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“So you got the apprenticeship?” Kojiro asked. His eyes were so bright in the setting sun, his voice full of that same sweetness that always seemed to be there when he was around Kaoru. “I’m so proud of you. I mean, you’ve always been great at calligraphy, so I’m not shocked or anything, but…” He let out a soft sigh. “I’m really happy for you, man.”
An arm wrapped over Kaoru’s shoulder, always too tight and too strong, but he let himself be pulled closer, letting out a soft laugh. It was time for a celebration. He could deal with Kojiro’s ridiculous strength just this once. “Thanks.” He couldn’t help but smile. There was something strange about being out with Kojiro, just the two of them. They hadn’t had the chance in so long. Technically speaking, Kaoru wasn’t supposed to be out with him right now, but… “I have to leave for Kyoto at the end of the week.”
That bright look in Kojiro’s eyes dimmed, and Kaoru felt a knot in his stomach. “You’ll be so far away,” he said, his face dropping.
“I’ll come back for holidays,” he offered, knowing that it wasn’t much of a consolation. How much time would he have with Kojiro between seeing his family and Adam? It was difficult to get out of Adam’s grip for long enough to see him as it was. “And, hey, you’ve got me for the night,” he said, elbowing the man beside him and forcing a smile. If this was the only chance he’d have to see his best friend for the foreseeable future, they would have to make the most of it. “And I got this,” he added, reaching into his bag to retrieve a large bottle of wine. It was cheap and taken from the back of his fridge-- his mother would have a fit when she realized it was missing-- but it was enough to make Kojiro smile.
“Let’s ride down to the beach and have a little farewell party, then. Just the two of us.” He dropped the board that had been resting under his arm, and Kaoru grinned as the boy took off. Even within the limitations of the night, as Kaoru rolled after him, he felt free. The wind stung against his cheeks and the way the breeze lifted his hair off his neck made him feel lighter. Chasing that idiot in front of him made his heart tug in a way that he desperately needed to ignore.
The secluded beach was, as always, empty. A short walk from Kojiro’s house, it had become one of their best hiding places, somewhere they’d only ever shared with one another. Even Adam wouldn’t find them there, and Kaoru was perhaps too relieved to know that. He rested his board along the little cobbled together fence, and tossed his shoes off beside it, following after Kojiro to the shore. As the two settled in their usual spot, the water lapping at their feet, he leaned into Kojiro’s side. It didn’t mean anything-- he just needed to feel him there, to know he was there, that he always would be.
“So,” Kojiro started as he retrieved the bottle from Kaoru’s bag, “you gonna start dressing all traditional and listening to enka?”
Kaoru laughed, shaking his head. “That’s not me. You don’t have to act like a grandmother to do calligraphy.” Besides, Adam would hate that. Kaoru looked best when he was wearing something tight that showed off his assets, he always said.
“I don’t know. Might be a good look for you,” Kojiro said, taking a sip from the bottle before passing it to Kaoru. “I can picture it now. You all dressed up in a kimono, whacking me with the most beautiful fan.”
Kaoru rolled his eyes, swatting the man in the side. “I don’t need a fan to bully you.”
Kojiro’s smile was so delicate, and the sigh he let out was so soft. “I’ll miss you so much. I wish--” He cut himself off.
Kaoru’s brow furled. “You wish what?”
Kojiro looked away, and that happy little lilt in his voice disappeared. “I wish we had been together more this year. You’re going away, and I feel like I’ve barely seen you. Sometimes I just wish we’d never met Adam. I fucking hate that guy.”
Kaoru swallowed. It wasn’t that he was surprised Kojiro felt that way. He knew that he must. But Kojiro was always so careful to dance around the subject, to never voice when he was angry. “I know.” His voice was steady, calm as he leaned closer into Kojiro’s side. “I… I don’t want to be with him.”
“You shouldn’t be. And I’m not just saying that because--”
“Because you’re in love with me.”
Kojiro frowned. “That’s not what I was going to say.”
“No, you were going to dance around it, like we have since we were ten.” Kaoru sighed. “I know you wouldn’t try to get me to break up with him just so you could be with me. You don’t need to worry about me thinking that.” He took too large a swig from the bottle, swallowing it down hard. “Kojiro, I think you know how I feel. I’ve always… I’ve always cared about you in a way that’s meant for more than just friends. This whole thing with Adam is a mess, but I’m going to fix it. I want you, so much it hurts sometimes. But I’ve got to tie this up first.”
