Chapter Text
Seven years was a long time.
Many people said that time heals everything, but Mingyu disagreed. Time was not the best medicine, as they used to believe; oblivion was. What you forget stops hurting, and the good thing about time is that it helped in the process of erasing a bad memory from the mind. The biggest problem in his oblivion plan lay in the fact that the tall man, with smooth and shiny light brown hair, had been blessed - or cursed, as he preferred to say on the quietest nights -, with a great memory. Forgetting was an arduous task even for something as powerful as time, and that scar still hurt even after so many years.
Countless things remained the same: Incheon International Airport, for example, was one of those things. It was still full of unknown faces that passed by too fast, too busy in their own worlds and problems, but Mingyu didn't care about that. The only face he really wanted to see was there, smiling, holding a modest piece of paper with his name written in romanized form. His mother was a caring woman.
“Mingyu!!” his mother greeted him with a tight hug. “I missed you so much!”
“Always exaggerated, isn't it, Mrs. Kim ?! We saw each other 5 months ago.”
“Yes, but I had to fly to the United States. I missed seeing you around here.” So dramatic, thought Mingyu. He had seen his whole family at Christmas the year before, at his holiday home on the Rhodes Island, United States.
“Drama” he joked. “Where's my dad? And Minseo?”
“Minseo said that she will only speak to you after she is accepted into Yonsei” she replied. Minseo was very different from Mingyu, who knows, maybe it was because of the ten years of difference between them. While he hated studying, his younger sister dreamed of studying laws at one of the best universities in the country.
"And this is how she welcomes the best brother in the world?! I am terribly disappointed" he closed his eyes and shook his head, pretending to be offended.
"Let's go home, Mingyu" '
They laughed, walking through the busy airport to the parking lot. Mingyu packed his bags before sitting in the passenger seat, he had an international driver's license, however, his mother had never let him drive the car, and the laminated document did nothing to convince her to release the steering wheel.
The journey to his family's home was smooth. He chose his favorite songs on the radio since, in the absence of Minseo, he would have no one to fight or share the soundtrack for the trip, as they always used to do when they were younger.
The airport was thirty minutes from the city, which, despite all technological developments in recent years, remained the same: a cluster of tall buildings with gleaming windows and people with their busy lives. He was humming his favorite singer's newest song, and as he felt the vehicle slow down to obey the traffic lights inside Seoul, Mingyu looked at the sidewalk through the half-open window. His heart almost came out of his chest.
Standing at the bus stop. The hair hidden inside a red cap made Mingyu wonder if the strands still carried the usual color; his dark eyes so sharp that they could cut anyone with just one look ... Mingyu had thought his skin was strong, resistant against those cuts, but he felt like he was twenty years old again, with deep wounds caused by that damned look. The man had his mouth closed, and Mingyu remembered when he told him to smile more because maybe that way people would stop seeing him as an apathetic man. After all, even if everyone in the universe shouted how cold that man was, Mingyu knew it wasn't the truth. Mingyu knew that he, with that closed mouth and blank face, was able to open up and spill out like no one else.
The image of the boy - well, now a man -, waiting for the bus, rekindled the memories of everything they had lived together, everything that even the silence that had enveloped them for so long had not been able to make him forget. He remembered the end, how it all ended exactly as it started, the two of them silently trying to understand what was going on in each other's head, wishing they had the power to read minds like the superheroes they loved so much.
"Mingyu?" His mother's voice interrupted his thoughts. He turned to the woman who was staring at him in confusion. "Is everything okay? I've been calling you for a long time"
"Sorry mom, you know how I get distracted by Eric Nam" he laughed, disguising. "What were you saying?"
"What do you want to eat? We can stop at that restaurant you liked, or I can cook your favorite food"
"That fried chicken restaurant?" Mingyu asked. His insistent eyes went to the sidewalk, where the man was getting on the bus that had just stopped. Mingyu watched him go up the steps and remembered that Wonwoo hated taking public transport. It wasn't him. It was just the nostalgia inside him saying it was.
"Yes, we can stop there before we go home if you want”
"I don't want to, Mom, thanks," he replied with a heavy sigh. He had promised himself that he would look at the whole experience with different eyes, mature eyes that would not be affected by his teenage crush and adventures.
