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Daphne Bridgerton married Simon Basset in July 2013, she'd not long turned 22 and everyone told her she was too young, too immature to get married just yet but she did not care.
After a whirlwind 9 months of dating her brother's best friend when he'd asked her to marry him she'd not given it a second thought, she wanted to spend the rest of her life with this man, she wanted a family and to grow old with this man, so of course she said yes.
The wedding had been everything she'd every dreamed off, it was a small affair but it was elegant and the reception, well that wasn't small and as the Bridgerton family, more importantly, Violet Bridgerton, knew how to throw a party. It had been incredible.
However, now... not even 12 months later, she felt all her dreams were in tatters as she sat in a taxi crying on her way to her older brother's house.
Her mind unable to quite comprehend the conversation that she'd just had with her husband.
Daphne was so organised, she kept tabs on everything, it was part of why she was soo good at her job, she'd spent her life trying to organise and corral her 7 siblings, she'd planned and coordinated events from the age of 8 and now her role in Human Resources, meant she kept Bridgerton Enterprises running smoothly with the right people.
She'd had everything prepared, she was ready as she always was for her period, but it did not come. One week... two weeks... even three weeks. It hadn't arrived.
She wanted children but she wasn't sure if she wanted them yet, she was only 22 after all and she and Simon were still using condoms...she'd offered to go on the pill or get the implant but he said he "didn't trust them" so despite not likely them, she'd agreed and they'd carried on so how...?
Simon had stayed late at the office that evening as he had the VAT returns to submit for BE so Daphne had left on time. She'd stopped off at Boots on the way home, and picked up a test and was sat, her hands on her face with the box in front of her. She didn't want to do this with Simon not at home but they'd never actually talked about children.
If he wanted him, Daphne knew Simon had, had a difficult childhood, how he'd never actually wanted to have kids, to marry, how he'd never wanted to fall in love but after he'd told her he loved her, that he wanted to marry her, she assumed that it meant he wanted kids as well.
It was after 7 when Simon came home, Daphne was sat still on the sofa, desperately wanting a glass of wine but if she was pregnant, if there was the chance she might have been pregnant, then she didn't want to be drinking. She wouldn't risk her child with alcohol.
"Honey i'm home" came Simon's voice as the door shut.
"in the living room" Daphne called, her voice strangely hoarse and nervous.
Simon walked in "is... is everything alright?" he asked walking to pour himself a drink
"Ye...yeah" she replied taking a deep breath.
Simon took a sip of his drink and turned around to look at his wife, his eyes then catching on the box on the table and he felt his stomach dropped to his toes
"D....daph?" he asked "what is that...?"
"a pregnancy test...?" she said as though it was obvious
"i can bloody see that... what is it doing on our coffee table?" he asked panic riddling his voice
"i'm late... so, i might be..." Daphne said simply
"But... but.... how???" Simon asked, terror flooding his entire body
Daphne shrugged "i don't know... maybe one of the condoms ripped... or had a hole in? i don't know... but does it matter?"
Ripped...
oh good god
Simon was transported back to the night Daphne had gone out to interview Kate Sharma, Daphne had rolled in around 2am, drunk. Completely and utterly shitfaced on Gin, she was giggling and had woken him up in his absolutely favourite way with her mouth.
They had sex, she'd ridden atop of him but she was moving too slow so he'd flipped them over and as he'd finished, both of them completely spent and as he'd pulled out to dispose of the condom he'd noticed a small tear. He was sure at the time he'd done it as he'd pulled it off. Daphne had passed out next to him but he was sure it would be okay.
But it wasn't... oh dear god.
Simon sat down opposite his wife, his legs completely going from underneath him.
"of course it bloody matters" he groaned, rubbing his face.
"why?" Daphne asked "i know it's a surprise but surely... one day in the future you wanted to have a family of our own... to have kids" ask said tentatively.
Simon gave a small, almost unnoticeable shake of his head.
they'd never discussed this since their marriage, he'd never told her. He probably should have said something but he thought she'd understood about his past, he'd never wanted to marry, he'd never wanted to fall in love or have kids. yes he'd changed his mind about love and marriage but the kids, that remained the same.
