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The night was approaching fast, faster than Otto wanted. He looked ahead to where Awsten was walking ahead of him let his eyes linger for just a moment. Just a moment was all he needed, really.
He sighed. It wasn’t that the fair they’d decided to go to was a bad one-- it was pretty good, actually. They had some pretty good rides and even better food. (“That shit is so unhealthy, Otto.” “You gotta admit, it’s delicious.”) Plus, he got a whole evening of hanging out with Awsten, something he never got tired of.
No, none of that was the issue. The issue was Otto’s feelings.
Damn feelings.
Awsten slowed his pace, letting Otto catch up with him. “You good?”
Otto shrugged. “Tired,” he lied. It was a believable lie: they’d been at the fair since noon. Awsten, however, remained lively as ever, and seemed to be able to continue going for hours.
Otto was about to beg him to let them leave and sleep when Awsten gasped and stopped in his tracks, staring up into the sky. Otto followed his gaze and was met with a large ferris wheel, spinning slowly, lighting up the fair with its multicolor flashing lights.
“No.”
“Come on, I love these things,” Awsten pleaded. “This will be the last ride, I promise.”
“That’s,” Otto reminded him, “what you said about the last ride. And the one before that. And the one before that. And-”
“Please?” Otto glanced back at Awsten, who was-- dammit, he was doing the puppy eyes. Fuck, he hated the puppy eyes, but fuck, he looked so cute.
“Fine,” he groaned. Awsten’s eyes lit up in excitement and he grinned brightly, grabbing Otto’s hand and dragging him toward the ferris wheel. Otto tried not to focus on how small and soft Awsten’s hand felt wrapped around his. He tried not to be disappointed when Awsten let go.
Luckily for them (or just for Awsten), the line wasn’t long at all. While they waited for the current loop to finish, Otto looked up at the ferris wheel. He wasn’t scared of heights or anything, nothing like that. He was more nervous about spending all that time in an enclosed space with Awsten. Just the two of them.
If he was more confident about his feelings, maybe he’d do something about it. Maybe he’d pull the classic win-a-plushie-for-your-crush, then the kiss-while-the-sun-sets. But the sun had already gone down, and it was too late, and Awsten was his best friend, and he’d keep his mouth shut if it meant ensuring that Awsten would always be there.
He would do anything for that boy. Even if it meant breaking his own heart in the process.
“Hello? Earth to Otto?” His gaze snapped forward, to where Awsten was snapping his fingers. “Huh?”
“We’re up, man.”
“Oh,” he murmured. “Right.”
Awsten giggled, striding forward and holding the door of the passenger car open. “After you,” he declared with a little bow.
Otto snorted and clambered in, holding onto the wall for balance. It was a little shaky, but nothing he couldn’t handle. He settled into the seat, and Awsten followed, sitting in front of him. One of Awsten's legs was tucked underneath him, while the other was tucked to his chest. Hmm.
“You nervous?” Awsten asked playfully.
Yeah. “Nah.” Otto gave him a (hopefully convincing) grin, then startled as the ferris wheel began to spin. Awsten laughed at him, and Otto gave him the finger, making him laugh even harder. The two went back and forth like that for a while before settling down.
Otto turned sideways to look out the window. They were steadily rising, and everything looked so far away-- the rides they’d gone on, the places they’d gotten shitty food from, the rigged game stands-- they all looked so tiny. Like figurines.
He glanced over at Awsten, who was doing the same as him, except instead of looking down, he was looking up. Otto looked up too, and saw that while he’d been gazing at the fairgrounds, the stars had exploded above them. He looked back at Awsten, whose eyes were wide with wonder, and thought about maybe, possibly--
The ferris wheel stopped spinning with a loud clunk. Otto and Awsten made alarmed eye contact, then looked around and at the other passenger cars.
“It stopped moving,” Awsten observed.
“No shit, dude,” he replied. Internally, he was panicking, but he pushed it down. “They’ll fix it soon, don’t worry.”
“Right.” Awsten looked back up at the sky. “Anyway, this is nice, too.”
“Yeah,” he agreed, although he really wasn’t talking about the stars. Awsten glanced at him, and as their eyes met, Otto wondered if maybe he wasn’t talking about the stars either. Otto tore his eyes away, but when he carefully glanced back, Awsten was still staring at him. He brushed at his hair self-consciously. “What?”
“Nothing,” he replied casually. Too casually.
“Do I have something on my face?” Otto asked, biting his lip.
Awsten laughed in response and shook his head. Then his voice took a more serious tone. “Otto…”
His heart beat began to pick up. He desperately hoped that Awsten was about to say what he thought he was going to say.
Another heavy clunk. The ferris wheel began spinning again.
Otto sighed and looked away. It served him right, honestly. He had the perfect storybook to confess his feelings, and he blew it. Maybe next time, he told himself. Lies. That’s what he always said, but he never did it. Lying to himself was so much easier.
Awsten seemed just as lost in his thoughts as Otto was as the ferris wheel rolled to a stop. The two of them were quiet as they exited the passenger car, a little too quiet, and Otto was honestly so stupid to think that Awsten was gonna all of a sudden have feelings for him, that he was gonna make a move, so stupid, stupid, stupid.
But then Awsten reached out for his hand again, this time waiting with his fingers barely grazing Otto’s, asking for permission. Otto hesitated for a moment before holding his hand, their fingers intertwining. Awsten swung their hands back and forth a bit, and Otto’s heart lightened, just the tiniest bit.
He would do anything for that boy.