Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

La Signora’s Basement

venti has added 20+ people to a group chat

venti has locked the group chat

venti has named the group chat “whores”

jean: venti, there are minors here.

venti: oh shit

venti has named the group chat “teyvat’s furries”

venti: pov you’re me but you’re gay but actually no but because i am gay so i am gay and you are gay but you are me and i am me so you’re gay

jean has revoked admin from 20+ people

venti: BRUH

jean: As student council, it’s natural we have admin over a school group chat.

venti: ur just giving urself gc privledges

kaeya: privledges

venti: SHUT

kaeya: jk bro ily

no homo tho

venti: ofc bro no homo💋

childe: lmfao y’all are fucking gay

kaeya: you cannot be talking

childe: bro i’m not gay

diluc: why can’t i fucking leave

let me out

who locked the fucking group chat

jean: venti did, but i believe having everyone in a group chat will be necessary for fast contact so i have decided not to unlock it for now.

diluc: jean pls let me out

pls

pls

pls

pls

i am on my hands and knees right now

keqing: send photo proof

diluc: omg ur here too

nvm i’m staying

kaeya: do you just hate everyone else or smth

diluc: yeah

hey keqing :)

keqing: hey

childe: ok well i’m bored lmao bye

zhongli: Hello.

childe: hey

venti: simp

diluc: simp

keqing: simp

kaeya: simp

jean: ...simp

zhongli: what is a simp?

childe: STOP

kaeya: childe stop running from the truth

ur gay

zhongli: i’m looking through the group chat list but it appears someone is missing? i can’t seem to remember who though.

jean: i was about to mention that, does anyone have any ideas?

dainsleif has added dainsleif to the group chat

dainsleif promoted dainsleif to admin

dainsleif: hey

jean: what the fuck

venti: ayo how did you do that

teach me

dainsleif: lol

venti: PLEASE

dainsleif: anyways

what’s going on

jean: venti has made a new group chat.

venti: why arent you taking away his admin

jean: he seems alright for now.

venti: BRUH

dainsleif: anyways why did he make a group chat

venti: oh right

does anyone have the answers for ms. ying’er’s english hw

jean: you added the entire school just to cheat in a class not even all of us are in?

zhongli: venti, you shouldn’t be asking others for homework answers. weren’t you listening in class?

venti: this woman literally talks in innuendos

zhongli: point taken.

noelle: venti, i can help you with the homework :)

venti: omg rlly

ur a saint noelle ily

noelle: <3 i’ll private message you the basic concept of it

venti: wait can’t u just send the answers

noelle: i would, but i’m trying to break up a fight right now ;/

childe: omg record it

kaeya: do you just show up at the mention of a fight

jean: oh no, who’s fighting and where?

noelle: beidou and ningguang are fighting over something

venti: oh it’s just them

childe: aw

zhongli: is it not a big deal? you two sound underwhelmed.

kaeya: they fight like everyday and their fights are usually just them flirting

zhongli: i see.

jean: noelle, make sure they don’t cause too much of a disturbance.

noelle: ok jean!!

venti: wait can you still record it

la signora: CAN YOU PLEASE SHUT UP I AM TRYING TO DO MY HOMEWORK BUT YOUR STUPID GODDAMN GROUPCHAT KEEPS DINGING MY PHONE AND BECAUSE OF ALL THE MESSAGES AND NOTIFICATIONS I CANT GET TO THE FUCKING SETTINGS TO TURN OFF NOTIFICATIONS AND I HAVE A FUCKING ESSAY DUE AT TWELVE AND ITS FUCKING ELEVEN AND I CANT START IT BC OF YOU DIMB FUCKING HOES AND I CANT FUCKING LEAVE EITHER SO STFU

goddamn

venti:

kaeya:

diluc:

keqing:

jean:

zhongli: ah.

dainsleif:

dainsleif has named the group chat “la signora’s basement”

dainsleif has revoked admin from jean, zhongli, ningguang and ganyu

jean: for fucks sake

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

lisa: omg i love the lgbt representation in this chat <3

thanks for making a gc with all of the gays venti~

childe: i’m not gay

kaeya: bro u literally stan nicki

kaeya: ur as gay as they come

venti: omg a fellow man of culture

childe: shut up

xiangling: hello!

venti: hi

keqing: hello

childe: xiangling?

childe: aren’t u like a middle schooler

xiangling: bruh

xinyan: its ok babe don’t take shit from a white boy

childe: wow and you‘re even dating before me

childe: i wish i had a gf 😫

kaeya: *bf

venti: *bf

diluc: *bf

childe: i’m done

childe: goodbye

childe: dainsleif remove me

dainsleif: lmao no

zhongli: are you upset childe?

childe: hey

childe: not at all

zhongli: that’s relieving to hear

lisa: sweetie you are so incredibly gay that i’m pretty sure i just saw rupaul trip over his fucking heels

xiangling: homosexual king

diluc: gay

keqing: gay

diluc: homosexual

keqing: gay

bennett: i support you!! whoever you are :D

bennett: i have gay dads so i’m very accepting ^^

xingqiu: not to mention you literally are also gay

childe: LET ME OUT

childe: DAINSLEIF ILL LIKE GIVE YOU MONEY

dainsleif: how much

childe: $100

dainsleif: pathetic

dainsleif: no

childe: AHKJSWBWJBUEHBEUBMNBSK

xingqiu: aw he even did the keyboard smash

venti: a true homo indeed

jean: guys

what the hell

lisa: hey jean~

jean: hi lisa

kaeya: anyways

kaeya: who all is in this chat

venti: i’m glad you asked

venti: we have the entire student council themselves

venti: the edgelords

venti: the boys™

venti: the mean girls

venti: the theater kids

venti: and i think that’s it

keqing: who tf is “the boys™”

diluc: and are we the edge lords

xiangling: i can’t believe my only label is a theater kid

xiangling: woe is me

xingqiu: tis true though

xiangling: 😫

venti: the boys™ are none other than the most elite

venti: me

venti: kaeya

venti: childe

venti: aether

bennett: can i be in the boys!!

venti: hmm

venti: why of course my young pupil

venti: and add bennett

aether: don’t rope me in with y’all

diluc: ew

keqing: the stench

diluc: smelliest fucking friend group from this side of the universe

venti: rude

keqing: aren’t the boys supposed to be like homophobic

keqing: you guys are literally all the fruitiest fucking people

childe: IM NOT GAY

kaeya: pretty sus if you ask me

xiangling: sus

xiangling: impostor

xiangling: among us

kaeya: literally no shut up you’re like 5

xiangling: that’s it

keqing: please beat him up bitch

diluc: we’re rooting for you

xinyan: please do

jean: please do not

jean: we don’t need a fight two days in a row

la signora: please shut the fuck up you incessant whores

kaeya: 🙇🏾 the queen is here

venti: 🙇🏻 make way

childe: why are you worshipping that bitch

kaeya: sexy

venti: powerful

dainsleif: strong

la signora: childe i’m gonna implode your pea brain if you don’t shut up

childe: scary

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

sucrose: um hello

venti: omg hi sucrose

jean: hello sucrose.

sucrose: who all is in here?

jean: like the entire school

sucrose: oh.

jean: venti thought it would be funny to add the entire school to ask for schoolwork help, then do everything but that.

venti: ehe

jean: i worry for him sometimes.

jean: ...sucrose?

albedo: she most likely got embarrassed and left.

jean: hello to you too albedo.

jean: why would she be embarrassed?

albedo: because you told her over half of the tevyat high population was in a single group chat where everyone can see what you say

jean: oh.

albedo: whatever, she’ll probably get used to it.

xiao: tell me why i have 100+ notifications

venti: OMG HEY XIAO

jean: backread

xiao: i’m not reading all that

xiao: you guys are annoying

keqing: they think anything related to sex is funny of course they’re annoying

childe: i’m not laughing

venti: that’s not funny

lisa: not you guys lying

childe: lol wdym idk what ur talking ab

lisa: should i record your high pitch little girl laughs and send it to the entire school to hear

razor: wkskdndnekeekrdnwiwsjdhheeleeodoeke

xiao: what the fuck

xiangling: heyyy everyoneee

keqing: did u beat kaeya’s ass yet

xiangling: no but that reminds me

xiangling: watch ur back kaeya

kaeya: do you even know what i look like

xingqiu: hello

chongyun: hey

bennett: hi guys! we’re on our lunch break right now, finally i get to talk to you guys

venti: heyy

venti: wait wdym finally

venti: you’ve talked to us before

kaeya: did you get ur phone taken or smth

bennett: no it’s just that every time i started typing my phone died

lisa: then you should’ve charged it bennett

bennett: i did! but as soon as i plugged it in the cord ripped in half

lisa: then get a new charger

bennett: i tried but nobody had one

jean: so how are you texting us right now?

bennett: i’m using albedo’s wireless charger! the circle one!!

albedo: ..mine?

bennett: yeah, sorry it was an emergency but i promise i won’t use it for too long!

albedo: that’s fine, but where are you right now?

bennett: the cafeteria

bennett: since it’s our lunch break right now

albedo: oh god oh fuck

albedo: who’s with you right now?

childe: lmfao he’s panicking

albedo: hush ed sheeran

childe: NOT EVEN A SECOND

bennett: xingqiu, razor, chongyun, xiangling, hu tao, noelle, xinyan and fischl

albedo: you’re dating fischl, why didn’t you use her phone to text?

bennett: i used up her battery playing games

xiao: are you 5

albedo: alright, well just be careful with it, it’s not cheap.

bennett: i will!!!

razor: razor hungry

kaeya: damn that was so deep

venti: felt my brother✊

jean: ..

xingqiu: anyways

xiangling: are you guys allowed to be on your phones?? it’s not ur lunch yet

jean: our class in the library right now.

xiangling: what ab albedo?

albedo: mr. timaeus is giving us free time, since we just finished our lessons for today.

amber: his class is so boring pls

venti: OMG HI AMBER

amber: OMG HEY VENTII

kaeya: hey

amber: ok bye

kaeya: :(

ganyu: um hello everyone!

ningguang: what is this?

jean: this is a teyvat high group chat, welcome

ganyu: oh, do we discuss important things here?

ganyu: if so i’ll be more than willing to help everyone ^^

jean: sigh

jean: if only that were the case

zhongli: hello ganyu, hello ningguang :)

ganyu: hi zhongli!

ningguang: so is everyone here?

jean: basically

beidou: omg hey sexy

ningguang: ugh

ningguang: wait why can’t i leave

jean: the group chat is locked, and dainsleif hacked it and took admin from the student council.

ningguang: then just make a new one??

jean: too time consuming, and dainsleif would probably hack it again anyway.

dainsleif: 💖

beidou: you’re stuck with me bby😘

ningguang: i’m blocking you

jean: please don’t, it’ll mess up the entire chat

ningguang: ugh fine

—————————

childe: what the fuck was that

zhongli: i see you heard that as well.

childe: oh hi zhongli

zhongli: hello childe :)

keqing: we get it childe youre gay

keqing: can we go back to whatever that fucking sound was

childe: IM NOT GAY

ganyu: was there an explosion?

rosaria: probably, sounded like it came from the cafeteria too.

keqing: hi rosaria

rosaria: hey

jean: wait

jean: it’s still sophomore and freshman lunch break right?

zhongli: yes it is, why?

jean: wasn’t bennett borrowing albedo’s charger...?

zhongli:

rosaria:

keqing:

ganyu:

childe:

jean:

jean: @albedo

albedo: what

albedo:

albedo: MY CHARGER

la signora: nobody cares ab your fucking greg heffley lady bug phone wireless charger

venti: back to the basement we go

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

jean: wait, before we get off track, are the kids ok?

zhongli: ah right, we should check on them.

jean: @xingqiu @chongyun @hutao @xinyan @fischl @razor @xiangling @bennett

jean: please say something in the group chat to let us know how you are.

chongyun: i’m ok

xingqiu: same here

xiangling: i’m ok, just a little shocked ^^

razor: razor eyes sting, but ok

xinyan: my ears are ringing but besides that i’m fine

hu tao: oo didn’t know we had this group chat hello everyone!!! also yes all of us are ok~

ganyu: omg!! i was so worried about you guys T_T

hu tao: well

hu tao: all of us except,,

jean: except..?

kaeya: we all know who jean

fischl: good evening my dear fellow classmates. as i presume all of thou are aware, someone that i, the princesszin de vehurteilung, hold dear, has succumbed to great injury. thou need not worry, for our noble comrade’s sacrifice did not go unrewarded! however, at the moment, i’m afraid our dear bennett’s consciousness will be lost for a mere while, as well as the unfortunate loss of his communication device.

xiao: what

oz: what mein fraulein means to say is that bennett will be asleep for the next few days, and even when he wakes up he won’t be able to contact us because of his phone blew up.

rosaria: god i can’t stand theater kids

xingqiu: anyways

xingqiu: yeah bennett’s the only one that got hurt

rosaria: only bennett?

rosaria: it sounded like a big explosion though.

xingqiu: well dust and sparks did get everywhere so our eyes kinda sting but the actual impact only hit bennett

keqing: but you guys were sitting together?

