Work Text:
The more you hide your feelings for someone the more you fall for them.
“Why are you so quiet?” I looked at his concerned face and those damn warm eyes. The same eyes in my dreams and nightmares, always haunting me.
Goten was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn't even remember what we were talking about, all of a sudden. Oh, yes, he was asking me a very simple question with a more than complicated answer.
How would I tell one of my closest friends that I haven't had the purest and platonic thoughts about him? He was so much older than me, our families were too close and my brother was his best friend to make everything worse.
"Nothing, I don't think I've been sleeping well lately." I shook my head trying to get my thoughts straight.
"It's the wild nights of adventures, you know," said Marron, who passed by to grab a beer at the bar near us. I snorted. It was a world away from the truth, she was trying to bother Goten. However, before I could say anything about her remark, she left.
Marron knew about my feelings and said more than once that they weren't one-sided. I told her she was being absurd. I was convinced that Goten didn't feel the same way. Because more often than not he loves to remind me how he sees me like a little sister. However, she likes to point out his jealousy and mock me. She insists that I've been in denial about everything.
I was caught up in my thoughts that I didn't see Goten getting a little agitated beside me. He was waiting for me to say something.
"Wild nights, huh?" He eventually said as I rolled my eyes because I thought he was teasing me. But when I looked at his eyes I couldn't help but gasp.
"No way! Are you serious? Have you believed her?" I felt insulted.
"Well, you're always going out with those weirdos... Lately..." he shrugged and I knew why he hesitated. Since he started to date Paris, I didn’t hang out or tag along with him and my brother, often. so I had more time for my other friends. Well the girl just hates as much as I hate her
"First, they're not weirdos. Second, our nights out are very tamed.” I said that as I was trying to not sound mad but he still looked skeptical “Well, it’s true. Nearly half of them have their own partners or work at capsule corp.”
“So you aren’t seeing anyone?” I could swear he sounded a little hopeful. What the hell?
“Not that is any of your business but no, I’m not with anyone. When I’m not with the girls, I’m with you or them. And you remember my 3 rules, right?”
“How could I forget? You’re always repeating it, you don’t hook up with friends and coworkers.” He sneered and I rolled my eyes.
“Anyways you told ONLY two and forgot the most important one, never committed men.” Ironically enough, I mused as my subconscious was mocking my old conviction.
“Oh right? How could I forget it?” I could swear he sounded sarcastically bitter.
“And I don’t know what is wrong with that?”
“Nothing… You’re probably right … they’re good rules, things can be too messy. It’s just I...” he seemed nervous and confused like his own thoughts were a mess.
“You?” I looked at him curious about what he was so reluctant to say.
“Forget it... It wasn’t important but you still didn’t answer me. What is up with you? And I don’t buy the lack of sleeping bullshit. Restless nights aren’t a problem. We are Saiyans after all!”
“You just sounded like my dad” I chuckled while he grimaced at the thought.
“You’re deflecting, again.” he pointed with raised eyebrows. Well, I was but it’s not like I’d ever admitted that.
“I already said, it’s nothing.”
“How is it nothing? You were quiet all day and you didn’t make jokes. You passed by me about ten times this weekend without calling me that stupid nickname.”
“Aw, I knew you would grow fond of it, farm boy,” I said, teasing him.
“Why did I have to remember you?” He tried to appear annoyed but I could see the little smile forming on his lips, as my own started to form as well. Suddenly, he gently grabbed my face and I was forced to look into his eyes.
“At least now you are smiling. You know, I hate to see you like this… like something is bothering you,” he said I got lost in his obsidian eyes.
There it was, this undeniable tension that intensified when we talked. Lately, I was unsure of what I wanted or how to act, but when we were together my head spun with the most insane thoughts.
“Hey, what would you do if you started to feel inappropriate things for someone you shouldn’t?” I asked all of a sudden and I could feel him tense. What the hell? My brain questioned my outburst. Why did I start talking with him about this? It’s like all my thoughts cease when I’m around him.
“Like what?” He asked me and I could feel the tension didn’t leave his body.
“I don’t know...” Then he let go of my face and I felt like a coward when he cast his face down.
“Like when you look at someone and realize they are everything you always wanted? But never thought you could find it in your life.” He muttered, as my heart started to beat fast with his words. Then he stared back at me with an intensity I never saw in his eyes before.
“And this person can make you smile even like no one else can?” He stepped closer and I felt like I couldn’t breathe, as he continued. “Or when you see the said person with someone else, all you want to do is claim her as yours, even if you don’t have the right?” He sighed. “It feels like a lost battle and could do something really stupid at any time.
“Yeah, like that.” I let out a heavy breath I didn’t even know I was holding. “ but I don’t want to mess with his life?”
“yeah let’s say if I know a thing or two…” He mused, longingly. “It’s not about screwing things up, but it’s whether you feel it’s worth losing something if things don’t work out..”
“I’m not sure about all the feelings and the consequences, but I know this person is worth it.” My eyes conveyed my intense feelings.
“Well, maybe he wants a little mess in his life? I think you should go for it but only if you are ready…”
“You know Goten, I don’t know what I would do without someone like you by my side.” I smiled at him and then I hugged him.
I wasn’t ready to admit some things, not even to myself, but while I had him near me I knew everything would be alright. In the end, I knew that day would come. The day I couldn’t fight anymore and I would take the risk. The day I wouldn’t care about age gaps and families. The day I wouldn’t be afraid of hurting myself to have something I knew would be worth it even if it didn’t last.
For now, my only option was fighting the best I could for as long as I could.