Chapter Text
Therapy had been okay so far. Katsuki would never admit it out loud, but it helped having an adult to talk to. The therapist was kind for the most part and strict when necessary, which was a good balance for him. He needed a balanced, unbiased person to help him discover his truths.
He tended to agree with a majority of what she’d say, but this was different.
“I recommend writing your thoughts and feelings down somewhere. Have you ever thought about a blog or journal? It’s very helpful when you don’t have a trusted friend or adult around.”
Pfft. A fucking blog? What is this, the goddamn 90s?
“Eh, I’m not interested in writing shit down. It’ll immortalize my feelings and I won’t be able to let it go. Isn’t that what I need to avoid?”
He was met with a small smile.
“Well, yes and no. You should avoid dwelling on negative emotions but writing things down can help you keep track of your triggers, patterns, and possibly relieve you of stress. If you want, you can even burn the journal or delete your blog every month. It’s just a recommendation, please consider it, Katsuki.”
The clock on the wall kept ticking. Tick tock. Tick tock.
He made a quick trip to the store to pick up a journal. It didn’t matter what it looked like to him, as long as it could be burned or easily destroyed. Maybe his therapist was right, maybe he could just destroy it afterwards.
Immediately upon entering the journal section, a familiar brand caught his attention. It was the same brand the nerd used ever since Katsuki could remember. The one that caught his attention was a different color than Deku’s—wait, it’s Izuku now—usual one. Katsuki’s eyes were on a deep green one.
The cashier eyed the teen curiously, probably confused as to why a student was buying just one journal in the middle of the school year. Oh well, it was none of his business.
After dodging his friends in the common room, Katsuki fell into his bed with a sigh. He didn’t want them pestering him about the journal or some other crap.
Once his homework was done, he took the green journal out of the bag and set it in front of him. If Katsuki actually paid attention to his surroundings, he would notice the progression of green consuming his room.
First, it had been plants.
“It’s weird that this plant is known as baby tears, but it’s so pretty to look at. I wish it went with my room,” Izuku fiddled with his hands. Katsuki knew what his friend was asking. “It suits you since you’re such a fucking crybaby.” His friend huffed. “So mean, Kacchan.” He didn’t need the nerd to ask him to buy it, he had already given it a name.
Once they got back to the dorms, Katsuki hung the plant in his room. “Come by whenever you want to check up on it.” A light pink blush spread like wildfire across Izuku’s face. Instead of saying anything, he nodded and quickly exited the room. Maybe he had some homework to do.
Katsuki walked back to his plant after closing the door.
“Listen here, Mido, you better not fucking die on me, got it? I don’t raise losers.”
If the plant could react, it most certainly would have started crying.
Over the next few months, Katsuki adopted more plants that Izuku talked about. Shit, at this rate people might start calling him a plant dad.
Second had been books.
More specifically, it had been book covers. Anytime he found cheap books, Katsuki would buy ones with a lot of green on them. He felt like it made his room look nicer and made him look smarter.
Third, and last of all, had been his school supplies.
His favorite pencil became green. His post-it notes were majority green. A few of his binders were green or had green stickers on them (how did Mina find this many stickers and know to buy them in this color?).
Of course, Katsuki remained oblivious to it all.
Looking at the journal laid out in front of him, he began to contemplate whether it was worth the effort. Would this actually help with his shitty anger issues? Wasn’t therapy already helping? He had been going since the end of his first year at UA and could already see a difference in his behavior, even if it was minor. He wasn’t as quick to anger or lashing out; instead, he’d count to ten or leave the room if something was pissing him off. It surprisingly worked wonders.
Fuck it.
He grabbed his pencil and started writing.
4/26
My therapist recommended this to me. It feels stupid as fuck and god fucking knows if this’ll help, but I guess it’s worth a shot. Today, I woke up, ate breakfast, worked out, went to therapy, bought this journal, did some homework, and started writing this. I don’t feel angry, just annoyed. I don’t know why.
With that, he set his pencil down and closed the journal, which he decided to keep in a locked drawer just in case his friends felt like snooping around.
He changed into his pajamas and settled into his bed. Sleep consumed him as soon as he closed his eyes. His brain decided to dream about going to the arboretum. So much green.
