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The subtle sizzling of the cracked egg against the hot pan pulled Victor out of his tired breakfast-making haze. He watched as the edges of the egg slowly turned white as they were cooking.
He released a small yawn, leaving the stovetop to begin making coffee. 4 scoops of grounds, fill the pot with water, press the button. That was easy. He returned to the stovetop, cracking another egg in.
Victor was happy to let Yuri sleep, despite Yuri’s protests of “wanting to get used to waking up early even off-season” Victor wanted him to sleep. It felt nice to be able to float through making their breakfast without worrying about Yuri watching him. Calculating everything in his head, Victor having to nag him or suggesting he puts his attention toward something else.
He left the stove again making his way over to the refrigerator. Grabbing some apples to slice up, along with some bread to toast. He scurried back over to the stove taking note of the fully cooked eggs. He scooped them onto 2 plates.
2 eggs each, some sliced apples, 2 pieces toast with peanut butter on it, coffee with milk for Yuri, black for him. He added final touches a sprinkle of cinnamon to the toast as well as the apples. The spread looked quite good if Victor could say so himself.
9:30
Yuri would be upset if he let him sleep any longer, but Yuri had been working so hard recently, having to lower the intensity of his programs for the sake of his health had been really hard on him. Even though Victor insisted once his recovery was farther along he could increase intensity again, and he could still do well with just his performance. But it still exhausted Yuri not being able to work to the intensity of his liking, to keep himself from getting too focused on his frustration and anger over it all. Victor was exhausted having to see the person he loved going through it, he could only try his best to imagine the difficulty of having to actually go through it.
Victor set both plates down across from each other and sat in his normal seat. Placing silverware down next to each of their plates. He rested in his seat and waited.
9:35
“5 more minutes let him rest for 5 more minutes” Victor whispered to himself scrolling through his socials.
Instagram reminded him of a post he had made today one year ago.
A picture was taken from their post-Worlds vacation in Hatsetsu. Mari agreed to take a picture of the two of them out at dinner. Hindsight really was 2020. He scrolled to a picture of himself wrapping his hand around Yuri’s waist...he should’ve noticed then how small Yuri’s frame was becoming, He scrolled to another photo of him kissing Yuri’s cheek, he remembers Yuri hating the photo saying “his face looked too puffy” it didn't. A photo of Victor's dinner from that night...Yuri had just watched him eat while barely touching his own food, he said he was feeling sick, a selfie of Him, Yuri, Minako, and Mari. Victor zoomed in on Yuri’s face, it was that face he always made when he didn’t realize his picture was being taken, He already looked so sick, his tired eyes, his small face...Victor hadn’t noticed at the time...How hadn’t he noticed?
He snapped out of it placing his phone face down on the table. No point focusing on the past. Yuri was getting better. He needed to be present, to support Yuri now.
9:40
Victor stood from his chair, leaving breakfast on the table, trusting Makkachin wouldn’t eat it.
“Yuri it’s time to get up” He gently knocked on the door before turning the handle.
“Yuri!” he smiled before pausing to see the sun poking in on an empty bed. Yuri must’ve just woken up since their bed wasn’t made. Victor slowly made his way to their bathroom. And paused. He could hear rummaging through cabinets. Stay calm.
He gently tapped his knuckles against the door “Yuri are you ok.”
The rummaging stopped.
Victor sighed
“What are you up to, come on, talk to me” Victor spoke as soothingly as he knew how to, his hand slowly making its way down to the handle
“Where did you hide it” Yuri whispered from the other side of the door
“Hide what, I don’t know what you mean”
There had been silence before he heard Yuri speak again loud enough for Victor to hear but shaking with embarrassment.
“.....The scale.”
Victor paused “It’s not hidden anywhere I threw it out, the doctor said the scale shouldn't be in the house” before turning the handle to open the door. He paused looking down at Yuri who was sitting on the floor in front of the open cabinets under the sink. His face tucked away in his arms.
“Yuri...” Victor crouched down next to him before gently stroking his hair
“I just need to check. I'll still eat breakfast I promise...I just need to see” Yuri spoke into his arms still refusing to look at Victor. He knew Yuri was crying.
“You know I can’t Yuri I’m sorry” Victor whispered trying to conceal his worry, he wrapped his arms around Yuri pulling him close “I’m sorry” he whispered into the top of Yuri’s soft black hair kissing the top of his head.
Victor felt Yuri rest his weight into his arms.
“I know…” Yuri cried lifting his head to look at Victor, tears rolling down his bright red cheeks, his eyebrows furrowing. A bitter frown on his face.
“I know I'm just…I don’t want to be mad...I know you’re helping me but.”Yuri was hiccuping between almost every word.
“It’s ok Yuri, breath” Victor tried to soothe him by rubbing his partners back
“No, it’s not!” Yuri pulled away standing up. He pressed his palms into his eyes while turning away from Victor “It’s overwhelming how little control I have over...Over Everything!”
Victor was taken back a bit “I’m sorry I-”
“Why are you apologizing, I’m the one who stopped eating now all I can do is watch myself get fatter every day and worry everyone who cares about me!” Yuri yelled, his back still turned to Victor
Victor shot up from the ground placing his hands around Yuri’s face. Holding it there so Yuri had to look at him
“Yuri, listen to me, this isn’t your fault ok!” He spoke the firmest he possibly could “You need to stop saying these things about yourself.”
