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Renjun didn’t plan to attend Jeno’s party tonight. He doesn’t want to give Jeno the satisfaction, nor reason to think he changes his mind about the unlikelihood of them getting together. He also wants to avoid even the slightest suspicion that something is going on between him and Jeno. Above all, though, Renjun just simply loathes the guy and what he represents as the most popular guy in school, as well as the school’s resident fuckboy.
So, how the fuck he ends up right in front of Jeno’s house?
Renjun convinces himself he’s just looking out for Jisung, one of his best friends who finds himself in the most unfortunate situation by falling in love with Jeno after hooking up with him last semester. When Donghyuck told him Jisung cried in the bathroom after talking to Jeno, Renjun has dropped everything to come here, ready to fight.
Ignoring the hordes of horny and drunk teenagers hanging around the front yard and terrace, Renjun marches inside and immediately greeted by Donghyuck at the foyer, already drunk out of his mind. Renjun stretches his neck out toward the sea of people filling up the house to look for the eye-catching pink hair. No sign of Jisung anywhere.
“Where's Jisung?” Renjun asks.
“I don’t know…” Donghyuck giggles.
“You said he cried in the bathroom!” Renjun frowns, fighting the urge to flick Donghyuck’s forehead.
“Yeah, an hour ago. Now I don’t know where he is,” Donghyuck shrugs and clings to the tall guy standing beside him. “Hey, have you met Lucas?”
Renjun exchanges a glance and a polite smile with the guy. He looks nice and easy on the eyes too, but Renjun couldn’t care less about anyone other than Jisung at this very moment.
“Let me look for him…” Renjun says as he takes off his coat and shoves it into Donghyuck’s arms, before crossing the living room toward the backyard. Still no sign of Jisung. He turns around to go back to Donghyuck and immediately bumps into someone. He looks up, ready to apologize when he finds Jeno, looking back at him with a wide smile on his face.
It was the first time they talk after their date ended abruptly a week ago. It annoyed Renjun so much, because he had to lie to his friends for the damn date. Besides, Renjun only agreed to come just so Jeno would apologize to Jisung after essentially ghosting him. Still, it didn’t feel good when Jeno decided he had better things to do than spending time with him.
“You came,” Jeno murmurs.
“Yeah…” Renjun nods, looking away awkwardly.
“You should’ve told me,” Jeno says.
“Have you seen Jisung?” Renjun asks, ignoring whatever Jeno’s attempting.
“Yeah, probably an hour ago?” Jeno shrugs.
“What did you say to him?” Renjun asks—accusing him, more precisely. Whatever they talked about, it must’ve been Jeno’s fault that made Jisung cried. “Did you tell him about us?”
“Is there an us?” Jeno raises his eyebrows, smiling teasingly. “I didn’t know.”
“You know what I mean…” Renjun rolls his eyes.
“No, tell me more,” Jeno teases.
“What did you say to Jisung?” Renjun repeats his question. Instead of answering, he just looks at Renjun intently, still with a playful smile. Renjun furrows his eyebrows together, trying to threaten him to answer. It only makes Jeno chuckles. His eyes crinkled when he laughs, Renjun finds out.
“He wanted to hook up. I said no,” Jeno finally answers. “Then he left. I haven’t seen him since.”
“It’s your fault, by the way. Jisung already forgot about me, but you told me to apologize, now he likes me again,” Jeno says, before Renjun can say anything. Though begrudgingly, Renjun admits Jeno's right. He thought Jisung would feel better if Jeno just admits he’s an asshole, but the apology backfired and only validate Jisung's vain belief that he and Jeno would end up together.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Renjun frowns, before someone shouts, a little too loud. They both turns to find the source of the sound. Two policemen are standing by the door, clearly looking for the owner of the house. Jeno moves so fast to greet them, leaving Renjun behind.
“Can I help you?” Jeno asks politely.
“Are you the owner of the house?” One of the policemen asks Jeno. He nods right away. “You need to end the party. Your neighbor sent a complain.”