* * * * *
It had almost been a week since he bought the journal. Since then, he had written in it every day, even if it was short. Katsuki didn’t like the idea of missing dates and he’d be damned if he’d allow that to happen. Better to have a short ass entry instead of no entry at all.
4/27
Dunce Face electrocuted Grape Juice in the pool today. It was kinda satisfying to see that pervert knocked out cold and sent off to Recovery Girl. Also, Izuku almost won our race and honestly, I thought he was going to beat me but I ain’t telling him that, just in case it feeds his shitty ego.
Fuck, what am I saying. He’s the only person I know who doesn’t have an ego.
Anyway, I feel fine today.
The rest of that week’s journaling was full of school and class 2A related complaints. He had to help his dumbass friends study for a test, he aced said test, he had to feed his friends because they can’t even fucking make some simple ass ramen fucking noodles what kind of idiot can’t fucking make noodles?!
He took a few seconds to breathe before starting to prep the food.
“Hey, Kacchan, do you need some help?”
Katsuki took in all of Izuku. His messy green hair, his angelic eyes, his (surprisingly not All Might themed) pajamas. Fuck. Izuku was beautiful.
That is something for Katsuki to write about later, or bury deep inside, he hadn’t decided yet.
First-year-Katsuki would’ve said no in a heartbeat, but his current self took a few seconds to make a decision. He wanted to build their friendship into something good and solid, which requires effort and time.
“I'd appreciate some help or company, your pick, dumbass.”
The nerd grabbed a few ingredients from the fridge and set them on the counter in front of Katsuki. He also grabbed a few dishes from the cupboards to set them aside for later.
“I can sit at the counter to keep you company while you cook.”
“Why don’t you cook with me?”
Izuku blinked.
“You’ve never let anyone cook with you before. Besides, you already know what you’re doing, I’d just slow you down. I really don’t mind watching, Kacchan.”
“And I really don’t mind if you’re the one helping me. If you really don’t want to, then I won’t force you.”
Izuku got up from his stool and walked toward Katsuki. He gathered the vegetables and rinsed them under the cold water.
“I’ll help, just teach me what I don’t know.”
A smile was briefly displayed on Katsuki’s face.
“Sure, nerd.”
Even though it took longer than normal, Katsuki could hardly get angry at Izuku. If anything, he wished it had lasted longer. He could get used to this.
If either of them had paid attention to their surroundings instead of each other, they would’ve noticed their friends peeking at them through the kitchen door.
As soon as he finished his dinner, Katsuki began to gather some of the empty plates, despite his friends’ protests. Sero kept telling him that they’d clean up so that he could relax in the common room.
“Yeah, you should definitely stay out here to keep Izuku some company.” Katsuki didn’t miss the way Mina wiggled her eyebrows.
They didn’t even give him a chance to protest. In a matter of seconds, the group was gone, leaving him alone with Izuku. An uneasy feeling took hold in his stomach. He hadn’t felt like this since the beginning of therapy when he admitted that he had a problem and needed help.
“Do you need to go to sleep soon? I know you like sleeping early.”
Katsuki could barely process the nerd’s words. His freckles were too interesting for him to pay attention to anything else.
“It depends, are you going to ask me something?”
“I was wondering if you’d want to watch a short documentary with me. It’s about quirk science and the evolution of quirks. Even though we already know about that, this documentary is focusing on the possible geographical correlation to quirks. Like, how your country can affect or determine what kind of quirk you get and stuff like that. I saw it on a recommendation list and wanted to see if it was worth watching.”
Katsuki had gotten used to (and possibly even grown fond of) the nerd’s rambling. It also wasn’t difficult for him to understand and follow along.
“I’ll watch it if it’s an hour or less.”
Izuku’s eyes lit up.
“Awesome! It’s only forty-five minutes long. I’ll go ahead and put it on the television.”
It was at that moment that their friends had decided to come back out and harass them.
“Oooooh, what are we watching?”
“Piss off, Sparky.”
Mina put a hand on Katsuki’s shoulder.
“Oh, come on. Why can’t we join you? It’s not like you have a reason for this to be private, right?”