xingqiu: it only hit the area he was in and completely missed everyone else

lisa: wh-

xingqiu: we don’t know either

scaramouche: so that was an actual explosion?

scaramouche: oh no, is everyone ok?🥺

jean: all but one apparently.

zhongli: if i may ask, how did this even happen?

chongyun: his phone was done charging so he went to go pick it up but as his fingers touched it i saw little sparks between his fingers and the phone and the charger and then like not even a second later the thing fucking exploded

diluc: is he pikachu or smth

keqing: why would sparks be coming out of his fingers?

baizhu: i think i know.

zhongli: do tell.

baizhu: before lunch he said he had science class, and they were doing activists related to static electricity.

baizhu: during said class they were rubbing balloons in each others hair to raise the static electricity

baizhu: and bennett said he kept touching his hair to smooth it down, so that’s most likely how his fingers did that.

keqing: that’s so....

diluc: is that even physically possible

jean: moving on, how is bennett doing, baizhu?

baizhu: do you really want to know?

jean: yes please tell us

baizhu: give me a million dollars

jean: .

baizhu: haha! i’m just messing with you~

baizhu: unless

jean: baizhu.

baizhu: the injuries seem pretty bad, but nothing a few weeks won’t fix in time.

jean: INJURIES?

baizhu: sprained wrist, broken left arm, a long cut across his right arm, and smaller cuts and bruises across the rest of his body and face.

keqing: holy shit

jean: and this didn’t happen to any of the other kids?

baizhu: nope, the others don’t even have a scratch

scaramouche: oh no! please send my get well wishes to him! get better bennett!😭💖

lisa: you’re an angel omg

scaramouche: aww you’re too nice!!🥰💕

baizhu: i’ll pass your message on to him :)

baizhu: don’t worry everyone, he will be alright.

jean: that’s good to hear.

jean: also @albedo, what are you going to do about your charger?

jean:

jean: @albedo

sucrose: he went to go check on bennett

diluc: wait isn’t he mad at him though

sucrose: well initially he kind of was, but after seeing the state bennett was in he felt so bad he couldn’t stay mad at him anymore

diluc: oh my god

zhongli: send my regards to bennett as well, baizhu.

baizhu: 👍

jean: well, since that matter is being solved now i think we should all get back to whatever we were doing.

zhongli: agreed, we will all be able to talk again after school.

jean: bye everyone

zhongli: goodbye

diluc: bye

scaramouche: bye byeee💕💕 do good in school guys!! ^^

—————————

zhongli: hello, is anyone able to talk right now?

childe: hi

keqing: gay ass

childe: STOP

baizhu: i can talk, i’m bored anyways haha

lisa: hiii

scaramouche: omg hi guysss💕💕💕

il dottore: why can’t i leave

diluc: we’ve already tried but it’s locked

il dottore: fuck

keqing: you’d really leave me here with them?

diluc: no

diluc: id never ditch you

keqing: thanks bro

xiao: hey

venti: omg hey i haven’t talked here for like forever

xiao: you literally made this group chat the other day

venti: my point still stands

baizhu: zhongli did you just want to talk or did you have a reason for texting the school gc

zhongli: ah yes, i have a question.

lisa: wow

lisa: that’s new

venti: don’t you know literally everything zhongli

zhongli: apparently not.

venti: ok well what is your question

zhongli: what is a smut?

lisa: WHAT

childe: .

xiao: i’m gonna kill myself

il dottore: lmfao lemme watch this

venti: AYOOO

venti: @kaeya LMFAO LOOK

kaeya: what

kaeya: BYE ZHONGLI OMG

zhongli: is it something bad?

scaramouche: i can explain it to you if you would like! 😊

zhongli: yes, please explain.

scaramouche: so basically when two people love each other very much-

xiao: finish that sentence and you’re dead

scaramouche: 😭😭😭so cruel!

lisa: well zhongli, there are many different kinds of smut.

zhongli: ah, i see.

xiao: STOP

zhongli: what kinds are there?

lisa: well...

xiao: NO STOP

xiao: @kaeya @venti @childe

xiao: WHICH ONE OF YOU FUCKERS TOLD HIM

venti: I DIDNT

kaeya: ME NEITHER

childe: WHY WOULD I TELL HIM

keqing: exactly, he’s too gay for zhongli to talk ab that kinda stuff with him

childe: NO THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

eula: why do i feel like they’re not lying though

diluc: right

zhongli: eula, how long have you been here?

eula: i’ve been reading every single text in this gc

diluc: then why haven’t you said anything

eula: why should i

diluc: good point

zhongli: eula, do you know what a smut is?

eula: can’t say i do

eula: maybe xiao will know

xiao: YOU TRAITOR

eula: 💞

xiao: ONE OF YOU FESS UP

venti: I ACTUALLY DIDNT I PROMISE

kaeya: IVE ONLY TALKED TO HIM LIKE ONCE

xiao: childe.

childe: I GENUINELY DID NOT

eula: xiao, why are you asking them when you know you won’t believe them anyway?

xiao:

baizhu: fuck it

baizhu: so like um

baizhu: you know like the birds and the bees

zhongli: are you referring to porn?

venti: BAHAHAHAHA PLS

eula: did you idiots actually think he didn’t know what sex is

xiao: BAIZHU YOU BITCH

baizhu: I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING

xiao: i’m gonna beat your fucking ass

baizhu:

baizhu: &:&;&!fjeifnogbo&&;!@3’dlak

lisa: rip baizhu

lisa: can we get an f in the chat

kaeya: f

venti: f

childe: f

diluc: f

keqing: f

il dottore: f

eula: f

scaramouche: f

zhongli: ...f?

il dottore: what idiot told you about smut anyway

zhongli: nobody told me.

il dottore: what

zhongli: i overheard rosaria mention it in the hallway.

il dottore: ...

keqing: ...

childe: oh

diluc: rosaria?? really?

venti: wait what the actual fuck

lisa: what a plot twist

kaeya: didn’t know rosaria was into that kinda stuff

eula: zhongli, how exactly was she talking about it

zhongli: i believe she was criticizing another student for “reading smut.”

rosaria: can you guys shut up i’m trying to study

rosaria: .

lisa: there’s the woman of the hour

rosaria: why are you guys talking about me

rosaria: fuck off

eula: because zhongli overheard you bullying someone ab smut, and then asked the gc what it was

eula: and then xiao started interrogating everyone to find out who did it but then baizhu told zhongli what smut is and now he’s dead

eula: lol

venti: wait quick question but who was the one reading smut

rosaria: donna

kaeya: not surprised tbh

rosaria: why is this such a big deal though

xiao: SO IT WAS YOU

rosaria: ok and

xiao: YOURE DEAD

rosaria: not if i kill you first

eula: lmao they’re both dead

il dottore: rest in piss

la signora: i’m literally going to kill all of your asses if you don’t shut the fuck up

la signora: are you actual children you’re acting like you’re 12

kaeya: out of 10? why yes i am thank you for noticing my lady

la signora: i will castrate you bitch

kaeya: kinky~

kaeya: yes pls

la signora: you know what

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

barbara: oh dear

barbara: do i even want to ask what i missed??

rosaria: do you want a possible aneurysm?

barbara: no,,

rosaria: then no

scaramouche: hello 💞💞💞

dainsleif has added 3 people to chat

dainsleif: figured i’d spice it up a bit

dainsleif: you’re welcome

KLEE: HELLO EVERYBODY

diona: hey

qiqi: h

qiqi: hello

jean: dainsleif i swear to celestia

albedo: KLEE

albedo: WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE

KLEE: BIG BROTHER DAINSLEIF WAS SO NICE AND ASKED IF WE WANTED TO MAKE MORE FRIENDS

KLEE: I LOVE MAKING NEW FRIENDS

qiqi: qiqi likes friends too

albedo: oh my archons

rosaria: how do we remove their poor, unsuspecting souls

diluc: for someone who doesn’t even go to our school, dainsleif is walking on some thin fucking ice

diona: you mean you can’t do it?

diona: you’re such an idiot

diona: i can’t believe you’re older than me

diona: your iq is so close to an infant’s that i forget i’m 7 years younger than you

childe: who forgot to change her diaper damn

diluc: hello to you too diona

mona: guys how much do you think i could get from prostitution

jean: MONA NO

jean: THERE ARE CHILDREN HERE

KLEE: HI MONA

mona: WHAT THE FUCK

barbara: MONA LANGUAGE

zhongli: it depends on who your audience is.

childe: h

jean: ZHONGLI

jean: PLEASE DO NOT CONTINUE

keqing: ayo

keqing: zhongli? 😳

hu tao: omg kids

hu tao: uh

hu tao: @yanfei pls help i scare kids away

yanfei: yes??

yanfei: aww babies!!!!!

yanfei: i love kids <3

scaramouche: ew wtf i hate kids

scaramouche: wait

scaramouche: i mean i HATE being away from kids!! i just love playing with them 🥰🥰

il dottore: smooth bitch boy

il dottore: real smooth

jean: um

yanfei: anyways!

KLEE: I DONT KNOW WHAT IS HAPPENING YOU GUYS ARE SO FUNNY 😁

albedo: klee

albedo: please put your ipad away until we can get dainsleif to remove you

KLEE: I DO NOT WANT TO LEAVE BIG BROTHER ALBEDO

KLEE: I LIKE TALKING WITH PEOPLE

amber: klee you’re so adorable and i love you so much but please listen to albedo

ganyu: oh my gosh

ganyu: qiqi please do the same

baizhu: idk seems kinda funny

ganyu: baizhu i do not trust you with her and you know it

baizhu: she loves me

qiqi: qiqi will do what klee is doing

ganyu: oh dear

diona: you can make them leave but i want to stay here

diona: it’s fun picking on boomers

kaeya: we literally are in highschool

diona: my point still stands

rosaria: i like this kid

KLEE: I WAS READING WHAT YOU GUYS WERE TALKING ABOUT

KLEE: WHAT IS SMUT

lisa: oh my

albedo: klee please

jean: i am going to kill dainsleif with my own two hands

xingqiu: oh um

xingqiu: i wouldn’t know what that is

xingqiu: you should just not ask

xiangling: don’t even lie nerd

xiangling: i know you write self insert chongyun x reader fan fiction

xingqiu: LIES

chongyun: what

KLEE: PLEASE I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW

KLEE: I WANT TO TALK ABOUT MORE THINGS WITH MY NEW FRIENDS

qiqi: if klee knows qiqi would like to know as well

KLEE: I EVEN KNOW COOL WORDS THAT YOU GUYS SAY

KLEE: LIKE FUCK

KLEE: AND SHIT

albedo: KLEE

albedo: WHO TAUGHT YOU THAT

KLEE: DIONA DID

KLEE: SHE IS SO NICE

diona: she asked

albedo: oh my archons

diona: i can tell you what smut is too klee

amber: DIONA PLEASE DO NOT

KLEE: PLEASE DIONA

diona: how much money do i get if i don’t tell her

lisa: how much would you like sweetie

diona: $100 minimum

lisa: childe

childe: yes

lisa: pay up

childe: is that all i am

childe: a wallet

lisa: yes

diona: no

diona: it has to be diluc’s money

jean: @diluc

jean: please

diluc:

diluc: why me

diona: pay up bitch or i’ll tell klee

jean: DIONA

kaeya: diluc come on ☺️

kaeya: you heard the kid

diluc: i literally hate you

diluc: fine

diluc: u got a cash app or something kid

diona: yeah

diona: $dionakitty37

keqing: PLS

diluc: done

diona: good

diona: ok klee smut is really boring and basically none of them like it so you don’t need to worry trust me

KLEE: AWW

KLEE: I TRUST YOU DIONA SO OK

albedo: oh thank goodness

scaramouche: are they gone yet 😍

KLEE: HELLO

scaramouche: shit

scaramouche: uh i mean i have to do hw so bye~~💞

qiqi: goodbye

noelle: oh hello

noelle: is anyone going to question why diona knows a bit too much?

rosaria: i have no clue but i am living for it

diona: i bartend

noelle: ..oh

venti: hey kid do you offer any discounts

diona: no

diona: shut it peepaw

venti: smh kids these days

jean: okay..

jean: @dainsleif it was not funny at first and it’s getting very not good now

jean: please

dainsleif: will diluc pay me $100 too

diluc: no but kaeya will do your hw for a month

dainsleif: make it two

diluc: deal

kaeya: HEY

dainsleif: ok klee, qiqi and diona

dainsleif: i have to make you leave now

KLEE: AW

qiqi: qiqi had fun

diona: don’t do it old man

KLEE: BYE

qiqi: goodbye

dainsleif has removed 3 people from the conversation

yanfei: aw did they leave already :(

scaramouche: thank you celestia

mona: ok so back to my question

mona: is stripping a better option?

