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Your world had turned upside down in just a second. Not too long ago, you were joking and laughing with Barry, playfully pushing each other. You had been having fun together like you had known each other all your lives despite having met for the first time a few days ago. You had been there to comfort each other during that insane and frightening mission, like you could read each other’s minds and recognized how scary it was for the other and how much you needed that comfort.
And now…
The others’ voices became but a muffled mumble to your whistling ears. The sudden weight that had settled in your stomach made you nauseous as you turned to them.
“What…?” You asked Bruce in a daze, even if you had heard him loud and clear.
“Are you serious?” Arthur muttered, staring at him as well.
“That would kill him!” You reply in outrage, turning to Barry. The speedster didn’t say anything, only reciprocating your gaze with a neutral expression that you knew hid his fear.
“It’s the only way...” Bruce looked down, clenching his jaw.
A loud silence hung over the group. None of you broke it until Barry himself spoke up. Much to your horror, it was to agree with Bruce’s plan.
“I’ll do it” He replied, bearing a grin on his lips but heaviness in his dark eyes.
“Barry...” You began, knowing him well enough to realize he would not hesitate to do the right thing. He would not hesitate to sacrifice himself to save the world.
“It’ll be okay” Barry smiled at you, even if you could tell it was a fake one.
“Wait, no! I have to...” You reached out to hold on to him, but he was already gone. “Tell you how I feel...”
You closed your hands into fists so tight that your nails painfully digged in your palms. A hand gently squeezed your arm, so you looked up to Diana. She showed you a friendly yet sad smile.
“He knows, Y/N” Were her only words, which didn’t bring you as much comfort as any of you’d hoped.
Contradictory feelings created a lump in your throat. You knew he had to do it, and you knew Victor needed his help. It was selfish of you to not want Barry to do it. You wanted him to, to fix everything, but… you didn’t want to lose him. Tears reached your eyes, so you averted your gaze from your friends. Arthur sighed in resignation next to you. Bruce swore under his breath. You knew Victor would try to come up with a different plan if he wasn’t inside. If Clark wasn’t so focused on keeping Steppenwolf busy, you know he would have some objections himself.
Just when you felt the tears started rolling down your cheeks, a sudden presence made you jump up in startle. Before you could even turn around, you felt something against your cheek. By the time you met face to face with Barry, you had realized what graced your cheek were his lips.
“Be right back” He muttered, even though his voice cracked.
“No, you won’t” You saddly replied, staring into his eyes. “Barry, I...”
He lingered for just a moment before running off. A sob escaped your throat. None of you spoke, and that awful silence was making your heart race. A blue streak illuminated the surroundings as Barry caught speed.
Diana suddenly held your hand, so tightly that you could almost read her thoughts as she made them so palpable. You squeezed back, joining her in what you assumed were mental prayers for Barry to make it back alive.
“C’mon, kid...” Arthur whispered, barely loud enough for you to hear.
The atmosphere became strange around you as Barry reached maximum speed. You grimaced, waiting for the inevitable. Chaos ensued for a moment when Barry managed to achieve his mission, creating a loud commotion that created enough energy to save the day. A pause lasting only a second followed. It was the longest second of your entire life.
The breath hitched in your throat when the electric blue streak passed before your eyes and stopped just a few meters away from the group. You gulped when it dissipated and a reddish blur became a familiar figure. The silence had returned, albeit awed this once.
“I made it” Barry gulped, heaving something between a chuckle and an exhalation. A second after, his eyes rolled into his head and he was limply falling to the ground.
“Barry!” You let go of Diana’s hand and ran to help him, faster than any of them. “Barry, no!!“
You threw yourself to the ground with such force that you scraped your knees. That pain was nothing compared to the one that held your heart ransom. You repeatedly called his name, desperately shaking him. No response. Trembling from head to toe, you then went to hurriedly take his helmet off. The sweaty dark hair stuck to his forehead. His eyes were closed. He looked terribly pale. When you held his face in your hands, he still didn’t move.
“Y/N...” Arthur miserably said as he approached the two of you. The pained word brought a sob to your throat. You knew what he meant when he called your name like that. Barry was gone.
Bruce kneeled by your side. Diana stood on her foot, hovering behind you.
“He’s alive” Bruce suddenly uttered, causing your heart to race. For the first time since you joined the team, it was a good sign.
“He’s alive?!”
“He’s alive...”
_
Your eyes closed, but you didn’t give in to sleep. He needed you.
Thoughts plagued your mind, so many and so varied that your head hurt. You were mad at him for being so reckless. But proud that he didn’t hesitate to save everyone. At the same time, you were sad that he had exerted himself like that, if only because of how dangerous it was. And you were worried about his health. Your temples throbbed.
“You haven’t moved in two days” Clark’s sudden voice scared you. Nonetheless, you didn’t have the strength to flinch. “Get some rest, Y/N”
“No, I have to stay here with him” You watched Barry as he slept peacefully in his bed, hooked to the machine that tracked his vitals. Fortunately, it kept beeping with his heartbeat.
