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Texas was beautiful. It wasn’t that, that was the problem. George liked the heat, because he liked the cooling, too. England didn’t have good air conditioners, at least, not like America did. Not like Sapnap’s house did. It was nice to home in from being inside, and feel the blast of cool air that hit his face, as if he’d stuck his body in a fridge for a moment.
Sapnap was beautiful. That wasn’t the problem either. Texas had great air conditioning, that was for sure, but it also had the most beautiful man in the world. Texas housed Sapnap, and Sapnap was infinitely more important than any material thing there could ever be, and Sapnap made him happier than anything else ever could. He loved him for it, so much.
But Texas didn’t have the familiar London tubelines, the familiar acidic stench of pollution, didn’t have his childhood memories or his family. Texas wasn’t where he grew up. He was still learning to try to call it home. Sapnap helped, because anywhere with him felt warm and safe, but Texas wasn’t home. Home was where his family was. His family wasn’t here. They were farther away than he could possibly fathom.
His cat, he thinks, is what he misses most. Misses her incessant meowings in the morning, misses the way she bats at his face until he finally caves and peppers her with kisses and smothers her in affection. George really misses his cat. She made home feel like home.
“George?”
George’s head tilted at the familiar voice. “Sap, hey. Guys, Sap’s here.” He’d forgotten he’d been streaming. He must’ve been idling for a good minute or so now, and he made his character jump around and break some grass to keep the stream going. He eyed chat.
George, are you okay?
George’s been idle for a while oh no
George o.o you’re live buddy
OH NO GOGS ARE U OK BB
George smiled slightly. It was a nice reminder, how sweet and caring his community was. He had no idea where he’d be without them; he truly did owe them the world. He was grateful to be here alongside Dream and Sapnap--he had no idea where (or who, for that matter) he’d be without them, either.
“Earth to George!”
“Shit,” George quietly swore, and then laughed when chat went feral for a moment, “sorry, what were you saying?”
“I was saying that you’ve been staring at the same piece of dirt for two minutes now. Not like you to drop a stream like that. Are you okay?” Sapnap entered the room, shutting the door behind him with a gentle smile. He made his way over to George, eyeing the face cam, and then back down at him. It was a small thing; a quiet signal.
You don’t owe them anything, you’re not obligated to stream right now. Take a break if you need it. I’m here.
George smiled.
“Thanks, Sap. I’m fine. Just got lost in thought, I guess.”
“You want a friend?” Sap gestured to the screen, “someone in game to bounce off?”
“Actually, I’m getting really tired, I think I’ll probably just wrap up the stream now,” George admitted with a little laugh, “sorry, chat.” The chat was flooded with sweet goodbyes and final donations, and George clicked the end stream button and flicked off his camera, sitting back with a taut sigh. “Two minutes? Was it really that long?”
“Yeah, maybe longer by the time I came to find you… seriously, what’s up?” Sapnap asked, now that the stream was over and cameras were off, wrapping his arms around his neck and pressing a loving kiss to his cheek.
George really was lucky.
“I’m… homesick,” George finally said the word, and it felt weird and foregin getting it out. “Does that, like, make me lame?”
“No, of course not, what?” Sapnap laughed gently. “Of course you’d be homesick. You’ve been away from home for a few months now, in a whole other country. You’re still adjusting, Georgie. No one can blame you for it.”
George shrugged. “I guess, I just…”
“It’s okay,” Sapnap reassured, giving him a squeeze in his embrace. “You’re okay. You wanna book a flight home to see them soon?”
“Maybe soon. For now, just a video call,” George twisted around in his chair to face the other, wrapping his legs around his hips and tugging the other close, who giggled.
“You look like a little koala,” Sapnap chimed gently at George’s current position, pressing a loving, lingering kiss in his messy brown hair. George giggled again, combing his fingers through the back of Sapnap’s hair.
“Really, I thought it was more of a panda,” George smirked, and Sapnap laughed.
“That’s my thing!”
“Not if I reclaim it!” George grinned toothily, and Sapnap ruffled his hair, causing the former to laugh. “Sapnap!”
They settled again, George leaning forward to rest his head against Sapnap’s chest. He listened to his heartbeat, he watched the way his stomach lifted and fell with breaths. Sapnap was real, he was alive, he was breathing, he was here, and he was now. He was warm, and safe.
A gentle meow tugged George from his thoughts again as Sapnap’s cat, Mogwai, wandered into the room. He gave George a little purr, hopping into his lap and wedging himself between the two males.
“Little attention seeker I’m raising,” Sapnap chided her lightly, using his free hand (the other was currently busy rubbing soothing circles into his back) to run down her soft fur. Mogwai tilted his head and looked at George, and George watched his tail gently sway.
“Hi, Mo,” George said gently, and the cat gave a mew of response. It leaned against the other, nuzzling against his cheek and making George giggle. “Hey,” he repeated, voice softer and more high-pitched. He gently scratched under Mogwai’s chin, relishing in the way he relaxed against the other.
Combined with the two people that he loved most, George smiled.
Sure, Texas didn’t have his mom and dad. And yeah, Texas didn’t have childhood memories. But Texas did have Sapnap, and Mogwai, and it was home, in its own little way. He gave a content sigh, closing his eyes as his head rested back against Sapnap’s chest.
Anywhere Sapnap was, George would learn how to call home.