She was definitely trying to get Katsuki to admit to something. Or grind his gears.
“Leave us alone if you know what’s good for you.”
“Hey,” Izuku lightly slapped his friend’s shoulder. “We’re just going to watch a documentary. You’re welcome to join us. It might help with our quirk studies class.”
“It’s okay, Izuku,” Kirishima began to push his friends toward the elevator. “They’re just messing around. We’re actually going to study for the English quiz. Goodnight!”
The next forty-five minutes felt like seconds to Katsuki. Izuku’s legs were sprawled on top of his. He usually hated feeling another person’s legs on him, but Izuku’s was comforting. Well, not just his legs. If anything, Izuku himself was comforting.
He looked over at the nerd and noticed that his eyes were drooping. If he was tired, why hadn’t he said anything? This documentary wasn’t worth losing sleep.
“Oi, documentary’s done. Go to your room.”
Izuku moved his legs, stretching them out in front of him. After yawning, he got up and immediately fell back onto the sofa.
“Ugh, I’m too tired. Can you turn off the television? I’ll just sleep here.”
Katsuki grabbed the remote and threw it at Izuku, landing on his lap.
“Turn the damn thing off yourself. Also, get the hell up and go to your room. I don’t want to deal with you complaining about being sore tomorrow.”
He made his way back to the sofa and proceeded to shove Izuku off of it. The teen landed on the ground with a thump.
“Fine, but help me up. I'm too tired to carry myself all the way to my room," he whined.
After grabbing Izuku’s arm and putting it over his shoulder, Katsuki walked Izuku to the elevators. He pressed the button for the second level. The elevator stopped with a ding, indicating the end of their short trip.
Katsuki walked Izuku to his room, opening the door and setting Izuku down on his bed. The sleepy teen interrupted Katsuki before he could leave.
“You didn’t have to walk me all the way to my room, Kacchan. You should’ve just gone to your room.”
Katsuki honestly didn’t mind. He liked being able to help Izuku and spending time with him.
“I don’t mind, idiot. Plus, you’re super fucking tired and knowing you, you’d break your neck trying to get back to your room.”
“You’re right,” Izuku laughed. “Thank you. Goodnight.”
Katsuki watched Izuku turn over and bring his blanket to his chin.
“‘Night.”
Katsuki decided to run up to the fourth level instead of taking the elevator. He had too much energy and couldn’t deal with being fidgety in the elevator. Just the thought of being cooped up in that elevator agitated him.
It took more energy than usual for him to not slam his door (he had a pretty bad habit of slamming doors ever since he was little but therapy had been helping with that). It also took some energy for him to not blow up his locked drawer after taking a few minutes to find his key.
He took out the green journal and set it in front of him, opening to a new page.
5/27
Today was pretty good. I made food for those lazy losers (not because I wanted to). The nerd helped out, too. I like it when he helps out. He’s the only one I don’t really mind or find too annoying. It’s weird, though, considering how much I used to hate him.
I also watched a documentary with him even though I was tired. I even had to help him get to bed, well, I didn’t have to. I think I was just looking for an excuse to stay near him. You’ll never hear me admit this out loud, though.
Anyway, I feel something in my stomach, maybe nerves or some shit like that. Other than that, I feel okay.
* * * * *
Katsuki found himself on the train home with Izuku. Their first term had just ended and Izuku had asked him if he could help him with moving his mom’s stuff to their new house. Inko had found a nice house just a few minutes from where Katsuki’s parents lived.
It took less than a weekend for them to pack everything in the apartment. Most of Izuku’s stuff was back at the dorms, Inko’s belongings were already packed before the boys came home, and there weren’t a lot of decorations or kitchen stuff since there were only two people.
“Thank you so much for your help, Katsuki.”
“It’s no problem, Auntie.”
He never understood why the Midoriyas were always so grateful or expressive. It used to make him uncomfortable but he quickly accepted it, believing that they’d be family for the rest of his life. They were fine up until middle school when Katsuki began to bully Izuku. There was the occasional name calling or just telling him that he wouldn’t make it as a hero since he was quirkless. Looking back, Katsuki could admit he only said cruel things out of fear and insecurity, but it was still wrong.
