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It’s been a year. Maybe, in that time, San should have worked out exactly what it was he wanted to say and how he was going to say it. Maybe he should have gained the courage to stop just sitting and watching as time passed. With every passing day, he didn’t even know if he would see him again.
But he was still here. Still sitting and waiting and watching.
He was in a coffee shop about ten minutes away from his flat, and half an hour away from his studio. He had been a regular for longer than the year he had truly found a reason to come back. Suddenly the odd visit for a coffee maybe once a week, turned into a daily want. A need .
Because, almost a year to this day, was the first time San saw him. The guy with the prettiest smile, and a melodic laugh, and eyes that shined so bright the stars would be envious.
Wooyoung. That was his name. San had heard it in passing a few times and carved it into his head and heart like a nametag that would let people know who they belonged to. San had just sat in the same seat, soaking in the sunshine the boy radiated, flowering, in bloom , secretly watching and wanting. And every day he saw Wooyoung enter the door - the chime sounding sweeter every time it was ringing for that man - he felt that feeling grow, like he was making his own little garden in his heart, in the corner he sat in. It was bright, and green, and overflowing, and full of flowers that refused to let their petals fall.
San was sat in his usual corner. Still here. Still flowering for a boy who probably didn’t even know he existed. Maybe it was foolish, putting his heart on a silver platter but never really offering it up. But San had been a fool for Wooyoung since the first day he saw him.
He watched as Wooyoung strode up to the counter to order his usual. The man made small talk with the cashier - he was very popular with the staff, as an unusually personable guy, and San had a sneaking suspicion he wasn’t the only one in the building with a big fat crush on him - she blushed, and handed him his card back. San knew his routine off by heart, and waited for the guy to stand off to the side a little and start playing on his phone near the end counter where they put the drinks to collect. But it didn’t happen today.
San’s heart leaped into his throat as he saw Wooyoung walk over to the counter but, instead of just pulling out his phone, the man turned around, leaning against the counter and looking around the café.
He wasn’t sure what stopped him from averting his eyes from Wooyoung. Surely one should be scared of being caught staring. He was . But, for some reason, he just couldn’t look away. Wooyoung’s eyes fell on him, those pretty brown eyes that held the whole universe in them. Wooyoung’s gaze stopped, stuck on San like a ship to a lighthouse.
The amount of time that passed between that moment and the next...San couldn’t say. All he knew was that he felt a tug. A pull. Something screaming at him from inside that said ‘ Get up. Go to him.’. He balled his hands into fists under the table. His whole body tensed, like it was preparing to fight his brain to get to Wooyoung, when the barista called the man to collect his drink.
There was another second, a painful second, a horribly hopeful second, that reminded him of his creeping desire, a vine working its way around and around his heart, before Wooyoung blinked and the moment was gone. Like tears in the rain, dust in the wind; gone almost as if it had never happened.
The aftermath was harrowing. San breathed out - if he had been holding his breath he wasn’t aware of it - and he felt a sensation that could be most aptly described as sinking . He slumped back in his chair, snatching his eyes away from the view of Wooyoung turning around to collect his coffee, and all his limbs which had been tensed, relaxed, like his body was sighing, disappointed for him.
The moment after; the moment where he was finally free of Wooyoung’s captivating gaze, felt uncomfortably ultimate. Maybe his head had built up this whole idea that, if Wooyoung finally saw him, it could only end one of two ways: one, their eyes would meet and, like in all the fairy tales his grandma had read him as a child, they would just fall together like some kind of fate, or two, nothing would happen and San would have to give up. It would have to end. So, with his heart thundering in his chest, aching still to throw itself at Wooyoung’s direction, he felt like a curse had been lifted. Maybe not a curse. Maybe more of a blessing, something so precious and treasured, that had been snatched from his hands.
He bit his lip, the world falling away as he stared a hole in the table, hearing nothing but the blood rushing in his ears. An eternity could have passed and he would have been none the wiser, an emptiness settling itself into his skin. He felt lost; like he had just woken up from a beautiful dream to a world he forgot even still existed.
His ears were still set on betraying him apparently, as he saw the cup placed on the table in front of him before he even realised he was being spoken to. He looked up, heart in his throat, head in a spin and a warmth settling over his cheeks. He couldn’t help the way his eyes widened, a small, almost inaudible gasp falling from his lips. There, in front of him, was the man who had haunted his dreams for the past year.
