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Language:
English
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Published:
2021-03-21
Words:
869
Chapters:
1/1
Comments:
2
Kudos:
62
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4
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766

Re:action

Summary:

The only thing Celestia needs – at least she convinces herself of this.

Work Text:

"Come here."

Celestia's face is smooth and pale, like a porcelain mask – as it always is. She speaks briefly and calmly, looking straight into eyes. She doesn't want to wait for an answer, so she quickly walks over to Hifumi and grabs his tie, squeezing it like an iron tongs.

"I told you to come over."

For a second, a small smile flickers across the perfectly whitened face. Ludenberg doesn't wait for excuses – she just doesn't need them. Yanking Yamada closer to her, she pulls him into a short, dry kiss. Breaking the contact after a few seconds, he looks at the confused face of the young man with a smile that does not go away, and, smoothing his hair, turns around and gracefully leaves, leaving a misunderstanding frozen in the air.

Lately, Celestia has been doing this more and more often, whether in private or in front of everyone. And she only laughs when she hears questions about whether it's disgusting for her to kiss Hifumi.

No, she wasn't disgusted at all.

She just doesn't care.

Ludenberg knows about Yamada's feelings for her. Anyone, even a completely brainless person, could understand this. And Celestia uses this insane attachment for her own purposes - first to make the young man her servant, and then for a completely different, more complex purpose.

Celestia needs a reaction.

Reaction, and nothing more.

It may seem strange, but Ludenberg gets pleasure only from seeing other people's emotions. She often hides her real feelings under a calm face, because what others express brings her much more sensations than any, even the most shocking incidents.
And she found the perfect person to meet her need for such a thing. She knows Hifumi like the back of her hand, manipulates him adroitly, leading him to any emotions – even if it means kissing in public. Ludenberg would do anything to achieve her goal, and something like that would be nothing to her.

Although lately, Celestia is beginning to realize that not everything is as simple as she thought. She is becoming less and less concerned about how devoted Yamada is to her and how much he still loves her. Of course, this plays into her hands, and it's a sin not to use such puppy loyalty for her own good. But at the same time, looking at how sincerely this cute, stupid nerd is happy when he gets at least a little attention, Ludenberg herself feels a certain pleasure. Other people's emotions bring her not so much pleasure as satisfaction of mental hunger, but something strangely pleasant begins to feel more and more often. Sometimes Celes herself wants to smile back sincerely, tenderly, but she quickly throws away such thoughts. No, she shouldn't be so friendly. She's above it.

At least, that's what she insists on telling herself.
The Queen of Liars lies to herself, including her heart. And she knows it, but she doesn't want to admit it. No, Celestia Ludenberg would never fall in love, she only needs someone else's unrequited feelings. Love is stupid. Only Taeko could have done that. But what about Taeko? Who is she? Just an ordinary girl, of which there are millions. Celestia is not like that, she does not want to see herself as a simple person – that's why she convinces herself of her peculiarity, gradually beginning to believe in her own lies. She tells herself not to love, not to regret, and not to give in to any emotions. This is the lot of mere mortals, it can't...

No, Celestia Ludenberg isn't special.

All the lies are shattered into a thousand pieces in an instant, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, realizing that she can't stand it. She is already sick of the hypocrisy surrounding her whole image, she can no longer trust herself. And most importantly, Celes suddenly realizes that what she has always despised Hifumi for is also in her. A fictional, unrealistic world, made up of random fantasies and secret desires, in which she lives and in which she gradually began to believe. A world in which she is better than she really is, in which she is not like so many other people... And which instantly crumbles as soon as the realization comes that this whole life is just another big lie.

Ludenberg can't sleep any more that night. Thoughts stumble in her head, making her body go numb, and she mentally thanks all the gods of this world for not lying face-to-face with the camera.
No one must see her tears.

The next morning, having washed away the last remnants of the night's emotions from her face and properly whitened her skin, Celes is one of the first to enter the dining room. She is silent at the meeting, eating breakfast, not looking at anyone, and only at the very end, when the students begin to disperse, gently touches Yamada's shoulder.

"I need to tell you something."

And for the first time in years, Ludenberg smiles sincerely. She doesn't want any more pointless lies and no more manipulations, and for the first time, she tells the truth to the only person she values even a little.

"I care about you."