Chapter Text

shakespeare kinnies

venti: i’m having a crisis comrades

zhongli: what’s the matter?

venti: i’m trying to argue ass over tits and kaeya just made a very compelling tit argument for someone who prefers men

zhongli: ...

zhongli: this group chat is for poetry club??

hu tao: bruh

zhongli: i’m not a bruh??

xingqiu: PLS

hu tao: what was his argument

venti: tits are closer to face so it’s easier to kiss

lisa: that is quite convincing

venti: RIGHT

venti: so my gay ass is here wondering if i should counter argue or not

xingqiu: if i were you i would give up right then and there

xingqiu: kaeya obviously has much more experience than you

venti: obviously 🧍

lisa: its true

venti: THE DISRESPECT ON MY NAME

venti: MY REPUTATION

venti: GONE

hu tao: twink got no game 😯

yanfei: venti i was under the impression that you were dating someone tho???

xingqiu: you mean xiao 💀

hu tao: BAHAHAJSJAJJSSK

hu tao: THE WAY HE WISHES

venti: me and xiao are not dating thank you very much

venti: yet

yanfei: oh sorryy lmfao

fischl: greeting my fellow companions in the poetry club, i fischl, the princesszin de vehurtilung has come bearing good tidings for all thou who wish to listen!

venti: would u shut ur nerd ass up

fischl: as would you? the princess has no time to argue with woodland elves who look as though they just finished up their working shift at hot topic

lisa: amen ✊

xingqiu: PLS WOODLAND ELF

xingqiu: IM CRYING

venti: bullying isn’t cool guys

hu tao: when it’s against you?

hu tao: funniest shit ever

fischl: back to my tidings of good news~

fischl: i, princess fischl, have become informed of bennett’s much awaited revival of consciousness!

yanfei: oh how wonderful!!

yanfei: i had heard about that, i’m glad he’s okay :))

fischl: you are returned with much gratitude my lady!

lisa: oh good

lisa: is anything permanent?

fischl: most thankfully not, however frequent forgetfulness might remain for a mere week or two more

xingqiu: oh so nothing new

venti: BENNETT

venti: MY MAIN MAN

venti: TEARS OF JOY

venti: THOUGHT HE WAS GONNA DIE BRO

hu tao: you’ve literally only talked to him through text a total of one time

venti: details are not important

venti: lifelong bonds can be formed in a matter of minutes my friend

xingqiu: who’s the nerd now bitch

venti: silence whore

zhongli: venti, please.

zhongli: this chat is for poetry.

venti: i can write a poem rn

venti:
roses are red
shit is brown
last night i fucked a guy named fred
was kinda ugly now i look like a clown

hu tao: that was shit

zhongli: oh dear

___________________

where art thou titty

xingqiu: y’all bennett is coming back

xinyan: ALREADY??

chongyun: omg

chongyun: so he’s not dead??

hu tao: nope nothing permanent lmfao

chongyun: wtf

xiangling: how did he not die that literally hit him head on

chongyun: bc he’s bennett

xiangling: good point

fischl: alas, you have broken the news before i

xingqiu: yeah cause you take thirty years conjuring up a sentence in ur old ass dialect

fischl: silence, fool.

xinyan: anyways did anyone hear what this year’s play is

chongyun: i think it’s disney again

xinyan: BRUH

xiangling: which movie

chongyun: i heard sleeping beauty but i’m not sure

xinyan: don’t the main roles kiss in that one

hu tao: hell no i’m not kissing anyone

xiangling: ^

chongyun: i doubt they’ll make anyone actually kiss

xingqiu: yeah tbh

hu tao: you probably wanted to kiss him huh

xingqiu: what no

xiangling: slowly stepping out of the closet🥺

xiangling: he’s growing up so fast💕💕

xingqiu: STOP

barbara: hello what are we talking ab???

xingqiu: bennett is coming back

barbara: well ,,,yeah i already know

barbara: since baizhu and i both work,,,at the same place,,,

barbara: i thought everyone knew??

xingqiu: oh right

hu tao: his homosexuality is erasing his memories😭🥀

fischl: woe is him☠️🥀

chongyun: why is everyone calling you gay

xingqiu: I DONT KNOW

barbara: well what else did you guys talk about?? i have a lot of notifs so you guys must’ve talked more

chongyun: ah right

chongyun: this year’s play might be sleeping beauty

barbara: ooh!! that’s sounds so romantic <33

hu tao: aren’t you grossed out by kissing

barbara: no of course not! everyone kisses at least once in their life!

xinyan: if only i had your mindset

xiangling: are you forgetting ab our kisses

xinyan: no ofc not babe ily💖💖

hu tao: anyways

barbara: who do you guys think would get the main roles?

xiangling: either you or yunjin would def get aurora

xiangling: and chongyun would prob get the prince

hu tao: yeah that sounds ab right

hu tao: too bad xingqiu, you wouldn’t get to kiss him~

chongyun: ?

xingqiu: you guys are starting to treat me like that one ginger dude

hu tao: LMAO ITS CAUSE YOUR BOTH CLOSETED

xingqiu: *you’re

hu tao: HUSH

barbara: when are tryouts?

xingqiu: next month first monday i think

barbara: oh ok

barbara: i’m going to go do my hw now , it was fun talking with you guys!

barbara: and gl to everyone!! <3

hu tao: gl to you 2 barbara!!

xingqiu: you’re so nice to her but not me

hu tao: i am your superior

xingqiu: JUST BC UR THE POETRY CLUB PRESIDENT U GET TO BULLY ME??

hu tao: yeah

xiangling: yeah

xinyan: yeah

fischl: yeah

xingqiu: i’m gonna fucking lose it

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

zhongli: hello everyone, the student council just received news of this year’s musical, so i will be announcing the title here.

chongyun: oh already??

chongyun: that’s earlier than last year

xingqiu: no chongyun i think it’s the same

chongyun: oh

zhongli: is everyone participating in theater online?

zhongli: please say something to let me know.

hu tao: hereeeeeee

xiangling: here!!

chongyun: here

xinyan: HERE

xingqiu: here

barbara: i’m here ^^

fischl: the prinzessin der verurteilung is present.

ningguang: we’re missing three

zhongli: yunjin, lyney and lynette aren’t on their phones as much so they’re an exception. i will let the ones here tell them in person.

ningguang: k

zhongli: alright, i’ll send the title now.

hu tao: hurry up old man

barbara: hu tao,,

barbara: we already know it will be sleeping beauty or something similar, so let’s not rush him :)

xingqiu: i’m already imagining the roles rn

xiangling: we don’t need to know about your chongyun fantasies

xingqiu: THATS NOT WHAT I MEANT

chongyun: ???

zhongli: alright.

zhongli: this year’s play will be...

barbara: sleeping beauty! :D

zhongli: shrek.

barbara:

xingqiu:

xiangling:

xinyan:

chongyun:

fischl:

hu tao: LMFAOOO

diluc: is it ok if i laugh

ningguang: i’m cacklinghdkrkfjfdshsggd

keqing: PLS

venti: NOT SHREK

kaeya: IM CRYFIBG

childe: SKIEJDJDJDJDJBFBFBFJFKRN

hu tao: CHONGYUN HOW DO YOU GET SLEEPING BEAUTY FROM SHREK

chongyun: I AM SORRY

zhongli: did you hear a rumor of sorts?

chongyun: no i overheard the student council talking about the play and i heard sleeping beauty

zhongli: ah, we must have been talking about the previous plays. we did sleeping beauty two years ago.

chongyun: oh

barbara: well

barbara: good luck to you guys at auditions!

xingqiu: ,,,,,yeah! sure!

xiangling: brb rethinking my life rn

xinyan: same

zhongli: that concludes our announcement for this year’s play. does anyone have any questions?

chongyun: why shrek

zhongli: the school wanted to “change things up.”

ningguang: i’m curious to see where this will go

beidou: bby you can come in my swamp anytime ;))

ningguang: get out

beidou: i can’t boo💋

ningguang: @dainsleif pls

dainsleif: no

ningguang: ugh

childe: the lesbians are at it again

ningguang: says the gay man

childe: IM NOT GAY

ningguang: it’s not nice to lie

zhongli: whether you are gay or straight we will always support you childe.

ningguang: who is we

childe:

childe: h

childe: hehehehhehhh

childe: thabsksm zhon sgli

zhongli: ...childe?

diluc: there’s actually no way he’s straight

ningguang: great you broke him

zhongli: what did i do?

ningguang: don’t worry about it

—————————

ganyu: hello everyone! i hope everyone has been having a good day! the student council has another announcement! this time jean and i will be announcing it, pls make sure you see this! :))

ganyu: jean, if you will ^^

jean: of course.

jean: on the first friday of next month, we’ll be holding a formal MASQUERADE dance in the gymnasium. please make sure to bring your student id card for identification. you must bring a partner to the dance, does not have to be a romantic partner. make sure both of you are wearing formal attire and are following the dress code. also, the admission fee is $3.00 per pair.
please contact the student council board if you have any more questions :)

xiao: a dance?

mona: this feels like something you would do in middle school

hu tao: masquerade is a mask party dance thing right

jean: yes

bennett: can we bring two partners?

jean: since you three are all in a relationship we will count it.

bennett: yay!!!

amber: omg that sounds so exciting

amber: lol i already know who i’m gonna bring

kaeya: 👀👀 i think i know who

amber: stfu

diluc: @keqing

keqing: @diluc

keqing: omg

diluc: we’re telepathically connected

keqing: they wish they were us

diluc: deadass

kaeya: can you two shut up

diluc: damn we have fans already

venti: don’t worry brother they aren’t as elite as us💪

kaeya: fr💯🔥🥶

keqing: pls not the boys

amber: gay asses

—————————

diluc and keqing

diluc: just to clarify you’re going with me right

keqing: yeah

keqing: everyone else is gross

diluc: tbh i’m only going cause i’m bored

keqing: same LMFAO

diluc: i’m gonna go see who else is going

—————————

gerard’s sugarbabies

diluc: who here is going to the masquerade

keqing: lol

mona: if you guys are i will

xiao: same

scaramouche: ah! good timing, i was just about to ask🥰💖

diluc: @fischl @razor you guys are going together with bennett right

razor: yes

fischl: why yes of course, it would be a shame if, i, the princesszin de vehurtilung herself did not show to the annual mortal gathering with my lovers!

rosaria: ig i’ll go but i don’t have anyone

rosaria: i’m not bringing a romantic partner that shit sounds corny

eula: ^

diluc: then you two should just go together

eula: k

rosaria: k

keqing: 💀

diluc: scaramouche mona xiao who are you guys going with

mona: scaramouche wanna go with me

mona: platonically

scaramouche: tf

scaramouche: *sure!! cant wait to see what you’ll wear🥰🥰💕💕

mona: .

scaramouche: sorryyy typo💖

keqing: moving on

keqing: xiao are you gonna go with anyone

xiao: ......

keqing: 🙂

keqing: wait

keqing: don’t tell me...

xiao: ...............

keqing: are you actually....

xiao: ..............................

scaramouche: i don’t understand🤔🤔

keqing: ARE YOU FINALLY GOING TO ASK HIM OUT

xiao: SHUT THE FUCK UP

diluc: about damn time

xiao: PLEASE SHUT UP

scaramouche: oh! you’re asking venti to the dance?

xiao: STOP SAYING IT

mona: are you ashamed or smth

xiao: it’s venti

xiao: ofc i’m ashamed

xiao: idk how i ended up liking him

xiao: maybe i do wanna braid his hair and put flowers in it

xiao: and run in meadows with him

xiao: and go on picnics next to clear ponds on a sunny day with him

xiao: and feel his hair tickle my chin when i wake up

xiao: and hug him when he cries

xiao: and watch those stupid shows he likes with him

xiao: and listen the beautiful music he makes

xiao: and that ugly ass laugh

xiao: but i don’t see why i fell for him

rosaria: mf read everything you just sent

eula: what did i just witness

scaramouche: awwww

scaramouche: true love😭💕💕

mona: ngl that was cute

keqing: fr

diluc: so when are you gonna do it

xiao: i’ll just slack off and do it the day before so i don’t have to worry about getting rejected early

mona: wouldn’t that just make you even more nervous though

xiao: ugh

keqing: dw bestie we’ll help you with a plan

xiao: wtv i’m gonna go bye

keqing: lmfao bye

diluc: bye

diluc: wait i forgot

diluc: @lasignora are you going to that dance

la signora: no.

diluc: makes sense

Chapter Text

diluc and keqing

diluc: wanna go on omegle

keqing: why💀

diluc: they added this new thing where you can find strangers with another person

diluc: like you can connect it

keqing: omg

keqing: ok let’s do it

omegle

diluc: BITCH IVE BEEN SCREAMING AT YOU FOR FIVE MINUTES ANSWER ME

keqing: WTF

keqing: YOURE NOT EVEN SAYING ANYTHING

diluc: TURN YOUR FUCKING VOLUME ON

keqing: kys

keqing: ITS BEEN ON

diluc: what the fuck

due to a technological issue in the new update, the microphone will be muted until further notice. please use the chat to communicate.

diluc: ugh

keqing: ok wtv let’s find ppl

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger: do you believe in our lord and savior jesus christ

diluc: my dad died in front of my eyes on my birthday

stranger: ...

