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"You're not coming?"
Tissaia has to look away from the hurt and confusion on Yennefer's face. She busies herself with the papers on her desk.
"I have some work to finish," she says, glancing up to see Yennefer's brows lower even further. "I told Triss that I would try and get along for a little while later." When Yennefer says nothing, Tissaia feels strangely compelled to fill the silence. "Anyway, I'm sure you want to spend the evening with your friends."
Yennefer shakes her head, lips pressed into a thin line. "Are we not friends, then? In your estimation?"
Tissaia sighs. "That's not what I said, Yennefer." Though there is some truth to the statement. The woman standing in front of her desk has been many things to her over the course of her life, but she's not sure 'friend' has ever been a description she would have used. "I simply meant that I've lived long enough to have attended more than my share of Belleteyn celebrations and I-"
"You know that's not why I want you to come," Yennefer says, cutting into whatever excuse Tissaia was planning to use.
And Tissaia does know. While yes, it's a celebration of Belleteyn, it's also a celebration of Yennefer's birth. Triss had gone to the trouble of rounding up various friends of Yennefer's and inviting them to Thanedd to join the revelry.
"Yennefer, I-" she begins.
"No, it's fine." Yennefer lifts her chin, looking down her nose at Tissaia. "I understand perfectly." She turns on her heel and stalks to the door. "Perhaps I will see you later. If you can tear yourself away from whatever work it is you have to do."
"Yennefer-" Tissaia tries again, but Yennefer does not stop to listen.
"Good day, Rectoress."
The slam of the door echoes around her study. Tissaia closes her eyes.
It's not that she doesn't want to attend, or to celebrate Yennefer's birthday. She would like to do both. But she'd heard that the Witcher was coming, and from that moment a weight had settled in her stomach, making her uneasy about the whole thing. Just the thought of an evening spent watching Yennefer with him is-
She shakes her head, trying to will away the visions that have forced themselves into her mind of the two of them.
Since Sodden, and probably before, her own feelings towards Yennefer have been changing. They have grown closer, found a level of balance between their all too similar personalities that works well. They can talk for hours, making each other laugh, finding points of logic to argue over, falling into companionable silence only after too much wine. Tissaia's heart lightens whenever Yennefer comes into a room; a phenomenon she has never experienced in all of her very long life. On more than a few occasions, she's found herself seeking out Yennefer's company for no other reason than to be in her presence and feel the way she makes her feel.
But Tissaia is far too old to expect anything to come of it. Yennefer is a free spirit and always has been. Tissaia could never hope to tie her down, and she could not bear to share her affections with others. So she is resolved to suffer in silence and to be content with whatever she can get from a friendship with Yennefer. Even that, after how they used to be, is a miracle.
It is one thing to resign oneself to the knowledge of a thing. It is quite another to be confronted with the reality of it. And though Tissaia is skilled at masking her emotions, she's not sure that even she could maintain an uninterested facade when forced to spend hours in the company of Yennefer and Geralt. While there may be whispers to the contrary, she is not made of ice.
No, it will be better for everyone if she just gets on with work and leaves the revelry to the youngsters.
Guilt gnaws at her chest all day at the memory of the hurt on Yennefer's face as she was leaving. Perhaps she has been selfish; protecting her own heart instead of being a good friend. And she will need to get used to seeing Yennefer and the Witcher together at some point.
When she looks up and realises it is dark enough that she needs to light the candles in the room, her mind is made up. She will swallow down her own feelings and go to the celebration. She will smile and sip lukewarm ale and pretend that she is enjoying herself.
For Yennefer.
She makes her way through the crowd, nodding to acquaintances and smiling at young couples dancing by one of the many bonfires, flower crowns adorning their heads. The music is provided by a lute player, and Tissaia recognises him as the bard that follows Geralt around. She ignores the tightening in her chest at the confirmation he's here and carries on further into the gathering.
A familiar laugh rings out into the night, and she turns to see Triss planting herself on the Witcher's lap, wrapping an arm around his neck and gesticulating wildly with the other as she tells a story. The Witcher seems unperturbed by this turn of events, his big hand sits lightly on Triss' waist as he drinks his ale. Sabrina, meanwhile, is less than amused. Her knuckles are white where she grips her tankard, and if she could incinerate him with her eyes, he'd be engulfed in emerald fire by now.
Hiding a sympathetic smile, she heads over to the odd threesome. Triss sees her first, her eyes lighting up.
"Tissaia!" She points at her, spilling the contents of her tankard in the process. "You came!"
"Yes. I finished what I was working on, and I thought I should come along for a little while," she says. She nods her greeting to the Witcher. "Geralt."