Yuri tried to pull out of Victors grasp but couldn’t
“Look at me! You are allowed to be mad you are literally fighting your own brain, please give yourself a break!”He raised his voice slightly pushing his gaze into Yuri’s brown eyes.
Yuri Crumbled back into Victor's hands, leaning his face into them
“I hate this.”
“I know” Victor kissed the top of Yuri’s forehead “I’m sorry you have to wake up feeling like this I wish I could make it easier for you.”
“You already do so much for me…” Yuri rested his head on Victor's shoulder “this is stupid”
“No it’s not, you’re belittling your feelings again” Victor stroked his back while leaning his head against Yuri’s.
“N-no, the whole reason I got upset is stupid” Yuri pressed his head deeply into Victor's neck
“What happened” Victor could feel the embarrassment of such a simple question twinge up his spine.
Yuri pulled away walking outside of the bathroom, Victor followed silently sitting on their bed, watching Yuri grab something off the floor. Crumpled clothes? Yuri held up a pair of pants to Victor.
“You got these for me last year, for my birthday remember.”
Victor stared up at the crumbled blue denim in Yuri’s hands, he tried to think back...Yes! He did remember, Yuri was upset his favorite jeans had begun to get holes and rip so Victor just got him another pair for his birthday, Victor remember how excited Yuri was to open them, even though it was such a simple gift Yuri was overjoyed receiving it-
“They don’t fit anymore” Yuri interrupted Victor's thoughts “I’m too big for them they don’t fit.”
“lyubov moya ” Victor sighed sorrowfully looking as Yuri crumpled the fabric in his hands
“This is so stupid” Yuri’s voice became croaky as if he was holding in tears he buried his face in the jeans.
“You aren’t supposed to fit clothes Yuri they’re supposed to fit you, we can just buy you new ones” Victor quickly responded, he didn’t want to see Yuri cry more.
“I don’t want new clothes I liked all of my old ones, I hate how everything feels tight...it’s just a constant reminder of how much weight I’m gaining” Yuri choked again letting more tears shed from his eyes.
“You need to gain weight to recover lyubov moya, it’s you getting better” Victor responded rushing the words out.
“Victor what happens if I can’t stop, I don't want to keep buying fat clothes...what if I get so gross you can’t look at me anymore, what if-” Yuri was rambling spilling his fears into the air.
Victor immediately stood up, he wanted to comfort him somehow, this was still so new for him, He wrapped his arms around Yuri squeezing him tightly. He felt Yuri’s weight collapsed in his arms as if he were melting into him.
“I love you so much. I will always love whatever you look like because your body is where Yuri lives and I love him more than anything ok” Victor pressed a kiss into Yuri’s soft black hair.
“I remember when you first fainted at the rink, and I knew something was wrong but I didn’t say anything...and then when you were bruising so easily and you were getting sicker, not being able to function...you weren’t happy, I wasn’t happy, but when I look at you now” Victor backed away from the hug placing his finger under Yuri’s chin gazing into his eyes “I can see you're laughing again” Victor smiles releasing a small breath. He can feel tears begin to well up in his eyes, he quickly blinked them back “On Monday we watched a movie on the couch together, and you sat in my arms and you laughed and you were warm and I felt like I hadn’t heard that laugh in...in..in so long” Victor paused as he felt Yuri’s fingers swipe tears from his cheeks. He sighed leaning into Yuri’s hands.
“I know this is hard, and I will never be able to fully understand, But you’re doing so well, and I’m so proud of you, and even on days when it’s hard, I still love you and I’m proud of you, a bad day of you recovering is and will always be better than a good day when you’re sick” Victor kissed Yuri’s palm still pressed against his cheek.
Yuri pulled his hand away, turning his gaze away from Victor. He looked at his reflection in the mirror across the room, looking at himself up and down before looking back at Victor “You’re so patient with me...and you don’t give up on me, When I have a hard meal and have to sit there for an hour… or when I’m stressed that the bathrooms are locked, or I’m mad that I’m not allowed to do as much at practice, you listen and you try to understand…I love you so much” Yuri smiled pressing his face into Victor's chest, and wrapping his arms around him he could hear his heartbeat feel his warmth “you’re trying your hardest too, and I appreciate it.”
Victor kissed the top of Yuri’s head again, cherishing the touch and Yuri’s words with all he could. “What do you need me to do right now, and I’m all ears” Victor whispered pulling Yuri even tighter
Yuri released a hum “I really should just wear my sweatpants today...We can buy clothes, later. Just right now stay with me here ok.”
“I’ll always be here with you” Victor smiled into Yuri’s hair “I’m getting hungry can we eat now.”
Yuri pushed closer into Victor's hug “ok.”
Victor smiled pulling out of the hug “You’re really pretty when you listen”
Yuri laughed pushing him away “Shut uppp!” He covered his face with his hands.
His laugh brightened the room, brightened Victor’s life. He looked down at his smiling husband as they walked together to the table. Victor gently squeezing his hand before they both began to eat.