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At first, it was just about the research. After meeting Aether and conducting their experiments on Dragonspine, he had spent hours poring over the data, trying his best to find some sort of pattern or conclusion, although there were still so many unknown factors obscuring the results. How the Traveler got here, where he hailed from, the exact components of his biological makeup... so many things Albedo wished he could learn, even if it might be impossible. But for science, of course, he wanted to try.
It was several weeks after his return from Dragonspine that Albedo encountered Aether again. He saw the blonde boy peering at the bulletin board outside Cat's Tail, speaking animatedly with Paimon about something called a "shipping war,” if he had overheard correctly. Albedo wondered what the phrase could possibly mean, as he had never heard anything about brewing dissent among the couriers within Teyvat.
He made a mental note to return at a later time and examine the bulletin board that had so agitated Aether and Paimon, briefly entertaining the thought of approaching them but ultimately deciding that he needed to hurry back to his lab to continue his work. He tightened his fingers around the Chicken-Mushroom Skewer that Sucrose had insisted he purchase for nourishment, wondering briefly why she was so adamant about him eating "three square meals a day" (he drew the line at two for the sake of efficiency) and began walking briskly back to the Knights of Favonius headquarters.
* * *
A few hours had passed since his return, but Albedo felt that he had made barely any progress in his research. He always had at least one document in front of him, waiting to be analyzed, but every time he thought about picking up a second to cross-examine his findings, he found himself reaching for his sketchbook instead.
He had already sat down almost immediately upon his arrival in order to sketch as many of Aether’s vivid facial expressions as he could remember. He was particularly fond of the lips-pursed, single-eyebrow-raised expression he observed Aether directing towards Paimon more than a few times during their conversation.
Especially at times like these, when Aether was engaging in playful banter with his floating companion, Albedo found himself being drawn to the light that radiated from the boy's face. His eyes were warm and inviting, perfectly ignited with the spark of humanity that pulled so many towards him. And although Albedo rarely thought of himself as charming or interesting from a subjective point of view, he was enveloped by the comfort that, underneath Aether’s golden gaze, anything the alchemist said would be met with a kind smile and a glimmer of that inner light.
Tired of repeating this maddening cycle of pining and procrastination, Albedo pushed himself away from his desk and stood up. He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror across the room and began to move towards it. As he drew nearer, he observed his own eyes: a clinical blue, inquisitive but detached. In his mind once again flashed an image of the color gold, sunlight filtering through a cor lapis deposit, and he felt his fingertips twitch as he thought about reaching out to touch the surface.
In an attempt to dispel these thoughts, and the discomfort of being faced with desires he could not rationally explain, he hurriedly clasped his hands behind his back and looked into his reflection once again. After many sleepless nights, his eyes were weighed down by heavy bags and the edges were raw, rimmed with red. Funny how, though he felt no need to sleep, his body's reaction to the day's stressors was nearly identical to that of a human.
It was a cruel twist of fate, to grant him a vessel so similar to those around him, yet one that was incapable of securing the essence that would allow him to truly belong. He normally didn't mind his forced detachment from the rest of the citizens of Mondstadt--it was much less of a hassle to focus on his work without any interruptions or looming threats of social obligations. With Aether though, he felt differently: he wanted to belong for him, to stand by his side as an equal, if only to make the glimmer in his eyes burst into something more.
He sighed, turning away from the mirror and casting his gaze towards the worn floorboards. Although he was made of chalk, a pure and malleable substance, next to his precious crystal, he felt like a common ore.
* * *
The next time he saw Aether, Albedo felt as if he had been simultaneously blinded with love and crushed by a rock. As dazzling as Aether was, his crash landing directly in front of Albedo and face-first into a clump of shrubs was far from graceful and, being preoccupied with the task of carefully transporting a tray of alchemical samples to Timaeus's workstation, Albedo's brain registered the obstacle in his path about half a second too late. Tripping on Aether's ankle, he watched in slow motion as the vials wobbled and fell off their tray, chemicals evaporating with a hiss as they hit the pavement.
As he thought about how to explain this situation to Timaeus, he distantly registered the sensation of cobblestones stinging his hands and cheek, and he felt something wet begin to trickle down his face. Wincing, he lifted one of his hands from the ground and dabbed a finger on his cheek to examine the mysterious substance. It seemed to be a crimson liquid perfectly comparable to human blood.
