Work Text:
"Astha! Meri shirt dena!"
Hemant screamed from downstairs.
"Laati hoon."
Astha replied and took out the shirt and shut the door of the closet.
Indeed, the doors of her closet remained closed too forever.
She came downstairs with Hemant's blue shirt and handed it over to him.
"Mummy, tiffin kahan hain, bus aa gayi hain."
Aru, Astha's daughter, called out to her.
"Aru, aap socks pehno, main tiffin pack kar rahi hoon, abhi ho jayega."
"Bahu, chai aur akhbar kahan hain?"
"Abhi laayi papaji!"
After almost half an hour of struggling to fulfill the wishes of so many members of the family, Astha finally went upstairs to her bedroom, closed the door, and lied down on her bed.
"Peepli….pahunch gayi hogi na Paris?"
Astha spoke to herself as she looked up at the ceiling.
"Manipulation…..Kya maine galati kar di?"
A drop of tear rolled down her eyes as she recalled those moments with….. probably the only person in her entire life with whom she had fallen in love with.
No, she didn't love Hemant. Though it was right that they had been married for eleven years now, it was also true that it took Astha these eleven long years to realise that there's a difference between selfless duty and selfless love. It has always been duty and responsibility between Hemant and her, over which she had knitted the fabric of love very delicately. And for once, after Peeplika came into her life, she felt that knitted fabric was too fragile, and Hemant's roughness at several points caused that beautiful thing to tear apart.
"Chale jaana chahiye tha mujhe Peepli ke saath?"
Astha stood up and went to her balcony as she thought about the possibilities that could have happened had she left India with Peeplika.
The cool breeze that blew in this morning, touched her face in it's course of blowing.
"Peepli….."
Astha sighed. Peeplika used to touch her face in the same way and push the strand of her hair behind her ears. A simple yet gentle touch of love.
"Pata hain Peepli, aj chaar din ho chuke hain, since you departed for Paris and I departed for my home, again. Mere liye kuch badla nahin hain. Same Hemant ka shirt, Aru ki braids, Aki ka tiffin, Papaji ki chai, aur meri job….. tumne sahi kaha tha, main apni zindagi mein waapas aa gayi. Jaanti hoon, tumhare liye shayad kaafi difficult hain. I learned selfless love from you, and if my insides hurt this much, for sure I can feel your heart.
Jante ho, kabhi kabhi sochti hoon, agar tumhare saath Paris chali jaati, tab meri zindagi kaisi hoti? A door with a hand crafted plate which reads 'Nest of A & P'. Andar aate hi your paintings will greet and our bedroom, it will have a small study with my books, William Wordsworth, Shakespeare, Arthur Conan Doyle…… kitni sundar, perfect hoti na humari zindagi? Just as perfect as your paintings! I miss them! Remember the painting you had gifted me on our anniversary? I have that in my bedroom. It's beauty decorates my room now. The lamp behind me in the picture, tumne kaha tha woh Hemant hain, but no! That's the painter herself! She's the one who has lit up my life, woh Hemant kaise ho sakta hain?
Jab bhi tumhari woh painting dekhti hoon na, I remember the times we spent at your place. Sitting in your arms and eating noodles, or maybe draping your saree or admiring your painting….. even if for a while, even if it was a bubble, it was beautiful to me. I loved every bit of it, phir chahe mera bubble burst hi kyun na ho gayi, it was colourful at some point.
Hemant ke saath shuru se hi meri responsibilities ka rishta hain Peepli. Itne saare responsibilities mein pyaar ke kachche dhaago se ek zindagi buni hain maine... in gyarah saalon mein. I knit this fabric with so much concentration that I never realised the needle had pricked my fingers innumerable times and had caused a deadly bruise on them. Shayad kabhi samajh bhi nahin paati, aise hi bunte jaati, agar tumne unhe pakad ke, un ghavon par marham nahin lagaya hota. You showed me that to knit love, it has to be both ways and it should never hurt you. Hemant ke trolley se condoms nikalna, papa ke aakhri gift ko mummy ji ka Timsy ko de dena, yeh saare ghaavon par tumne pyaar ka ointment lagaya. Tumne mujhe sikhaya ki...to be in love, you should not be bound by somebody else's decision. You should be as free as an individual with no bindings. Love should only help you to flourish more in life.
I understand now why you said 'when I'm in love, I'm quite a monster!'. I miss your voice so much Peepli. But trust me, I too fell in love with that monster. You loved me entirely with all that you have. You didn't leave any stone unturned to love me in my own way. You respected every decision I took and let me grow on my own. But then, tumne wahi galati kyun kiya, jo Hemant saalon se karta aa raha hain? Babbu didi ko tumne bataya ta ki….ta ki it's easier for me to take a decision. You nudged me, to get manipulated once again. Tumhare saath Paris jaane ka decision maine nahin liya Peeplika, you took it for me, and created that way through which I could easily walk in. Tumne bhi wahi kiya jo saalon se Hemant karta aa raha hain….manipulate.
I didn't want my children to misunderstand me. They are a part of me. Haan, mujhe Hemant ki koi parwah nahin, mujhe Babbu didi ki koi parwah nahin, mummy ji, papa ji, no one mattered to me. Only my children and you did. Agar us din main tumhare saath chali gayi hoti, mere bachchon ko yahin samjhaya jaata ki unki maa galat thi. Unke maa ne ek aurat se pyaar kiya jo ki galat hain.
We are not wrong na Peepli?... We love each other. That's it. That's the story. How come loving someone is wrong? Agar kuch galat hain toh woh inki soch hain. Lekin aj se kai saal baad jab main India waapas aaungi, ya apne bachchon se miloongi, woh kabhi mujhe accept nahin karenge. Yahin sochenge ki unki maa galat thi, unhen bewajah ek aurat ke liye chhod ke chali gayi. And somewhere, I didn't want them to misunderstand you. You are there for removing misunderstandings, for removing misconceptions, how can I let my children misunderstand you?
Mujhe ek aur rishte mein manipulated nahin hona tha Peepli. Kaash, kisi din tum samajh jao, ki neither did I want to get manipulated, nor did I want my children to misunderstand us. These are the only two things which made me take the decision of not going to Paris with you. Trust me, my insides tore apart when I told you I won't go. Every tear in your eyes seemed like a drop of acid on those raw wounds on my fingers which you had once tainted with the ointment of love. But….huh! Anyways…..
Today, I'm talking out my heart in this breeze. They say, a breeze travels round the world to take your message to someone you love, if you say it with all your heart. I hope meri baatein bhi yeh hawa tum tak pahunchay, tumhe meri orh se gale lagaye, aur yeh kahe ki how much Astha misses her Peeplika, how much she misses them being together, how much she misses their time together….
Kaash, phir kabhi tumse mulakat ho. Kaash, I see that same longing, same love, and same carefree nature in your eyes…. Maybe it's wrong that I think so...….just come back some time Peepli. I love….."
"Arrey bahu, nashta nahin doge kya? College nahin jana?"
Astha had been speaking to that gentle breeze which blew past her balcony. She came back to reality when her father-in-law called her to serve breakfast.
Astha sighed and smiled.
"I love you Peeplika Khan. You'll always be the most special person in my life."
Saying so, Astha left the balcony and then her room. Every stair that she climbed down seemed to take her back again to her regular life of duty.
One step towards duty and responsibility, one step away from Peeplika, her love, and her own life…...