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The headline reads: “Look What You're Missing, Doctor Who!”
Karen clicks on it with an overwhelming sense of trepidation. She skims the article, then hits 'play' on the attached video before she can stop herself. It's only been a few weeks since Matt has broken it off with Daisy Lowe, but Karen has had enough of his ex-girlfriend to last a lifetime.
When she starts the video Karen expects to bristle at Daisy's over-the-top attempt at winning Matt back, but instead she just feels sorry for her. It's desperate, and totally the sort of thing Karen might have been tempted to do at twenty (although Daisy is twenty-two her inner bitch points out).
Arthur walks in when she's only halfway through, rolling his eyes when he sees what she's watching. “Like there's not enough naked pictures of her already,” he snarks. “What's this one?”
“I'm not sure – looks like a desperate attempt to get Matt back.”
“At this point I can't believe there's anything left she hasn't stripped for,” Arthur groans.
“Just the kind of mad thing you do after a breakup.” Karen says, rather more charitably than she feels.
“I can't wait to see what mad thing you do when you finally split from that boyfriend of yours,” he retorts.
“We're not going to split up!” she says automatically, but her heart isn't in it.
Arthur rolls his eyes and shoves her from the chair, stealing the computer from her.
Karen and Arthur have slept together. Once, twice, loads of times. Karen remembers right before the first time, saying something about how it would be “for the good of the show” and something about how they should “check the chemistry … for the fans” and Arthur had nodded along cautiously, looking skeptical until she finally had to grab him and snog him before he took her seriously.
Somehow, even now, neither of them considers it cheating, even though they both have partners waiting for them at home. On set they're Amy and Rory. Sleeping together is the most natural thing in the world: even the show more than hints at it. It's almost strange to think that they're not really a couple. But Karen and Arthur do have other lives. Other relationships. In the real world, Arthur's is more serious. Karen has been with her boyfriend for five years and sometimes she thinks that makes it seem like a bigger fuss than it really is. She wasn't even twenty when she started dating Patrick, and somewhere in the back of her head she knows that he is one of those things that will never last. Still, she clings to him because he's safe and warm. Like a teddy bear.
Karen is shaken from her reverie by the Matt's arrival.
“What's going on, Ponds?” he asks teasingly.
“Well we were having a perfectly nice evening. Then you showed up.” Arthur deadpanned.
“Oh stop it,” Karen admonishes, going to hug Matt.
Neither Arthur nor Karen say anything about the video, but before the evening is over, they overhear him on the phone to one of his mates saying, “I haven't seen it and I don't plan to. What would be the point?”
Once he's rung off he rolls his eyes at the two of them. “Have you heard what crazy Daisy's done now?”
Arthur and Karen exchange a glance, but Matt doesn't seem to notice. Instead he takes a deep breath and launches into the story, his hands moving furiously, like they do when he's playing the Doctor.
Karen smiles.
-
Daisy is laughing. That seems to be Karen's first memory of her. They're at a party, Daisy is wrapped around Matt – or maybe it's the other way around? Either way, they're in a corner booth and a second away from snogging each other's brains out. Karen is subtly aware of a prickling of dislike, but doesn't pay much attention. She's got a bloke of her own on her arm (not Patrick, they broke up for two weeks over something stupid – they get back together later after much apologizing and crying) and she's only slightly drunk.
“Let's get some drinks,” she suggests to her date, over the pounding of the music.
“What?” he shouts
“Some drinks?” she repeats
“Drinks!” her date almost screams, with unmistakable enthusiasm as he rushes off to fetch them.
Karen finds herself wondering what sort of witty (and probably slightly snarky, if she's honest) comment Matt would have made had he been with her instead. But the feeling only lasts a second and soon Will – or is it David? – is handing her a martini and she forgets all about it.
Later, she runs into Daisy in the ladies'.
“Your skirt is fantastic,” Daisy compliments her.
“Thanks,” Karen replies, in an almost-sarcastic way that reminds her of Amy. She tries to remedy it, “Your shoes are really lovely,” she says in return, but even to her ears the compliment sounds artificial. For a minute there is nothing but awkward silence. Karen almost turns to leave, but then:
“Are you in love with my boyfriend?” Daisy blurts out.
Karen stares at her and doesn't know what to say. The obvious answer, the true answer – “No!” – hangs on her lips, but for some reason she feels offended and doesn't think that Daisy deserves a reply. She settles instead for a look of withering scorn (at least she hopes thats what it looks like, she is more than slightly drunk by then) and walks out.
Later, she'll wonder why she did it.
-
It happens slowly. Suspicions grow into denial which grow into breathtakingly vivid dreams that wake her up at night. Karen has said before that she is not nearly as brave or confident as Amy Pond. If she was, she would not be with Patrick. If she's honest with herself, finally listens to the niggling in the back of her mind: she loves Matt. She loves Arthur too, but in a different way.
In what she now sees as a desperate bid to end her relationship, she had to do something; had to choose. Arthur was safer, so she tried him first. It seemed selfish of her to want both. So she tried Arthur, and when it worked she pretended that was all she needed. As if having Arthur on set and Patrick at home – parts of two men could somehow make up for what she was missing. That night, lying in bed in the dark, Karen finally sees
“Patrick?” Karen says into the darkness.
“Yes?” comes his sleepy reply.
“I can't do this anymore.”
-
Karen expects her life to change suddenly. Possibly she has been in television for too long, she thinks, when she finds herself being impatient. Mostly life is the same as ever, and she takes it as it comes: one step at a time.
That's why it's both surprising and perfectly natural when she finds Matt standing at her door, panting slightly as though he has just been running. She stares at him a moment before collecting her wits.
“I've broken it off with Daisy.”
“Yeah, weeks ago.” Karen says slowly, wondering who in the conversation was missing something.
“No, for good this time. She thought we had another chance, but the truth is it was over months ago.”
“Months?” Karen asks, curious in spite of herself.
“You, Karen. I've loved you for months. Despite you choosing Arthur over me in the show and on set. Despite you sticking with that dead-end boyfriend of yours, whom you do not seem to be entirely faithful to, by the way,” he adds. “But none of that matters, because I love you. And I'm here for you now.”
For a moment, Karen is stunned. Then Matt kisses her madly, his fingers combing desperately through her hair, his tongue darting between her lips. She has just enough presence of mind to kick the door closed before they somehow find their way to her sofa.
“For me?” she manages to say.
“For you, my beautiful, darling girl,” he replies.
“... Who is mad as a bunch of cats,” she finishes.
He has the grace to look sheepish. “So you saw that did you?”
She raises an eyebrow at him.
“Oh shut up,” he admonishes. “I don't know if you've noticed, but my mouth is rather busy,” he says with dignity.
She laughs, and he swallows it.