Mingyu was an adult, he had to act like one. But his whole plan had been shattered the instant he had set foot in Seoul. He took a deep breath. It was just a moment of relapse. He would have no others.
The rest of the ride passed as quickly as a blur through the passenger window, and Mingyu was only able to feel comfortable when they arrived at their old home. It was a middle-class apartment that Mingyu had given his parents as soon as he received his first high salary - and even after he told his parents to move to another one because now he could give them a much better place, his parents decided to stay, since the property was much more important than mere physical space. There were all the memories created by the family.
The first thing he did after depositing his bags in his old room - still with the same blue walls and the CD collection he used to listen to - was going to his sister's room. He wrapped her slim body, smaller than his, as soon as the girl opened the door, crushing her face so similar to his own against his chest before moving away, throwing himself on her bed.
"I missed you, little sister," he said, following his sister with his eyes as she went to the table, arranging the books scattered there.
"I know, Mingyu, you cannot live without me."
"Too convinced" he laughed, rolling over on the bed. "How is the last year of high school?"
"Terrible, as I suppose it must be."
"Ah, don't be like that! There is some fun in being a student."
"Not so much. You say that because even when you were a student, your life was never exactly normal. You managed to get distracted from time to time with all those trips and fashion shows"
"That's what beautiful people like me get as a gift from life, you know. You could try ... Of course, after doing some plastic surgery, because I inherited all the beauty of the family and left you with nothing."
"Always a huge asshole, isn't he?" Even though the hostile words, Minseo laughed at his brother, used to the way they treated each other. "And how is your life? A lot of trendy parties, expensive clothes, and scandals?"
"The usual," Mingyu agreed, shrugging. "But it is true that" the usual "in my life always means something new."
"I don't know if there is anything really new in your life," she countered, thinking about it. "A change of host does not make the party any different when the guests are the same."
"Um… you're right," he admitted. "But I'm doing new things, as you can see" he pointed to himself.
"Ah, yes, you being here is certainly a new thing. Why did you come? I don't mean that I didn't want you here, I'm just a little curious ... You avoid South Korea as if the country were interdicted by radiation. "
"Can't I pretend that I missed this polluted and industrial air?"
"Ha! As if New York was the cleanest city ever!"
"I am more on Rhodes Island than in New York, my dear sister."
"Oh, forgive me" she tapped her forehead in a theatrical gesture. "Of course, in the huge, empty mansion."
"Who says it stays empty?" He laughed at his own innuendo.
"Cut it out, Mingyu. Why did you come?”
"Well, I got an invitation from some old school friends who are getting married.”
"And since when do you care for such a thing? When Choi Seungcheol got married, you just sent a gift card.
Mingyu couldn't help feeling a little guilty. Seungcheol had been a great friend during his teenage years; the eldest, who preferred to be called by the nickname “S. Coups ”, always gave him the best advice. It might seem a bit ungrateful, but Mingyu actually avoided returning at any cost ... However, this was a special occasion.
"He decorated the whole new house with my gift card, so don't even disdain it! I'm a great gift giver" defended himself.
"Sure. But gifts don't make up for the lack of presence, Mingyu"
"I know ..." And that was why this time he was in Korea. He knew that sending a gift would be much less painful for himself, or he could just pretend that he had never received the invitation, or that his ever-so-busy schedule had made him forget. But no, he needed to see it with his own eyes, and maybe only then his heart would understand that what they had was finally over.
The conversation was interrupted by the soft touch of the door, where a sweet-faced man was staring at his children.
"Dad!" Shouted Mingyu, standing up to embrace the eldest.
"I was homesick, Mingyu. Come on, come on. I bought movie tickets, let's enjoy the Sunday matinee!"
And even with Minseo's protests claiming that she couldn't go because she was too busy with her studies, the family went to the city's cinema. Mingyu didn't care what movie they were going to watch - he was just happy to be with his family, it felt like he had never left that city.
In the end, his father had chosen a classic dog movie because he knew they were one of Mingyu's favorites. It is impossible not to be emotional, he thought as he watched the shaggy dog running on the beach with watery eyes; the path became difficult with the dog's paws sinking into the soft sand, but it didn't matter, because the owner was there, waiting with open arms.
