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Kyungsoo can’t remember what he was dreaming about when he wakes up, but the discomfort in his stomach and the anxiety rising in his throat tells him it wasn’t anything good. Blindly, he searches the side for his glasses, only to come up empty-handed.
He’s so tired. But something is wrong. Something is...
“Kyungsoo?”
He freezes. The rush of relief at the familiar voice lasts for a blessed second before the coil in his stomach is tight again. He’s trying to look for Baekhyun but he can’t see in the dark like this.
“Hey... what’s wrong?” There’s the sound of blinds opening and in comes the sunlight. Then Baekhyun comes into view and he takes his hand, placing his glasses in them. “What is it?”
Too much. Kyungsoo doesn’t want to think about anything. He puts on his glasses and finally drinks in his boyfriend, who frowns at his silence.
“You’re really worrying me,” Baekhyun says.
“Hug me,” Kyungsoo answers.
Never needing to be told twice, Baekhyun envelopes him in his arms, familiar and safe. He smells like laundry and pancakes. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, focusing on each point of contact, on his senses lighting up as he’s held. Baekhyun’s soft breathing. His chin on his shoulder. Grounding.
“It’s okay.”
“I can’t.”
“It’s okay. I love you, Kyungsoo. You’ll be okay.”
Kyungsoo wants desperately to believe, but it’s been years of trying. Still, Baekhyun understands. He always does. Even about the things Kyungsoo doesn’t understand himself. There isn’t always an explanation; half the time, trying to find one makes things worse. When Baekhyun stopped asking it felt like a burden being lifted, like Kyungsoo was allowed to be like this even if he didn’t get it. And like Baekhyun would be there no matter what.
Kyungsoo’s world is uncertain but Baekhyun, at least, is a constant. Closing his eyes, Kyungsoo lets himself be held and tries to tell himself too that he will be okay.