thinking? Had several years lacking in human touch really made you this desperate? Smiling to yourself you wandered aimlessly towards your bed, heavily flopping down on it to stare at the ceiling. You lay like that for a good while, your head spinning with thoughts of Kakuzu. You didn’t know what to make of this advancement, had he hugged you out of pity or was it something else? With your thoughts still racing you slowly drifted off into a deep slumber that lasted until dawn. You weren’t awoken by the entrance of a mysterious masked man who gently placed a duvet over your body. You didn’t see the soft smile which adorned his face as he did this, you didn’t notice the extreme care he took in order to not wake you as he tucked you into bed. You didn’t hear him as he gently whispered goodnight before he left. The next morning you’d wake up, completely unaware of just how much Kakuzu cared about you. Unknowing of the suffering you caused him. To openly reveal his admiration for you would be to reopen old wounds. After all, if you ever found out just how much he cared it would ruin the image he’d spent years constructing.