keqing: nah brother i’m an atheist

stranger has ended the chat

keqing: BAHAHAJMDAKDNWK

diluc: didn’t even let me finish my tragic backstory smh

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

keqing: hello

stranger: hi

stranger: how old are you

diluc: how old do we look

stranger: hmm

stranger: purple hair 16

stranger: red head 24

keqing: PLSAJJAJSJANSJ

diluc :

diluc has ended the chat

diluc: i’m fucking done

keqing: aww don’t be sad old man

diluc: shut up

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger: m or f

diluc: f

keqing: m

stranger: nah i don’t buy it purple head nice try bitch

keqing: u assuming my gender asshole

stranger: yeah

stranger: redhead tho

stranger: ya ass fat asf what’s ur @

diluc:

keqing: PLSJAKSNSKDNWKDSN

stranger: playing hard to get? i like that in a woman

keqing: BAJSNAJDNAKSNQKAKA

diluc: i think you’re a dumbass bitch with a fragile masculinity who has never learned any other way to uphold himself than objectifying woman

stranger: what

stranger: i ain’t fucking gay

keqing: 💀

keqing: diluc take off ur shirt and give him a show

diluc:

stranger: i’d like that bitch

diluc: ok well

diluc: *takes off shirt*

stranger: oh hell fucking naw

stranger has ended the chat

keqing: PLS NOT THE “i’m not fucking gay”

diluc: i hate men

keqing: amen

diluc: do i really look like a fucking 24 year old woman

keqing: you’d make a very sexy one 😍

diluc: stfu

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

keqing: hey

diluc: hi

stranger: hello

keqing: what’s up

stranger: just sad

diluc: same

keqing: why

stranger: i got dumped

keqing: aw

diluc: okay details

stranger: we were dating for 5 years

stranger: and i loved her very much

diluc: okay and you were cheating or what

stranger: no

stranger: she was married

diluc: 😟

keqing: WHAT

stranger: i know

diluc: bruh for how long and how did she even stay married while you were dating

stranger: she always went on business trips and i guess they weren’t actually business trips

keqing: two timing bitch

stranger: i don’t know if i should tell her wife or not

diluc: bruh definitely do

keqing: what a fucking loser who does that

stranger: really?

keqing: uh yeah dude

stranger: thank you goth teenagers

stranger: you’re deadass my saviors

stranger has ended the chat

diluc: goth teenagers...

keqing: PLS

keqing: it’s true tho

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger : hello

diluc: hi

keqing: wait

stranger: please don’t tell me

keqing: MONA AND SCARAMOUCHE BAHAHAHAHAH

diluc: omg

stranger (mona): shut up

diluc: are you guys dating yet?

stranger (mona): no wtf

stranger (mona): scaramouche is way too short

stranger (scaramouche): hey!!

keqing: aw lovebirds 🥺💞

diluc: why are y’all hanging out at each other’s house then?

stranger (mona): group project

keqing: that’s what they all say

stranger (mona): zip it grape popsicle

diluc: is that a new nickname i sense?

keqing: no it fucking isn’t

stranger (scaramouche): i like it!! kinda gives good vibes 💞

keqing: you’re not helping scaramouche

stranger (scaramouche): i know 😘

keqing: bruh

diluc: okay if you guys are working on a group project,,

diluc: what are you doing on omegle

stranger (mona): got bored

keqing: suspicious

stranger (mona): stop

diluc: ok well

diluc: we’ll leave you two be

keqing: yes to have some quality bonding time 🥺

stranger (mona): keqing istg

keqing has ended the chat

diluc: you think they already made out yet

keqing: if they haven’t already i expect in the next 5 minutes

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger: hey cuties

keqing: hi

diluc: ew

stranger: show boobs?

keqing: hell no

stranger: i meant the red head

keqing: BQJSJAKDKSIDKA

diluc:

diluc has ended the chat

keqing: PLSJAKFNSKDJW I CANT GET OVER THIS

diluc: it’s not funny

keqing: i mean hey at least u look sexy 😩

diluc: stfu grape popsicle

keqing: don’t even

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger: hey

keqing: hey

diluc: hey

stranger: what’s up

diluc: nothing much wbu

stranger: same

stranger: just getting opinions on a new song for my band

keqing: omg ur band

stranger: yeah, wanna listen?

diluc: of course

stranger: *fuckin shreds idk imagine hot person playing guitar and singing to you with sexy voice just imagine*

keqing: hot

keqing: i mean the song was heat

stranger: thanks man

diluc: it was awesome

stranger: aww u guys are sweet

keqing: aw ur even sweeter

keqing: i mean ur song was so sweet and i bet ur band is so cool

diluc: yeah what’s it called

stranger: crimson witch of flames ;)

diluc: waitwaitwaitwait

keqing: no way

diluc: bruh ur the lead singer?

diluc: we love ur band

stranger: ah tyty, i’m not the lead singer tho

stranger: that’s barbatos not me

keqing: ahh i see lol, u sounded a bit different

stranger: yeah i’m only on backup lmao

diluc: you’re so cool

diluc: i mean it was so cool talking to you thank you for being pretty

diluc: *pretty awesome

keqing: yes pls tysm

stranger: you guys are way too sweet aw

stranger: cya!

stranger has ended the chat

keqing: bruh omgomgomg

diluc: i know

keqing: no fucking way

you are chatting with a stranger, say hi!

stranger: *fucking dick*

keqing: why is it so small

diluc has ended the chat

keqing: kill all men

diluc: mhm

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

xiangling: BAHAHAHAHAHA YOU GUYS

xiangling: WHITE BOY CANT USE CHOPSTICKS

childe: SHUT UP

childe: IN THE MOTHERLAND WE DIDNT HAVE CHOPSTICKS

keqing: you literally lived in russia for 2 years and you don’t even remember because you were a baby

childe: details are not important

amber: childe why didn’t you just ask for a fork and knife

xingqiu: cuz he totally wanted to try and impress zhongli

rosaria: details please?

chongyun: xiangling tried to set up zhongli and childe at her dad’s restaurant

xiangling: AND CHILDE STABBED THE FOOD WITH THE CHOPSTICKS BAHAHSHAJDJWK

childe: LEAVE ME ALONE

zhongli: childe, i applaud you for trying. :)

childe: thank,

childe: thanks zhondbdk

childe: zhongli

xinyan: can you stop with your gay ass

childe: SHUT UP

diluc: wow he’s not even denying it anymore

lisa: we’re all so proud of you sweetie 🥺

eula: good job coming out of the closet

zhongli: wait, xiangling you were setting me and childe up? i was unaware you had any ill-intent towards us.

keqing: no, zhongli-

beidou: alright which one of you fuckers was it

venti: it was me i’m sorry i promise i won’t put alcohol in my water bottle again

beidou: no not that but i like your style bitch boy

jean: venti dear god what-

beidou: i mean who put the fucking present in my locker

jean: what was the present?

beidou: the typical romance shit

beidou: a rose, some chocolates, a card

beidou: what i want to know is who put it there

lisa: i have an idea~

beidou: please fucking tell me

lisa: hmmm

lisa: this could be interesting so no ;)

beidou: lisa istg

noelle: beidou do you have any ideas who it could be?

kaeya: maybe it’s a secret admirer 😍

amber: for all we know it could be you kaeya

xingqiu: yeah you’re a total flirt

diluc: you’re right, but he only likes one person

xiangling: omg who

xiangling: i live for drama

kaeya: don’t fucking do it diluc

diluc: what do i get if i don’t

kaeya: i do your laundry for a month

diluc: and the dishes

kaeya: why must you be so difficult

kaeya: fine

diluc: sweet

xiangling: :(

beidou: i have no idea

jean: beidou, really?

beidou: yes really wdym

jean: you’re kidding

jean: no idea?

beidou: yes i have no idea

jean: ....

lisa: jean sweetie just let it play out, it’ll be fun <3

jean: ....

beidou: guys this is physically paining me

venti: guys she’s thinking too hard she might explode

beidou: zip it

venti: ehe

noelle: beidou?

beidou: yes?

noelle: i’m not an expert, but don’t you flirt with one person constantly?

beidou: yes ofc my bae ningguang 💋

noelle: do you think maybe she returned your affections?

beidou: hmmmmmmm

beidou: nah ningguang is totally hard to get

beidou: it’s one of her most sexy qualities 😍

noelle: ok then,,

rosaria: i think you’re a total dimwit beidou

beidou: oh rly

beidou: wanna brawl bitch?

rosaria: no thanks

rosaria: what i mean is it’s super obvious who it is and if you can’t figure it out i think you need some self reflection of some sort

beidou: if it’s so obvious why do i not know already

rosaria: like i said, dimwit

beidou: fuck off

ganyu: beidou, were there any other clues as to who could have sent it?

ganyu: handwriting, contents of the card, brand of chocolates, etc. ??

beidou: hmmmmm

beidou: not that i can think of

ganyu: oh well

beidou: ah wait

beidou: now that you mention it

beidou: there was a visa gift card that was with the card

keqing: PLS NOT THE GIFT CARD

keqing: ITS LIKE SO OBVIOUS

ganyu: how much money was on the gift card beidou?

beidou: $1000

mona: would you be willing to part with this small gift beidou 🥺

mona: i can lap dance for you

jean: mona please

hu tao: aiya beidou its so incredibly clear who this admirer is

beidou: THEN I NEED TO GET SOME FUCKING GLASSES CAUSE ITS BLURRY AS SHIT

hu tao: there’s only one other person who would spend that much money on someone they like, and that person is completely and utterly in love with zhongli

beidou: WHOMST

beidou: i give up

beidou: please my secret admirer reveal yourself so that i can decline

beidou: i apologize but i am already in love with a sexy hot powerful woman

fischl: oh dear foolish mortal, i princess fischl, understand there’s troubles. yet need not to worry, as the princesszin does not believe that thou will decline their admirer’s declaration of affection.

beidou: por que

oz: what mein fraulein means to say is she doesn’t think you will decline the person who sent the love letter

beidou: i appreciate the sympathy but i only love one

beidou: all others pale in comparison to ningguang

childe: we are so tired of your stupid gay ass

hu tao: you’re one to talk

venti: this is painful to watch

dainsleif: i agree

dainsleif: i will use the most effective method

xinyan: are you gonna beat her up

kaeya: or use la signora’s sheer power of intimidation to overwhelm her so much that she finally realizes

dainsleif: no and no

dainsleif: @ningguang

ningguang: what

ningguang:

beidou: my love 😍

ningguang: beidou you fucking idiot

ningguang: i was the one who sent you the stupid fucking gift

beidou: for real?

ningguang:

ningguang: yes

beidou: ajdskmbwkejd

scaramouche: oh no i think she exploded!😨

venti: yup

keqing: most likely

Chapter Text

childe and ganyu

ganyu: i’m gonna give someone your number

ganyu: don’t panic they asked for it

childe: what

childe and ?????

????: hello, is this childe?

childe: yes hello who is this

????: this is zhongli.

childe: oh hiui zhonfli

childe: *zhongliiid

childe: i didnt have yyour nuumbbbeeeer beforr??,

zhongli: that’s what i thought, but i couldn’t find your name in my contacts list

zhongli: :)

zhongli: childe, could i ask you something?

childe: oh yeah sure what is it

zhongli: ..,,

zhongli: i don’t know how i should word this,,

zhongli: uhm, well

zhongli: childe, you’ve heard about that masquerade right?

childe: oh that

childe: yeah i have

zhongli: do you plan on going?

childe: everyone else is so yeah i am

childe: i don’t know who i would go with yet though

zhongli: well

zhongli: would you like to go with me?

childe:

childe and ganyu

childe: HELP

childe: HELP

childe: GAMYU HELP HELP SENELELFFGTTJR

ganyu: what

ganyu: did venti break the bathroom stall doors again??

childe: NO

childe: HE JUST ASKED ME TO THE DANCE

ganyu: he?

childe: ZHONGLI

ganyu: WHAT

childe: JOSJDHHFNRNNRRNFF

ganyu: IS THAT WHY HE ASKED FOR YOUR NUMBER

childe: SKJWJDJDIDKDJFJDKDKDDJDND

ganyu: OK WAIT JUST A SECOND

ganyu and zhongli

ganyu: you need to raise your standards

zhongli: what

childe and ganyu

ganyu: ok ok don’t panic

childe: WHAT DO I SAY

ganyu: SAY YES

childe: HELP

childe: IM SHAKING

ganyu: THEN STOP SHAKING

childe: H

childe and zhongli

childe: oh yeah sure! i’d like that :)

zhongli: i’m glad to hear that ^^

zhongli: i would’ve asked you in person, but recently i haven’t had the time to go and find you, so i figured this would be easier.

childe: oh no it’s alright haha

childe: i can pick you up in my car if you want

childe: for the dance i mean

zhongli: that would be lovely, thank you childe

childe: yor

childe: uhour wwlkkcome

childe: your welcsome

zhongli: :)

zhongli and ningguang

zhongli: i did it.

ningguang: good

ningguang: now i don’t have to listen to you constantly ramble about his freckles

ningguang: congrats on ur new bf

zhongli: no, i didn’t ask him out, i just asked him to accompany me to the school dance.