However, when he learned that Izuku had also made it into Yuuei, something switched in him. He wouldn’t name-call Izuku, he wouldn’t mess his journals up again, he wouldn’t push him around. Instead, Katsuki took Izuku to the back of the school and spoke his mind.
“You should fucking leave. There isn’t any room for someone like you. You’ll get killed in less than a week.”
Katsuki had apologized during the summer after their first year and Izuku was quick to forgive.
“I forgave you a long time ago. Sure, it hurt to hear you say that, but I kinda understand. You were somewhat kind in your own, unique way. I’m just glad that you’re growing.”
Inko had prepared some food while the boys put the boxes in the car. It smelled heavenly.
“Here’s yours, Katsuki,” Inko handed him a bowl of spicy katsudon. “It has extra spice, just the way you like it.”
“Gosh, you’re the only person I know who can handle that level of spice.”
Looking at the other bowls, Katsuki noticed that their food didn’t have the same spices as his. He didn’t know why he liked spicy food or why he could handle more than others. Izuku used to say that it could have something to do with his quirk.
They quickly finished their meal. Izuku gathered the empty dishes and made his way to the kitchen, Katsuki following suit. Before Izuku could question why he was there, Katsuki took a few bowls and rinsed them out.
“Just wanna help. Is that a crime, shitty nerd?”
Pink spread from Izuku’s cheeks to the tips of his ears.
“Not at all. I appreciate it.”
Katsuki made it home with just enough time to write an entry before going to sleep.
8/5
I got to help the Midoriyas with their move. I was happy even though it was just work. The nerd kept talking about this new hero’s debut and how cool they were. I’m thinking about taking him to this new hero exhibition that opens next year, but I’d need to buy the tickets once they're available.
I feel happy.
* * * * *
He couldn’t have predicted how hectic their next semester was. The League of Villains had decided to make a move by combining forces with some crazy cult. The pro-heroes had also decided to use students as child soldiers, something Katsuki could not bring himself to accept. They were kids. How could the adults be so reckless and use children as soldiers, especially when they knew death was a possibility.
Katsuki followed Izuku when he ran off to deal with Shigaraki. He even pushed him out of the way when Izuku got attacked. He didn’t even think about it and just moved.
Of course, it landed him in the hospital for a few days. No one would tell him what was happening with Izuku.
“Hey, man,” Eijiro put a hand on his shoulder. “How ya doin’?”
“That’s a shitty question. How do I look to you? I want to get out of this fucking room and shitty hospital. I want to fucking talk to Izuku. Where the fuck is he?”
Eijiro avoided Katsuki’s eyes.
There’s something they’re not telling him. Something serious. Of fucking course it had to deal with Izuku, that fucking shitty nerd.
“You better tell me right now or I swear to fucking God I will tear this godforsaken place apart and find out myself.”
“They didn’t want to tell you, yet, but I convinced them to let me tell you. Don’t freak out or flip, okay?”
Katsuki grunted.
“Well, Izuku’s alive and here, but,” Eijiro’s voice dropped, barely above a whisper. “He’s in a coma and the doctors don’t know when he’ll wake up.”
The world stopped for a brief second. His heart stopped for what felt like eternity. He could feel his palms start to set off little sparks. He was angry. Angry that the adults hadn’t wanted to tell him that his best friend was in a fucking coma. Who the fuck were they to choose whether or not he got to know?
He didn’t even realize that he was out the door and running down the halls looking for the green haired teen. Eijiro followed, apologizing to the nurses who moved out of the way not wanting to get caught in the teen’s wrath.
“I’ll take you to him.”
Aizawa suddenly appeared in front of Katsuki, placing a hand on his shoulder, holding him firm.
“You need to collect yourself, Bakugo. Follow me.”
Izuku was paler than usual. He looked so different with his eyes closed and no smile on his face. It hadn’t even been a week since Katsuki had seen the nerd’s smile but he missed it. He also missed the brightness of his eyes, how lively they were and how they made Katsuki’s heart burst.
Inko was in a chair next to Izuku’s hospital bed, a handkerchief brushing her eyes. She turned around to face Katsuki.
