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"You done acting like you're okay now?"
Ennoshita tries to put on his best scowl. "Who's acting?" He turns his body away from him and messes with the things in his bag, just so he has an excuse not to look at Terushima.
He hears a low whistle and the door of the locker room closing. Although he's been thankful everyone from the reunion game was quick to leave either for home, for work, or for dinner after, he doesn't think he likes being left alone with Terushima, of all people.
When Ennoshita finally zips up his gym bag, he looks up only to see how close Terushima has gotten without him noticing. He finds himself going lax, tilting his head all the way up to meet Terushima's eyes.
This is the first time he's really getting a good look at Terushima, not just since tonight has started, but just. In years. This is the first time he's gotten this close again to Terushima, and despite the awkward angle, Ennoshita curses how he looks so good, so handsome, still, after all this time.
Not that he has the right to admire how attractive Terushima is. They'd only ever really been close a few times, starting from that one time at their schools' last game against each other when they were third years, but even that's become a blur now. Even if he tries to remember, the image of Terushima on his knees and Ennoshita's hand in his hair, the image of Terushima's tongue licking his lips after they'd kissed-- those are all but hazy, foggy memories now in his head.
If Terushima weren't looking at him like this right now, Ennoshita would be able to convince himself that that first time had just been a fever dream, to be honest, followed by many others.
Not minding the nerves at the proximity, he spreads his legs wider so Terushima can situate himself more comfortably between them. His eyes burn where Terushima isn't blocking the light from above them, but he keeps one hand on the bench he's sitting on and the other around the straps of his bag to ground himself.
"You're not okay."
Ennoshita scoffs, brings a hand up to push at Terushima's stomach-- he doesn't let himself be pushed away though, catching Ennoshita's hand and keeping it there. He instinctively bunches what he can touch of Terushima's shirt in his fingers. "I'm not a sore loser. This wasn't an official game anyway--"
"I'm not talking about the game." Ennoshita hates just how easily Terushima is able to read him, to read anyone and everyone, hates that he isn't really special for Terushima to have noticed he wasn't in the best mood.
Ennoshita kind of wishes he'd just burst out laughing and tease him, instead of acting like he's anyone Terushima should be even minutely concerned about.
Briefly, Ennoshita wonders where the loud-mouthed captain who only functioned on energy and adrenaline had gone over the years, wonders why the impression of a more mellowed out and mature version of one Terushima Yuuji makes something unpleasant churn inside of him. It might be his own immaturity getting the best of him, must be, but the one thing he's sure of is that whatever way he's been acting this entire afternoon that has Terushima zeroing in on him right now, it has nothing to do with volleyball.
"Teru--"
"Say, Ennoshita..." The hand Terushima is using to hold his is gentle, but there is a firmness to his tone that makes Ennoshita uneasy.
"What?"
"Are you still mad at me?"
If Ennoshita's eyes widen, he doesn't have time to be embarrassed about it, racing to answer immediately. "Why would I be mad at you? The fuck?"
Terushima lets go of him but Ennoshita keeps his hand where it is, not minding the way the fabric is definitely going to wrinkle in his grip. "You glared at me when we all gathered around. Glared at me across the court through the net." Oddly enough, Terushima doesn't sound put off. Just curious. "Glared at me even when we were put on the same team." Then, he pauses, as if thinking of his next words. "Glaring at me, even now."
Ennoshita finally has enough sense to take his hand off of Terushima, but with how he refuses to take a step back and the intensity of his gaze, they might as well be touching. Ennoshita sighs, curses under his breath, rolls his eyes, tries-- "I glare at everyone. You aren't special."
"Ouch," Terushima laughs, finally backs away, hands a stupid display of fake innocence raised up by his head. "So you are still mad."
Ennoshita isn't mad. He doesn't have a reason to be mad. Why would he be mad? So they fucked once, and went on dates after that, and got to know the other a bunch, and always had fun with each other-- if Terushima suddenly stopped asking him out and replying to his messages and picking up his calls, why would Ennoshita be mad? They weren't boyfriends or anything anyway.
"I really liked you," Terushima says, a resigned admission, crossing his legs as he goes down and sits on the floor, right where he'd been standing. Terushima was always like this: getting too close, backing off, coming back, making distance, demanding attention again.
The way Terushima tilts his head up and tugs at the hem of Ennoshita's jacket so that he would look down at him is annoyingly adorable for a grown man of Terushima's reputation, but he guesses this is the charm that gives him so much liberty when it comes to choosing whom he wants to be with, and whom he doesn't. Ennoshita hates that he so easily crumbles even after all this time.
"I swear, Chikara, I--" His other hand runs fingers through his hair to rough it up a bit. "I didn't mean to make you mad."
"I just said I wasn't fucking mad--"
"But you are!" Terushima catches himself, then lowers his voice, "And you should be. I was an asshole."
"Was?"
" Am ," Terushima willingly corrects, still looking at Ennoshita. "I'm not even sure why I'm still here. The other guys were literally dragging me to go to dinner with them."
