Chapter Text
If this is the life I was meant to live then that was okay. I have accepted that it is unfair, unforgiving, and painful. But it’s life and I’m not going to give up on it because for some reason something about my existence feels special, even though I can’t really explain it.
My mother had suffered from severe postpartum depression as a result of my birth. I discovered later on that she had never wanted to have kids in the first place but my father’s aggressive coaxing ultimately led her to go off birth control. She never really recovered and was consumed with anti-depressants and eventually began self-medicating with harder substances and getting tied up with dangerous individuals until one day she disappeared. Her body was never found and it left my father a broken man. He was consumed with guilt and self-loathing, originally blaming himself for pushing my mother to have me and ignoring her progressing drug problem. But now he blames me. The agony was too much for him to take and eventually he switched to holding me responsible for my mother’s death. Now a raging alcoholic and a barely functioning human being I avoid him at all costs and try my best to protect myself from his aggressive outbreaks.
Despite growing up with such tragic parents I decided that life was worth living and that there was more to life than my broken home. I dedicated myself to school and friends. I discovered that academics came especially easy to me and school wasn’t difficult. I met some wonderful people and created a network of friends. But I hid the darker aspects of myself because it was easier than trying to explain things to people. Over the years I got good at hiding my pain not wanting to burden others with my personal sufferings. But then things got out of hand and I couldn’t protect myself on my own anymore. But the great thing about life is there will always be people who love you, even ones you least expect.
~~~~~~~~
“Olivia. Olivia!” Summer yelled almost right next to your ear. You dropped the books you were putting in your locker startled by the sudden outburst from your best friend. “Why were you spacing so bad?” Summer chided gently nudging your shoulder.
“Ha, I’m sorry Summer I guess I was just in my own little world,” you replied. You and Summer reached down to pick up your books from the ground.
“I don’t understand why you read so much, you know, there’s so much better things, like social media,” she joked. You’ve had this conversation many times before since you decided a long time ago that social media wasn’t really your thing. Summer however was a social butterfly and consumed with her online image, her nose spent the majority of its time submerged in her cellphone.
“Because books are great Summer, you should try opening one,” you laughed.
“Yeah, no. I much prefer the online world,” she said. “Also I was wondering if you still wanted to come over this weekend.”
“Oh, yeah! But I have a singing gig at that little hole-in-the-wall place again but I can come over after that,” you replied. You had been regularly taking gigs at a small hole-in-the-wall place in the downtown area. You got a decent amount of tips from customers and had become a regular favorite. Although the whole bar was kind of shady and probably participating in illegal dealings under the radar, it didn't really matter to you because the money you made was nice to have in case of emergencies.
“Oh my god really! I want to go!” Summer exclaimed excitedly. You laughed at her reaction even though she’s been before and didn’t really like the atmosphere. She’d been a bit more adventurous recently and you didn't mind the change.
“You’re welcome to come, but I’ll remind you, you didn’t really have that great of a time before,” you responded. She had come to one of your previous gigs and had gotten hit on by a group of weird guys. She originally had come alone just wanting to see you sing live which had been a mistake since it left her vulnerable for pursuit by some of the shadier characters.
“Yeah, I remember, but I’ll invite some people to come with me this time,” she said.
“Good idea,” you responded. “Do you remember where it is? The Zodiac on the corner, I start singing around 9:00 pm.” She had already dived back into her phone by the time you finished your sentence nodding her head in understanding. Typing away ferociously at her phone you assumed she was reaching out to invite people. You quickly checked the time and realized that you both needed to get to class. “I’ll see you there okay?”
“I’ll see you there Olivia!” Summer ran off towards her class waving goodbye to you as she went. You closed the locker and started walking towards your own class while beginning to think about what you should sing for the evening. The Zodiac was incredibly lenient with your singing not really caring what you sang as long as it attracted customers. Honestly, it was more of an open mic night than anything with customers getting so drunk sometimes they come on stage and sing themselves. There are also people that frequent the bar who like to accompany whoever’s singing as well, performing impromptu music which leaves you scrambling to improvise. But you didn't mind the liveliness if anything it just made it all more invigorating.