"Rectoress," he says, returning the nod.
Triss pushes to her feet, stumbling the few steps that separate her from Tissaia and then leaning heavily on her shoulder. "I'm so glad." She leans in close to Tissaia's ear, but doesn't lower her voice at all. "Yen's been moping around all evening. Maybe she'll be happy now."
The guilt grows claws and tears at Tissaia's insides. "I'm sure that's not why she- I mean, she must-"
"It is why she's moping," Sabrina puts in, lifting an eyebrow. "There's no doubt about it."
"Oh. Well, I didn't mean for-"
They're interrupted, much to Tissaia's relief, when the bard joins them and drops onto Geralt's lap, draping an arm over his broad shoulders. "Well, I'm fucked." He shakes his head. "I used to be able to play all night at these things." He sighs dramatically. "Must be getting old." When no-one says anything he prods Geralt's shoulder. "Uh, this is where you're supposed to say 'No, Jaskier, you are as young, handsome and virile as you have ever been.'"
"Hmmmm."
Triss laughs, a tinkling sound far too close to Tissaia's ear, and then she's gone. She grabs Jaskier's cheeks and presses a soft kiss to his lips. "You are very handsome, and I'm sure you're very virile." She ruffles his hair. "But you're far from young, I'm afraid."
"I'm younger than all of you," Jaskier points out, his eyes landing on Tissaia and widening. He claps. "Oh thank the Gods. Maybe that insufferable witch will crack a smile now."
It seems everyone is aware of the impact her absence has had on Yennefer. She straightens her back, linking her hands at her waist. "Perhaps I should-"
"She wandered off in that direction," Sabrina tells her, indicating a path that leads to the woods. "She was- ooof." Triss drops into Sabrina's lap, smiling up at Tissaia while Sabrina blushes furiously.
"I will go and see if I can find her," Tissaia says. She nods at the strange little group and heads in the direction Sabrina had indicated.
Her stomach is in turmoil. She hadn't meant for her choice not to attend to upset Yennefer to the point where she wouldn't enjoy the celebrations. Far from it; she had hoped her absence would allow her to spend an enjoyable few hours with her friends. But everyone seems to be more than aware that she is the cause of Yennefer's melancholy.
She senses her before she sees her, of course. She's always aware of Yennefer's magical signature, no matter how much distance separates them. Even when Yennefer had hidden herself away from the Brotherhood for years, Tissaia had known where she was at all times. Yennefer's chaos is as familiar to her as her own, always thrumming at the back of her mind, reassuring her that the girl is alive and well.
Yennefer is sitting on a wide tree stump when she finds her. A tankard is cradled against her chest, her face illuminated by the fire. Tissaia's heart starts to beat a little faster as memories of Sodden flood back in, but she continues her approach.
Without looking at her, Yennefer speaks. "Finished your work, then?"
Tissaia sighs. She tentatively joins Yennefer on the makeshift seat, ensuring her intentions are clear and giving Yennefer room to object if she wants to. No objection is forthcoming. They sit, shoulder to shoulder, looking at the fire.
"I'm sorry I didn't come earlier," Tissaia finally says. "I should have. It was rude of me not to."
Her shoulder moves with Yennefer's shrug. "You've not missed much."
"That's not the point," Tissaia says. "As you said earlier, we are friends. I should have come."
The silence goes on longer than she would like, but then Yennefer sways into her briefly. "Well, you're here now."
Tissaia smiles, and some of the guilt evaporates. She swallows and straightens her skirts over her knees. "There's something I've been meaning to-" She presses her lips together, closing her eyes before turning to Yennefer. "Tonight seems a fitting night for it." Yennefer's eyes are wary, but curious. And hopeful, if Tissaia's not mistaken. Tissaia stands and takes the tankard from Yennefer, setting it aside. She holds out a hand. "Come with me." She winces at her tone; so used to barking orders at students or subordinates. "Please."
With a sigh, Yennefer eyes the offered hand. "Last time you said that word I ended up half-dead." But she takes the hand and stands up.
"I promise this will be far more pleasant," Tissaia says, squeezing Yennefer's fingers.
"Oh?" Yennefer lifts an eyebrow. "Well, lead the way, Rectoress."
With a quick glance around to make sure no-one is watching, Tissaia turns and leads Yennefer towards the forest. Once they are hidden enough, Tissaia murmurs some elder and conjures a portal. She smiles at Yennefer. "After you."
Yennefer steps through the portal, and with a deep breath, Tissaia follows. They find themselves in a different wood, much less dense. Tissaia waves a hand and the clearing they are in is illuminated by thousands of glowing insects. Yennefer looks up and then back at Tissaia, her brow creased.