Findings consistent since last point of injury. Closing his eyes in satisfaction, Albedo hummed a note of triumph, imagining how he must look to Aether: a disheveled mess, but wonderfully human.
It was Aether's panicked squawking that brought Albedo out of his sunlit reverie. "Ohmygod ohmygod I'm so sorry are you okay?? Here, let me help you up--"
He peered blearily at Aether's hand, willing it to sharpen into focus, but just as he began to lift his own hand in response, his lifeline was promptly snatched away. Albedo huffed in annoyance and began to raise himself up onto his forearms to better comprehend the situation. He felt a gasp escape his lips, however, as Aether suddenly grabbed him by the shoulders and gently forced him back onto the ground.
Even through two layers of clothing, every one of Aether's fingers felt like matches being struck against Albedo's body, and the pleasure ignited within him made him temporarily forget that he was still being restrained. Was this the first time Aether had ever touched him? He believed so, and if this was the result of simple glove-on-jacket contact, he was certainly interested in pursuing this line of experimentation further…
As if only now realizing his position, straddling Albedo in the middle of Mondstadt in broad daylight, Aether coughed, covering the blush spreading across his face with a hand and scrambling backwards into a sitting position next to Albedo. A shame, Albedo thought with a pang of disappointment that was inappropriate given the circumstances, but his gaze remained transfixed on Aether. Aether began to nervously tug on a lock of his hair, to which Albedo’s eyes immediately darted.
“It looks like that fall really did a number on your head,” he mumbled apologetically. “You shouldn’t be too quick to get up with an injury like that, or you’ll get dizzy and trip again.”
“Then what, Aether, should you propose I do?” Albedo asked. Although he really should be returning to the lab to craft a new set of samples for Timaeus, he wasn’t exactly in a hurry. To his own surprise, he was perfectly content lying here unmoving, waiting for Aether’s response.
It had been a long time since he’d spent this much time with the blond-haired boy alone--a few months, at least, he thought with remorse--so he wasn’t about to waste this opportunity. Albedo knew that, as long as the good-hearted boy intended to uphold his chivalric sense of duty towards the citizens of Mondstadt, he wouldn’t be abandoning him anytime soon. For this brief moment in an endless sea of time, he was happy to have this power over Aether: if not for his injury and the Traveler’s role in causing it, there would be no reason for Aether to stay.
And regardless of whether it was pity or obligation that motivated the Traveler to take care of him, Albedo was ever the resourceful alchemist. He would extract these memories from their current encounter--giving Aether the chance to live unburdened from whatever relationship he may feel required to maintain--and he would seal them away where his heart should be, opening the lid just a bit to bask in their light on the nights when he most needed to feel warm and alive.
He looked once again towards Aether, who was pouting, deep in thought. Albedo found this facial expression to be delightful up close, and he had already traced the outline of the other boy’s mouth with a mental pencil several times over before Aether began to speak.
“I could ask Paimon to float you back to your lab,” he began, “but she’s getting a crash course on mixology from Diona right now. Plus, I’m not even sure she can carry anything? I’ve never seen her do it, and if she can, well, then I’d like to have a chat with her about how we’ve been handling commissions…” Aether rolled his eyes, then directed his gaze towards the wing glider and pointed at it.
“And that’s probably broken, thanks to the fact that she asked me to pick up three Sticky Honey Roasts and outright defy the rules of the gliding manual, so no ride there. She insisted that I wouldn’t get caught, but look where we ended up I guess.” Aether let out a short, bitter laugh. He bowed his head and fell silent again, his hands balled into fists on his lap. Compared to the gentle, pondering silence from moments ago, the atmosphere had suddenly become much heavier.
Albedo briefly entertained the idea of making a joke about how the only thing that did catch Aether was some of Mondstadt’s prized landscaping, but he worried that his attempt at humor would only sour the mood further.
Instead, he reached out a hand towards one of Aether’s. For research, he assured himself, but not without feeling a little giddy as Aether quickly jerked his head up and met his eyes, his facial expression wavering between surprise and confusion. He didn’t pull away, though, so Albedo took that as a positive sign.
Emboldened, he began to speak. “To start, you must believe me when I say that I harbor no ill feelings towards you and our current circumstances. Accidents happen, and I’ve suffered from much worse scrapes than this. So please, forgive yourself, and put what you’ve learned from today’s experience towards your future gliding endeavors. Maybe next time, start with one Sticky Honey Roast,” he smiled reassuringly, gently tightening his hold on Aether’s hand.