"no?" Daphne asked, seeing the slight shake of his head... "what do you mean no"
Simon swallowed "I told you... i didn't want..."
Daphne felt all the colour drain from her face, her stomach dropped and she felt sick.
"No you didn't! You told me you changed your mind... that you loved me and wanted to marry me!!" she screeched at him
Simon flinched "i did... i do... but Daph... i didn't change my mind about kids" he said his own fists in balls.
"You lied to me!" Daphne said standing up. "You lied to me" she said staring at her husband.
"you knew I wanted children at some point, but you didn't tell me!" she said her voice harsh and full of disdain.
"Daph i never lied to you! you knew!" Simon said looking up at her.
"Tell me why... why do you not want children" She said crossing her arms staring at her
"You would't understand!" he said angrily. How could she, a Bridgerton, who had never had to go through what he went through, the abuse at the hands of his father, understand that overwhelming fear of failing. Of being like his father. because of the neglect and abuse he suffered as a child all because he couldn't speak.
Daphne scowled at her husband, anger and fury crossing her face like he'd never seen before "Poor little Daphne... she won't understand because she's too stupid... too dumb to understand anything is that it?" she scoffed, her tone sarcastic and full of pity
"no it's not that at all!" Simon said, his own voice raising
"then WHY SIMON?" she screamed at him. She looked etherally beautiful in her anger, her chestnut hair almost looking red and like flame to go with her fury.
"MY FATHER" he roared back "i vowed i would NEVER EVER be like my father."
Daphne stood there and gapped her him, her eyes bugged out and she looked like she was going to throw up "So a vow you made to your father who died 5 years ago means more to you than our wedding vows?" she asked, her voice so cold it could have frozen the air.
Simon just said quietly "i made a vow"
Daphne took a deep steading breath "thank you for explaining" and she stalked from the room,
"Where are you going?!" SImon roared after her
"OUT!" She cried back, scooping her phone and keys up throwing on some ballet pumps and grabbing a coat and handbag, she stalked out of the front door, and ran down the street towards the main road to catch a taxi, not listening to her husband roaring at the door for her to come home.
She jumped into the first taxi she could find and gave the first address she could think of... her older brother.
Praying that he would be home she threw some cash at the driver and ran up the stairs to his townhouse in Mayfair, the lights where off. Shit... was he out, it was 9pm on a bloody Tuesday! He should be home!!
She banged on the door, "Ant!! Anthony!!!" she banged for about five minutes before crumpling to the floor and sobbed, pulling out her phone she went to her contact her thumb hovering over Ant B and calling him.
It took more rings than usual and his voice was a little sleepy as he answered "Daph..."
She sobbed unable to get her words out "Daph! What's the matter!" his voice full of panic.
She sobbed "I... We.... had.... fight" she cried
"where are you?" Anthony said soothingly down the phone.
"outside your house..." Daphne said quietly
"shit... right... i'll be twenty minutes Daph. stay right there" He said.
Daphne made some sort of noise of agreement, almost sure she heard a woman's voice complaining but the call cut out.
She waited, after 10 minutes it started raining by the time Anthony pulled up in his A5 she was soaked through.
Anthony ran up the stairs, scooped his sister in his arms and carried her into the house and grabbed towels to dry her off.
"it's okay Daph. I'm here" Anthony said, his arms around his sister. Rubbing her arms and back as he tried to get some warmth into her.
He turned on his gas fire and sat her in front of it, it might be May but he didn't need his sister getting sick. Simon had been calling Anthony's phone pretty much non stop for the last hour since Daphne had left.
He'd sent him a text as he left Sienna's saying Daph is at mine. Do not come over. not sure what is going on but i'll sort it. if you have hurt my sister i will kill you. A
He grabbed some of the spare clothes of Eloise's that were still here from when she'd crashed and dropped them in front of Daphne
"Change daph or you'll catch your death. i'll make some tea and we can talk okay?" Anthony's voice so paternal it nearly made Daphne start to cry again, she gave an almost imperceptible nod of her head.
Anthony left the room and headed to his kitchen putting the kettle on and making two mugs of tea.