“How did we even get into this?” Kojiro said, letting out a sigh as he took the bottle back in his hands. “However long it takes, I’ll be here. You know I’m yours.”
“I appreciate that, but… Please don't. I don’t think I could live with myself if you missed out on the love of your life or something because you were waiting for me to sort my shit out.” Kaoru leaned back, side still pressed against the boy next to him, and turned his eyes to the twinkling stars. “When I come back from Kyoto, I promise I’ll have Adam out of our lives. If you’re not seeing anyone, how about then? We’ll skate together, and I can finally kiss that stupid mouth of yours.”
Kojiro pulled him tighter, and Kaoru didn’t pull away. “Yeah. As soon as you’re back home.”
He hadn’t told Kojiro that he was coming. Maybe it was stupid, but Kaoru worried that telling him would make him feel pressured to give up whatever plans he had already made over the holidays. He didn’t want to get in the way of the life Kojiro was trying to build. The man had been so busy setting up his restaurant, learning the ropes and meeting so many new business associates that Kaoru could sometimes hardly keep up when the man called him to update him on what was happening here in Okinawa. Kaoru didn’t want to insert himself unwanted into his new life.
Besides, he was getting good at being alone. The second he had made it to his apprenticeship, Ainosuke had seemingly lost interest. It wasn’t their biggest fight, and with the distance between them, there was no opportunity for it to get violent. He couldn’t be pushed or pulled from so far away. For him to finally be gone was a breath of fresh air.
Granted, that fresh air sometimes felt cold and harsh in his lungs. Ainosuke had never been good for him. He had never been kind or gentle or caring. But he was one of the few constants in Kaoru’s life. To not have his phone blown up everyday made the quiet of the studio feel so much more intense. Still, he had promised himself that he would learn to enjoy the quiet, calm life he had been able to make. To wake up early and take the time to brush through his hair before turning on the kettle, to move through his mornings slowly as the sun rose, to disappear into the streets on his board after work with ink still staining his hands… It was so different from the frantic pace he tried to maintain to keep up with Ainosuke, but it was nice.
Kaoru let out a small sigh as he looked to the mirror. He should be using this time to see people. But without bothering Kojiro, it was difficult to come up with anyone here he wanted to see. His eyes moved toward the small calendar on his desk, and he felt something inside him perk up. S tonight. He hadn’t been in months, and if there was one thing he missed more than Kojiro, it might be skating with an audience.
The outfit he had always worn in high school was still tucked away in a closet in Kyoto. He would need to improvise. A new look was due anyway-- Ainosuke had been the one to finalize the previous design, and the thought of his touch staining anything in his life after so many months without him in it made Kaoru nauseous. Right. Definitely time to change.
It wasn’t perfect, and he could already hear Kojiro laughing-- Kaoru had told him months ago that this look wasn’t for him. But… when he looked in the mirror and saw the way the fabric flowed off of him, the way it turned when he moved, it made him feel beautiful.
He took Carla in his hands and smiled. He had worked so hard on this little piece of technology over the past few months. It hadn’t originally been meant for incorporation into a board. Rather, it was meant as a simple AI that might be able to hold a conversation and occupy his time when the cool Kyoto nights seemed too heavy to suffer alone. Skating was more fun in the presence of friends, and Carla served that purpose well. To be able to unveil her full features to a crowd excited him.
The night was warm, and there was still plenty of time to get to the old mine. It wouldn’t take long if he rode his bike, but something about walking on an evening like this made him want to walk. He took comfort in the familiar streets. The way the sun hung low in the sky at the end of the day was a comfort he hadn’t realized he missed. Two more months, and this place could be his again. His mentors had already helped him to find a little studio in town to work out of, a place to truly make his own. Okinawa would be home again.
The path Kaoru took was one he had walked a thousand times, but he still found himself surprised when he passed a little restaurant, one that had been vacant for nearly a year before he left. Inside, the lights were on, and on the small porch, he could see a green tuft of hair and a bright smile. Maybe his heart would have fluttered if that smile had been for him. But it was painfully clear that it wasn’t. Just before Kojiro stood a young girl, tall and lean, absolutely beautiful.