“Oh, you’re here!” She took him in her arms, embracing him with such ferocity that it felt like his own mom’s hugs.
“Your parents just left to get some food, they’ll be back soon. Your mother was so worried about you and your father wouldn’t stop crying. That’s okay, though, because you’re alright.”
She pulled away from him.
“Auntie,” Katsuki started, “how are you?”
Tears gathered in the brims of her eyes. They started to spill as Katsuki enveloped her in another hug.
“I-I’m okay. I just want him to wake up.”
He could hear her quiet sniffles. They reminded him of when Izuku cried.
“Don’t worry, that nerd will wake up, even if it’s the last thing I make him do.”
Katsuki spent the next few days by Izuku’s side, reassuring Inko that he’d take care of him. There wasn’t a single doctor who could convince or force him back into his room.
“Here’s some of your stuff, brat.” Mitsuki ruffled his hair.
He took his keys from his mom’s hand and put them inside his backpack.
“Thanks.”
After she left, Katsuki took out his journal. He hoped his mother hadn’t opened it or read something by accident.
He stared at the green journal for a few minutes until something clicked. It’s the exact same color as Izuku’s hair. Had he done that on purpose? What the actual fuck?
A new realization dawned on him.
He was surrounded by green. He had been for a while.
1/10
The past few days sucked. I got beat up, Izuku’s in a fucking coma. I don’t know when he’s going to wake up. If he’s going to wake up. He better. We still need to work together and become the top duo in Japan and in the world.
I don't want to lose him.
Fuck.
Only the nurse saw Katsuki asleep in the seat next to the hospital bed, his arm reaching out, hand unconsciously looking for Izuku’s.
* * * * *
Katsuki was forced to attend classes after being discharged. He had fought to stay by Izuku’s side, not wanting to leave him for a second. It wasn’t rational, he knew that, but he felt like if he took his eyes off of Izuku for even a second, the teen would disappear and leave him behind.
Ironic.
He never would’ve guessed that he’d feel scared that Izuku would abandon him. That walking Christmas tree was too kind to abandon those he loved. He wouldn’t abandon his mother, his friends, or Katsuki.
After finishing his first day back, he started to pack up a few things for his trip to the hospital. He was about to text Inko to ask her if everything was okay until he heard some commotion throughout the dorms.
“Hey, did you guys get a letter?”
“Yeah, mine was in front of my door.”
“Same here! Weird, though.”
“Mine’s from Midoriya.”
“Huh, so’s mine.”
Why would Izuku leave letters? What was going on?
The atmosphere on the first level was chaotic. Everyone was huddled around each other and talking a million miles a minute about their letters. From the parts Katsuki could hear, he made out that Izuku told them about his quirk and something about leaving.
Leaving?
Pain overtook his body, settling in the pit of stomach. It had only been a day. Just one fucking day and Izuku was already doing some stupid shit. Why hadn’t he contacted Katsuki?
Ochako’s voice took him out of his thoughts.
“Bakugo, can we talk?”
She led him to an isolated corner far from the commotion.
“Did you know about this? Is that why you two got closer?”
He wanted to say no, but he’d be lying, well, at least partially. Katsuki wanted to make up for his past and help Izuku with One For All. He also wanted to be near him because of the comfort Izuku brought to his life.
“Sorry if I sound rude. I’m not trying to imply that you only became nicer because of his secret. You don’t have to say anything by the way, I’m just trying to understand. Hey, did you not get a letter?”
“No.”
Admitting that hurt like a bitch. He was the only one who didn’t receive something from Izuku. Katsuki thought their friendship had gotten better, so why was there no letter for him?
“Oh. Um, I’m sorry for asking then. I thought he left you a better explanation than what I got.”
“What made you think that?”
“Ah!” She started shaking her arms in front of her like Izuku did. “No reason! Just that you two got close and he really lik—admires!—you. Sorry!”
Before anyone else could talk to him, Katsuki left for his room. He didn’t want to deal with all that noise. He knew that it’d annoy him to the point of him exploding random crap.
He settled in his chair and pulled out his notebook.
1/16
He left.
He didn’t want to write it down. He didn’t want to admit how he felt. He didn’t want to even think about it.
Katsuki felt empty.