He sat down in front of his sister, his strong sister who even at 11 had dusted herself off and helped her mother, helped their sisters when he and Benedict failed to understand what was going in, and his heart broke to see her like this. He hated that his oldest friend had fallen in love with his sister, he had fought so hard against it but he knew they were well suited. He knew he deserved his sister... most of the time.
"So do you want to tell me what happened..." he said softly taking her hands.
Daphne's lips quavered and she filled in her brother, of her late period, of thinking she might be pregnant, how Simon had reacted, how badly he'd taken the news of her possibly being pregnant, how he'd lied to her, how he'd made some sort of vow to his dead father.
Anthony groaned and ran his hand through his hair "Daph... i'm sorry but you said he told you before you started seeing each other he didn't want kids... or wedding or love" Anthony knew the last two well. He didn't want that. He couldn't afford that, Love and Marriage weren't for men with limited time.
Daphne glared at him "He told he changed his mind about love... and marriage" she said venom in her words.
"but not kids...?" Anthony asked.
Daphne paused for a moment. She thought, she was thinking. Had he said anything...
"But I don't understand why..." she said sadly "just some Vow against his father!" she wailed. "he hates his father more than he loves me" and she broke down in tears, hunched forward, throwing her arms around her brother and sobbed into his shoulder.
His heart was breaking as he held his sister. He didn't know why Simon made that vow, he knew his father wasn't a good man but he knew his friend. Daphne sobbed her self to sleep. Anthony curled his sister up on his sofa and tossed a blanket over her.
He picked up his phone with a sigh and called Simon. "if you're lordship isn't too drunk do you want to get your fucking arse over here your damn wife is asleep on my sofa having cried herself to exhaustion"
Simon grunted, he'd been pacing the the entire living room since the moment Daphne had left, thinking.
he'd messaged Anthony, he'd sent about 30 texts, tried calling 40 times and only unti he got the message to know Daphne was save did he drop his phone.
He'd poured himself another drink.
He'd stared at the unused pregnancy tests on the table. He picked up the offending box and launched it across the room swearing as he threw it.
He cursed his father, his cursed his entire upbringing.
How was he supposed to be the man Daphne needed him to be, how was he supposed to be the man Daphne deserved. He loved her, he loved her desperately and wanted to be there for his wife. He wanted to give her everything that her heart desired but he didn't know how.
He felt sick and disgusted with himself turning to the brandy, turning to the drink just like he'd seen his father do so many times before he'd packed him off to boarding school. He was doing the exact thing he swore he never would.
He left the house, thankfully having only had two drinks and jumped in the car, tearing down through the streets of London to get to Mayfair.
He jumped out and ran up the stairs to Anthony's door and with a deep breath knocked once and entered.
Anthony came down the hall, he looked haggered and rather pissed off.
"in here" he said gesturing to his home office.
Simon followed him.
"Drink?" Anthony asked, Simon shook his head.
"What's going on. Where's Daphne?" Simon asked.
Anthony sighed and ran his hand through his hair "passed out on my sofa, she's in a bit of a state" and he crossed his arms "i should tear you limb from limb for making her cry, i warned you, if you ever hurt my sister, i would kill you" he said, glaring at his oldest friend.
Simon sunk to a chair, looking older than his 29 years. "it's complicated"
Anthony took a seat "She told me. She told me that you flipped out about her maybe being pregnant and about some stupid vow you made your father"
Simon groaned "you know what he was like. you know what he put me through, or at least most of it anyway"
Anthony nodded "yes and you're nothing like your fucking father Simon. i'd have never in a million years let you marry my sister if i thought you were anything like that wanker" he said honestly.
Simon looked up at his friend in confusion, the question in his eyes.
"Mate, seriously, you'd think i'd let someone marry my sister, given how important family is to her, if i thought they'd hurt her, or any family you may or may not have. Or who might hurt my family"
Simon gave a small shake of his head. The fight they had gotten into at the BE Charity event had left him with a black eye for 6 weeks and some very bruised ribs, so he knew fine well how protective Anthony was of his family.
"I've seen you with Hy and Greg... I get the fear Simon... trust me I do... but I know you love Daph and as much as I cannot comprehend it, she seems to love you as well" Anthony continued.