~~~~~~~~
Saturday
Ping. ‘Hey Olivia, just wanted to let you know a few friends are coming from school also my mom is making me bring along Morty ugh so gross. Said it would be good for his pubescent development.’ Summers' text was followed by multiple vomiting emojis.
‘You know I love Morty, I don’t mind if he’s there,’ you texted back.
‘Ugh gross! Couldn’t be me also if he’s there my weird grandpa might be there too. But I’ll see you later, K,’ she texted. You laughed to yourself, they were a strange family but you’d take them over your own any day. Despite all their problems they still cared for you and didn’t ask questions. Only recently Beth’s father returned home but despite him being there for months now you’ve still never seen him. Whenever you’re over he's not there or he’s in the garage which you’ve been told not to enter when you’re there or else risk being blown up or seeing something disturbing. You brushed it off at the time as a joke.
When evening rolled around you started to get ready. Your evening dress had been one of your mothers. It was a red velvet floor-length gown with a slit down one of the legs that came all the way up to your upper thigh. It hugged you in the best ways and you secretly rejoiced to be able to fit into your mother’s old things. You looked at yourself in the mirror the sexier the better you thought, it just meant more tips in the end. Curling your hair and pinning it up in a simple updo you noticed that there was a deep violet bruise on the back of your neck. You’d forgotten about your father’s latest violent outbreak a few days ago. As you were trying to get into your room he had thrown a thick beer bottle at the back of your head, thankfully missing your skull it had hit the side of your neck. But all these years under his roof had made you an expert at covering up such things. You slathered the necessary makeup and concealer on the bruise and set it with a heavy-duty setting spray. The bruise had disappeared for the time being.
You crept out of the bathroom as quietly as you could not currently knowing where he was or if he was even home at all. But you could hear the TV blaring an old western movie and realized he must be home. You picked up your bag from your room, just a small side bag with your phone and wallet. Your high-heeled shoes clicked ever so slightly on the tile and you held your breath not wanting to alert your father to your position. But when you peeked your head from the hallway you saw him in his armchair surrounded by empty bottles and snoring loudly. You praised whatever gods might be listening and snuck out the front door.
Outside you stopped and took a deep breath letting the cool spring air fill your lungs and gently caress your exposed skin. You walked a few houses down to the corner where one of the bartenders from The Zodiac was waiting to pick you up. He noticed you walking towards him and rolled down the window.
“Heeeeey, a goddess appears!” the man in the car exclaimed. This was one of your friends at The Zodiac, a freelancing bartender named Liam who even though you were underage would supply you with a few drinks throughout the evening. He was always eccentric and loved giving you rides claiming having you around gave him “street cred,” you had no idea what that even meant and honestly didn't really care.
“Oh hush!” you giggled getting into the car. You did reward his flirting on occasion because he had always been helpful and kind since you stumbled into The Zodiac after a fight with your father. You spent the ride making small talk about some of his recent adventures and love tragedies.
“She left me for an engineer!” he cried mockingly “I mean who would want a boring guy like that! He could barely even hold a conversation.” you laughed as Liam filled you in on all his escapades. You quietly listened and thought about what you were singing for the evening. There wasn’t usually a live band so you just had to throw together instrumentals of what you were doing on your phone. Sometimes audience members would come on stage and play instruments or friends of the manager but it was mostly just you. It was a lot more like a glorified karaoke gig than an actual performance. You arrived at The Zodiac and Liam dropped you off at the door. “I’m going to park the car, don’t start singing until I can get behind the bar counter and listen,” he said before pulling the car forward and turning towards the downtown parking garage.