When they left the cinema, the sun was already hiding among the tall buildings of the city, ready to make room for the night that would flood the sky with its vast star-studded darkness. It was almost time, Mingyu remembered.
The pre-wedding party, to which he had been invited, would begin at seven o'clock in the evening. He had two hours to get ready and face the ghosts of his past. He took his shower very quickly. He knew that if it took too long, the hot water would convince him that it was better to give up on that idea, that it was better to stay home, enjoy those days off with his family and return to the United States. What could change, after all? Wonwoo would be married in a few days and Mingyu, attending or not the wedding, would not change that fact.
He wore his blue suit, as dark as the night sky outside, and as he stared at his reflection in the mirror, he could not help thinking how much he wanted to be like so many people in his life ... People who suffered just enough, those who could move on easily, but Mingyu was not one of those people. Mingyu was the type who cried, the weak type who forced himself to keep going on but kept his fists clenched, clinging firmly in the past, and the foolish moment during which he thought it would be a courageous act to accept the invitation, was now too far in your mind. He should have said no.
With all those insecurities lurking in his mind, he headed for the hotel where the party was taking place. Familiar faces, whom he had purposely avoided for so many years, stared at him, many murmuring not to believe that Mingyu was there and others just surprised. With fake confident steps, Mingyu approached the bar, decorated with flowers in pastel colors - so old-fashioned.
"Wow if it's not the famous Kim Mingyu. Did you decide to pay attention to these mere mortals from the countryside?" The voice behind him made a relieved smile take over Mingyu's face, turning to find Choi Seungcheol.
"Hyung!" As if they were still children, he used the honorific for his older brother; not only to be polite, but because that's how he used to see S.Coups, like an older brother ready to pull his ear if he did something wrong, and equally ready to break the face of everyone who tried to hurt him ... Unfortunately, for Seungcheol to do this, he must know exactly what caused the pain, and Mingyu always suffered in silence. "I missed you."
"I know. I don't know how you managed to survive this long without my presence to save you."
"You're right," laughed Mingyu. "It was very difficult at first, but I managed to make good friends."
"Friends who replaced me ?!" Seungcheol put his hand on his chest as if he was hurt by what Mingyu said.
"Never! But I'm sure you would like them."
"Maybe you should bring them to see Seoul from time to time.
"Or you could visit me in the United States. I think it would be a much better experience."
"I don't doubt it, but you know ... Being a father and husband, my life is very busy and, for some reason, I don't know why, but I don't think you would want me to take a crying child with me to your home. "
"Hyung! What a lie! I love children!" Although he did not know S.Coups' daughter, he had already seen pictures and knew that the one-year-old girl was super cute.
"You love spending an hour with children at most, Mingyu, not a whole day." His friend laughed, obviously, because he was right: Mingyu still lived the life of a young man full of money and was not prepared to take on the responsibilities that came with paternity
"You're probably right," Mingyu grudgingly acknowledged, receiving a whisper of "Probably ?!" "But what about the others? How are they?"
"They are fine. See, Soonyoung" S.Coups said, quietly pointing to those who had been friends with Mingyu throughout his youth. They were spread across the room, all in suits and ties, very different from the memories I had of them in sweaty shirts after a basketball game. "is over there talking to Jihoon."
"That hasn't grown an inch."
"Never say that around him" laughed Seungcheol. "Jeonghan is talking to Dokyeom and Chan ... Everyone is here"
Even though his group of friends was all present at the party, Mingyu felt alone. Perhaps because he had not yet had the opportunity to talk to the one he most wanted. Jeon Wonwoo was there. Idiot, of course, he would, it was his party. His hair was dark as always, styled in a way that Mingyu knew he hated. He didn't smile, but he was there, beside his future wife, his hands resting respectfully on her back as he listened to what one of the guests was saying. His upright posture made Mingyu wonder if Wonwoo had grown a few inches, even though he was sure to remain the taller of the two. Their conjecture was interrupted by a female voice that took possession of the microphone.
On stage, wearing a dress in the same shade as the flowers, the mother of the future bride of Wonwoo drew everyone's attention to her imminent speech.
