Work Text:
As a scientist, I’ve always had what some others may consider an… odd perception of the word “perfection”.
I always thought that perfection simply can’t exist; it’s a hypothesis, a concept- something we can strive for, but never truly achieve. No matter how hard we attempt to iron out mistakes in ourselves, or in something we produce, some flaws will always remain- even if they’re so small that we may not even notice.
Weird, isn’t it? How we humans strive for something unattainable, so far out of our reach, that even the concept itself seems silly when you really think about it. Something that can’t possibly be improved, something complete, something that has reached its peak. My entire life, I’ve been convinced that the concept of perfection is silly and stupid…
And yet...
When I look at you… When you laugh maniacally, channeling all of your energy from your diaphragm, you look so stupid that I just wanna hit you. When you call me your Assistant, it pisses me off; why can’t you just call me by my name already?!
But then, when you tell me that you’ll always be there and help me because I’m your companion- your friend… It makes my heart jump with joy because I finally have someone who I can truly call my friend, someone who’s willing to argue with me and stand up to me, and someone who’s willing to help me and look out for me.
But it also makes my heart… ache. It burns, with the intensity of a thousand suns. You say that you’ll make sure your “dear subjects” will stay safe and happy, but-
What if I want more than that? What if I want more than to just be a friend, or a “loyal assistant,” as you put it in your chuunibyou-way? What if I want you to keep looking out for me… always?
This feeling, it keeps burning stronger and stronger- a blaze so powerful that I can feel my very soul being burnt to a crisp.
…
My whole life, I've tried to do everything on my own, refusing any help, freezing my heart in place. I was stubborn, and I still am… That’s the reason why I haven’t told you how I really feel yet. But even still, despite my stubbornness and despite the walls built on a foolish notion of "protecting myself"...
You called out to me. You tried to save me. You reached out a hand to me.
For the first time… Someone was there for me.
As much as I hate to admit it-
I love you.
I love Hououin Kyouma, the stupid Mad Scientist who will do anything to keep his loyal subjects safe. I love his stupid jokes, his stupid smug grins, his stupid boisterous laugh, his stupid delusions, I love everything about him.
But God, do I love Okabe Rintarou. That higher voice register that I hear so rarely from you, that caring side of yours, put on display for me and only me. I feel honored to know that you trust me enough to tell me about your troubles... and that you’re also there to listen to mine and try to help in your own, stupid way.
For everything you’ve done for me, I love you. And I was too scared to admit it, even to myself. But now, now that you’ve told me how you feel, I…
I think I realized that perfection might just be a bit closer to humanity than I originally thought. And it’s standing right in front of me; wearing a worn-out lab coat, having a severe case of chuunibyou, but also so caring and loving.
As my hands pull your face down by the collar of your lab coat, I can feel my heartbeat speed up. Those feelings… That burning sensation in my heart, that I attempted to ignore out of fear and stubbornness; It feels as though it’s burning hotter than ever before- and yet'n despitr the heat, I find it mending the burns of the past. The flames of love scorching within my chest, they melt the walls of ice that I built up in an attempt to defend myself; opening up my heart for you… and only you.