ningguang: what.

zhongli: isn’t that basically the same?

ningguang: fucks sake

ningguang: no it’s not

zhongli: oh

zhongli: well, putting that aside.

zhongli: have you seen his freckles under the sun

ningguang has muted zhongli for one hour

shakespeare kinnies

hu tao: did y’all hear that zhongli asked childe to the dance

lisa: the gay closet boy finally got his man🥺

yanfei: so are they like dating now

hu tao: i don’t think so💀

yanfei: LMFAO

yanfei: who do you guys think is going to get asked out next??

fischl: i believe i, the princesszin have some clue as to who it may be

yanfei: omg who

fischl: if the princesszin were to tell thee, the fun would be diminished

yanfei: bruh

hu tao: anyways

yanfei: hu tao who do you think

hu tao: hmmmm

hu tao: ya know

hu tao: i think this is an unpopular opinion

lisa: spill

hu tao: well based on what i’ve observed

hu tao: i think kaeya has a crush on albedo

lisa: 😳

yanfei: WHAT

lisa: what’s your evidence

hu tao: well

hu tao: the way he flirts with albedo versus with literally everyone else is kinda different

yanfei: elaborate

hu tao: idk around albedo he seems quieter

lisa: but that’s feeling

lisa: we need concrete evidence

hu tao: and one time they grazed hands and kaeya’s face turned bright red

hu tao: and another time i looked over his shoulder to see what he was looking at and he was on his phone zooming in on albedo’s face

hu tao: and another time i saw him staring at albedo with those lovey dovey eyes across the cafeteria

hu tao: and another time-

yanfei: ok we get it

lisa: 💀

yanfei: so diluc must’ve meant albedo when he said kaeya only likes one person

lisa: who can blame him though

lisa: albedo is pretty as hell

lisa: fischl is this who you were thinking of

fischl: no

hu tao: 🧍

yanfei: pls tell us fischl

yanfei: hello

yanfei: fischl

yanfei: fischl

yanfei: fischl

yanfei: prinzessin

yanfei: FUCKING TELL US

lisa: she probably muted the gc

venti: hey sluts what’s happening

lisa: backread

venti: can’t you spare a fellow poet from scrolling up

hu tao: zhongli asked childe to dance

hu tao: we start talking ab who we think will be asked next

hu tao: i say i think kaeya likes albedo so i think they will be next

hu tao: but fischl thinks someone else

hu tao: but she won’t tell and now she’s ignoring us🥀

hu tao: how’s that for a summary

venti: full marks

venti: that was wonderful young grasshopper

hu tao: thank you teacher

yanfei: aren’t you above him

lisa: moving on

lisa: yanfei who do you think will be next

yanfei: hmmmm

yanfei: xiangling and xinyan???

hu tao: isn’t that obvious though💀

yanfei: BRUH I DONT KNOW

yanfei: @fischl PLS JUST A SMALL LITTLE HINT

fischl: very well.

fischl: the one that the prinzessin herself is thinking of, is among our own.

venti: what

hu tao: so you’re saying that the person is in the poetry club

lisa: well that obviously eliminates zhongli

lisa: and jean asked me a while ago so that takes me out too

venti: WAIT WHAT

hu tao: literally nobody knew of that???

lisa: lol

yanfei: who else is in this club

hu tao: me venti yanfei xingqiu fischl

venti: maybe it’s fischl

lisa: i doubt it tbh

lisa: plus she’s dating so it’s kind of obvious who she’s going with

hu tao: so fischl zhongli and lisa are out

lisa: which leaves yanfei, xingqiu, hu tao and venti

hu tao: lemme go ask the big gc

la signora’s basement

hu tao: between yanfei xingqiu venti and me who is most likely to get asked to the dance next

aether: not venti cause he’s annoying

lumine: ^

venti: MY BRETHREN

venti: MY HEART

venti: IM BROKEN

hu tao: he’s brocken🥀🖤

keqing: yanfei

hu tao: ok what’s ur reasoning

keqing: process of elimination

hu tao:

hu tao: does anyone else wanna answer

baizhu: yanfei

diluc: yeah

il dottore: yahnfey

baizhu: that’s not how you spell it

il dottore: shut up

ganyu: yanfei is pretty popular so i think she would be next ^^

yanfei: omg guys

yanfei: i’m so flattered💖💖

hu tao: ok thank you for answering the survey questions

diluc: but you only gave us one??

shakespeare kinnies

hu tao: @fischl we have the answer

fischl: excellent, thou shall tell me immediately.

hu tao: you were thinking of yanfei

yanfei: 👹

fischl: no

yanfei:

hu tao: WHAT

hu tao: LITERALLY WHO

hu tao: GIVE US ANOTHER HINT

venti: this is just a guessing game at this point

fischl: thou are all such unintelligent wenches, the princesszin shall just tell thee

fischl: the one that, i , the princesszin am thinking of, is absolutely enamored with the one called chongyun

yanfei: x

yanfei: XINGQIU???

hu tao: does chongyun like him back or something

fischl: it is merely a hunch

venti: ok but the thing is your hunches have been right 90% of the time

fischl: such as?

venti: when you guessed that both razor and bennett had a crush on you

hu tao: and when you predicted down to the second when venti would break the fucking bathroom

venti: I DIDNT BREAK IT

hu tao: THEN WHAT EVEN HAPPENED

venti: I WAS TRYING TO LOCK THE STALL DOOR SO I COULD TAKE A SHIT

venti: BUT IT WOUKDNT LOCK SO I WALKED OUT OF TJE STALL

venti: AND THEN THE HINGES BROKE AND THE DOOR FELL ON TOP OF ME

hu tao: WWJDJDJWNENDJEKDKFJFN

yanfei: how does that even happen

lisa: anything can happen in teyvat high <3

hu tao: so yanfei venti lisa who are you siding with me or fischl

yanfei: hmmm

yanfei: i’ll go with you hu tao

lisa: fischl

venti: uh fischl

hu tao: ok let’s make a bet

hu tao: who will ask/get asked by someone to the dance first: kaeya or chongyun

hu tao: whichever team turns out to be wrong has to pay other team $40 each

lisa: what if the next person is neither of them

hu tao: then the bet is over no one pays

venti: what if they ask at the same time

hu tao: then everyone pays😍

yanfei: but then that wouldn’t be-

hu tao: shut up

la signora’s basement

scaramouche: heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy guysssssssss 💖💖

il dottore: what the fuck

zhongli: good afternoon scaramouche :)

childe: hi

keqing: part 5 of childe texting right after zhongli

childe: you know what

barbara: hello!!

kaeya: c

venti: o

kaeya: c

venti: k

diluc: can you two shut up

aether: hey

lumine: wtf is this

aether: ur so late

aether: they made a gc with like everyone lmfao

lumine: ok

xiao: hey

scaramouche: so whatcha guys doin???

zhongli: i’m currently waiting outside the poetry club room for hu tao.

zhongli: i’m going to go look for her right now though.

venti: hey

venti: scaramouche

scaramouche: yes?????

venti: i have a question

scaramouche: what’s your question??🧐🧐

il dottore: well guys it was fun while it lasted ig

diluc: what

venti: can you do the fandango

scaramouche: ?????????????????

scaramouche: what’s that?????

venti: ☺️

venti: i see a little silhouette of a man

kaeya: scaramouche

kaeya: scaramouche

venti: WILL YOU DO THE FANDANGO

kaeya: THUNDERBOLT AND LIGHTNING

kaeya: VERY VERY FRIGHTENING

venti: GALILEO

kaeya: galileo

venti: GALILEO

kaeya: galileo

venti: GALILEO FIGARO

scaramouche: 😊

—————————

hu tao: hey zhongli?

zhongli: yes?

hu tao: why does the poetry clubroom look like a tornado went through it?

zhongli: what.

scaramouche: ahahahahahhaah😍😍

scaramouche: you see, while your little bitch poet and his friend were singing that STUPID FUCKING song, i took it upon myself to give you a gift!!💞💞 i hope you like it🥺💖💖~

hu tao:

zhongli:

venti: wtf i thought you were nice

scaramouche: don’t sing that song to me ever again you dumb whores😍💗💘

“anime club”

childe: wtf

la signora: is that really all it took

il dottore: this boys temper is as short as himself i’m not surprised

il dottore: @scaramouche so are you dropping the act

scaramouche: yes

il dottore: it was bound to happen

il dottore: it was inevitable

scaramouche: shut ur bitch ass up

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

albedo: can anyone tell me why i hear baby one more time coming from down the hall?

eula: sigh

eula: it’s venti

albedo: of course it is

diluc: we’re in english

diluc: and the teacher went into labor

keqing: what the fuck

kaeya: AND THEN VENTI GOT ON THE TEACHERS DESK

kaeya: AND PULLED UP KARAOKE

lisa: and before we knew it

diluc: “oh baby baby”

albedo: so is this just going to continue until next period?

jean: i’m sure that someone will eventually notice

jean: hopefully

lisa: wait...

eula: oh no

kaeya: oh yes

childe: GUYS WHOS SINGING SUPERBASS

ningguang: you and your gay barb ass

childe: leave me alone bitch

diluc: i’m more upset at the fact that he’s good at singing than anything else tbh

xiao: of course he’s good at singing dumbass

diluc: ?

xiao: nvm

diluc: k

scaramouche: if someone doesn’t turn that fucking shit down

keqing: you know i liked you better when you were nice

scaramouche: shut up bitch

childe: kaeya tell venti to do chun li next

kaeya: ofc bro anything for u 💋

zhongli: why did childe just run out of the classroom?

keqing: oh my fucking gods

eula: he wouldn’t-

xiao: he fucking would

kaeya: BAHAHAHAHA YES GET IT

diluc: oh great venti and childe singing nicki minaj

diluc: this cannot possibly get any worse

kaeya: maybe i should join 😍

diluc: i stand corrected

barbara: so are we just going to ignore the teacher that went into labor or......

jean: apparently we are

albedo: oh it stopped

lisa: they got busted

eula: principal varka came down and hes grabbing them by the ears this is so fucking funny

diluc: “you boys are a disgrace”

kaeya: PLS HE JUST SAID “but i enjoyed your performance”

jean: not him as well

la signora: thanks to you FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT I HAD TO START MY TEST LATER BECAUSE OF THE DISTRACTION THAT YOUR EAR DRUM BREAKING SHRILLS CAUSED

kaeya: apologies my lady 🙇🏾♂️

la signora: i’m gonna fucking kill those bitches

diluc: can i help

scaramouche: may i as well

————————

shakespeare kinnies

hu tao: GUYS YOURE NOT GONNA BELIEVE IT

fischl: greetings fellow companions who share a common interest in poetry with i, the princesszin de vehurtilung, i come bearing good tidings!

hu tao: oh lmao

fischl: such an interesting coincidence

hu tao: lol, u can go first

fischl: many thanks

fischl: i expect to be receiving $40 worth of payment from thee, for our dear friend xingqiu has asked the noble chongyun to the masquerade ball!

hu tao: LMAO NO FUCKING WAY

hu tao: KAEYA ASKED ALBEDO OUT TOO

yanfei: omg

yanfei: wait so who was first?

hu tao: well i like just saw kaeya do it

fischl: as did i with xingqiu

venti: well it was a tie so i say everyone gives me all the money instead so it will be fair

hu tao: oh fuck off

hu tao: you’re already too much of an alcoholic

lisa: or everyone just keeps their money and we can be happy for the lovebirds~~

hu tao: tbh tho i’m surprised that xingqiu had the balls to do it

zhongli: i am glad those boys were able to confess their feelings. :)

zhongli: though i am curious as to how they went about it.

venti: me too but please did anyone else see bad hair cut’s confession because i really do not want to try and fucking decipher the ancient text of whatever miss sailor moon has going on

fischl: oh go suck a fucking goose dick

hu tao: LMFAO

oz has added oz to the conversation

oz: i sensed that my presence was needed

venti: bye wtf

zhongli: ....

zhongli: oz, did you happen to witness how xingqiu asked chongyun to the dance?

oz: indeed my good sir.

hu tao: alright let’s hear it

oz: well xingqiu basically did it through poetry. they were talking and then suddenly xingqiu asked chongyun if he “wanted to hear a poem” by him. naturally chongyun said “yes” and embedded within the lines of the poem, he was asking him to the masquerade.

venti: if that is not THE corniest romance shit i have ever heard you can kill me now

yanfei: aww they’re so in looove

hu tao: god damn man got me fuckidhsn chokkedab upsk

hu tao: my babysnsk allfj grown upjsk

zhongli: this is very enlightening :)

venti: what did his poem sound like

oz: if i remember correctly, it went something like this:

oz:

to my dearest friend,

your cold eyes are entrancing.

so to enjoy our time before we meet our end.

i hope we can go dancing.