“We’ll tell you if he wakes up”
“I’ll be here when he does”
Returning to focus on Barry, you squeezed his hand. You had been holding on to it for so long that your hands had seemed to fuse together. It had been your only comfort these days. You had to keep reminding yourself that he was still alive.
“You’ll get sick too” Clark lingered on his gentle tone, empathizing with you and being worried himself despite not really knowing Barry like you did.
But he could tell. Anyone could tell Barry had a heart of gold. That he was kind and warm. Still, Clark didn’t know. He didn’t know how much Barry made you laugh. Not him not anyone knew how much you treasured his reassuring presence next to you as you fought to save the world. How much you appreciated his light-hearted jokes and efforts to relief the tension. No one knew how especial Barry was to you.
No, you refused to get up from that chair. You only stared at Barry still, mentally begging for him to wake up like you could will that thought into existence. Your throat began to hurt from how fiercely you fought the tears. Seeing your resolve, your friend shook you a little.
“Y/N, you...” Judging by Clark’s tone, you saw a soft reprimand coming. You were too tired to put up with one, no matter how well-intentioned it was.
“No, Clark!” You stood up, something you didn’t do in days. “I... I…”
You had moved so quickly that you got a headrush. Clark held you by the arm when you wobbled, but you angrily swatted him away.
“I’m not leaving him! I need to be with him, because...” Your confident and loud voice grew lower and sadder. “If I’m not…”
Clark’s own eyes looked watery. He frowned and nodded his head, silently providing you with the understanding you so badly needed. It didn’t help with the burden of guilt and remorse that filled your chest, though.
The beeping of the machine filled the stillness, followed by a different sound.
“Can you... keep it down?” A groggy voice muttered. “I’m trying to sleep”
You and Clark gasped at thet same time, quickly turning to your friend lying on the bed. Barry’s eyes were open, even if heavy with weakness, as he slowly turned his head in your direction.
“You slept for two days, buddy” Clark grinned, fondly looking at him.
“That’s a long nap” Barry smiled, tiredly closing his eyes.
“You’re so stupid!” You softly punched him in the arm, forcing him to look back at you.
“Ow” He barely had the strength to reach out to hold the spot. “Easy, I’m convalescent”
“You scared me half to death!”
Barry’s prior small smile vanished in favor of a concerned frown when he got a good look at you.
“You look exhausted…”
“We kept telling Y/N to get some rest” Clark piped up, looking from one to the other.
“And I kept telling you I wasn’t going to leave him!” In response to your reply, Clark only smiled fondly. Shaking his head a little, he scooped you into his arms and carefully laid you down on Barry’s bed next to him.
“There, you can look after each other now” He carefully patted Barry’s arm. “Everyone’s happy”
You barely paid any attention to Clark anymore as he muttered he was going to tell the others that Barry was awake. Instead, you were far too busy tightly hugging Barry and hoping you weren’t hurting him. When the door closed, signaling Clark’s departure, you were nuzzling Barry’s shoulder.
“Wow, hey” He chuckled, playfully patting your back. “Missed me, I see”
“Shut up”
“Were you worried?”
“Was I worried”
“Yeah”
“If you pull something like that ever again, you better believe I won’t need your speed to catch up to you and kill you myself, Barry Allen!”
Barry weakly laughed at the stupid line you had just said. Realizing the silliness of it yourself, you joined him in his chuckles.
“I love you too” Barry playfully replied, bearing a joking grin.
Your eyebrows arched in surprise, and then he gawked at you.
“N-No... I didn’t mean...” Barry corrected himself. “I didn’t mean I love you as a... It was a joke! I-I mean, it’s not that I don’t love you, but... but... uh..."
When everything stilled, however, you realized how truly close you two were lying down together. There was barely enough room in that small bed to fit the two of you even as you were on your sides. Being so close to him, you wonderred how you hadn't realized how beautiful his eyes were before. You took his face in your hands, chuckling again. His lips suffocated your laughter as well as his babbling when they connected with yours. It was a slow and delicate kiss, nearly a peck. You both were still very tired, and that wonderful exchange made you so calm that you felt your eyes close both in exhaustion and happiness.
When the kiss ended, you both lingered in that closeness. Barry tenderly pressed his forehead against yours, leaning into your touch. Your hands were still on his face while his had clumsily found their way to the small of your back.
“Thanks for looking after me” He whispered, dedicating you a tired smile.
“Thanks for coming back to me” As you said it, you wondered if the smitten way he was looking at you was the same way you were looking at him without realizing.
“I told you I would” Barry reached out to press his hand against yours, caressing your skin with his thumb.
You melted in a loving embrace, and everything was alright with the world again. As you rested against his chest, Barry’s heartbeat under your ear brought you peace. Linger in the hug, that you wished you could stretch out forever, you gazed into each other’s eyes.
“How about we actually listen to our friends and get some rest?” You mumbled, slowly reaching out to hold his hand.
“That sounds great” Barry intertwined his fingers with you, smiling wide.
Finally feeling like you could relax after days of being on edge, you fully lied down with him. Barry was beaming, his smile never faltering as you got comfortable beside him. Your hands were linked together like they had been for days now. This time he squeezed yours back. You felt the slumber take you as you groggily repeated the words he had said to you first. I love you too.