"Then fucking leave , Yuu--" Ennoshita bites out, kicking at Terushima's knee. "Terushima, if you aren't even sure why you're in here with me, what the hell is the point?" Ennoshita is so annoyed that his chest is all achey. The fact that it's been years and Terushima’s always been just this lingering, niggling thought at the back of his mind like a sad and sob story of an ex boyfriend when they weren't even in a relationship is so annoying. The fact that seeing Terushima come in through the gym doors tonight had him wanting to demand an explanation he didn't deserve or need is so annoying. And the fact that Terushima is here acting like this is so annoying, too.
"But I miss you." This is the one time that Terushima puts his head down, refusing to meet Ennoshita's eyes. "You meant a lot to me and I fucked up."
Terushima did fuck up. So did Ennoshita, to be fair, getting involved with him in the first place. Wanting to say he misses him, too, in the first place. Wanting to say he meant a lot to Ennoshita, too, in the first place.
"I'm better now." Looking up, he seems to be searching Ennoshita's eyes for an answer he doesn't know he's ready to give yet. His heart is suddenly racing in his chest, sure, but it isn't like he'd be as easy as to just be told that someone is better for him to jump into a whole thing again like it hadn't affected him for a good few years, hadn't made him question if he'd done something wrong, hadn't made him be more careful with other partners whom he'd never really hit it off with anyway. "I'm more confident in myself now."
Ennoshita raises his eyebrow at that. "As if you hadn't been confident enough." His voice comes out more bitter than he intends, and he hates that he can't control even small things like that when it comes to Terushima. What did Terushima have to worry about? What did he have to not be confident for? It's so annoying--
"Not confident enough in myself for.." Ennoshita slouches in his seat to hear Terushima better when his voice softens. "For you."
Ennoshita lets out a sound of confusion, because he doesn't have anything to say to that.
"You know, I was going to ask you to be my boyfriend." There is a raw honesty in his declaration, but his eyes do not betray his anxiety-- and it's the same emotion that has Ennoshita suppressing a gasp. "But everyone told me I was gonna fuck it up and that you don't deserve a shitty guy like me. Ended up telling myself that, too."
Ennoshita feels all annoyance and all tension and all fight that’s built up since the idea of reunion games and seeing him again melting out of him suddenly, the knowledge that it had been insecurity , of all things, that had taken his chance with Terushima away. It's not as much comforting as it is terrifying, how it makes so much sense now that Terushima is offering him an explanation.
Haha , Ennoshita thinks, he really had no reason to be mad after all .
"If it means anything," Ennoshita starts, surprising himself at the softness with which he speaks. "I was a shitty guy, too. Still am."
Terushima's fingers free themselves from the bottom of Ennoshita's jacket, and even though he is reaching up and the pounding in Ennoshita's heart is all he can hear in his ears, he doesn't bristle, startle, move away when Terushima's hand rests on his cheek.
The touch is gentle, warm, uncharacteristic of the boy Ennoshita remembers-- but very characteristic of the man who's apparently worked on himself a while to be a better person.
Ennoshita isn't as selfish as to assume that he'd been the reason. "Give me another chance?" But maybe he'll take this, since Terushima is so prettily presenting himself like this, all for him.
The worry for either of their postures flies out of Ennoshita's head when he feels Terushima's thumb lightly dragging over his bottom lip. His eyes follow Terushima's tongue as it licks over his own. Ennoshita, distractedly, asks, "Is this the part where I kiss you and say yes to being your boyfriend?"
Terushima's grin is wide and blinding and as damningly attractive as ever, but the laugh that bubbles out and past his shiny lips is something that warms his chest and calms his nerves. "I was planning to court you properly but you're surprisingly easy, aren't you, Chikara?"
Ennoshita wrenches Terushima's hand off of his face and sticks his tongue out. "We're both guys, the fuck you talking about courting?"
"You mean you don't want me at your every beck and call just so I can prove myself to you?" This kind of teasing is much easier to deal with, and this kind of smile, void of any and all insecurity, is much easier to look at.
"You're going to be, anyway, if you really still want me to be your boyfriend." He stands now, deliberately bumping his hip against Terushima's shoulder and holding in a laugh when he has to brace himself so he doesn't fall. In a rush of braveness he adds, though softly so he doesn't lose face, "It's not like you have to prove yourself anyway. Not to me."
"Oho," Terushima calls after him as he scrambles to his feet to catch up to Ennoshita who's already at the door. "Awfully cheesy."
Ennoshita moves to elbow him, but his arm is easily caught in Terushima's grip. He's about to retaliate when, in a quick motion, Terushima buries his face into Ennoshita's shoulder. He can't help but reach up and behind himself to ruffle Terushima's hair. "You have a lot to make up to me, you know?"
"I know," is the guilty admission, muffled against the fabric of Ennoshita's jacket. "Will dinner tonight be a good start?"
Ennoshita gently shrugs Terushima off, turns around, leans his back against the door. He puts his bag down and places a hand on Terushima's face. Mimicking his action from earlier, he watches his thumb trace softly over his bottom lip. "A good start would be a kiss, actually."
Terushima doesn't need to be told twice.