hu tao: ITS SO FUCKIGNSNSK CRINGESISJDJ BUT I CNSNT STOPND CRYIFNSJSJFN

yanfei: PLS WIPE YOUR SNOT HU TAO EVERYONE IS STARING AT YOU

hu tao: HAJJEKFNFKEOEOEOE

xingqiu: YOU MOTHERFUCKERS

xingqiu: I ASKED CHONGYUN TO THE DANCE AS A FRIEND

venti: BYE LMFAO AS IF WE WOULD EVEN BUY THAT

yanfei: ....

yanfei: really???

xingqiu: YES REALLY

hu tao: bruh

hu tao: and here i was fucking sobbing my ass off in math class for your ass to chicken out and not even confess

xingqiu: WHAT DO YOU MEAN CONFESS WE ARE JUST FRIENDS

zhongli: this is quite the shock..

xingqiu: oh not you too zhongli

xingqiu: i’m leaving

xingqiu: and chongyun and i are JUST FRIENDS

lisa: i’ll believe that when i see it

hu tao: bye i’m so mad now

hu tao: anyways

hu tao: wanna hear how kaeya asked albedo to the dance

venti: YES

yanfei: yeah!!

lisa: mhm

zhongli: yes.

hu tao: okok so it was nothing out of the ordinary at all for kaeya

hu tao: he had a bouquet, chocolates, and said something really embarrassing yknow

hu tao: but ALBEDO

hu tao: NOT ONLY SAID YES

hu tao: BUT WAS BLUSHING LIKE CRAZY AND SMILING LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT

yanfei: you mean albedo as in, the really incredibly smart albedo who has 15 full ride scholarships and never talks to almost anyone albedo?

hu tao: that’s the one

venti: so glad my man kaeya had the balls to do it ✊

—————————

“anime” club

scaramouche: i can’t believe that the gc is still named this

scaramouche: if you bitches are going to lie do it right

scaramouche has changed the chat name to “machi’s slaves”

la signora: who tf is machi i’m nobody’s slave

scaramouche:

la signora: nvm

il dottore: LMFAO

childe: is anyone going to the dance tmrw 🥺

il dottore: yes

scaramouche: yup

la signora: nope

il dottore: figured

childe: wait who are you guys even going with

il dottore: me and baizhu agreed to go together to get in

scaramouche: mona

childe: you sly dog

scaramouche: shut the fuck up we’re just going as friends

childe: mhm

childe: i’ll only believe that if i don’t see you two mysteriously disappear inside the bathroom

scaramouche: go fuck yourself

Chapter Text

gatekeep gaslight girlboss💗

barbara: omg the dance is today i’m so excited!!

barbara: wkjsjdkfkfn who’s going???

barbara: besides student council lol

amber: i am!!!!

barbara: omg who are you going with

amber: sucrose ^^

barbara: oooooo ;))

amber: it’s not like thatttt

barbara: yeah sureee

barbara: anyone else?????

lisa: i’m going with jean~~

xiangling: me and xinyan

xiangling: barbara who are you going with??

barbara: noelle and i decided to go together😜

noelle: :>

barbara: @lumine are you going???

lumine: yeah i’m going with my bitchass brother

lumine: but rlly it’s only to get in

lumine: i wish there was someone else he’s so annoying

barbara:

lisa: i don’t think ganyu has a partner you could go with her

lumine: yeah but she said she doesn’t want a partner this year so she can focus on supervising the dance and just hanging out or wtv

lumine: also she has student council free pass anyway

amber: do you guys think anything chaotic is going to happen??

lisa: is venti going?

amber: i think so

lisa: then there’s your answer

jean: as excited most of you probably are right now, we are still in school haha

jean: we should get back to working we can talk while we’re getting ready tonight ^_^

amber: yes your highness

jean:

————————-

la signora’s basement

kaeya: FINALLY SCHOOL IS OUT

venti: that actually felt like 12 hours long

zhongli: i will say, today felt longer than usual.

la signora: mhm

kaeya: my lady🙇🏽♂️

rosaria: don’t you have a bf or smth

albedo: i’ve accepted it at this point

aether: guys guess what

aether: we might get a bird

rosaria: so random wtf

sucrose: what kind??

aether: idk but it’s like rlly round and rlly cute

sucrose: ooo maybe when you get it you can show me

aether: yuh i will

lumine: don’t let paimon near it

aether: well duh

zhongli: ah, your little sister

zhongli: how’s she doing?

aether: i am so sorry that she pulled your hair and tried to eat it last time zhongli it will not happen again i deeply apologize

lumine: ^

zhongli: haha it’s alright, she’s young after all

aether: don’t worry she got like 10 spanks from my mom

aether: she’s so annoying

zhongli: aether it really is okay

aether: when she gets our age i’m never letting her live that down

zhongli: aether,,,

lumine: aether can you shut up

aether: fuck you

lumine: i’m wearing 5 inch heels i could literally kick you and you’d start having a tantrum

aether: shut up

lumine: you first bitch

aether: this is why i’m better at roblox than you

lumine: don’t lie i could beat ur ass in breaking point

zhongli: 😐

dainsleif has muted lumine and aether for three hours

dainsleif: lol

zhongli: much appreciated, dainsleif

dainsleif: alsalalalalalalalalalalalalaalalallaaaalakakkskskndndndjdkdoeoeooeowowwkkdjdnnndndnd

zhongli: ?

sucrose: zhongli when does the dance start again? i forgot

zhongli: 8:00 pm in the cryo wing auditorium :)

sucrose: ok thank you!! i’ll see you there

zhongli: ^^

zhongli and childe

zhongli: hello childe, is it alright if you pick up ganyu with us as well? she doesn’t have a ride

childe: yeah yeah ofc

childe: i’ll pick you guys up at 7:30

zhongli: actually since we’re student council we’ll need to get there by 6:40, is that alright with you?

childe: *i’ll pick you guys up at 6:30

zhongli: thank you childe

zhongli: i can’t wait to see what you’ll wear :)

childe: a

childe: youre welcsxomdme

childe: excited to see your outfit too!!

—————————

childe and ganyu

childe: WLOWOWOEJENDBEBDBBFHFHFHFJRJJRJRJRJRJRJDKDD

childe: DID YOU DO IT

ganyu: yeah

childe: kakekdjjrnrnfnjododdodkdkdje

childe: thank you for the food🙏

ganyu: yup

————————

student council

jean: zhongli, i’m here

zhongli: ah yes, i see your car pulling up

zhongli: is that lisa with you?

jean: yeah she’s my partner

zhongli: i see

ganyu: 👀👀

jean: it’s not what you think

ganyu: mhm yeah sure

jean: anyway

jean: i hope i’m not too late

zhongli: no not at all, ganyu and i just arrived and ningguang is on her way right now

jean: ….

zhongli: ?

jean: whose car is that?

zhongli: ah.

zhongli: that would be childe’s.

jean: ,..,,,,……..,

jean: he has a ferrari in high school?

zhongli: he seems to have a large amount of money

jean: hm.

jean: AND WHO IS THAT

zhongli: ?

ganyu: isn’t that ningguang’s car

jean: why is everyone rich

zhongli: jean you are the principal’s daughter you’re not that different from them

ganyu: woah she has a tesla

ganyu: wait

jean: is that,,

ningguang: hey

jean: so that’s your partner for tonight huh

ningguang: let’s just get inside

jean: mhm

jean:

ningguang: zhongli omg

—————————

la signora’s basement

albedo: it’s 7:20

albedo: is everyone getting ready rn

amber: yeah i’m done i’m just helping barbara with her hair

noelle: i’m helping sucrose with her dress ^^

bennett: i’m done too!! i rlly like the mask fischl gave me :D

sucrose: @fischl what are you doing

fischl: currently, i, the princesszin is attempting the tedious fucking task of untangling the ever lovely yet unkempt razor’s hair

oz: what mein fraulein means is “i’m trying to untangle razor’s fucking hair”

sucrose: omg

albedo: is oz gonna come with you or smth

fischl: my trusted companion and loyal servant, oz, and i will be communicating through the use of the devices known as walkie talkies

oz: she means “we’ll be connected through walkie talkies”

venti: walkie talkies💀

venti: who still has those anymore

fischl: venti istg

xiangling: zhongli is it ok if we start heading over there now

zhongli: certainly, although you and xinyan might be a bit bored waiting

zhongli: maybe you two could help with decor?

xiangling: nvm i missed a spot in her hair

zhongli:

zhongli: albedo what are you doing?

albedo: waiting for kaeya

albedo: he’s almost done with his makeup

sucrose: but aren’t we wearing masks

venti: my brotha’s gonna look like a chad🙏

aether: DAIN YOU BITCH

aether: WHY DID YOU MUTE US

lumine: ^

dainsleif: lol

barbara: wait i have a question

barbara: if dainsleif doesn’t go to our school why is he in this gc

jean: well

jean: one because he added himself

jean: and two he just spends most of his time here and he just snuck into the classes so everyone just accepted it

barbara: oh

barbara: wait so can he come to the dance?

jean: i’m not sure, but i’m leaning towards no.

barbara: aw i’m sorry dainsleif :(

dainsleif: lmao it’s ok

dainsleif: i might actually transfer here anyway lmfao

barbara: omg yay!!

barbara: you’re gonna love it here 😊😊

aether: just avoid venti and you’ll be fine

venti: BRUH

—————————-

la signora’s basement

zhongli: hello! just a quick note for the dance:

zhongli: make sure to go to jean before entering the auditorium everyone!

zhongli: otherwise please enjoy yourselves :)

razor: what time is it

eula: aren’t you literally on your phone

zhongli: it’s 7:30 :)

razor: thank you

zhongli: ganyu, do you see anyone coming in?

ganyu: hmmm

ganyu: oh i see diluc and keqing

keqing: hey bitches we’re here

ganyu: omg you guys look so hot

keqing: well duh💋

ganyu: wait

ningguang: um

ningguang: that suit looks a bit tight on you diluc

zhongli: and that dress looks too big keqing

zhongli: will you two be alright?

diluc: idk

diluc: i think it’s like ripping at the seams lmao

keqing: i don’t feel half of the fabric on my body

ganyu: omfg

diluc: we’ll manage

zhongli: alright then,,

keqing: does anyone have a charger my phone is ab to die

ganyu: i do!!

keqing: omg ty bestie

keqing: wait but zhongli how do you even see us

zhongli: up from the stage haha, i’ll come down

keqing: ok

keqing: A

diluc: oh wow

ganyu: i did it for him

ganyu: does it look good

keqing: YES

diluc: you should have it like that more often

zhongli: ah you two flatter me

xinyan: what are you guys talking ab

keqing: come to the school and find out

ningguang: that would sound so weird without context

xinyan: we’re on our way rn

kaeya: omg same

kaeya: i’m so curious now

xinyan: did zhongli do smth new or wtv

keqing: come see for yourself

————————

xinyan: we’re here

xiangling: lolz

kaeya: oh i see you guys

kaeya: XINYAN YOUR HAIR

kaeya: bye you guys look so good

xinyan: SO DO YOU GUYS

xiangling: pls we’re all so hot

xiangling: your masks are all so pretty!!

xinyan: ok we’re at the auditorium

xinyan:

xiangling: H

albedo: oh

kaeya: ZHONGLI THAT LOOKS SO GOOD ON YOU

kaeya: AND THE MASK FITS YOU SO WELL

ganyu: all of it was done by me!!!

xiangling: dnjdndnfkkffkfkdfnfoweoekeke

xinyan: ganyu must’ve decided to serve eye candy today

zhongli: haha, thank you all very much :)

diluc and childe

diluc: how are you not combusting inwards right now

childe: i’m trying so hard to stay calm and look normal

diluc: you’re sweating and your face is red and you look rlly tense

diluc: it’s not working buddy

childe: HMSKSKSKOEODFN

la signora’s basement

ganyu: @zhongli @jean barbara, noelle, sucrose, amber, eula and rosaria just arrived!

jean: ty for letting me know ganyu!

zhongli: likewise

ganyu: yup yup!!

diluc: who tf is giggling

ganyu: four out of six of the girls that just arrived,,

kaeya: is it bc of zhongli

albedo: probably

ganyu: aether and lumine are here!!

keqing: how do you even know

ganyu: windows

keqing: oh cool

keqing: wait

keqing: i just realized smth

diluc: what

keqing: LMAO NINGGUANG IS BEIDOU YOUR PARTNER

ningguang: SHUT UP

beidou: 💋💋💋xoxo

ningguang: SHUT

beidou: ofc my love🙊💗💋💞

diluc: is she kaeya 2.0 or smth

keqing: ok anyways

sucrose: omg so many more people are coming

sucrose: i can see through the windows there’s like a crowd almost

ningguang: omg

ganyu: well then

ganyu: jean i’ll come help you

jean: thank you ganyu

chongyun: guys i just saw xiao at venti’s house is he gonna kill me

amber: how do you know where venti lives

chongyun: neighbors

amber: oh

xiangling: wait

xiangling: OMG IS HE PICKING HIM UP??