You turned into The Zodiac, the smell of smoke and cheap alcohol hung heavy in the air. The lights were already pretty dim and there were a few people scattered at standing tables chatting and drinking. Summer and a few of your classmates stood at a table close to the stage and Summer waved at you to come over. You walked through the spread of tables and said some passing hellos to a few people you recognized before joining Summer and your classmates. Your friends greeted you excitedly and you noticed that Morty wasn't there.
“Where’s your brother?” you whispered in Summer’s ear.
“He’s coming later, he had something he had to do with my grandpa Rick,” she replied. You remember hearing about this mysterious grandfather who apparently hasn’t been in the picture till recently. Summer doesn’t talk about him a lot but it seems like Morty is close to him oftentimes even missing school to apparently go on “adventures,” what a life you thought. You then saw the manager walking towards the group.
“Olivia! Always a pleasure to have you and your friends here,” he greeted warmly. Your friends all said a quick hello, the manager then pulled you slightly aside from the table. “You’re free to get started whenever you want, it might be a bit of a slow night. So you just do whatever the heck you want.” he laughed. He hit you on the back of your shoulder as if you were an old buddy.
“Haha, that’s okay. I’ll do my best,” you responded. You excused yourself from the manager and your table of friends and made your way to the stage quickly plugging your phone into the audio system. You were going to start slow and bring up the energy, hit a peak, and then bring everyone down before they had to leave. This left everyone satisfied including yourself. The freedom and laid-back nature of The Zodiac put you at ease.
“Good evening everybody, it’s a pleasure to be here, I see some familiar faces. I’m glad you all could make it and I’m just going to get started if you have any requests feel free to leave them in the bowl up here as well as tips if you’re feeling generous this evening,” you announced. “I’m going to start us with Andromeda by Weyes Blood, enjoy everybody.” The music started and you felt like you were almost instantly transported to your other world.
Music has always been an escape for you. You lose yourself in the music and the lights and the gentle applause of a small audience. Just as you were bringing up the energy with your songs you noticed Morty walking in followed by a tall older man. He was handsome and he struck you as a man who lived unequivocally as himself. They made their way over to where Summer was standing with your friends. You suddenly became aware you hadn’t taken a break yet that evening. When the song you were singing wound down you took a moment to excuse yourself consumed for some reason with wanting to introduce yourself.
“Thank you all for your attention so far, we’re going to take a short break and then I’ll be back,” you announced into the microphone. The manager took that as a cue to turn on some background bar music over the speakers and dim the small stage lights. You walked off the stage in the direction of your classmates. You walked over to the standing table and rested your elbows on top. Your friends suddenly outburst in exclamations of how good you were and how much they were enjoying the show. Your face blushed from the praise.
“Thank you, thank you,” you thanked your friends graciously and then turned towards Morty and that man. “Morty I’m glad you finally made it, it’s always good to see you,” you said, you reached towards him and gently ruffled his hair as you’ve done many times before.
“Aww gee thanks Olivia,” Morty awkwardly replied as his face flushed. He squirmed a little and the man beside him didn't say a word. I looked inquisitively at Morty and then to Summer when the table continued to be filled with silence.
“Olivia, this is my grandpa Rick, I’ve mentioned him before,” Summer eventually said “Grandpa Rick this is Olivia she’s at the house all the time not like you’ve noticed though,” Rick grunted under his breath.
“Real - real nice introduction Summer,” he seemed to criticize. He smelled a bit like strong liquor. He reached into his lab coat and brought out a flask and took a long swig of it before belching loudly. You couldn't stop yourself from laughing a little bit at his brash nature. He glanced over at you when you stifled the laugh behind your hand. You couldn't help but wonder what kind of person would bring his own flask to a bar and belch in front of a whole gaggle of his granddaughters’ friends. Summer cut in abruptly.
“Olivia, is there any way you could get us some drinks? Like real drinks?” she prodded.
“Summer if you wanted some - some real shit you should’ve just fucking asked,” Rick replied while waving his flask in her face.