Simon stared at his friend, in their entire friendship, through Eton, though Oxford, Anthony had never really been this serious with him. they'd joked about, they'd had an open and easy friendship but after the death of his father, Anthony had stepped into the role of head of his family and he loved his family fiercely and Simon was starting to realise, he was part of that family now.
"I do... i do love Daph but Anthony, I... I don't know what to do... I don't want to lose Daph but I don't know how to do any of it... if i even want kids or any of that" Simon said with a heavy sigh.
"Until you talk to Daph, til you even find out, you won't know" Anthony said with a shrug. "And i am pretty sure that no one is born to know how to be a parent" he added
"Except Daph" Simon said
Anthony let out a bark of a laugh "well... maybe but even she's not been a mother. I am sure that no matter what, as long as you two do it together, I am pretty confident you will be fine" he said simply.
Simon gave his friend a small smile "when did you become so sage with your advice?"
Anthony snorted "Since my sisters hit their teenage years... but they still didn't listen to me... and i've been telling everyone for years that they should listen to me more" he said, his voice light, easing the tension and adding some levity to the situation.
"Thank you Anthony" Simon said "For this... and for Daph. i know it wasn't easy for you"
Anthony laughed "you're telling me... I am sure I still owe you several more punches for breaking guy code number 1" he grinned.
Simon snorted "thou shall not marry thy best friend's sister?"
Anthony grinned "something like that... now... go get your bloody wife off my sofa and sort this mess out. i am going to bed and if i find either of you still here in the morning, you're getting at least one of those punches i owe you"
Simon nodded, rose and shook his friends hand.
Simon left Anthony’s office and made his way to the living room to see his wife on the sofa, he knelt down next to her and said softly “Daphne....”
She mumbled and turned
“Daph... my love please wake up” he said softly placing a hand on her shoulder
Daphne stirred and blinked yawning as she stretched “s..Simon what are you doing here?” She asked her voice quiet, and hoarse from the tears.
It broke Simon’s heart to see her face so red and blotchy from tears and knowing he’d been the cause.
“I came to take you home...” he said softly
Daphne sat up and crossed her arms “and if I don’t want to come home?” She said somewhat stiffly.
Simon didn’t want to have this out in Anthony’s front room but his wife was stubborn so he didn’t think he had much choice.
He sighed “Daph... I’m sorry. I should have said... I should have told you...” he said as he sat on the rug in front of the sofa where Daphne sat and stared at the carpet.
“My father was an awful man... you know that” he said, Daphne nodded. Simon didn’t see but he knew she would have.
“I... I couldn’t speak until I was 5. Well I could but it was such a bad st...st...” he swallowed he hated that he still couldn’t say stutter
“Anyway... Agatha Danbury my mother’s oldest friend came to visit and she then took me in and helped me overcome it. She took me to therapists, to anyone she could to help me” he continued
Daphne watched her husband intently, he looked like he’d regressed to that 5 year old boy and all Daphne wanted to do was sweep him into her arms and hold him and tell him to would be okay.
“We went back to see my father before I went to Eton... he... he was surprised to see us. We went to Hastings House, his law firm, his staff were even more surprised to see us.... he’d... he’d told people” he took a deep breath and swallowed
“That he had no son”
Daphne gasped her hands flying to her mouth in horror “no?” She cried out.
He nodded softly.
“He threw us out. He only ended up paying for my education as I told the headmaster of Oxford that there has been some sort of mix up and he recognised my name and enrolled me.”
Simon had a small smile on his face remembering this, remembering how he would have known his father’s fury at his daring
“By the time I graduated, he was starting to pay attention to me. Or trying to. I had heard rumblings and he was saying that Basset Genes wouldn’t produce an imbecile and I would be a fine “heir” to his firm...” he shuddered “never mind I didn’t take law... he never wanted a son, he wanted an heir”
Daphne moved and took his hands in hers.
“I left the country two weeks after graduation. I came back when I heard he was dying. I told him I was going to dissolve the firm. That Hastings would end with me and I made a vow that I’d never have children. Never be like him” he said quietly
“I should have told you” he said sadly staring at the floor “I don’t want to lose you Daph but... but... I don’t know how to move past this”
Daphne let our a weary sigh “Simon. You’re father sounds like a fucking horrible man and I’m not sorry he’s gone though I am sorry o never met him”
Simon’s eyes flew up to meet hers
“So I could tell him how much of a wanker he is and how amazing and wonderful his son is. How you are nothing like him and never would be. How caring and gentle you are and all the good and wondering things you do and are”
Simon gave out a small chuckle and the indignation in her voice.