His smile quickly turned into a concerned frown, however, as he realized that his speech had done nothing but cause Aether to appear more crestfallen, tears welling up in the other boy’s eyes and drowning out the sun. The back of Albedo’s neck began to burn with shame and embarrassment, and he pulled his hand away from Aether’s to avoid being the source of any more pain.
He had selected his words delicately, his only intention having been to console Aether and relieve him of his guilt, but it seemed that however hard he tried, he still couldn’t grasp the nuances of human comfort. With others, he had long since given up on forming an emotional connection, so why couldn’t he do the same with Aether? Why did he insist on continuing to reach out and fall flat, making it glaringly obvious to both of them that he would never be human enough for anything between them to work?
Albedo decided that it would be better for Aether if he distanced himself now. He carefully drew himself up to a standing position, hoping it wasn’t too obvious how unsteady his footing was and how woozy he felt. If he could manage to escape Aether and make it successfully back to his lab, he knew that he would be spending the rest of the day in bed, with his wounds being tended to by whichever healer was on duty. Very little work was going to get done, but at least he could dream about Aether, and what it felt like to finally touch him, to hold his hand...
He began to dust off his jacket, plastering a fake smile on his face as he came up with an excuse to leave. ‘Well, I really should be getting back to work now--”
“Albedo.”
He hesitated, hands stilling mid-swipe. “Yes?”
“I’m supposed to save people, but I hurt you.” Aether ran his fingers down his face in frustration, wiping away some of his tears in the process. “I can’t just brush this off and do better next time. You deserve proper treatment, and a real apology. I’m so sorry for what I did; I was so clumsy and stupid--”
Albedo felt the edges of his smile begin to harden. “Like I said previously, I’ve dealt with worse injuries in the past, and they’ve always healed remarkably well. I’ll be fine. And I wouldn’t want to continue taking up your time that could be better spent helping someone who needs it.”
Before he could process what was happening, he found himself staring into Aether’s face, suddenly a mere few inches from his own. He stumbled back reflexively, wanting to keep his thoughts safe, guarded from the Traveler’s probing gaze, but just then as his head spun and he began to tip backwards, he felt a hand steady his back and draw him closer.
“What about what you need?” Aether cried desperately, his breath panicked and hot against Albedo’s skin. When Albedo didn’t immediately answer, he lowered his gaze to the ground for a long moment, then looked back up again at Albedo, timidly, this time searching for something else. The next time he spoke, his voice was almost a whisper, and the raw desire within it sent chills down Albedo’s spine. “What about what I need?”
Albedo felt dizzy all over again, but this time not from the head wound. Aether was making this so difficult--he was just trying to do what was best for both of them. It was only a matter of time before Albedo lost control, so saying goodbye to Aether now and forever was the easiest way to keep him safe. No matter the agony Albedo would face when he finally allowed himself to process their permanent separation--he could bear the burden of being the villain in their relationship, so long as it meant that Aether could continue living and thriving in the world around them, for as long as it would last.
But he knew that he couldn’t lie to the Traveler any longer. “What you need,” Albedo began, making no attempt to hide the tremor in his voice, “is someone who can keep you safe. Someone you see as an equal, who makes you feel wondrous and alive and inspires you to keep spreading your light throughout all of Teyvat.” Albedo’s throat began to ache and, suddenly overwhelmed by the emotions he saw stirring within Aether’s eyes, he blinked away his own tears and averted his gaze. “My only purpose is to destroy. The best thing I can do for you is keep my distance so that you have a chance to find that person.”
“Is that really what you think?” Aether snapped back, startling Albedo out of his desolate state. “Do you even care how I feel? You put me on some sort of pedestal, acting like I’m the brave and untarnished hero of Mondstadt. Well, maybe that’s not what I want. Maybe all I want to know is why, every time you see me, you run the other way. And here I thought there was something wrong with me, but in reality, you’re the one with the savior complex, so stubborn that you’re willing to throw away what might be your best chance at happiness just to uphold some righteous ideal.”
Albedo had never seen Aether this angry before, and to know that he had been the cause… His stomach began to churn, and he was disgusted with himself. Rationally, he knew that today’s circumstances could not have been avoided, but how he wished that all traces of this conversation could evaporate, much like the chemicals from his shattered vials, and that they could go back to the blissfully uncomplicated acquaintanceship they once shared.