“Sure, okay,” Jeno sighs, letting the officers announce the party is over and tells everyone to leave. They all leave the house obediently, picking up their coats and shoes from the rack. Renjun decides he should leave too, but he couldn’t find his coat on the rack—or anywhere, in fact.
Renjun walks out to the terrace, looks beyond the fence, and shouts for Donghyuck. The only person hears his call is the girl who warn Jeno about the policemen. Renjun gets back inside, finding Jeno still hanging by the door, watching everyone leaves.
“Hey, can I borrow your phone? Donghyuck left with my stuff,” Renjun says. Jeno hands him his phone without a word, before walking toward the speaker to turn off the music.
Renjun doesn’t remember Donghyuck’s number, but blessedly, Jeno has Donghyuck’s number saved on his contact. Donghyuck doesn’t answer though, probably too preoccupied with Lucas—they're probably hooking up somewhere, at this very moment. Renjun considers it for a second and calls his roommate, Yerim. He remembers her number by heart, in case for an emergency. When Yerim doesn’t pick up, he left a voicemail, asking her to call him back in this number because he doesn’t have his coat, phone, and keys.
“Did he pick up?” Jeno asks as he closes the door after the last of the guests leave.
“No, but I called my roommate. I asked her to call your number back.”
Jeno hums and takes his phone back. Renjun follows him inside, looking around the house with interests. It looks bigger, now that it’s empty. The party guests left quite a mess in the living room, but Jeno doesn’t seem concerned. He picks up one of the bottles scattered around the kitchen counter and pours himself a glass. He’s about to pour another one before turning toward Renjun.
“Do you want some?” Jeno asks.
“I don’t drink,” Renjun says.
“Of course, you don’t,” Jeno scoffs. He puts down the bottle and takes a sip of the alcohol. His eyes stay on Renjun’s, following every flicker of his movement. Renjun starts to wonder whether he had made a terrible decision by staying. He could just run home, actually. His other roommate, Doyoung, would open the door for him. But it's still in the middle of the winter and he would rather die than going out without his coat.
“When will your parents come home?” Renjun nonchalantly changes the topic.
“They’re not coming,” Jeno chuckles dryly.
“You live alone?” Renjun blurts out, surprised.
“Yeah,” Jeno nods, but offers no other explanation. Renjun thinks about their date a week ago, when Jeno had no problem talking about his grandparents. He seemed to hold great affections for them, but his face doesn’t show the same sentiment now. He looks almost… repulsed, even.
“My dad lives abroad,” Jeno says when Renjun doesn’t say anything. “My mom lives with her new husband.”
“Oh…” Renjun mumbles nervously, surprised by his candidness. “What about your sibling?”
“My brother goes to university in the city,” Jeno replies curtly. “Do you want to drink anything?”
“How about… cocoa?” Renjun asks.
“I think I have some…” Jeno murmurs before walking into the kitchen and rummages through the drawers. Renjun follows him and hoists himself up to sit on the counter, watching Jeno without a word. Away from all the allure of his popularity in school, without any trace of the usual half brooding, half smoldering eyes he usually got going on, Jeno actually looks like a regular teenager. Still handsome, but a normal teenager, nonetheless.
“Oh, here it is…” Jeno pulls out the package from one of the drawers.
“Baking cocoa?” Renjun chuckles, recognizing the brand of the cocoa Jeno is holding.
“It’s good, I made an entire flask of this before,” Jeno says.
“Don’t tell me this is the same cocoa you brought to the hill,” Renjun snorts. Jeno took him to the hill where they can enjoy the view to the city on their date. He brought a flask of cocoa for them. It was a nice gesture, but Renjun still refused to have any, just to be annoying.
“You would’ve known it’s good if you just took the cocoa back then,” Jeno muses as he reaches for the pan behind Renjun, getting too close for his liking. Renjun tries not to flinch. He doesn’t want Jeno to think he’s affected by the proximity.
Jeno doesn’t seem to notice, because he goes ahead and brews the cocoa powder with some milk in the pan. Renjun takes a seemingly clean mug from the counter and gives it to Jeno.
