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2021-04-01
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Castiel's confession scene, Dean's POV

Summary:

This is a short thing I wrote from Deans POV during the confession scene from s15e18 of supernatural Despair, I wrote it to hopefully show it from Dean's perspective since we didn't get anything about how Dean dealt with the aftermath of watching Castiel getting taken by the empty.

I hope this helps others who wondered how Dean dealt with what had just happened, and give at least a little bit of closure by showing how dean dealt with the grief of losing Castiel

Notes:

This is only short but if people like this sort of writings, I'll post more.

Work Text:

At first I couldn't understand why Castiel was tell me all of these things and then he said that everything I did, I did put of love, it was at that moment it hit me, this was a goodbye, then those words I dreaded most happened Castiel said "I cared because of the whole world, you changed me Dean" I look at him tears beginning to fill my eyes so I ask "why does this sound like a goodbye" he tells me "Because it is" then the words I feared most came from his mouth "I love you" all I can bring myself to say is "Don't do this Cas" I couldn't bring myself to tell him I loved him back knowing that if I did I wouldn't forgive myself for never being able to save the love of my life, Castiel pulled me closer and said it "Goodbye Dean" and pushed me out of the way of both the empty and Billie.

He saved me and I never had to chance to tell him how I felt how much I loved him and that I've felt that way for so damn long, I pick myself up to lean against the wall I put my head in my hands only to soak them with my tears after 2 hours Sam finds me he asks "Are you okay, where's Cas" I start crying as I begin to explain and that's when he realises that Cas is gone, he helps me get too the kitchen, he tells me to drink some water so I do and slice of Pie and then Sam tells me he's going too bed, As soon as he's gone I go to the fridge and pull out a beer, I drink until I pass out and have no idea of how many I had drank, I woke up to Sam waking me up and he takes me to my room, as he shuts the day I start crying, the tears don't stop streaming down my face, I couldn't believe that he was gone, the man I loved for years was gone and he went without the knowing how much he loved me.

I couldn't stop replying that scene where he told me he loved me in my head it only caused more tears to flow but I didn't care, I missed him, he left me before he could hear me saying it back, how was I to face tomorrow after hearing the words I'd longed to hear from Cas for so long only to lose him immediately, I just want to hold him or just be with him for one hour more.

I fell asleep that night only to wake up from a dream that I was with Cas to realise he wasn't here with me anymore, I couldn't stop crying, I don't think I can ever fall in love again after that.