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“Mikan, I think we need to talk.”
Hajime knew how badly that sounded even before he said it. He saw the look of horror on Mikan’s face the moment the words left his mouth. He was sure he’d be feeling just as worried if he heard her say those words to him. He did try to reassure her it wasn’t anything negative, he really did just want to talk but… it was something that he felt he needed to bring up.
He led Mikan to his room and offered her the desk chair while he sat across from her on his bed. Seeing her hands shake made him feel guilty, even if he had tried to make sure she knew the dreadful words wouldn’t be bringing bad news with them.
He was slightly surprised when she took the initiative to start the conversation. “A-are you m-mad at me?” the words squeaked out of her, the fear in her voice felt palpable. She was the very picture of nervous, her eyes shifting to look anywhere that wasn’t his face, her hands wringing each other, her shoulders so tense to made his own shoulders hurt just looking at them. “Please don’t be mad at me! I’m sorry…!”
“I’m not mad, Mikan,” Hajime firmly assured her, “I promise.”
Mikan gulped, unconvinced. “B-but it has to be because of what happened, r-right?”
Hajime let out a silent sigh. While this really wasn’t anything awful, he still felt nervous having to bring it up. What prompted this little talk had happened earlier today. Most of his classmates were hanging out with each other in the cafeteria, Hajime having a surprisingly deep conversation with Chiaki about the lore of an action game she had been playing with Nagito intently listening in.
A squeak followed by a crash caused all the conversation between everyone to come to a halt and immediately turn to the cause and Hajime’s eyes widened. Mikan lay on the ground in a very revealing position that had become sadly familiar but also increasingly rare as their time together continued. Her leg seemed to have caught on the strap of Kazuichi’s bag and caused her fall, but Hajime knew her well enough to know that the chances of this being an accident weren’t high.
Of course, he was instantly on his feet and helped detangle the strap from her ankle, pulling her skirt down to salvage her dignity. He had made sure to ask if she was okay and through her embarrassed sobs, she assured him she wasn’t hurt as she snuggled into his arms.
“Wow! Just when I though the pig barf was getting better!” Hiyoko mocked but tensed when Hajime sent a glare at her. Still, he had thought on a similar line as her, albeit in a much less condescending way. It did seem like her ‘clumsiness’ was dying down. He didn’t think he needed to try talking about the issue with her, but it seemed that wasn’t the case. So, he helped her back on her feet and excused the two of them, leading them out of the cafeteria and towards the dorms, Mikan’s tearful eyes looking up at him in confusion. Which soon turned to terror when he said those dreadful seven words.
Hajime took in a breath. Being nervous wasn’t going to help anyone in this situation. He needed Mikan to know she wasn’t in any trouble or he wasn’t mad or that this conversation wasn’t for anything but the fact that he wanted to help her. “Mikan, you know I care about you, right?”
Mikan’s eyes, that had been shut tightly, slowly peeked open. “Huh?”
“You do know that, right?”
“O-of course!” Mikan quickly agreed, “Of course I know y-you care about me! Y-you wouldn’t want to spend so much time with me if you didn’t…”
A small smile crept onto Hajime’s face. He knew she hurried to get the words out to appease him but he also knew she truly did believe them. Now that that’s been established…
“And, as your boyfriend, you know I just want to be here for you as best I can,” he continued. A small, cute blush formed on her pretty cheeks but she shakily nodded. He slowly reached out his hand, slow enough for Mikan to know he wasn’t reaching out to hurt her and giving her enough time to pull away. The nurse tensed at the movement at first but didn’t move, allowing Hajime to take a hold of her hand. He gently uncurled her hand and held it firmly in his own. “No matter what, I want to see you happy as much as I can.”
“Ha… jime…”
Hajime’s smile was slowly replaced by a frown. “You already told me about it, how you’d… do anything to not be forgotten but it really hurts me when you do things like,” Hajime gestured vaguely in the direction of the cafeteria, “Like that to make sure that doesn’t happen.”