“Making yourself at home, huh?” Jeno grins. Renjun just gives him a deadpan look.
“Why don’t you live with your mom?” Renjun asks.
“Because she’s a bitch,” Jeno replies.
“Hey!’ Renjun frowns. Jeno throws an impatient look at him, as if challenging him to say anything about it. “She’s still your mom.”
“Yeah, and?” Jeno retorts.
“You don’t have to be sexist about it,” Renjun snorts.
“She’s an asshole, then,” Jeno says. When Renjun still gives him an exasperation look, he adds, “What? Women aren’t capable of being an asshole?”
Of course, they are, but it still feels wrong for two guys to talk about a woman this way, especially when the woman is Jeno’s mother. Renjun doesn’t know the whole story, though, so it’d be best if he just drops the topic instead of prying on Jeno’s private business.
“Did my roommate call?” Renjun asks instead. Jeno shakes his head as he stirs the cocoa. Renjun snorts, “You have to check your phone!”
Jeno rolls his eyes and pulls his phone out of his pocket, before showing him his screen. No new call or text. The cocoa boils over the pan, making Jeno curses under his breath. He quickly turns off the stove and pours the cocoa into the mug.
Renjun brings the mug back into the living room. He sips his cocoa quietly as he looks up to the skylight on the ceiling. The sky is bright tonight, even the shape of the cloud was clearly visible to naked eyes. He turned his head around, trying to see if he can see the moon from here.
“What are you looking for?” Jeno asks. Renjun stops moving, then, suddenly feeling self-conscious now that he realized Jeno is watching him. The faint smile on his lips made Renjun even more embarrassed.
“Nothing…” Renjun murmurs sheepishly. Jeno is sitting on the windowsill, holding a lit cigarette between his fingers at the outer side of the window—clearly trying to keep the smoke away. Renjun sits down on the sofa and puts down the cup on the table. An acoustic guitar is left next to the table and he reaches for it right away.
“You even have a guitar? You must’ve used this to seduce girls,” Renjun mocks.
“Not just girls, boys too,” Jeno says casually, chuckling. Renjun doesn’t know whether he’s being serious or just playing along to his teasing.
“What song do you usually play?” Renjun asks, as he strums the guitar lightly. He tries a few, watching how Jeno reacts, coaxing, “This must be it, right? Girls love this song”, or “Come on, it’s a gay anthem!”. Jeno mostly just laughs, with the same crinkle in his eyes, that sent a twinge straight into Renjun’s heart.
Then Renjun starts an old song, his dad’s favorite. The first line goes, ‘Saying I love you is not the words I want to hear from you’. Jeno puts off his cigarette, as if he doesn’t want any distraction from Renjun’s singing. The way Jeno gives him all his attention is a little too much to handle, so Renjun glances down instead as he continues the song.
Renjun finally looks up after the first verse, feeling his cheeks blush when his eyes immediately meet Jeno’s. The other guy doesn’t even hide the admiration in his eyes and the amused smile on his lips. It’s sweet, unlike the come hither look he expects coming from Jeno. Renjun’s hand freezes in the air, a little too long for him to continue singing, so he pretends he actually wants to stop and puts down the guitar.
Jeno’s phone buzzes before he can say anything. He pulls it out and checks the screen, before saying, “I think it’s for you.”
Renjun takes the call and immediately complains to Yerim that he lost all his stuff. It’s an exaggeration, really, but he has to do it to excuse his decision to keep staying in Jeno’s house instead of going home.
“That sucks! Well, just call me when you get here, I’ll buzz you in,” Yerim says. “I’m already home.”
Oh.
“Okay,” Renjun murmurs before hanging up. He gives the phone back to Jeno, mulling over what to do in his head.
“Is she home?” Jeno asks.
“No… she’s…” Renjun rakes his brain for a believable lie—or any lie, really. “She’s still in the city. She’s staying over in a friend’s place. So…”
Jeno doesn’t say a single word, but his widened grin already tells Renjun what he’s thinking about. Renjun is so embarrassed, he wants the floor to swallow him whole, but he still tries his hardest to keep his expression straight. Even though, really, who is he kidding here?
