Chapter Text
"Hello?"
"Hmm, Iruka? I distinctly remember you telling me to lose your number."
"Forget that. It's important."
"Hmm it must be you were pretty mad."
"Well, you cheated on me."
"We weren't exclusive and I only go out on dates with her to keep up appearances for the clans. I mean by that logic technically you cheated on me every night at the bar."
"That's business, you of all people should know that. Kakashi please not this now."
"The clans getting along and not killing each other in a gang war doesn't count as business? You know I don't give a rats-ass about that spoiled brat."
A long pause. "Kashi, this isn't the time." He sounded so small. All of a sudden there was loud slamming noise.
"What's going on? Are you safe?"
"There are some guys here from the group, well they're claiming to be some of your guys. One of them Mentioned the Hatake group. They keep breaking things, glass all over the place. It got violent with mama, I'm in the back with her. They flashed concealed weapons. Kakashi do something Please."
"Well since you asked so nicely. How many?" He had already been texting on his other phone.
"Four the other three walked off."
"Asuma will be there in two minutes, Shikamaru will intercept the others. Stay in the back. Don't come out until you hear his voice."
Iruka let out a shaky breath. This wasn't something the police could be called for. An establishment full of trans women and cross dressers was never exactly their top priority. They didn't get in the middle of clan business.
"Thank you."
"Of course. Just know you'll owe me."
"Kakashi..."
"Dinner, you owe me dinner."
"Fine, that I can do. Just hurry please" he bit out. Then the line when dead.
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About an hour later Kakashi's phone rang again, "boss."
"Report."
"Taken care of. Stupid brats from down below, cocky bunch. They're new grunts but it sounds like they were on a mission directly from your favorite acting Kumicho. They're scrubbing the floors and sweeping up glass as we speak."
Kakashi grit his teeth. "Casualties?"
"Well mama has seen better days, a cut lip and a black eye but nothing some ice can't fix. I think they were just sent to fuck up the business. None of the bo-um...girls... were really banged up. Seems Ru called just in time."
Kakashi audibly huffed. "He would chew my head off if I called him that. So not fair."
Asuma cackled at him over the phone "yeah he would have your head."
"Oh Ru it's Hatake-san do you wanna...? No? Okay. Ru said your dinner is being delivered."
"What? He said you were hungry or something? He ordered you some veggie lo-mein from your favorite place, extra egg plant."
That made Kakashi smile a little, he remembered.
"Alright good work today sorry for the trouble give Shikamaru my thanks. Yes so-honbucho
"Oh my God Asuma so formal stop."
There was a knock on the door.
"Just a sec Tenzo."
"Sir it's Fuka-chan."
"I don't have time to clean up any more of her messes today."
"She's not really taking no for an answer. She's downstairs slapping Hayate around."
Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration.
"Okay let her through. If my food gets here, bring it in, I don't want it to get cold."
"Yes sir."
The door burst open.
"Fuu-chan this is unexpected." To a stranger he would sound pretty sweet but they both knew he was seething.
The attractive young woman rolled her eyes and flicked her long dark red hair back behind her back.
"Well you didn't answer your phone."
"Sorry dear, a little distracted. Someone decided to trash one of my bars just to get my attention."
Today she had picked a cheetah-print body-con dress that hugged her curves in all the right places. Her bright red Alexander McQueen's clacking over obnoxiously on the tile floor as she made her way over.
She plopped into the chair directly across from his desk.
She casually examined long french tips. Frowning at the small chip in one of them she got from said encounter with Hayate. "Batto told me you gave our boys a scolding today. That tranny clouding your judgment again? I thought you were over him."
The only reaction he showed was an eye twitch. She smirked.
"Kaaashi-kun she purred. Did that bother you?" She puckered her lips. Clearly pleased with his reaction.
"That tranny is the only reason your boys are breathing right now. They made an absolute mess of the property and I had to cover all of the lost alcohol and give the matron three months rent free to renovate the whole damn place out again. Do you know much fucking money you just cost me today?"
She flinched at his tone.
"Has your father's hospitalization maybe clouded your judgment?" She was glaring at the floor, trying to come up with something to say back. She was squirming under his gaze now, clearly having some regrets.
"We united the clans but just barely Fuka. We exchanged cups last year but still remain unmarried. This is a bandaid at best. A flimsy bandage about to blow away in the Goddamn wind storm that is your antics and all you can do sit there and start shit while your father dies alone in his sick bed."
"Don't talk about my papa like that! Don't you dare talk like you know everything! Like you're the only one that has anything at stake in this stupid war!"
He kept his gaze icy cold, voice raised to meet hers but calmer."Well don't call the man I'm in love with a fucking tranny again because I'll personally rip out your fucking vocal cords the next time you do."
There was a hesitant knock and then Tenzo meekly came in with Kakashi's dinner. "Uh foods here...sir. Thank you Tenzo," his cold expression grew dreamy, he smiled and then immediately started to eat his food like she wasn't there anymore.
An annoyed Fuu wrinkled her nose in disgust. Greasy eggplant. Gross. It was probably from that tranny whore extra gross.
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A bright red Iruka stood just outside the door. He was standing there shell shocked at what he had just heard Kakashi say. He couldn't move so he didn't even see the unbothered smiling Tenzo come up behind him, wink at him, and snatch the food out of his hands.
It had meant to be a surprise, and what a surprise it was. He walked away before Tenzo could come back and tease him.