“If I wanted your stupid alien liquor then yeah, but we’re not crashing Olivia’s gig with your intergalactic death juice,” she replied rather hostile. Not wanting the perceived conflict to go any further you interrupted before it looked like Rick was going to reply with a vulgar insult of some kind.
“I’ll go see what I can do,” you said. You quickly walked away from the table towards Liam standing behind the bar counter. You sat down on one of the high chairs and motioned for him to come closer to your face. “Could you get my friends and me a round of drinks, like real drinks?” you quietly whispered. He reached his hand towards your chin pinching it between two fingers and turning your head to where your ear was facing him.
“Anything for the goddess,” he whispered before playfully pinching your cheek and moving to grab enough glasses for your friends and you. He began pouring a whole bunch of stuff into one shaker. “You know that guy looks like trouble,” he said under his breath. You laughed gently.
“He’s my best friend's grandfather, he can’t be that bad,” you tentatively replied. But you couldn't help yourself and turned around to glance back at the table. He was really attractive and suddenly a little bit of shame pooled in your gut as you realized you might be lusting over your best friend's grandpa, you began to think that that's probably a personal boundary you shouldn't cross. He noticed you looking in their direction and met your gaze. You quickly turned away letting a blush warm your cheeks and felt it also bubbling up into your ears. You decided to instead focus on Liam filling up the glasses for your friends. He started moving them to the counter and you realized there were too many for you to carry by yourself.
“Need help?” a rough voice muttered behind you. You turned quickly to see Rick behind you almost so close he was practically hanging over you. Your blush deepened and you fumbled for a response.
“Um - uh - yeah, I uh need help,” you tried to cover up your embarrassment with a giggle. He didn't say anything else and reached over you to pick up multiple drinks. You couldn't help but notice that he might have dropped something in the drinks he grabbed, it was so fast though that you weren't sure. He turned without saying anything and you grabbed the remaining drinks and walked back over to the table. Once at the table, your friends distributed the drinks and you realized you couldn't remember which drinks Rick might have tampered with. But you brushed off your suspicion not wanting to accuse him of anything. Whatever was in your glass looked delicious.
The pink drink warmed you from the inside out. You hastily swallowed it all down wanting to get back to the stage. Your friends laughed at your speed and jokingly told you to slow down despite the absence of the drink. Swiftly an incredible feeling filled your whole body and from the looks of it, your friends looked like they might be feeling the same way.
“What’s going on?” you felt so dizzy but energized at the same time.
“Rick, you've got to be kidding me?” Summer exclaimed.
“Let’s get riggity wrecked kids!” Rick belted. You had to admit the feeling was great, it wasn't like anything you’ve ever tried. Your friends were surprisingly chill with the situation and started requesting all sorts of things.
“Oh my god, you have to do that high song, you know with Miley Cyrus!” your friend cheered. The table hollered in agreement and once throwing some more requests at you began shoving you back towards the stage. Once on the stage, you noticed the whole bar's atmosphere had changed and you wondered how the heck Rick got whatever he put in your drink in everyone’s. But honestly, you didn't care anymore. Your friends cheered and hollered encouraging you to get started again.
“Let’s get this started! I have to humor my lovely friends so we’re getting into some crazy requests!” you yelled into the microphone feeling so invigorated nothing else mattered but absolutely blowing The Zodiac out of the water. The music was playing so much louder than before and your voice cut through the air like butter. Multiple songs passed and people from the streets were swarming into the bar and there was so much yelling and energy. What in the world had happened to it being a slow night?! You didn't care anymore.
As people swarmed in, some strange-looking women got on the piano and to your grand surprise, Rick pulled a guitar out of a swirling green circle on the wall. He joined you on stage and you couldn't believe it.
“Siiiiing baby!” he hollered before playing an incredible guitar riff, you’d never heard anything like it but you knew exactly what to sing. You lost yourself completely in the song and the rest of the bar began losing their minds screaming and whistling as the song came to an end.
“Let’s keep going!” you cheered. The lights were all so beautiful and the sounds of the bar reverberated in your ears and sunk down into your soul. You have no idea how long this went you began to faze out of reality after a few songs.