"I don't- I thought-"
"Shhhhh," Tissaia says, stepping forward and lightly touching Yennefer's forearm. "You'll see."
There's magic all around in this place, and she knows Yennefer must be able to feel it too. Even after many visits, Tissaia is still taken aback by the ancient, mysterious chaos that inhabits these woods. When the wind blows, the trees seem to whisper its secrets, just out of reach, beyond hearing.
There's a rustling in the distance to her left and she turns, urging Yennefer to do likewise. Sure enough, after a moment, what she has been waiting for appears.
A unicorn.
Yennefer gasps and grabs her arm. Tissaia covers her hand with her own, willing her to stay still and not startle their companion.
The animal slowly emerges from the trees. Its coat gleams white in the ethereal light cast by Tissaia's spell, silvery mane shimmering as it tosses its head. The light catches its horn, too many colours to count swirling in the twisting bone.
"It's so beautiful," Yennefer whispers.
Tissaia turns to see her face and her own breath catches at the wonder written plainly over her features. She looks young and more carefree than Tissaia can imagine she ever was in her actual youth. "Yes," Tissaia agrees. "Beautiful."
She turns back to the sight in front of them. The animal moves closer to them and Tissaia steps forward to greet her, letting Yennefer's hand slip from her arm.
"Hello my dear," Tissaia says, extending her hand. The unicorn lowers her head, allowing Tissaia to stroke her muzzle. "It's been a while hasn't it?"
The unicorn snorts and bumps her head against Tissaia's chin before turning curious eyes to Yennefer, who seems frozen to the spot. Tissaia holds out her hand.
"Come. She won't bite."
Yennefer steps closer, eyes wide. She holds out a shaking hand, allowing the unicorn to sniff her.
"They're very sensitive animals," Tissaia explains, stroking the animal's broad neck. "She'll be able to feel your chaos, as you can feel hers."
"Her eyes," Yennefer whispers, finally plucking up the courage to rub the long muzzle, smiling when the unicorn lets her. "They're like mine."
Tissaia smiles. "Unicorns and elves share a long history. The details are lost to time, of course, but there's always been an affinity between the two." The unicorn moves forward, lowering her head to bump against Yennefer's shoulder. Tissaia laughs. "She likes you."
"And I like her. Very much." Yennefer looks over at Tissaia, her eyes shining. "How did you know?"
"Know what?" Tissaia asks.
"That I wished to see a unicorn." Yennefer shakes her head. "Ever since I was a girl and I heard stories about them, it was my greatest wish, even after I learned they had become extinct. But I never-" Her face falls. "Did you look into my mind? Without my knowledge?"
"No," Tissaia hurries to reassure her. "Of course not." She swallows. "After Sodden, when you were-" She blinks to clear the tears that have sprung to her eyes. "When you were recovering, you would sometimes talk in your fevered state." She returns her attention to the animal. "You would speak of unicorns and how you longed to see one." She clears her throat. "And I made a promise to you that, once you were better, I would bring you here and introduce you to a unicorn."
The memories are not pleasant. Yennefer had been delirious with fever, ranting and raving, often not making sense. But unicorns had been the one consistent thread in the nonsense. And Tissaia had been determined to give Yennefer any sliver of hope, anything to cling to that might see her through the worst of it. So she had made her vow, and now she is fulfilling it.
"Tissaia, I-" Yennefer shakes her head. "I don't even know what to-"
The unicorn lifts her head and whinnies loudly, interrupting Yennefer's sentence. Tissaia smiles.
"She trusts you. She's going to let you meet her family."
"Her-"
All around, shadows begin to emerge from the forest. Shapes take form as they step into the light, revealing dozens of unicorns answering the call of their matriarch. Yennefer spins around, her hair whipping as she looks between Tissaia and the group.
"This is a sacred location, Yennefer," Tissaia explains. "It is protected by ancient magics, and its very existence is a secret known to very few-" She falters. "Well, known only to me." She meets Yennefer's eyes. "And now to you."
"Why me?" Yennefer asks, her eyebrows coming together in confusion. "Why would you ever tell me about this?"
"Because I know you will keep their secret," Tissaia says, plainly. "I trust that you understand the need to keep these animals safe and protected from those who would hunt them for the magic contained in their horns." She inhales through her nose, lifting her chin. "I trust you, Yennefer. And because I trust you, so do they."
