Archive of Our Own

Janus sighed, “Patton, i’m not sure about this.” They said, crossing their arms across their chest.

Patton smiled at Janus, waving off the concern, “It’s going to be fine! I’m here, and i know everything there is to know about baking!” He said confidently, holding up a big wooden spoon with a dopey grin. Janus rolled their eyes and smiled, “I’m sure you do, honey, but i on the other hand don't know a thing about baking."  

“It’ll be fine! A simple sponge cake is easy-peasy! I promise.” Patton said, pecking a quick kiss on Janus’ cheek, “Now, apron time! It’s a very important first step, along with washing your hands.”

“Alright, i’m not at that basic of a level.” Janus huffed. Patton laughed playfully, grabbing two aprons, he handed one to Janus. “Look how cute they are!” Patton cooed, looking at the filly baby blue aprons with little ducklings on the pockets.

“Half of the things in this house are cute and fluffy because of you, and the other half look like they belong in a murder dungeon because of Remus.” Janus sighed, shaking their head. Patton grinned and winked playfully, “It’s the perfect home!”

He grabbed a few bowls while Janus got out the ingredients they needed. Patton placed the bowls down on the counter and glanced at the recipe on his phone. He didn’t need it really, he’d made this same cake about five times, but just in case. He called out to Janus, “We just need the flour and vanilla extract now.” He said, eyes scanning over the rest of the ingredients already set out on the countertop.

Janus came back carrying both the things they needed, placing them down on the counter. Patton smiled at them, “Alright! Let’s get started. We need to measure everything out, so…”

Excluding the spilling of flour, and the time it took to clean the flour up, plus the great egg shell war of 2021, a successful and non-disastrous batter was made and poured into the cake tins. “We did great! Now we just have to bake them and decorate!” Patton said, clapping his just-washed hands together.

“Hey! You flicked water on me!” Janus huffed, wiping their face with their hand. Patton giggled, “Oopsies! Sorry Jannie. Hug apology!” He said, grabbing Janus’ arm and pulling them forward for a hug. Janus sighed, and Patton could practically feel them rolling their eyes for the tenth time that day, (who knew baking was such an eye-rolling activity?) but they hugged him back, wrapping their arms around his torso and leaning into the hug. 

“Patton, we need to set the timer.” Janus said suddenly, pulling away. Patton gasped, “Oh, right!” He laughed at Janus’ unamused face as they went to set the timer, “Awe, come on, aren’t you having fun? This is valuable boyfriend bonding time!” 

“Yes, but it won’t be fun if we burn the cake, Patton.” Janus sighed, shaking their head once more. Patton walked back over to them, booping them on the forehead before giving them a quick kiss on the nose. “Boop kiss!” Patton called. Janus’ face flushed pink, and Patton giggled, "Awe!" Janus turned their face away, "I'll get you back for that." 

When the cake was baked and cooled, they got to work on decorating it. Janus got some frosting on their hand while trying to scoop it into the piping bag, so decided to get their revenge by booping Patton on the nose with a frosting covered finger, leaving the frosting behind on Patton’s face.

Patton blinked a few times, trying to register what they’d done, then gasped, “Jannie, you booped me!” Janus gave a smile, “Boop.”

They frosted the cake together, with only a few more frosting attack boops, and put it into a clear airtight container so it wouldn’t dry out. They wanted to try it, of course, but they also wanted to wait until Remus was back so they could try it all together. Even though they both already knew Remus would just shove the cake into his mouth with no consideration at all.

To their luck, the front door opened a few moments later and an unmistakable voice rang through the house, “I’m home, my lovely bitches!” They’d both learned long ago that despite the words not-so-friendly nature as a general rule, when Remus said it to them, he meant it with love. His own...weird kind of love.

He came bounding into the kitchen, grinning widely, “There’s my favourite hoes. Whatcha’ two been up to while i’ve been gone?” He asked, wrapping his arms around Patton’s waist from behind. Patton smiled, turning his head to look at Remus as the other nuzzled his head into Patton’s shoulder, “We’ve been baking!”

“Really? Baking you say? Mm, that’s why it smells like raw eggs in here.” Remus said, sniffing the air. Janus shook their head, “Only you would be able to smell raw eggs, that are no longer even raw, over the strong smell of vanilla and multiple other things you should be smelling.”

Remus grinned, “Why, thank you, my dear!”

“Oo, we can try it now! We made vanilla cake, and we put chocolate frosting on top since you find just vanilla too plain.” Patton said excitedly, gently pulling away from Remus’ grip to go get a knife to slice the cake with. "How thoughtful of you!" Remus said dramatically, putting his hand over his heart. Patton beamed at him, "Of course!" 

He sliced three pieces, handing his partners one each, “Hopefully it’s good! Janus wanted to learn how to bake better, so this is a start!” As expected, Remus messily shoved the cake down his throat, but he gave a messy, chocolatey toothy grin to them both, “It’s yummy!” He said, spitting out cake crumbs as he spoke.

Janus huffed at their boyfriend, “You have no manners.” But as they took a bite of the cake themselves, they couldn’t help but agree. It was a really delicious cake, probably thanks to Patton knowing the recipe practically off by heart, but still, it was nice to know they helped a little themselves, too.

“I think this is a great success!” Patton said cheerily, smiling brightly. Janus nodded, “Yeah, it’s a good cake. I’m kind of exhausted now though, baking is a lot more stressful than it seems. All those aesthetics make it look so peaceful.”

Patton nodded and chuckled lightly, “Yeah, it can be tiring, especially when you’re new to it. How about we all go watch a movie or something?” He suggested, looking between his partners. They both nodded and agreed, and they headed into the living room to watch a movie.

Remus grabbed the remote before either of the other two could, “Nah ah! Not today!” Patton pouted, “But Remus… i don’t wanna watch anything intense or scary right now...” Remus shook his head, sitting down in the middle of the couch and taking Patton's hand, “No, no. I know that would be my usual choice, but, today, since you both worked so incredibly hard on baking together, we’re going to watch something i usually would never pick and we’re gonna cuddle.” He said resolutely, as he put on, somewhat begrudgingly but still wanting to do something nice for his partners, a Disney film.

“I don’t think a very simple vanilla sponge recipe was that incredibly hard .” Janus scoffed with a smile. Remus put his arm around them and pulled them close, “Hush and take the compliment, sweet cheeks.”

He put his other arm around Patton, who lent his head on his shoulder while Janus rested against his chest, and as the opening credits for The Lion King started to play, a calm, comfortable peacefulness settled between them. The Lion King wasn’t the worst Disney film, at least someone tragically died at the start, Remus thought. He briefly lifted his arm to grab a couple blankets from behind them on the back of the couch, throwing one over each of the two people he had cuddled up to him, turning them into a fully-complete cuddle pile.

He heard two content sighs from either side of him and couldn’t help but smile. There was nothing better than giving his two favourite people a good cuddle after a long day. It was perfect.