“You are not your father Simon” she said
He nodded
“You are NOT your father” she said again.
“I know” he said confused
“Do you?” He glared at her
“Would you ever reject a child who could not speak... would you ever not love a child because they might not be technically perfect?”
He shook his head
“Then I would have no fear for any of our future children. If you do not want children for you Simon that’s one thing. But to deprive yourself of that possibly because of a fucking horrible excuse of a human being who just happened to be your father... then that’s being a coward” she said simply.
He winced at her words.
“I... just want to be happy” he said “I want us to be happy”
Daphne nodded “Simon... I love all of you. Even the parts you think unworthy of love, all your flaws all your imperfections... I love you” she whispered leaning forward to press her nose against his.
“I am not saying, if I am not already pregnant that I want children straight away... just the possibility in the future of our children, would be nice”
Simon gave a small nod
“Just the possibility. We can talk about it again in the future if I am not...” she said “but If I am....?” She asked hesitantly
Simon pulled his wife from the sofa and into his arms “if you are... then we do it together. We work it out together?” He asked
She nodded tears in her eyes.
“I don’t know how to get past this. To let go of the anger I feel... it just scares me... it’s what drove me to be what I am today...it’s why I’ve managed to succeed” he said quietly pulling her close to him. Breathing in her scent.
Daphne pressed a hand to his cheek “Simon...that is not true” she said fervently
“You succeeded because of you. You’re brilliant and smart and a fucking stubborn arsehole sometimes but I know you. You did all of this because of you not him” she said with a smirk
Simon gave a small unsure look as he went to shake his head but she cut him off.
“If he’d shown you love it would have been easier...” he went to shake his head but she pressed a gentle kiss to his lips “I was shown love. I grew up with nothing but love and devotion and everything is easier with it” she said
Simon gave a small nod
“If we show our children the same... we will be fine” she said quietly. Resting her forehead against his.
“Should we go home and find out?” Simon asked.
Daphne nodded and rose taking her husbands hand as they left.
Anthony smirked from his office door as he saw them leave and locked his door and headed to bed, dreading the inevitable argument that would arise tomorrow with Sienna as it always did when he helped his family.
30 minutes later Daphne and Simon were sat, waiting for the timer to go off, her hands holding his. His leg twitching nervously and Daphne’s heart racing.
Beep beep
The timer went off.
They both felt sick.
“Together?” Daphne asked.
Simon nodded.
They reached over and turned it over.
Negative
Simon felt his gut drop and disappointment crash over him, he felt Daphne shake next to him and he pulled her to him and held her close
“It’s okay, we can keep trying... or start... if... if you’d like” he said rubbing her back soothingly
Daphne’s brown eyes flew up to meet his “Simon? Are you sure... this has to be your decision as much as mine” she said
Simon nodded “I can’t say I’m excited about the prospect. I’ve lived so long thinking never to have children that I wouldn’t know where to start thinking about it” he said honestly
Daphne said “you’ll learn... and I’ll learn with you”
Simon nodded “I... I don’t want to live my life to spite my father anymore” he said pulling his arms tightly around his wife
“I want to be happy, to love my wife, to give her everything her heart desires and more” he grinned brushing her hair from her face
“Oh Simon I've got everything I need right here” she said placing a hand on his heart.
“I love you so much Daph, but that doesn’t compare to how much I’m going to love you tomorrow and each day after that” he said moving his lips closer to hers
“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me” she smiled.
Simon smirked, raising an eyebrow “should... should we head upstairs and maybe practise?” He grinned wickedly
“Oh husband... I thought you’d never ask” she flung her arms around his neck and brought her lips to his as he stood and stalked off to the bedroom.
Yes they were both upset Daphne wasn’t pregnant yet, the arrival of her period the following day fully confirming the negative test but... they knew as long as they were together that was all that mattered children would come when they were both ready.