When your senses finally came back you were sandwiched between Summer and Rick on the ground sitting up against a wall of The Zodiac. You looked around the bar and it had been completely trashed, there were people passed out all over the place along with spilled drinks and noxious substances. Rick was snoring loudly in your ear and you suddenly became very aware of his presence. His whole body was snug against your own and you could feel his warmth mixing with your own.
“Oh my god, what happened?” you muttered to yourself pushing Rick away you pushed yourself up from the wall still feeling a little dizzy and lost. Your knees were shaking as if they were struggling to keep your weight up and they immediately buckled when you came to a full stand. But Rick snapped to attention as you fell and grabbed your waist pulling your body flesh against him. “Rick!” you gasped. You scrambled for something to say and flailed your arms just trying to grab anything but him before they ended up surrendering and grabbed Rick’s shoulders.
“Ugh - *belch* - you good?” he asked. Your face immediately flamed with heat and your heart felt just about ready to jump out of your chest.
“UH yes! I’m - I’m fine!” you replied nervously. He proceeded to stand up and with his hands still firmly on your hips helped you up from the floor. “Than- thank you,” you mumbled. He released your hips as soon as he realized you had your footing figured out and weren't going to fall over again. He reached down and shook Summer aggressively. She groggily started to open her eyes. She reached for her head.
“Ugh - oh - what happened?” Summer asked. Rick scoffed at her.
“Nobody fucking told me your little friend could sing,” Rich scoffed. “I laced *bleurgh* the whole bar with - with fucking alien shit, damn. The effects are multiplied if fucking amazing sound waves are present.” he stuttered over his words. “Fucking *belch* grab your shit.” You had your bag slung over your shoulder with your wallet and phone still in it thankfully. It looks like things got really berserk when you lost your grasp on reality. Rick and Summer were right next to you but you didn't know where Morty was. You started to walk around the bar looking for him stepping over incapacitated others and being careful not to step in anything questionable. You found Morty passed out behind the bar with two very large-breasted women on either side of him.
“Oh god, Morty. Morty!” you exclaimed. You climbed over the bar counter and crouched down next to him gently shaking his shoulder. “Hey wake up, wake up Morty.” He stirred a little bit but seemed like he was going to refuse to wake up.
“Fuck Morty!” Rick hopped the bar counter and grabbed Morty flinging him over his shoulder like he weighed nothing. He promptly hopped back over.
“Summer! Olivia! Come on, ugh Beth’s going lay into me, let’s fucking go.” he grumbled loudly. You regained your composure and climbed back over the bar counter. Summer had also composed herself a little better and sauntered over to you where she threw one of her arms over your shoulders to steady herself.
“Let’s go, Olivia,” she muttered. You kept her upright as you navigated how to walk out of the bar without stepping on anyone. As soon as you got outside you took a deep breath of the cool air it was lovely and it brought down the warmth in your cheeks brought on by that cozy interaction with Rick. Which you had not emotionally recovered from yet. You followed behind Rick who walked towards what looked like a junky spaceship. As you got closer you realized this was definitely Rick’s ride. You stared dumbfounded for a moment at the spacecraft sitting in front of you.
“Olivia, come on, just put - put me in the back,” Summer said groggily. You walked over to the passenger side of the car and opened the door. Summer clambered in and eventually settled by laying down on some very cheap and dirty-looking cushions in the back. Rick opened his door and chucked Morty in the back seats alongside Summer who was too out of it to really care. You still stayed outside of the ship observing the somewhat trashed interior and empty alcohol bottles littering the floor. You felt a sick feeling pooling in your gut as you started to file through unpleasant memories of your father.
“*Burp* you - you getting in?” Rick asked. He snapped you out of your head abruptly.
“Yeah,” was all you could muster up. You climbed into the spacecraft and took a seat on the passenger side. You closed the door behind you with a discomforting clamor. You noticed a seatbelt near your head and brought it down across your body securing it in place.