"On behalf of my dear daughter, I would like to thank everyone who is here today to contemplate this beautiful couple. Nayoung and Wonwoo met during high school, and this relationship has remained alive today, even with all the obstacles that came along the way, like the occupations that the responsibilities of adult life have brought "the woman paused, looking at all the guests until her eyes locked on Mingyu, sitting on the barstool. Looking directly at the boy, she continued her speech. "Or even people who tried to hinder their happiness ... But together, they succeeded, and soon they will be married, forming a beautiful, strong and united family that will never be apart."
The applause was heard around, but Mingyu didn't bother clapping for that pathetic speech. He knew he was not welcome at all, even though he was one of the groom's guests. In fact, he was still trying to figure out how he was invited.
Soonyoung took the stage to speak on behalf of the groom and, out of respect for his friend, Mingyu remained, even though his greatest wish at the moment was to get out of there as soon as possible. To be honest, what he really wanted was to come home, pack his things and take the next available flight. He would pretend that nothing had happened and would go back to his life, always so agitated and full of people that his mind would not even get time to think about the things that afflicted him.
"I, as a good friend of Jeon Wonwoo, wish him all the happiness, and I believe that you all share that same feeling as well. I want you to know, Wonu, that I will always support you, just as I have been doing during all these years, like when you told me that your happiness would be to spend countless sleepless nights, abdicating your own sleep to try to save people's lives. I supported and admired you then, and will continue to support and admire you always. If your happiness is with Nayoung, or with whoever it is, I will also be happy and I will support you.”
And just like Nayoung's mother's speech, Soonyoung left the stage amidst applause, heading towards Wonwoo's open arms waiting for a tight hug. Mingyu was a viewer of the scene that he had seen several times. He had a huge regard for Soonyoung, or Hoshi, as they called the boy when they were in high school, for being so sincere and true in his feelings. He, like Seungcheol, gave their all in the name of the happiness of those they loved. Mingyu remembers when he thought he could use his elders as an example and give his all too, but he forgot that the most important part of the delivery was the person who received it. The person who received the love had to be willing to accept you, which never happened to Mingyu.
However, he remembered S.Coups' words when they talked about his unrequited feelings - never confessing the full truth, being a hypocrite for hoping his friend would fully support him when even he himself could not be fully sincere. "Priorities must be chosen carefully," said S.Coups, and Mingyu wanted to be able to choose those who chose him back.
He felt the flowers suffocate him. Excusing himself, he moved away from Seungcheol. He needed the cold wind against his face, only that way he would be able to breathe again. Walking briskly, he reached the hotel's swimming pool, which was empty at that time. Mingyu sat on one of the loungers, letting his back touch the cold metal while looking at the still water, lit by the small lamps inside that artificial tank.
Mingyu was alone, and the noise of the party lay far away, blocked by the glass door that separated the pool from the hall. His eyes were so immersed in the water that the boy did not realize he was being watched.
On the other side of the glass, Wonwoo had finally found a free moment since the event began - analyzing the situation, he had managed very few loopholes in the past few months, always so full of pending issues for that wedding. He took advantage of the fact that Nayoung had gone to the bar to enjoy the dance floor watered to Champagne Rosé with her friends and ran away from the room, chasing the one he wanted to talk to since the youngest had posted on his Instagram that he would be visiting South Korea for a few days. Wonwoo hardly believed his cell phone screen.
He had sent the invitation to Mingyu out of politeness. Wonwoo knew that Mingyu would not attend, just as the youngest had not attended any of the events given by people who lived with him during his youth. Not that he didn't feel like seeing him there, he just hadn't prepared himself for such a moment, and one of the things that Wonwoo hated the most was when life took him by surprise. He liked to plan for every situation, and he saw the unexpected as an ambush. A trap. And that one, in particular, was just a trap to collapse everything he had managed to build in those years. His life was at peace. He had managed to achieve everything that everyone expected from him, he was at the top.
But why did his heart continue to insist that his life was full of voids? He felt the answer he had been looking for so much there, running his hand through the strands of that unnatural shade of brown that Wonwoo did not like. He approached slowly, not wanting to report his presence so that, if he gave up talking to Mingyu, he could still go back to the security of the hall and, so that the brunette would never know his initial intentions. Holding his breath, in a failed attempt to calm his heartbeat, he caught the model's attention.