Wooyoung was pretty. That was the most basic way of describing him, but it didn’t even begin to do him justice. When San had first seen him, he had bleached hair, a fading violet tinging his locks; it had been the first thing San had noticed, purple was his favourite colour so the hair style had immediately drawn his eyes, but he had since let it go back to its natural black, playing with the length of his hair, seemingly undecided on how long he wanted it to be, and he finally, within the last month, added highlights. It was long enough to tie up now, but the soft locks fell in his face, often making him run his hand through his hair to brush it out of his eyes. Those eyes, those beautiful, dark brown eyes were narrowed in on him now. San couldn’t help but let his eyes wander down the slope of the man’s nose, across his petaled lips and, finally, he stole a fleeting glance at the beauty mark that sat below Wooyoung’s left eye. When he finally moved his eyes back up to meet Wooyoung’s, he realised the man had his head tilted a little in question, obviously having said something San hadn’t heard.
“Uh, sorry? Did you say something?” San spoke, sounding reasonably normal in spite of the warmth creeping up his neck to claim his ears.
Wooyoung smiled and, wow , was it a pretty smile. The prettiest, maybe.
“Do you mind if I sit with you?” He repeated to San.
San blinked, taking a minute to absorb the question. He looked around quickly, wondering if there was a lack of seats that was driving Wooyoung to seek a space with him. The café was almost empty. He swallowed, hoping it wasn’t too obvious, before he looked back up to the man and nodded, not trusting his words again quite yet. Either way, Wooyoung’s smile grew as he sat down across from San.
There was a moment where neither one of them spoke, just simply sharing a look, a space, the same air. San almost got lost in the way Wooyoung was still beaming at him.
“You’re still here.”
San blinked. He would have almost thought he made the words up if it wasn’t for the fact that he saw Wooyoung’s lips move.
“I...yeah?” he replied, because, honestly, what else was he supposed to say when he had no idea what Wooyoung meant?
Then something he could never have predicted happened; Wooyoung’s cheeks became a lovely rosy red and he let out a bark of laughter that had San smiling as soon as he heard it.
“I’m sorry. That probably sounds super weird.” Woo admitted, his hands fiddling with his coffee cup. San’s eyes flicked down to observe it quickly; the long, slim fingers moving over the paper cup. It was unfair that the man even had beautiful hands. He looked back up to Wooyoung’s face again. He wanted to say something, but he didn’t know what. “I...this probably won’t help, but, like, I see you every time I come here and you’ll probably think I’m stupid, but I never really had the courage to come and talk to you until I caught your eye today.”
San was speechless. Wait . Wooyoung wanted to talk to him .
“I just...eugh, I guess I should just let it all out,” Wooyoung laughed nervously. “The first time I came in here,” he gestured around the café with his hands before running them through his hair again. “It was kind of just a quick stop because I was in the area, I don’t really live or work around here, and then...I, uh, saw you...and then I just, I don’t know, I came back because I was curious, and I was like ‘I’ll definitely speak to him this time, you can do it Wooyoung!’. But I was just...nervous. Which is weird because I don’t get nervous. So, even though it’s kind of out of my way, I just...kept coming back? And you kept being here. And I kept on telling myself to speak to you but I kept not doing it…” Wooyoung shook his head. “What I’m trying to say is - and I’m really sorry if this is too weird for you - but, you’re, like, the most beautiful person I have ever seen and I know we don’t know each other but...I kind of have this huge crush on you.”
Oh.
Oh.
Wait, what?
Wooyoung was biting his lip, eyes searching San’s face as he was clearly looking for some kind of reaction. But San wasn’t sure he was capable of giving one yet.
Wooyoung blinked. “Oh shit! I’m so sorry, I just went and said all that stuff and you probably don’t even like guys and I was just assuming… ”
Now would be a good time to speak, San.
“I can’t believe I just did that. I built this up in my head too much and I just made you super uncomfortable, didn’t I?”
Now would be a really really good time to speak.
“Wow, I should go, right?”
Please speak.
Wooyoung pushed his chair back, seemingly deciding already that he had to leave.
“Don’t!”
Wooyoung stopped, blinking in San’s direction.
“Did you…?”
“Don’t go.” San said quietly, his ears suddenly feeling like they were on fire. He looked down, not able to face Wooyoung just yet.
He heard the chair being tucked back in, so that was a good sign, right?
“If you just want to tell me not to speak to you again, that’s fine, I won’t bother you…” Wooyoung mumbled, and when San finally got the courage to look back up again, Wooyoung was staring a hole in his coffee as his hands fiddled with the cup again.
