Chapter Text
Death was inevitable now, it was a distant fear, not a looming scare that haunted him every breathing moment anymore. He felt a sense of calmness in his mind. Though the crack in his heart and the flowers in his lungs were the same, he was at peace knowing all that bodily and emotional pain will end soon.
He could see the sweat building at the old man's brow in front of him. A shaky intake of air, a slight tremor in his hands as his eyes run once again over the white sheet; the guarantee of death he thought. He pitied the old man, even with years of witnessing death, it surely must be difficult to relay it to others.
"Taehyung." Just his name spoken out and Taehyung already knew what was coming. For the first time that day those kind eyes met Taehyung's gaze. Those eyes have always been warm, Taehyung recalled. For three years, every Thursday Taehyung visited the old rundown clinic religiously, sneaking out of the campus with a little white lie whispered in Jimin's ear. It wasn't the treatments that drew Taehyung to the old doctor, for he knew from the day he became a victim of unrequited love that he was already doomed. Taehyung enjoyed the doctor's company, the hearty conversations paired with sweet tea and bitter chocolates, corny jokes and eye wrinkles, strict advices with pain killers and most of all what felt like a father's love.
Taehyung noticed that the doctor seemed to be at a loss of words. Seeing his eyes glistening with tears felt more difficult than accepting death. "How long do I have," he decided to ask. It wasn't much Taehyung knew that, but he had a few things to complete so he needed to know how fast he had to work.
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He drank tea once more. The day was getting darker stormy clouds brewing in the murky sky. It was time for another final goodbye. Taehyung felt as if his throat was clogged up, all the words of gratitude he needs to speak were stuck within him. Pushing the metal chair, he stood up wincing at the scraping sound.
"Thank you, sir, for everything, " Taehyung forced out despite the stinging in his eyes and the wobble of his voice. The urge to cry was overwhelming, but seeing the grief stricken face in front of him made Taehyung stronger. It would hurt the doctor more to see the wails of a dying man, Taehyung thought.
He was pulled into a warm embrace. "I'm so sorry son," was whispered over and over again. It was unspoken, but there seemed to be a mutual understanding that this will be the last appointment. No more sneaky Thursdays.
He wasn't sure how much time passed, but when he stepped out of the clinic it was drizzling. He glanced one last time at the rusty name plate. 'Choi Seungmin' was written in a cursive font. Pulling up his hoodie, Taehyung started walking towards the campus dorms.
Cold droplets of water and the biting chill of a late October evening caressed his face. Trees were all bare, brown leaves mushy beneath him. Autumn was fading away already without much brilliance this year. Or maybe it was that he didn't notice the golden glory of the season.
Taehyung briefly wondered if he'll get to see the first snow this time around. The rain was getting harsher now, heavy drops colliding with his skin, slightly painful. It felt good to have the sky cry on behalf of him, Taehyung thought. He was drenched already, the dark hoodie sticking to his frame, cold seeping into his bones.
Walking in the rain used to be a frequent occurrence. Taehyung loved it, loved it whilst he had a strong arm around his waist and a pair of sparkly eyes beside him. But walking alone through heavy torrents with happy memories haunting his empty heart wasn't so fun nor was it to catch a cold and cough up more than just bloodied flower petals. So Taehyung fell out of love with walks in the rain.
Thunder cracked and a blinding flash of lightning burst across the sky. Taehyung quickened his pace. As he neared the dorm building he could see a figure standing at the entrance. His eyes were too blurry with the cascading water to identify the person. When he got closer he saw the guy dashing towards him with a black umbrella. It was Jimin's roommate. He dragged Taehyung towards the building.
"Taehyung-ah hurry and get changed you will get sick." His face fell after a second, something gloomy taking over his features. "Are you leaving today hyung?" Taehyung asked ignoring the questions popping in his head at the change in the man's expressios. "Yeah, I have some work to get done."
It was a common occurrence for the man to leave suddenly, the reason was unknown even to Jimin. Taehyung couldn't exactly point it out but there was a great sadness in his eyes, the usual bright smile was nowhere in sight. "I'll get going Taehyung-ah, take care." He ruffled Taehyung's hair. "I'll see you soon, yeah," he said. Taehyung wasn't sure about seeing him again but there was absolute certainty in the man's tone. With a wave he ran off away from Taehyung in to the rain.
Taehyung walked up the stairs. The darkness of his formerly shared room greeted him. Jimin must have stolen Yeontan as usual, he thought with a smile. He wondered how to lie his way out of the dorm while he stood under the shower. He didn't want Jimin to see him suffer. It would devastate him.
A searing pain erupted from his chest making Taehyung clutch onto the edge of the sink. His throat was on fire as he felt the incoming fits of cough. He could feel his breath labouring. A purple layer of petals covered the sink in no time. The prettiest shades of purples from violets to lilacs, lavender and heather were included with occasional drops of blood grazing some petals. He coughed and coughed till his body started to ache and his feet wobbled. Forcing his body to breathe, he sat on the tiled floor for a long time .
With shaky legs he walked out of his room. Patting himself dry he put on some clothes. His phone blared making Taehyung jump, it was Jimin. He declined the call and typed a quick "Be there soon" and pressed send.