Mikan’s eyebrows furrowed before realisation dawned on her. He eyes widened and her face reddened as she tried to stutter out an excuse, “W-what? I-I didn’t…. I mean…!” She practically folded in on herself, her free hand instantly moving to cover her red face and shoulders slouching forward as she let out a pitiful sob of embarrassment. “I-I-I’m sorry! Even though, you’ve been s-so nice to me… even though you care about me … I-I’ve been really s-s-selfish… There’s no way y-you’ll ever forgive me, you shouldn’t forgive me for being such a… such a… trashcan, slut of a girlfriend!”
“Mikan!” Hajime recoiled in horror at the words but quickly composed himself when he felt Mikan try to pull her hand away. He tightened his grip just enough so their hands wouldn’t separate before pulling her forward and wrapping her into a tight hug. Mikan’s form shook against his and he could already feel his shoulder becoming wet from her tears, but he held strong. “I’d never think of you like that. Please, don’t say those things about yourself.”
“B-but, but…!”
“But nothing!” Hajime lowered his voice, trying to sound as calming as he could to the hysteric girl in his arms. “You’re just afraid of being forgotten and there’s nothing wrong with being afraid. I just worry about how you try to… avoid having to deal with it. I really don’t want you to do these kinds of things to yourself or even think that it’s okay to all that just to be noticed.”
Mikan sniffled, wordlessly pressing herself as much as she could into Hajime’s warmth.
“If you ever feel afraid or lonely or want someone to talk to you, just talk to me or call me or whatever, alright? I’m here for you, Mikan and really, if you can’t rely on me to be there for you even when you just want to talk about something dumb or you don’t want to talk at all, then what are boyfriend privileges even used for?” Hajime let out a soft chuckle, shrugging his shoulders. “Is that alright?”
“Hajime,” she blubbered out, finally reaching her arms out to wrap around him, clinging to him desperately. “I-I don’t want to be s-so selfish and this is even more th-than I could ever deserve but… but it’s really, really more than alright!” Hajime smiled dotingly at her, bringing his other hand to stroke her hair. Mikan whimpered but eagerly leaned into the touch. “I’ll… I’ll rely on Hajime!”
For a while, Hajime and Mikan’s relationship felt the same as it always did, with Hajime’s offer still hanging in the air but never being taken up on yet. He wondered if it was because Mikan was worrying over bothering him or if she was over thinking it. He didn’t bring it up whenever they hung out, but he really hoped she wouldn’t resort to her more… drastic measures of ensuring she didn’t feel forgotten before she reached out to him.
Seeing the picture of Mikan he had taken where his girlfriend smile beamed at the camera as bright as the sun pop onto his screen signifying an incoming call from said girlfriend made a wave of relief roll through him. He hadn’t seen or heard any other ‘clumsy’ falls from her – well, none that brought her into any compromising positions – so knowing she decided to turn to him made a warmth of accomplishment fill his chest.
“Mikan?”
“Ha-Hajime, I, uh… I’m… not bothering you, a-am I?”
“No, no, don’t worry about it. You caught me at the perfect time, really. I’m not doing anything important.”
“Ah, I see, I’m glad…” a pause befell their conversation and Hajime could practically see the nurse fiddling with her hands nervously. “I… I’m sorry… I… I wanted to talk to you so I…”
“You don’t have to apologise for that! I’m glad you did, seriously. And I told you, even if you just wanted to call me for no reason, that’s fine, too.”
“Um, o-okay,” the smile in her voice made a smile form on his own face. “Thank you, Hajime.”
And the calls slowly began to flow in and bit by bit over time, it got to being able to to hear his adorable girlfriend’s voice at least once a day through the speaker of his phone. Sometimes, it happened when he was doing some random task during the day, sometimes it was when he was hanging out with his friends, sometimes it was even in the middle of the night. And, he admitted, there were times when he felt a tinge of irritation when she called in less than opportune times but every time he picked up and heard her cheerfully call out his name, it instantly erased any negative emotion he could have felt about it. He knew Mikan just needed a source of constant affirmation until her less than positive views on what people who cared about her should treat her faded just a bit more. For now, he was more than willing to be that source, especially with the now non-existent embarrassing trips and falls she took.