“That’s not...sorry. I just...didn’t expect you to say that.” San admitted, offering an awkward smile Wooyoung’s way when the man looked up at him again.
“If-”
“Can you just let me speak before I lose my nerve?” San asked. It had been five minutes and San was already sure the guy spoke too much for his own good.
“Okay.” Woo nodded, making a zipping gesture over his lips.
San wanted to giggle but he held it in, only letting his smile grow a little larger at the cute, immature gesture.
“You don’t make me uncomfortable. Or...I guess you do.” Wooyoung frowned. “Not like that!” San quickly corrected himself. “Just listen, okay?” Wooyoung gave him a look which probably meant something along the line of ‘what do you think I’m doing?’. “It’s less uncomfortable, and more...nervous? I just...never expected you to say that to me.” Wooyoung looked confused again. “Because I thought it was just me. Because I know who you are, Wooyoung. I come here because you come here. I’m so stupid I even wrote your name down the first time I heard the barista call for you. Actually, I wrote it down a lot. You said I’m the most beautiful person you’ve ever seen but you’re...like ethereal. I was actually convinced you were an angel there for a second,” Wooyoung burst into a bubbly laughter but stopped, putting his hands up, caught red handed, when San stared him down. “I’ve been trying to build up the courage to speak to you for a year and I was just fine sitting in the corner falling in love with you from a distance because I just thought, God , someone that perfect could never like me.”
There was a long pause where San wasn’t sure if he wanted to add more and Wooyoung wasn’t sure if he could talk again in case San wasn’t done.
“So,” San said after a little while. “Don’t go, yeah?”
Wooyoung watched him for a little while, eyes scanning his face, like he needed to check San wasn’t going to take back the words. Then he broke into a brilliant smile.
“We’re both idiots, aren’t we?” he said and started laughing again, the sound something between joy and relief, and San couldn’t help but join in.
When their laughter settled, they were just left looking at each other with smiles that had no business being as adoring as they were.
“Hi,” Wooyoung said, offering a hand across the table. San was quick to slip his palm against the warm, soft skin. “I’m Jung Wooyoung, nice to finally meet you.”
San giggled, shaking his hand. “Hi, Jung Wooyoung. I’m Choi San. It’s nice to meet you too.”
Separating hands was almost painful after San had finally felt the warmth of their skin touching.
“So, I was kind of hoping, from today, we could stop looking from afar and, maybe...would you like to go on a date with me?” Wooyoung asked, a cocky smile adorning his features.
“Right now?” San asked with a raised brow.
“Yeah.” Woo nodded. “Or we could skip straight to marriage and kids. I’m not fussy.”
San couldn’t tell if he was joking. He wasn’t sure if he wanted him to be joking or not. The smile they shared was like one that would be shared between two people with a secret only they knew.
“That’s a pretty big difference.” San retorted.
“Lots of people get married after a year.”
“Yeah but all those people were actually dating.” He rolled his eyes.
“Details.” Wooyoung scoffed with a dismissive wave of his hand.
“I haven’t even met your parents.”
“Eh, they’ll live.”
“I haven’t even been to your house.”
“You’re not missing out on much.”
“I haven’t met your friends.”
“It’s fine, they all suck.”
“I haven’t even kissed you.”
“I can fix that one right now if you want.” Wooyoung replied with a dangerous smile.
“I-”
“See? We should just get married.” He explained like it was the most natural conclusion he could have reached.
“I was kind of hoping for that date first.” San smiled.
“I guess.” Wooyoung sighed dramatically. “What do you say we just stay in? I could think of a few more interesting things we could do other than a movie?”
“If by ‘more interesting things’ you mean learning the choreography to the new BTS song, I agree.” San remarked, testing the waters.
Wooyoung stopped and, for a minute, he thought he had fucked everything up.
“I changed my mind.” San’s stomach sunk. “We’re skipping straight to marriage, I can’t chance anyone else finding out how perfect you are.” He blinked, Wooyoung’s words sinking in, but when he laughed, he was the only one.
“You’re...amazing.” San beamed.
“I could say the same thing.”
They just stared at each other for a little while. That buzzing happiness sinking into their skin, humming through their veins, their whole bodies warming with it.
“For the record.” Woo spoke softly. “I also wrote your name down a lot too. With lots of hearts around it.”
San smiled even brighter. They were still here; those butterflies that Wooyoung set alight, and that feeling that there was something like destiny between them. He hoped it would always be still here.