Taehyung could hear Jimin baby talking to Yeontan as he arrived at Jimin's room and sharp little barks ringing from inside. With a sigh he knocked on Jimin's door, making the barks louder.
"Taehyungie," Jimin yelled as he opened the door with a smile. Taehyung watched as the smile disappear and a worried frown etch on to Jimin's face. "What's wrong, why are you so pale," he asked as he pulled Taehyung in. He petted Yeontan for a moment before he sprawled on Jimin's bed with a groan. "Got caught in the rain," Taehyung said, wincing as his throat burned. "Oh my god your voice is ruined, you've definitely got a cold." He felt his heart squeeze in guilt at having to lie to his best friend.
After much nagging from Jimin and two tablespoons of cough medicine later they were both on the bed with a movie playing on the laptop. "I'm going on a trip," Taehyung decided to say. Jimin turned his head, looking at him. "Why suddenly, Taehyungie is everything okay?" Jimin was well aware about Taehyung's one sided affection and how much of a toll it took on Taehyung but not about how it was killing him. "Yeah everything is okay," Taehyung lied through his teeth. "Just need to some time for myself away from here." "Where are you planning to go?" "Somewhere close to the sea," Taehyung replied.
"Will you take care of Tannie?" "Tannie is like my child too you know," Jimin replied while softly patting the sleeping dog on his lap. He grasped Jimin's hand, warmth and gratitude filling his heart. At least Yeontan will have a happy life. "Thankyou," Taehyung whispered.
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Taehyung packed a small bag that night after getting to his room. He pulled out the brown box under his bed which was collecting dust. Inside it were all the good days, all the treasures, sealed and never to come back.
"One last time," he thought as he opened the lid. A pile of various different things were inside, from stacks of photos of which a couple of them were framed, bracelets, books, even a black hoodie. He pressed it closer to his nose to get a whiff of his favourite scent but was utterly disappointed. As the night slowly dragged, Taehyung too slowly crept through all the memories with an occasional smile on his lips. Rubbing soothing circles over his chest when the little stings started to hurt more.
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"You are leaving today?" Jimin asked. "Mmm taking the night train." He could see Jimin's eyes cloud with worry. Taehyung steps forward and squishes Jimin's cheeks. "Why are you such a worry wart huh?" Jimin giggles, the distraction directing his worry awat. And Taehyung escapes, "Bye, going to take Tannie for a walk."
Yeontan was restless the whole night, whining and pacing around. It was as if he knew something was up. With a little coaxing, Taehyung clipped the leash on. Taehyung tried not to think. Not think about this being the last time he will take Tannie for a walk or having to lie and leave Jimin for the last time.
It's when he was returning that Taehyung heard a name which made him freeze on his step. The varsity football players were gathered in the halls, chattering amongst each other. "The captain will play the coming season, he will be back tonight," Taehyung heard the coach announce. A strong panic set on Taehyung's body.
Scooping Yeontan in to his arms, he ran up the stairs. He needs to leave early. He didn't have the strength to see that face again no matter how much he craved it. With aching limbs he barged into his room and grabbed the bag he packed. Yeontan was whining again, thumping his little paws on the flooring. Tears welled up in Taehyung's eyes, the reality of what's happening slowly setting in. "I'm sorry Tannie I have to go," he sobbed clutching the little dog to his chest.
Taehyung successfully lied his way through Jimin's questions. "It's better to travel in the daylight hours," he said to which Jimin nodded. The whimpering never stopped, the pleading black beads of Yeontan's eyes made his heartache. "Be a good boy Tannie," he said as he pressed kiss after kiss on the soft fur.
Jimin pulled him into a hug, "be careful, call me everyday and take care," he said. "Thankyou Jiminie, for everything, please take care of Tannie for me" Taehyung replied trying his very best to keep his tears at bay. He couldn't. "Please live happily," he begged as a lone tear fell, sliding down his cheek. Jimin pulled away from the hug, a frown etching onto his features. "Why are you talking like this," he asked, concern filling his tone. "Taehyungie why are you crying." He gently wiped at Taehyung's face. "It's nothing, I'm just so grateful for having you, he replied with a little laugh. "Love you, take care Jiminie," he said as he pressed a soft kiss against Jimin's forehead. Then amidst the gut wrenching whimpers of Yeontan he steps out of Jimin's room for the last time.
Taehyung idles around the city till the dusk starts to seep. His train will leave at around six thirty. He even buys himself a book to read on his journey and by six o' clock he reaches the station. As the new moon waxes over the dark horizon, Taehyung boards himself on a train. It was mostly empty except for another guy sitting across him.
That night two trains pass each other, going in opposite ways carrying two souls further away from one another. Though their fates will and have always been entwined for countless lifetimes this was one of those harsher times in the infinity of their existence. Taehyung stares as that train whizzes past his own through the glass window.
That brief passing marked the closest they will ever be to each other, at least during this lifetime. When he turns away from the window, Taehyung catches the gaze of the man infront of him. For a split second Taehyung sees something akin to sympathy in the depth of his eyes, almost as if he could read all corners of Taehyung's fragile soul. Then he smiles at him, dimples and all which Taehyung returns with a weak one of his own.
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