diluc: HUH

keqing: WHAT

gerard’s sugarbabies

diluc: XIAO YOU BITCH

keqing: WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP YOU ASK HIM OUTKDNRKRKKFKDKDLDLFMF

mona: what happened

keqing: XIAO SPOTTED PICKING VENTI UP

mona: WHAT

rosaria: wait a second be rational

rosaria: maybe chongyun is right

eula: ask him to take a picture

la signora’s basement

keqing: chongyun can you take a picture

chongyun: yea ahah sssure

diluc: ?

chongyun: sry imn shakxiing

chongyun: [image.png]

xiangling: BYE HES LITERALLY PICKING HIM UP

keqing: that little bitch

diluc: is no one gonna talk ab how xiao’s eyes are dangerously close to the camera

chongyun: FUCK HE SAW ME

chongyun: HELPPOWIJDJJDNDNDND

diluc: we’ll leave xingqiu to that

diluc: anyways why didn’t they say anything

diluc: and why aren’t they wearing their masks

keqing: maybe they’re gonna put them on when they get here

ningguang: why do i have a bad feeling about that

———————-

ganyu: i just heard “zhongli” come out of like ten peoples mouths

ganyu: looks like i did a good job

baizhu: someone just said “fan club”

ganyu: oh dear

bennett: WOAH ZHONGLI

bennett: YOU LOOK SO COOL

fischl: ^

razor: yes

zhongli: thanks, you three ^^

jean: you three aren’t in yet how did you see him?

bennett: we saw him through the door lol

hu tao: who tf is holding up the line

yanfei: right

jean: …

jean: aether and lumine

diluc: didn’t they arrive like 20 minutes ago

kaeya: LMAO THEYRE LIKE PUSHING EACH OTHER BY THE HIPS

albedo: i think they’re fighting to get in first

diluc: how old are they

jean: zhongli, if you could

zhongli: of course.

yanfei: who just screamed

yanfei: what happened

razor: he just grabbed arms and pulled inside

razor: now aether and lumine staring at him

hu tao: who is him

razor: zhongli

yanfei: ok so i just backread

yanfei: does zhongli have a new look or smth

keqing: come see for yourselves

hu tao: finally the line is moving

hu tao: ok we’re at the front zhongli come here let’s see

hu tao:

yanfei:

hu tao: OK OLD MAN I SEE YOU👀👀

zhongli: 😐

yanfei: you look very pretty zhongli

yanfei: you should wear it like that more often

hu tao: !!

zhongli: thank you, yanfei :)

hu tao: wow not you ignoring me💔

zhongli: who are we waiting on ganyu?

hu tao: WOW

ganyu: xingqiu, chongyun, venti, xiao, scaramouche and mona

ganyu: oh i see four of them right now

ganyu: all except venti and xiao it seems

scaramouche: hey fuckers

mona: heyy we’re heree

diluc: chongyun what happened with xiao

chongyun: i managed to get out of the house without him finding me

diluc: wtf

keqing: i see you guys

keqing: OMG UR OUTFITS AND MASKS ARE ALL SO HOT

mona: thanks bestie💗

xingqiu: hu tao and i went to the same shop for ours

zhongli: i will say, your dress suits you hu tao

zhongli: as does your outfit, xingqiu

xingqiu: thank you zhongli ^^

hu tao: awwwww old man gone soft🥺🥺

zhongli: hu tao.

mona: omg zhongli you look so pretty

scaramouche: is that a-

xingqiu: oh zhongli! your hair is different than usual!

xingqiu: it looks very good on you!

chongyun: i agree

zhongli: thank you xingqiu and chongyun :)

ganyu: all done by me!!

xingqiu: your work is excellently done ganyu! it is praiseworthy indeed :))

ganyu: thank youuu

zhongli: once we see venti and xiao i think we can close up the entrance, jean

jean: yeah

ganyu: @venti @xiao you guys should hurry up, it’s 7:55!

venti: almost there!!!!

mona: ok but

mona: why is nobody talking about diluc’s high ponytail

ganyu: fr it looks so pretty

zhongli: agreed, his hair looks good when it’s up

sucrose: diluc you should wear it like that more often

diluc: too tiring

keqing: that literally takes less than a minute

mona: yeah diluc

diluc: @rosaria help me out

rosaria: i agree with them

diluc: H

jean: venti xiao are you close??

jean: it’s 7:58!!

venti: WE’RE SPRINTING

rosaria: ok but you and chongyun are literally neighbors why did it take you a whole millennia longer than him to get here

xiao: i tried to convince him guys i really did

keqing: what

jean: oh they’re here

jean:

ganyu: 🙂

jean: venti….

xiao: i’m sorry

ganyu: XIAO YOURE NOT ANY BETTER

xiao: WHAT

zhongli: alright, our dj’s are finally here.

venti: hi zhongli!! i see you from over here lol

venti: wait omg

venti: ZHONGLI IS THAT A BRAID CROWN

zhongli: yes it is :)

ganyu: done by me!!!!

keqing: wait but what’s up with ganyu and jean’s reactions

keqing: the lights are turned off and they’re like running in the dark i can’t see their outfits

keqing: can anyone else see them

sucrose: no i can only make out their silhouettes

albedo: same

mona: did i just see horns..

amber: we’ll be able to see them when they get on the stage

amber: i wonder what song they’ll play😍

xiangling: i hear footsteps on the stage!!

xinyan: UM….

xiao: sorry

venti: feast your eyes on this drip🥶🔥💦💯‼️

diluc: WHAT IS THAT

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

venti: so rate the fit 🥶🥶

venti: it’s icy, no?

keqing: it’s a yikes from me

sucrose: sex drive is at an all time low rn

jean: venti, what on earth drove you to put that on your face and show up

barbara: GUYS DILUC JUST PASSED OUT FROM SHOCK

mona: BYE OMG

ganyu: is he ok???

barbara: yeah i think so, i checked his pulse and it’s pretty normal

jean: oh thank the archons

keqing: bye that bitch better be ok

barbara: oh actually wait he’s waking up guys

barbara: i guess it was actually mostly from the fact that his suit is three sizes too small

xiangling: how is he alive

xinyan: he’s been through worse

xiangling: like what?

xinyan: he worked at hot topic

xiangling: understandable

rosaria: ok well someone needs to get him a fucking new suit or something because he’s not gonna make it the night in that thing

keqing: i have an idea

keqing: me and diluc will be in the girls bathroom DONT come in if you do i’ll roast your kidneys over an open flame

childe: aye aye captain

xingqiu: it’s actually only been 20 minutes and this dance is so chaotic

hu tao: right and bennett hasn’t even done anything yet

mona: omg

mona: anyways is the food free

jean: yes ^^

scaramouche: i would have payed for you anyways bitch

yanfei: omg a declaration of love 😍😍😍😍

scaramouche: shut the fuck up

chongyun: do we have a fan ??????

chongyun: please say we do

zhongli: unfortunately not, is it too warm? i didn’t think it was abnormally hot, though it is the gym.

chongyun: oh no it’s not

chongyun: i just

chongyun: have a condition

barbara: i can help you if you need it chongyun!!!

chongyun: thank you barbara :) but it’s not like that kinda condition

xingqiu: chongyun it’ll be okay 🥰🥰 i will definitely make sure that the food isn’t spicy and you stay cool 😁

chongyun: thank you xingqiu

xingqiu: but of course~

baizhu: ok then

eula: wait is that diluc and keqing

amber: FUCK YEAH IT IS

lumine: omg hotties

diluc: hi guys

keqing: we’re done

keqing: i figured since my dress was too big and his suit was too small we could just switch

diluc: and they ended up fitting perfectly

bennett: what a good idea :D diluc you look very good in a dress!!!!

razor: keqing fit suit well : )

keqing: omg tysm guys

dainsleif: so are we gonna dance or what

la signora: right like this bitch boring asf

jean: what.

eula: how tf

keqing: are u guys here omfg

diluc: we thought you weren’t coming

la signora: surprise bitch

kaeya: what a welcome surprise 😍😍😍😍

scaramouche: LMFAO LA SIGNORA YOU BITCH I THOUGHT THIS DANCE WAS TOO LAME FOR YOU DO YOU HAVE A SOFT SPOT FOR US 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

la signora: you actually need to shut the fuck up goblin ass bitch

rosaria: ok well where are u guys then

dainsleif: punch table

zhongli: before that, how on earth did you guys get in? you didn’t buy tickets i don’t think?????

dainsleif: i actually used an ancient art passed down through my family for generations, it’s a much too complex technique for your simple mind

fischl: alas!!!! i, the princesszin de vehurtilung, have finally found one of mine own kin!!!!!

la signora: he was actually just being an idiot sorry nerd

fischl: can’t have shit around here

la signora: we actually just went through ms. atsuko’s classroom

la signora: that woman never locks her fucking door

baizhu: do tell more trade secrets of your ancient techniques of breaking and entering dainsleif please 💗

jean: i should be reporting all of you to principal varka

venti: cmon my good pal jean!!! you wouldn’t snitch to your old man over a simple breaking and entering would you???

jean: ,,,,,

dainsleif: jean i’ll give you admin if you don’t tell the old man 📸😁

jean: you-

jean: fine

mona: oh thank fucking god i was not going to get bailed out of prison again i don’t have enough money to pay anyone back

sucrose: again??,??,?,?,?,?,,,,

mona: stripping did not work out

sucrose: ok,?,?,?.,,

beidou: aye ningguang bae wanna be my hot dance partner 💃 💋 😘

ningguang:

keqing: LMFAO THE WAY SHE WENT OUT ON THE DANCE FLOOR

hu tao: she’s just a tsundere leave her alone baka 😡😡😡😡

kaeya: miss ma’am lady la signora my queen might i add you are looking especially sexy and beautiful in that dress tonight 😍😍😍

diluc: don’t you literally have a fucking date bitch

xingqiu: @albedo how does this make you feel

albedo: i have accepted it

kaeya: he knows i love him way more 💕💞

rosaria: ew go dance the romance away from me on the fucking dance floor

kaeya: you heard the woman my prince let us dance~

albedo: get off your phone then

————————

yanfei: bye why is albedo so good at that

xinyan: not the perfectly refined waltz

diluc: my brother looks like an idiot this is so fun

venti: just so y’all know the next song boutta be LIT AF🔥🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵💯🥶😈👆

eula: are you ever not annoying

venti: ehe~☆

diluc: ok well

diluc: literally everyone is on the dance floor besides me

diluc: this dance keeps getting better and better good job jean and student council

jean: .... thank you?

hu tao: aren’t you here with keqing though

diluc: she went to go make tiktoks with ganyu and yanfei

hu tao: WHAT BRUH IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YANFEI EVERYWHERE

barbara: diluc if you don’t have a dance i would be honored to be your partner!!! :)

diluc: oh

diluc: um

lisa: just try and say no see what will happen bitch boy 🔪

diluc: yikes

diluc: sure barbara thank you, idk how to dance tho

barbara: it’s okay!!! i’ll teach you :) i’m pretty good myself actually!

scaramouche: dear god that looks like a ballerina got stuck with a fucking tree as a dance partner

kaeya: who’s the idiot now bitch

kaeya: anyways venti my main man u taking requests

venti: ofc bro

kaeya: sweet

kaeya: play gangnam style

eula: dear god no

xiangling: PLEASE NO

venti: oopsie

rosaria: kaeya get your ass over here so i can kick it

kaeya: lol

eula: you should probably run

kaeya: and you’re not gonna help me

eula: you’ve stolen my homework

eula: cheated off me

eula: shook our lunch table

eula: cut in front of me in the lunch line

eula: and played that god awful performance during class

eula: if anything i should be joining rosaria

eula: and you know what that sounds like a mighty fine idea

kaeya: fuck

jean: guys….

sucrose: why does he run like that

xiangling: help

xiangling: venti keeps jumpscaring ppl

jean: isn’t he the dj???

xinyan: he’s taking a break now xiao’s doing it

venti: hey guys where’s zhongli i wanna make him shit his panties

xiao: venti why did you have to put a ten hour loop of gangnam style on

jean: did you say ten hour loop?

xinyan: PLS JUST SKIP THE SONG BENNETT KEEPS DOING THAT FUCKING DANCE I CANT DO THIS ANYMORE

bennett: /e dance

xinyan: PLEASE

venti: lmao you can’t skip it

xinyan: why not

venti: you just cannot

jean: @zhongli pls help

jean: @zhongli

jean: @zhongli

albedo: that’s weird

jean: right, he’s usually quicker to respond..

xiangling: did he go make out with childe or smth

zhongli:
everyone please listen up. i have an important announcement i need to make.

jean: ok….

mona: huh

albedo: what is it

zhongli:
group cock and ball torture starts in ten minutes. participation is mandatory. please make sure to keep footwear on during this session.

jean: WHAT THE FUCK

ningguang: OSKSKKDJFF

albedo: UM

albedo: IS THIS ALLOWED

venti: please give me my phone back venti

zhongli: what do you mean? i am zhongli. i type with proper grammar and use punctuation because i am a boomer that was born in 1 B.C.

zhongli: OH FUCK SINCE WHEN DO YOU RUN THAT FAST

zhongli: PWGGOESLBKnhho9gigifudy(8(87;:5:5IKHWWOHEEOWODIDDJ

amber: lmao rip

zhongli:
i apologize for the inappropriate message sent in my name. please ignore it.