"Is that place occupied?" He settled down on the lounge chair next to him as soon as he received Mingyu's negative nod. He wanted to ask how life had treated him during the past few years, he wanted to know if his Korean would now be loaded with an accent, as he assumed that Mingyu no longer spoke the language often. He wanted to know if someone was waiting for him in the United States or if his life really was what the gossip sites said: one of the most successful models, filled with random rendezvous with celebrities or digital influencers he met on the internet. And because he wanted to, he couldn't say anything. However, the silence between them was broken by Mingyu.
"Nice party." His voice was low and did not carry the usual excitement.
"Nayoung who chose everything," Wonwoo confessed.
"She has good taste."
"Clearly, she is going to marry me, right." He let out a short laugh, even though the subject was not funny to him. Mingyu adjusted his posture on the chair, looking uncomfortable. "Enjoying Korea?"
"I believe so. I arrived today, so the only thing I was able to go to the cinema early."
"I thought you didn't like matinees," Wonwoo commented without realizing it, remembering how they liked to go, remembering how they liked to go to the movies at the last hour before the establishment closed.
“I'm on some new shit”
"It's always good ... What movie did you watch?"
"Okay, maybe I’m not really committed to trying new things because I watched a classic: romance movie with puppies. It wasn’t one of the best love movies, but the dog was cute.”
"Sure" Wonwoo smiled. "You know what they say, the greatest films of all time were never made”
"And the greatest love of all time must be over by now," Mingyu murmured, and Wonwoo did what he knew best: he ignored it. He understood that if the conversation was allowed to take that course, it would be impossible to return to the hall and face Nayoung and his future family. His daydreams were cut off by Mingyu's dry laugh. "Or they'll start soon, won't they?”
"Yeah…" He sighed. He couldn't have been too sure in his life, but he was sure that he didn't agree with Mingyu. He reached into his pocket, feeling his fingers touch the round surface of a coin. He pulled it out, staring at the small fifty won written in bronze. A coin of such small value that he used to shoot at fountains, asking for a wish. Perhaps they had never been realized because it was such a small amount, but Wonwoo would keep trying. He closed his eyes and squeezed the coin in his hand before throwing it into the pool.
"I believe it is against the rules to toss coins in the pool.
"I didn't know you cared about the rules" Wonwoo grunted, making Mingyu laugh. The sound of his laughter sounded pleasant to his ears.
"I only break the rules when they are worth it."
"A request to the well of wishes is always worth it."
"Maybe, but it's not a well of wishes, Wonwoo. It's a pool"
"It makes no difference, my wishes never came true"
"How can you not? You managed to graduate in medicine, you live a stable life and now you are going to get married. What wish has not come true?" Mingyu was outraged by Wonwoo's ingratitude towards his life, but he did not expect the answer he received in a whisper, so low that he wasn't entirely sure that Wonwoo had said that or if his heart had made it up in his head.
“If my wishes came true, it would've been you” He had no idea how to respond, but at least he was sure it was not a lie caused by his brain when Wonwoo continued. "If one thing had been different, would everything have been different today? If we had continued with that, would you have given up on moving?”
"I honestly don't know, Wonwoo," Mingyu managed to say. He had resisted shouting that question that had been hanging around inside him for all those years, and now that he had heard it being spoken by Wonwoo's deep voice, the only thing he had the capacity to do was try to control his feelings, which persisted in wanting to overflow his eyes. "We were something, don't you think so?”
Wonwoo opened his lips to answer but was interrupted by a throat clearing from a waiter who had approached without both of them noticing.
"Mrs. Jeon, they are requesting your presence to open the dessert table."
"Sure, I'm going. Are you coming? The party is almost over, but I hope your taste buds still like Korean sweets." Wonwoo winked playfully. His features had changed completely like a mask as if he had never declared anything. Mingyu just nodded, watching the older man returned to the hall. His long legs pushed him further and further away. Nothing much different from what had happened in the past.
Seven years had been a long time.
There were only a few minutes left for Mingyu, as he refused to be present on his wedding day. To be honest, he wouldn't have the courage to look into Wonwoo's eyes again. All he wanted was a few more seconds, but ... It was as they said, the less time you have, the more it is valued. The glass door closed behind Wonwoo, and then the man was wrapped in Nayoung's arms. His time was over.
"But it would have been fun if I could have been the one.”