The herd of unicorns has come closer now, reassured by their leader's call and her calmness in the face of this newcomer. They encircle the Yennefer and Tissaia, eager to get close enough for a sniff or a lick. Tissaia pats all the noses within her reach, laughing as Yennefer twists and turns, trying to give attention to every unicorn in turn as they nudge at her.
Tissaia steps away and watches Yennefer with the animals, an unfamiliar warmth filling her chest and climbing her throat, clogging it with unspoken emotion. So much of their time together has been spent in pain and recrimination, it's a relief to be able to bring joy for a change. When Yennefer looks over at her and grins, it lifts her heart up and makes it flutter, like she's some foolish girl in the flush of youth.
When the novelty of a new visitor has worn off, the herd begins to disperse, moving off to nibble at grass or pluck the low hanging berries from trees. Yennefer watches them for a moment before turning her attention to Tissaia. Her eyes are shining as she approaches, her smile wide and genuine. She takes both of Tissaia's hands in her own and squeezes them.
"This is the most wonderful gift anyone has ever given me," she whispers. "Thank you for sharing it with me."
Tissaia nods. "I cannot give you everything," she says, with a rueful smile. She looks around the clearing before meeting Yennefer's gaze. "But I can at least give you this."
They stand like that, looking into each others' eyes, for long moments. Yennefer's smile slowly fades to contemplation and Tissaia's heart quickens as she watches violet eyes grow darker.
"What if I still want more?" Yennefer tugs on their joint hands, pulling Tissaia closer. Close enough that they are pressed together, chest to chest, and Tissaia is forced to look up at Yennefer. "What if I want more of you?"
"Yennefer," Tissaia says; a warning. But she doesn't move away. She doesn't look away.
"Will you give me more, Tissaia?" Yennefer asks, the tip of her nose brushes Tissaia's. She lets go of Tissaia's hands and moves her own to Tissaia's waist. "If I asked you for it?"
"Don't-" Tissaia closes her eyes, her hands tight on Yennefer's upper arms. "Don't ask this of me if you do not mean it, Yennefer. I couldn't bear to- to have you only to lose you."
"I do mean it," Yennefer whispers, fiercely. "I mean it with the entirety of my heart and soul and mind." She sighs and it warms Tissaia's lips. "Since I left Aretuza, I've been searching for something, trying to find what's been missing. It was only by coming back that I realised I'd known what it was all along." She tilts her forehead against Tissaia's. "I only felt whole again when I returned to you."
Treacherous hands move up to cup Yennefer's face, to stroke smooth skin and let herself believe in what they could be, if only in this moment. She pushes her back far enough to look into her eyes when she speaks again.
"Geralt-"
"Geralt is nothing," Yennefer spits, her hands squeezing Tissaia's hips. "Geralt bound me to him against my will. But you-" She shakes her head. "I am bound to you by my heart's desire alone. And it's deeper and stronger than any wish bond."
"I can't-" She wants so badly to just believe these words, to give herself over to loving Yennefer. But the armour around her heart is old and battered, and difficult to penetrate. "I cannot give you the child you've sought all these years."
"I've been seeking love, Tissaia." Yennefer's voice is clear and certain. "Someone to love and to love me in return. For a while a child seemed the only answer, but-" She smiles. "But it's not. I know that now. I see it so clearly. I love you."
It feels like their roles have been reversed. That Yennefer is now the teacher, with Tissaia struggling to grasp simple concepts. Yennefer, who has been discarded and ignored, haggled over and betrayed. Yennefer, who is still brave enough to name her emotions and own them, to send them out into the world and risk pain and humiliation.
"Yennefer," Tissaia whispers, her fingers tracing over full lips in wonder at the truthful words spilling from them.
Dipping her head, Yennefer finds Tissaia's eyes once more. "And you love me too, don't you?"
"I-" For a fleeting second, she considers denying it. Considers lying to set Yennefer free. "Yes." She nods, a laugh erupting from her throat even as hot tears burn in her eyes. "Yes."
Yennefer's body softens against her, betraying the tension she'd felt even as she'd acted so self-assured. "Well then," Yennefer says, her own eyes bright. "I think there's only one thing for it."
"And what is that?" Tissaia asks.
"This."
Yennefer leans in and brings their mouths together, soft lips caressing as if that were their sole purpose in life. A sound comes from deep within Tissaia that she thinks might be her heart cracking open and releasing every emotion she's tried to keep hidden, controlled. It's liberating, like her lungs have been constricted and finally she can breathe properly.
When they part, she cradles Yennefer's face, keeping her close. Yennefer tightens her arms around her and presses a smile into her cheek.
"I take back what I said before," she says. "This is the greatest gift anyone has ever given me."