“Let’s go to sleep, then,” Jeno says casually. He gets up and leads Renjun upstairs, straight into his room. Renjun is so nervous, he doesn’t even notice this is the first time he’s alone with a boy he’s attracted to in more than two years. All Renjun is thinking about is Jeno will see through his lies and he will not be able to bear the shame of it all.
“I can sleep on the sofa,” Jeno offers.
“No, it’s fine…” Renjun shakes his head, before claiming the left side of the bed and slipping under the blanket. “As long as you keep to your side.”
“Well, this is my bed, so both sides are mine,” Jeno grins.
“No…” Renjun scoffs as he arranges the throw pillows to mark the border between their sides. “That one is yours and this is mine. So, I’ll appreciate it if you respect my personal space.”
“Sure,” Jeno muses, still with a grin. He undoes his buttons and takes off his shirt and jeans. Renjun respectfully keeps his gaze down, fighting the urge to stare at Jeno’s body.
“Are you going to sleep with your clothes on?” Jeno asks incredulously.
“Yeah,” Renjun snorts. He’s not going to strip his clothes off on the first night they spend together. Jeno shrugs and takes off his undershirt. This time, Renjun cannot resist a glance at Jeno’s upper body for just a couple of second. It’s enough to notice Jeno’s toned chest and abs. Renjun gulps down and turn away as Jeno climbs into the bed, before lying down next to him.
“What do you want for breakfast?” Jeno asks.
“I’m not going to eat here,” Renjun replies curtly.
“Soybean soup? Okay,” Jeno murmurs.
“You’re such a cliché,” Renjun huffs.
“Yeah, because my parents abandon me in my childhood,” Jeno says, a little too casually for something so tragic. No one jokes about this kind of thing if they didn’t go through it themselves. Renjun feels a pang of sympathy in his chest and an urge to comfort Jeno. He wonders if this is just one of Jeno’s moves—using his sob story to get someone under him.
“But you like me for it,” Jeno adds.
“No, I don’t,” Renjun snorts.
“Yes, you do,” Jeno muses. “You like me so much, Huang Renjun, just admit it.”
Renjun chooses not to grace him with an answer. Then he hears a buzz from Jeno’s phone, and he turns to his side, watching Jeno reads his text with an inscrutable look on his face.
“Why? Do you have to ditch me again?” Renjun jokes.
“No, it’s from Yerim,” Jeno grins. It was as if Renjun’s stomach drops from the surprise. Fuck. Now Jeno really caught him red-handed. He turns away again and buries his face on the pillow, dreading to talk about this.
“She said, she’s sleepy and she doesn’t want to wait for you anymore. She asks are you going home or not,” Jeno doesn’t even hide the smugness in his voice. “I’ll just answer with, “Renjun is so keen on me, he insists to stay”.”
“Hello? When did I ever say that!” Renjun immediately crawls into Jeno’s space, trying to snatch his phone away.
“Excuse me? You’re in my space!” Jeno jokes, stretching his arms away to keep his phone out of Renjun’s reach. “We have to respect each other's personal space, remember?”
Renjun ignores him and tries to take his phone one more time, to no avail. He huffs and slumps back into his side, before lying down again, with his back facing Jeno.
“You like me,” Jeno states. Renjun doesn’t have it in him to lie again, so he doesn’t excuse himself this time. Jeno can think whatever he wants about Renjun’s feelings for him.
“Just tell her I’m coming home tomorrow,” Renjun finally says.
“Okay…”
Renjun considers it for second before murmuring, “Goodnight, Jeno.”
“Goodnight, Renjun,” Jeno whispers back. Renjun swears he can hear his smile. Jeno turns off the light and lets the darkness fell upon them. Renjun smiles to himself and curls inside the blanket. He’ll just deal with his lie tomorrow. Tonight, he’s just going to enjoy this moment and the company.
Even when he has to do it behind everyone’s back.