“First time flying?” Rick prodded. You stared at him for a moment not knowing whether he was serious or not. “I’ll take that as a yes,” and with that, he turned the ship on and it came on with a low rumble and the dashboard filled with lights. You couldn't believe what was happening and you still weren't exactly sure how this trash heap was going to fly. Instinctually you reached and grabbed the seatbelt clutching it in your hands as if that was somehow going to save you from what was about to happen.
The car lifted swiftly into the air and then stalled and bumped a few times before finally leveling off. You watched as the road sunk below you and realized that you were absolutely flying in the air right now. You looked down watching other lonely cars driving through the city. The lights of the late-night city looked like tiny stars in a concrete jungle. It was comforting and yet all felt so lonely.
“It’s pretty,” you said softly. You didn’t mean to say that but it slipped out. You looked over at Rick who looked like he didn’t really know what to say. He reached up to scratch the back of his head.
“Yeah, uh, sure I guess,” he replied. You didn’t mind his response. Your place in the universe suddenly felt very small as you realized this man has probably seen and experienced so many more things than you. You didn’t say anything else. You were consumed with the moving scenery below you never before being able to appreciate the world from this angle.
Rick brought the car down into the driveway of the house. It sputtered a few times before finally coming to rest on the solid ground. You looked back at Summer and Morty who still looked exhausted.
“Summer, we’re home,” you stated. She grumbled a response that you didn’t understand but she propped herself up like she was ready to get out of the car. You undid your seatbelt and opened the door and left it open for Summer. She stumbled out and kind of tumbled into your arms. You hold her up with what little strength you have regained. You move her back to your side and make sure her arm is draped over your shoulders and start moving towards the house. Rick followed behind you with a passed-out Morty on his shoulder.
Once inside you got Summer and yourself upstairs to her room. You flung Summer on her bed. You tossed her shoes into her closet but didn't bother with her clothes; you simply threw a blanket over her.
“Goodnight Summer,” you whispered quietly. You walked over to her dresser to grab yourself a set of pajamas, you almost never brought your own pajamas because you always just wore some combination of what Summer had. You grabbed a soft blue t-shirt and some grey pajama shorts. You threw your dress over the back of her office chair and threw your shoes into the closet as well. You hastily put on the pajamas and decided you really needed to go to the bathroom. As you walked out of her room you turned off the lights and closed the door behind you.
You scurried down the hall to the bathroom. Once inside you locked the door behind you and took a moment to assess the damage of tonight's events. Surprisingly you still looked okay, your hair was a bit tousled and your eyes looked tired but they always looked like that. Since you frequented this house so often you had an entire drawer to yourself in the bathroom where you kept your toiletries and backup makeup just in case. You brushed your teeth and took the numerous bobby pins out of your hair letting it fall in gentle curls around your shoulders. You brushed your fingers through the curls gently breaking them apart until they calmed down to relaxed waves. You washed the makeup off your face being careful to not ruin the coverup job on the back of your neck. Even though your hair was down now you didn’t really want to risk it.
The house was quiet and you noticed the slight creak of the floor with each step but in this house, you never worried. Once downstairs you moved into the living room and stacked some pillows on one end of the couch and grabbed a blanket from the chair. You threw yourself onto the couch enjoying the way the softness felt on your body. As soon as you bring the blanket over yourself you become very cognizant of your fatigue.
What an insane night, you think to yourself as you try to piece together some of your broken memories of the events that followed after Rick put whatever that was in your friend’s drinks. It was so amazing though you’d do it all over again. As you were flipping through the memories of the evening you stumbled upon Rick’s touch again. It felt secure and you wondered how it would feel if he held you like that again. You quickly slapped your hands on your face covering your own embarrassment as you realized you were thinking about your best friend's grandfather. You then thought that it probably wouldn't do any harm just thinking about it, so you indulged a few more fleeting ideas before drifting off to sleep.