Tissaia laughs and kisses her again, pulling away and putting a finger over Yennefer's pout. "Whatever am I going to get you next year?" she asks.
Shaking her head, Yennefer kisses the tip of her finger. "You and unicorns. What more could I possibly ask for?"
A shadow looms over Yennefer's shoulder and Tissaia looks up and smiles. Yennefer frowns.
"Is there a unicorn eating my hair?" she asks.
"Yes. There very much is." Tissaia reaches up to stroke the unicorn's muzzle, gently pushing it away. It harrumphs once, but heads back off to find something tastier than Yennefer's hair. Tissaia sighs. "We should probably return to the celebration."
"Fuck the celebration." Yennefer pulls her close again, kissing her neck, her jaw, her ear. "There are far more enjoyable ways to spend this evening than sitting by a bonfire and drinking warm ale."
Closing her eyes, Tissaia allows herself to sink into the sensations Yennefer's lips are sending through her body. "I agree. But people travelled to see you on the day of your birth and-" She hisses when Yennefer's teeth close around her earlobe. "-and I'd like to reassure them that you are a bit happier than you were earlier."
With a tut, Yennefer draws back. "Did Jaskier say I was a moody bitch?"
"Something along those lines." Tissaia hides a smile. "But no-one disagreed with his assessment."
"Well." Yennefer sighs. "Maybe I was a little moody." She rolls her eyes. "And maybe it was because you weren't there."
"Everyone seemed to be well aware of that fact, dear," Tissaia says, threading their fingers together. "You have yet to learn the art of subtlety when it comes to your emotions."
"Like you, you mean?" Yennefer says, with a smirk. She swings their joined hands between them. "Took a fucking war and a bout of dimeritium poisoning for you to give me the slightest glimmer of hope that you might like me."
"That's not-" Tissaia wrinkles her nose and Yennefer lifts her eyebrows in challenge. She can hardly dispute it; the description is accurate. She sighs. "I've had more time to learn how to hide my feelings than you."
"Yes, you are quite ancient," Yennefer agrees, kissing Tissaia's cheek as she gasps at the impudence. "But let's make a pact to not hide our feelings, at least around each other, yes?"
Tissaia lifts gaze, looking up at Yennefer seriously. "I cannot promise that I will always succeed. As you so insolently pointed out, I have been this way for a very long time."
Yennefer smiles, running her thumbnail along the cleft in Tissaia's chin and tipping her face up. "I don't expect you to be perfect, Tissaia. Just as I'm sure you don't expect me to be perfect." She shakes her head. "I think, if we both try, we might be okay."
Bringing her hand up to wrap around Yennefer's wrist, Tissaia returns the smile. "I will try." She pushes up on her toes and kisses Yennefer. It's quick and chaste and utterly thrilling. Yennefer chases her lips, seeking out a deeper kiss, which Tissaia grants easily.
"We really should go back," Tissaia says, when they break apart. "I can't monopolise you all evening."
"You can monopolise me for as long as you like," Yennefer says, with a wink. Off Tissaia's disapproving glance, she sighs and looks around the clearing. "Can't we just stay? I could whip us up a little cottage and we could forget everything else."
"I'm afraid not," Tissaia says. Though, bizarrely, the suggestion is more inviting than it should be. "I fear we are needed elsewhere."
"Pffft." Yennefer wraps an arm around her waist, tugging her in. "We saved the fucking world not so long ago. I think we deserve a break, don't you?"
"You saved the world," Tissaia points out.
"For you," Yennefer points out. "All for you."
Tissaia shakes her head and tilts Yennefer's face down to kiss her. "We can come back another time. Many more times, if you'd like."
With a smile, Yennefer shrugs. "I genuinely don't give a fuck where I am." She slides her hands around to Tissaia's back. "As long as you're there."
"Then you'll return to the celebration with me?" Tissaia asks, with a smirk of her own.
Yennefer narrows her eyes. "Well played." She darts forward and kisses Tissaia a final time, then takes her hand. "Take us back."
Tissaia squeezes the hand in her own and conjures a portal back to their previous location. As they're about to step through, Yennefer pauses, turning to look back over her shoulder at the few unicorns still loitering. She looks down at Tissaia.
"Can they be ridden?"
"What? No!" Tissaia shakes her head.
"You've tried, then?" Yennefer asks.
"No I have not!" Tissaia gets them both moving again. "And nor will you."
"We'll see." Yennefer grins. "I think you'd look intensely beautiful on the back of a unicorn. Possibly naked."
"I don't think so." Tissaia rolls her eyes, but her lips curl into a fond smile. "Imagine the chafing."
Yennefer trips through the portal.