However, one part of Aether’s argument bothered Albedo. “You certainly aren’t wrong, and I confess to… idealizing you, in a way. But what did you mean by referring to my ‘best chance at happiness’? What is it that you think would make me happy?”
Aether let out a long sigh, ducking his head and knocking it against Albedo’s chest. Instinctively, Albedo tightened his grip on Aether with one hand, and he lifted the other to stroke the boy’s soft hair. He deeply regretted that he was still wearing his gloves, but they did nothing to dampen the fierce protectiveness he felt over seeing the Traveler act so vulnerably.
He felt Aether’s lips moving against his chest. “You always look so lonely and sad. Just let me take care of you.”
Unable to control himself, Albedo gently lifted up Aether’s chin--with the fleeting realization that Aether must have hidden his face so that he couldn’t see how red it was--and he kissed him.
In the heat of the moment, never had such a risky decision felt so worth it. He felt Aether stiffen for a beat, and Albedo worried that he had misinterpreted the whole situation and made a fool of himself yet again, but just as he was about to pull away and apologize, Aether leaned eagerly into the kiss, and Albedo felt like he was flying. He heard an ecstatic little moan escape his own throat, to which Aether quickly responded by squeezing him tighter, digging his fingers into the folds of Albedo’s jacket and humming with pleasure.
In the middle of Mondstadt, they were sharing this deeply intimate moment, and although both of them had reputations to uphold, Albedo couldn’t bring himself to care.
For as long as he had been alive, he had always held the role of observer, conducting his experiments on external life forms that had little impact on his day-to-day existence. Yet with Aether, he was excited to finally be a co-participant in this new, uncharted study, free from hypotheses and expected results. For the first time in his life, Albedo entertained the thought that, by reaching out and leaning on Aether for support, maybe, just maybe there was a chance at salvation, and that together, they could suppress the darkness that threatened to take hold of him.
Albedo could have stood there for hours, intoxicated by the passion bursting between them from months of yearning finally having come to an end, but a sharp pain in his forehead made him wince and take a step back.
Judging from the dejected look on Aether’s face, in their delirium, both of them had completely forgotten about Albedo’s injury. “As much as I would love to continue this, possibly indefinitely--” He felt his cheeks grow warm upon seeing Aether’s face break into a grin and feeling a hand find his own, “there’s a chance I might actually pass out if we do. This sort of agitation does not seem to pair well with my weakened physical condition.”
Aether’s grin shrank to a devious smirk, and as Albedo puzzled over this unfamiliar expression, Aether pulled his hand away, only to slide his glove off and place the back of his hand on Albedo’s forehead. It was cool to the touch, and Albedo leaned forward contentedly. “My, my, Chief Alchemist--it seems you’re burning up. Best be getting you to bed now.”
Impatient, Albedo slid one of his own gloves off and snatched Aether’s hand away, cradling it between his own like a baby bird. The sensation of their fingers brushing against each other bought him a new, equally delightful sense of intimacy compared to their kiss.
“But Aether,” he began, eyes transfixed on the way that their hands fit together, “we never finalized a plan on how to return me to headquarters, especially since you advised me against making any sudden movements.” He smiled smugly, looking up at Aether just in time to see the other boy glance to the side, looking flustered and very guilty.
“To atone for my transgression, I-I guess there’s only one thing I can do,” Aether said, awkwardly coughing into the edge of his scarf. Albedo watched as Aether began to walk towards him, seemingly in slow-motion, but just as suddenly time began to zip forward as, with a flash, he felt a hand slide under his knees and his body flip sideways. Was he being carried right now? All the way back to his lab? He looked towards Aether in shock, but his expression was met with a soft, embarrassed smile.
“Are you okay with this? When everyone’s got me running around as their errand boy, I often have to carry packages and boxes of supplies much heavier than you, so don’t worry about me. And if anybody asks, we could call this a… commission.”
Albedo chuckled, closing his eyes and nuzzling into the crook of Aether’s arm. “Fine with me. And if any of the alchemists ask, I could state that we’ve been working on… a new experiment. Truly fascinating results so far, I would say.”
Aether laughed in return. “Fine with me,” he echoed. With their thinly veiled pretenses in place, they fell into a comfortable silence knowing that now, there could be so much more between them, and that by standing together, the world was theirs to shape.
As they made their way towards the Knights of Favonius headquarters, the rhythm of Aether’s footsteps slowly began to lull Albedo to sleep. He gave in readily, reassured to know that when he woke up, his days spent simply dreaming of sunlight would be long past.