Kaoru kept walking, pace quickened. In all the long conversations spent updating one another on work and friends and skating, Kojiro had never once mentioned a girlfriend. Even as his stomach tied in knots, Kaoru couldn’t bring himself to be angry, not at Kojiro, at least. It was his own damn fault for telling him not to wait. Kojiro deserved to find someone he cared about, even if it wasn’t him. He was a good man-- a great man. He should be happy. But some selfish part of him wished that he had told him that night to put his life on pause. Just for the year. Just for one long, terrible year, wait for him.
He needed to go faster, to get the thoughts out of his head. Wallowing in self pity never did anyone any good. He mounted his board, and took a deep breath. When he was skating, his thoughts couldn’t keep up with the speed.
It didn’t take long to make it to the gate, and once there, it wasn’t long before he began to hear whispers rise around him. The lingering frustration and sadness were pushed to the back of his mind as he heard murmurs of his name.
“Is that actually him?”
Right. One of the founding members of S had been gone for close to a year, and now a masked lookalike in a fresh costume had appeared. Kojiro had said people missed him there, but Kaoru hadn’t considered that the return of Cherry Blossom would excite him so much. He weaved through the sea of onlookers, letting the familiar motion clear his head as others whispered around him. If he didn’t have Kojiro’s attention, at least he could captivate a crowd.
As he neared the starting point, something in the pit of his stomach sank once again. Just near the line stood a form he would rather forget, decked out in gaudy reds and gold. He was still facing away, but Kaoru would know him anywhere. He came to a halt, stopping for enough away that maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t be noticed. As much as he enjoyed the attention from onlookers, thatching Adam’s eye wasn’t on his to do list.
Behind him, the loud thrum of a motorcycle neared, and then came to a stop. Kaoru would know that sound anywhere, and he slowly turned to see Kojiro, who seemed to freeze in his tracks when their eyes met.
For just a moment, the world around them seemed quiet. The loud chatter and hushed murmurs, the sound of wheels on the ground, none of it really registered. The sinking feeling Kaoru had felt lifted from his stomach when Kojiro’s eyes roamed up and down, his lips ever so slightly parted.
“Cherry?” he asked, breaking out of the moment, bringing back that loud, horrible chatter around them. He stepped forward, and the way he beamed almost made Kaoru nervous. “I didn’t know you were coming. I thought you were still in--” He just smiled, that same cute, lazy grin Kaoru had seen a thousand times. “You look amazing.”
Kojiro’s voice was so soft that it made his chest hurt.
“ Cherry Blossom.”
Shit.
Kaoru furrowed his brow for a moment, trying to decide if turning around and facing Adam was worth it, or if he should simply disappear into nothingness until the end of time instead.
“You’ve finally come running back to me, hmm?”
Kaoru needed something-- anything -- to avoid this conversation. Arguing with always futile with him. Announcing that he was his own person who didn’t need Ainosuke might have felt nice, but Kaoru knew full well that it would fall on deaf ears. Unless there was an unmovable barrier unattached to Kaoru himself, like miles and miles of distance, Ainosuke wouldn’t stop.
Quickly, Kaoru leaned forward, pressing his lip against Kojiro’s cheek, only for a moment, a soft kiss, and a whisper, “Do me a favor.”
Kojiro’s face flushed a shade of pink that, if it weren’t for the footsteps behind him, Kaoru would have reveled in. But instead, he just took the soft smile and quick nod as an understanding, and turned to face the mask behind him. Had he been the same man he was eight months ago, he may have faltered. May have apologized. May have walked right back into the arms that always held him too tight, taken the hand that had so often lashed out at him, and given him everything all over again.
But these last eight months had been spent alone. Kaoru had learned to take care of himself, to fill his time even without someone to run to and dictate his every waking moment. He didn’t need that. As he felt a warm, strong arm wrap around his waist, his resolve hardened. “What?” His tongue was sharper and braver than Kaoru had expected, and he was grateful for that.
There were few things that scared Kaoru. The dark, horror stories, snakes, none of that phased him. But the scowl on Ainoske’s lips and the clenching of his fists still managed to make his heart pound faster.
“Your race with that new guy starts soon, right?” Kojiro’s voice was bright, warm, and easily faked. He tilted his head toward the starting line, and pulled Kaoru tighter to him, their sides flush against one another.
Ainosuke didn’t answer. His eyes were burning, but his mouth remained a straight line. His stare lingered on Kaoru, gaze drawing too slowly over him, before he turned back, stepped toward the starting like, and glared straight ahead. Kaoru didn’t envy the poor sap who’d have to race against him when he was angry, but he was grateful for the distance.
