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When Iwaizumi was little, his life was made of little promises. He promised his mother he would clean his room before dinner. He promised his father he would always be kind. He promised Oikawa they would go to nationals together.
Funny how things work out.
Now he had so many broken promises. His room was a disaster after having trashed it when they came home from semifinals. He all but ruined some of his friendships today with the words he spoke when they arrived back from the game. Seijoh wouldn't be going to nationals.
In fact, he wouldn't be playing another official game with Oikawa. They were headed to different colleges. There was talk of his best friend headed off to one of the top schools in Kyoto if auntie was to be believed. (He didn't. He knew his best friend well enough to know the guy would ask but refuse to go to Kyoto.) Hajime was already signed up for a university in Tokyo.
Perhaps one day he'd understand exactly how an athlete's body was able to withstand the brutal pace it often went through when the person was training for major events. Maybe he would be able to see where he went wrong in making sure Oikawa cared for himself. (His leg was getting worse. They guy hadn't even been able to stand on it when they got off of the bus. He shouldn't have dove for that ball. They were losing! What did one ball matter when Oikawa had a lifetime to go on a knee that was liable to give out?)
He felt his bed dip behind him as someone slunk under the sheet. An arm wrapped around his waist as a chest pressed into his back. The scent of apple shampoo wafted towards him as the person pressed their face into the side of his neck.
"Just because we're neighbors doesn't mean you can just come in here whenever you want."
"Iwa-chan, so mean!" He could already hear the pout in Oikawa's voice, even if it was muffled.
A few minutes passed of silence before he let out a soft sigh. Of course this asshole would come over in the middle of the night. Their families' houses were right next to each other. Their bedroom windows faced one another with only five feet separating them. Oikawa probably saw him rage in his room as he was ripping posters off of his walls, nearly flipping his desk, and absolutely destroying some of his volleyball magazines! Their families had keys to each other's front doors.
He didn't know why he was so surprised that Oikawa would come visit him, but he was.
Perhaps it was the promise he forced his friend to swear that he wouldn't visit when he was angry. Iwaizumi was already loose lipped with the rude names and insults he tossed at the slightest irritation, and he knew how easy it was to speak such ill words that twisted insecurities only whispered at times of vulnerability. Perhaps he never wanted to see their decade and a half friendship shatter the moment he spoke those ill meant words.
Iwaizumi knew he would forgive him, but the stain of what he spoke would always remain. On Oikawa's heart. In the back of his mind. Always whispering a conversation that could never be forgotten and left behind.
"You weren't supposed to come," he said, barely able to be heard in the cover of night.
He heard a scoff. "Like I'd be able to leave you like this Hajime."
"Like this- like what? A mess? A fucking train wreck? A pitif-"
"Needing me," Oikawa whispered.
He quieted. That summation wasn't wrong. He had needed him.
For all the clinging and whining Oikawa did, it was primarily for his benefit. He needed to be held and cared for and touched and loved. He needed all of Oikawa's attention all of the time.
Did he get jealous over the time that was spent with their fellow third years despite them also being his own friends? Yes. Has he ever mentioned this to Oikawa? Hell no.
They were partners and equals. He didn't need to be jealous. There was nothing to be jealous over. They were always together in everything they did. It wasn't like they would ever be apart, but they weren't even going to the same schools once they graduated.
They would be apart. They'd be miles apart. And if Oikawa did take part in those rumored plans of going professional instead of going to college, they'd be separated even further.
He hadn't wanted their official game to end because that meant Oikawa would already be planning his next move on going on with whatever hairbrained idea he had cooked up. It meant they were one step closer to no longer sleeping no further than ten feet apart. It meant there wouldn't be any more midnight visits into one another's bed to make the monsters in their heads settle down.
It meant the promise of never being apart would be broken. Another broken promise in a long line failures.
"You're leaving."
"Not for a while." That didn't matter. Not in the long run.
"You're not going to be in Kyoto with me."
"We'll visit every break." No, they wouldn't. They would have practice games and training camps.
"It won't be the same."
There was silence, several minutes of it actually, before he felt Oikawa shift over him and force him to sit up as well.
"You're right. It won't be the same. We'll hardly see each other. We'll always be busy with other things. But… we'll still have each other Hajime. We will make sure to text each other at least once a day to do a check in. Call a couple times a week. Video chat at least once a week, well maybe not during exams. I refuse to lose you."
Oikawa had been staring into his eyes the entire time with only the distant streetlamp as their source of light. It let Iwaizumi see the shining flecks of gold that were hidden in Oikawa's brown eyes. At times like this, when there was less of the sure kill cocky arrogance that he developed as puberty set in and more of the quiet and desperate dedication he grew up knowing from the get go. It always made his stomach bubble and force him to realize just how far his affection went. How far he tried to shove it down.
Much further than it should have if they were only childhood best friends.
So he smashed his face into Oikawa's chest and cried. The ugly sobs racked his whole body and he all but screamed out the unfairness of where their lives were taking them. He never even had a chance to tell him, but maybe it was better not knowing. Not knowing if the reason Oikawa stroked his hair was to soothe his obviously upset friend or to ease the heartache of the one he loved most.
Now that Hajime was older, his life was made up of bigger promises. He'd always answer when Torū called. He'd always love volleyball. He'd love Torū even more.