“Sorry,” he murmured. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like that.”
The hand that hadn’t left his hip gave a gentle squeeze. “Hey, it’s alright. I know how he is. You held your ground. Glad I could help.” That big, stupid smile was back on his lips. “Why didn’t you tell me you were coming? We could have rode in together.”
Kaoru sighed, brushing the hair from his eyes. It took everything in him to keep his face steady, eyes locked on Adam as he took off. The relief and frustration had taken equal grip of him, and he couldn’t shake the tension in his shoulders. Sure, he had gotten past Adam. But just seeing him had triggered something inside him, making his insides buzz with anxiety. And it wasn’t as though he could take pride in his composure. He had used Kojiro to get away. And shit, in the process he had kissed a taken man, a man he had longed to kiss for so many years, a kiss that certainly should have been savored more, under better circumstances.
“Kaoru?”
The arm around him loosened, and it was only then that Kaoru realized fully how much he didn’t want the man to let go. He shouldn’t be letting this happen. But so long as it didn’t move anywhere else, was it so bad to take comfort in an old friend? He swallowed. “You know better than to call me that here, don’t you?” He was careful to redirect the topic, to try and ease the tension that wracked him. “Walk with me for a while?” The winding paths of the course and the trails that surrounded it had offered him calm at the worst of times. Maybe it could lighten the weight on his shoulders and the heaviness that has made itself at home in his heart.
When Kojiro moved his arm away, nodding in a quiet acceptance of the situation, Kaoru looped his own around it, not ready to lose all contact just yet. Kojiro didn’t question him. They’d been through this plenty of times before, maybe not arm in arm, but side by side, quietly walking alone as Kaoru gathered himself.
“How was your day?” Kaoru asked, breaking the silence. As long as it wasn’t about himself, and as long as it wasn’t about Adam, he wanted to hear it.
“Mm, not much going on. The restaurant was a bit busy toward the end of the day, so I had to beg my sous chef to lock up for me so I wouldn’t miss this. She’s an angel,” he said. The fondness in his voice was sweet. “Almost forgot to get her the keys, though. She had to grab me when I was already on the patio. I’m still a flustered mess half the time I’m working.”
Kaoru smiled. He could envision it, Kojiro running out so excited to skate that he’d forget half of his own favor request, some sweet, likely more competent girl running after him-- Oh. So that wasn’t a girlfriend.
The path they had taken veered off the main course, out of the way of prying eyes. Kaoru knew the route well enough to know there wasn’t anyone who’d notice them here. “Kojiro, may I be selfish for a moment?”
Confusion was written over a furrowed brow, but the man nodded, coming to a stop at Kaoru’s side. “What’s on your mind?”
Kaoru let out a small sigh, staring down the ground for a second, hoping the dirt trail might offer him some courage. “I move back in three months,” he said. He raised his head to meet the man’s eyes. That wasn’t so bad. The softness in them served to embolden him. “I told you before not to wait for me. I don’t want you putting your life on hold for me. But… is it too late to go back on that?”
Deep crimson eyes widened, and the smile that grew on Kojiro’s lips was wider than he’d seen before. “I’d wait forever for you. Three months isn’t so bad.”
The world felt as if it had slowed again. Here he was, standing before Kojiro, the promise that he would be there hanging between them. It had always been there, he knew. Silent, but ever present. “May I ask one more selfish favor, then?” Kaoru asked, voice soft and eyes pleading.
Kojiro raised a brow, but that smile didn’t waver. “Anything.”
“When I kissed you before, I did it wrong.” It had been too quick, too fleeting, too much of a performance. It wasn’t for Kojiro. It wasn’t enough. “Let me try again?”
Kaoru didn’t need to wait for words. Kojiro leaned forward, his hand moving to the base of his neck, fingers tangling in loose strands of pink hair. He didn’t close the distance himself, waiting. He was always so patient, always so willing to give Kaoru as much time as he needed. At least this time, he didn’t need much. He leaned in, meeting him halfway, and was greeted with soft lips.
He could have spent a lifetime comparing it to what he had felt with Ainosuke. This was so careful, so tender. Adoring , he thought. But with such delicate touch, slow movement of lips, warm caress of hands on his waist, in his hair, all thoughts of the past had been erased. As he pulled away, all he saw in Kojiro’s eyes was a bright, warm promise of the future.