zhongli: as for the song, xiao is currently working on it.

zhongli: is anyone against cupid shuffle?

jean: oh i haven’t done that in a while

amber: omg cupid shuffle

eula: ugh

rosaria: as long as i’m not doing it

amber: lmao what happened to kaeya

rosaria: can’t find him

jean: what.

amber: is he missing🧍

zhongli: could someone go look for him? nobody should be in the other parts of the school right now, and i currently need to supervise the dance.

amber: i will ig

baizhu: yeah same i forgot smth in my locker

zhongli: thank you, please bring him back when you find him

jean: so what happened to venti

zhongli: he is backstage

jean: doing what

zhongli: facing the corner and counting down from one hundred

jean: ,,,..,,…,..

keqing: omg

diluc: are you finally back

keqing: yeah lmao

diluc: you fuckin abandoned me

diluc: bitch

keqing: sorry LMFAO

keqing: ok let’s go dance

diluc: fuck you

scaramouche: the lack of dancing ability i am witnessing right now is appalling

mona: you’re talking big but i bet you would be just like them

scaramouche: shut up

———————

baizhu: naw bc i just saw smth small and white crawl past me in the dendro wing

zhongli: why is venti over there?

xiangling: LMAOOOO

hu tao: JAJSKDKDKLDLDKDMFD

childe: ZHONGLISKSKKSJXD

baizhu: THIS ISNT FUNNY

baizhu: IT WAS LIKE A RAT OR SMTH

baizhu: i’m not getting rabies today nope nope

zhongli: did you see kaeya at all?

baizhu: i thought i saw a shade of blue somewhere but i couldn’t tell

zhongli: really? the lights are on in the other parts of the school though

baizhu: idk

zhongli: ok

amber: i found him

amber: he was at pyro wing

zhongli: thank you amber, please bring him back

zhongli: kaeya, you shouldn’t be leaving the auditorium

amber: um

zhongli: ?

amber: kaeya you tell them

kaeya: ahahahah

jean: kaeya what did you do this time

kaeya: so i was opening the door to run out in order to escape eula and rosaria’s wrath

kaeya: but then i accidentally let in a pregnant opossum into the school

hu tao: what the fuck

jean: WHAT

baizhu: SO YOURE TELLING ME I WAS THREE FEET AWAY FROM A FUCKING OPOSSUM

baizhu: brb gonna go jump off the third floor💗

il dottore: how did you know it was pregnant

kaeya: well it was rlly fat in the stomach

kaeya: and i could see smth sticking out so there’s that

jean: i’m getting a headache

lisa: amber did you truly think this dance would be normal

amber:

kaeya: so what are we gonna do

albedo: i can go to walmart and go buy an animal trap

zhongli: as optimal as that sounds, we don’t want anyone leaving the school as of now

amber: you and your nerd friends should just make one

albedo: ok

albedo: @ildottore @sucrose @baizhu we’re gonna make an animal trap

il dottore: ok

sucrose: out of what

albedo: um

amber: the way they aren’t even questioning it

albedo: let’s use the molding hamburger meat in the cafeteria

sucrose: ok

il dottore: ok

albedo: why isn’t baizhu responding

baizhu: i jumped🖤🥀

albedo: ok cool

albedo: anyways help us catch the pregnant rabid animal before it gives birth

baizhu: y’all fuckin suck😭😭😭💔💔💔

il dottore: do you think venti’s silicone michael myers mask would work too

albedo: oh yeah it would

zhongli: i can retrieve it for you.

albedo: thank you zhongli

venti: WHAT NO

venti: NO DONT TAKE MY BABY

childe: that’s one ugly ass baby

keqing: ur mom probably said that exact same thing to you

childe: STOPPPP

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

amber: are u guys done with that trap or what

albedo: we’re done

albedo: where do we put it

ganyu: where was it last seen

il dottore: baizhu said dendro wing so i would assume there

albedo: ok let’s go

il dottore: i barely know my way around there

albedo: baizhu come with me you have dendro homeroom

baizhu: hell no

baizhu: do u rlly hate me that much albedo i might get rabies🥺🥺🥺

albedo: 😐

amber: bruh

baizhu: you guys want me dead that badly

ganyu: just go baizhu

dainsleif: what happened with ventis mask

albedo: it was covered in sweat so we ended up not using it

venti: what are you implying

venti: anyways CAN I HAVE MY BABY BACK

albedo: yeah sure no one wants ur skid mark infused mask anyway

dainsleif: hey kaeya you said you saw smth sticking out right

kaeya: yeah

dainsleif: what even was it

kaeya: looked like a baby idk

albedo: W H A T

il dottore: LMAO SO IT WAS ALREADY IN LABOR

sucrose: YOU SHOULDVE SAID THIS EARLIER ITAPPEJDJNDBFBDNSKKS

albedo: WE NEED TO CAT CH ITSESCMF

albedo: FUCK IT IM GOING ALONE YOU BITCHES WONT HELP ME SO ILL DO IT MYSELF

sucrose: WAIT ILL GO

albedo: an angel

albedo: ok bye guys

kaeya: gl babe💗💗 save us

albedo: YOU STARTED THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE

albedo: ok i’m actually getting off bye

amber: gl

ningguang: so like

ningguang: what are we supposed to do with the babies

ganyu: and the mother

jean: calling an animal control place would most likely be the best option

bennett: can i adopt them!!

rosaria: knowing your luck they would blow up

jean: i wonder how they’re doing…

——————————

albedo: um

rosaria: what

albedo: i’m holding it

jean: what is “it?”

albedo: the possum

ganyu: HUH

rosaria: why tf

jean: i’m gonna go lay down

ningguang: do you at least have gloves on

albedo: yes i’m using the lunch lady gloves

albedo: um it’s like struggling to give birth

barbara: oh i can help!!!!

albedo: oh rlly

albedo: we brought extra gloves so you can wear those

albedo: we’re in front of ms. soraya’s classroom

barbara: ok!!!😊

amber: again why is nobody questioning this

kaeya: barbara being a midwife for a wild animal

venti: we love to see it

albedo: shut up

jean: wait but hold on why are you holding it

albedo: it like jumped into my arms

rosaria: and how are you texting

albedo: sucrose is typing for me

albedo: hi

hu tao: can we name them

jean: but they’ll be going back to the wild eventually,,,

hu tao: no that’s not true

hu tao: jean we are adopting these possums

zhongli: wouldn’t they need to get checked for rabies?

hu tao: wouldn’t you like to know weather boy

zhongli: you are so goddamn annoying

aether: hey guys i heard we have a new mother in town

lisa: congrats to the possum!!~~

lumine: sucrose tell the possum i said congrats

albedo: ok

albedo: it hissed at me

lumine: 🧍

aether: see even the animals hate you

lumine: didn’t the bird we might possibly get try to bite your finger off

lumine: she clearly loves me more the bird should go to me only😂😂

aether: at least it didn’t shit on me bitch

lumine: IT DID NOT SHIT ON ME

aether: YES IT DID

lumine: DID NOT

aether: DID TOO

lumine: DID NOT

aether: DID TOO

lumine: DID NOT

aether: DID TOO

lumine: its on sight

aether: where are you bitch bring it

jean: guys please

ningguang: @albedo give us an update on the possum

albedo: um ok so

albedo: all the babies are out barbara did a pretty good job

zhongli: that’s good.

zhongli: make sure the mother doesn’t go anywhere

albedo: mhm

albedo: ok this is albedo now

albedo: do you guys wanna see the babies

yanfei: yes

hu tao: show us

beidou: yes

albedo: [image.png]

childe: aww

yanfei: SO CUTE

hu tao: omg they look like puppies

beidou: these could be our children ningguang😍😍😍

ningguang: no.

zhongli: when the possum was giving birth, did you guys by any chance put them in some sort of container?

albedo: oh.

sucrose: um

barbara: we were so focused on the mother we didn’t think about that,, sorry :((

ganyu: so this was all just done…. on the floor?????

albedo: yeah

hu tao: bye half of my classes are over there it’s gonna smell like shit

barbara: we’re cleaning stuff up rn!!

barbara: we left them in a box and put them outside the school ^^

albedo: um can we take a shower though i don’t wanna go back to the dance smelling like this

lisa: jean said go ahead

albedo: ok

lisa: but won’t your hair get all wet?? and it will probably dry after the dance ends

albedo: our hair is short so it dries pretty quickly

albedo: idk ab barbara though

barbara: the girls locker room has a hair dryer ^^

albedo: oh cool

albedo: ok we won’t be gone too long probably like ten minutes

sucrose: cya guys

barbara: 😋

venti: all this talk about showering at school is reminding me of a certain time of the year😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

amber: OMG

childe: well now you got me excited for that

diluc: wait when even is it

ganyu: if i’m not mistaken, this year it’s the weekend after the musical

ganyu: but that is subject to change!!

chongyun: um hi what are you guys talking ab

diluc: hmmmm

diluc: should we tell the freshmen

bennett: yes tell us!!!!

xingqiu: we are curious

razor: yes

fischl: my intrigue has peaked.

lisa: maybe we will after the dance~~

keqing: yeah

xiangling: is it like smth scary

xinyan: or boring

ganyu: no not at all! it’s rlly fun actually i think you guys will enjoy it :))

xiangling: how fun is it exactly

ganyu: all of your upperclassmen in this group chat usually look forward to it ^^

ganyu: well, you guys will find out in due time so let’s dance for now :))

noelle: i’m so curious!! cant wait to find out

kaeya: venti can you play the creeper rap song

xiao: we banned you from requests

kaeya: WHAT

xiao: you influence him too much

kaeya: that is not true

xiao: who else could get venti to play a ten hour loop of a song nobody asked for

xiao: which by the way i JUST FUCKING FIXED

xinyan: thank god

albedo: hey guys i’m out

albedo: sucrose and barbara are almost done i think

hu tao: CAN I GO SEE THE BABIES

yanfei: ME TOO

bennett: me three!!!!!!

beidou: take me with you🙏🙏🙏

albedo: yeah sure follow me

jean: have fun

yanfei: THEYRE SO CUTE

hu tao: KAHSNDKDKDMCNDND

hu tao: CAN WE NAME THEM PLEASE

hu tao: I ALREADY HAVE NAMES FOR THEM

kaeya: what names

hu tao: aleph gimel daleth and beth

kaeya: wow

ganyu: simple yet unique

ganyu: good names :)

ganyu: what about the mother?

hu tao: hmmmm

hu tao: rhodeia

xingqiu: wow ur good at that

hu tao: ofc i am i’m the poetry club president😩🙏

beidou: [image.png]

beidou: look at our children ningguang😭😭😭😭😭😭😍😍😍😍😭😭💗💗💗😭😭😍😍💗💗💗💗💗

beidou: do you think kazuha will like his new siblings🥺💕💕

ningguang: what.

lumine: who tf is kazuha

beidou: he’s my amazing gorgeous talented strong beautiful lovely sweet adorable son😭😭💞💞

lumine: aren’t you lesbian

zhongli: it seems i forgot to tell you all about the new exchange student.

zhongli: his name is kazuha. he is from inazuma and will be staying with beidou

barbara: oooh i can’t wait to meet him!! 😊😊

noelle: same here!! :))

zhongli: speaking of, why didn’t he come to the dance?

beidou: he wanted to stay home and play minecraft

zhongli: i see.

ganyu: will he be coming to the..??

beidou: oh yeah def

dainsleif: should i add him

beidou: mmm not yet

beidou: wait a bit

fischl: greetings dear mortals, i wish not to intrude on these heartwarming moments but my dear friend chongyun seems to be having a crisis

xiangling: oh no

jean: sigh

jean: what now

bennett: a mysterious unknown spirit force fed him hot cheeto puffs and now he is going crazy!!!😱😱

jean: huh

bennett: idk

bennett: that’s what hu tao and xingqiu told me

xingqiu: it’s true

hu tao: we witnessed it with our own eyes😭😭😭

xingqiu: so tragic🥀

xiangling: you guys gave him spicy food didnt you

hu tao: NUH UH

xiangling: yuh huh

zhongli: can he not have spicy food?

xiangling: um he just can’t get too hot at all

xiangling: that’s why he asked for a fan earlier

zhongli: where is he right now?

razor: on table

zhongli: what

xinyan: damn he kinda got moves though

venti: OK CHONGYUN GET IT

childe: kinda wanna join him ngl

xiao: um is chongyun ok

xiao: i can see him from here he’s like dancing on the table

jean: this damn headache

zhongli: would you like some tylenol?

jean: yes please

zhongli: xingqiu please tell him to get down

xingqiu: aw alright

hu tao: BYE WTKFKSSKSN

xinyan: KNSNDDNNDMDKEK

zhongli: what? is everything alright?

zhongli: wait there, i’m heading over

hu tao: NO ITS NOT THAT

xinyan: XINGQIU WAS TRYING TO GRAB HIS ARM TO PULL HIM DOWN FROM THE TABLE

xinyan: BUT THEN CHONGYUN PULLED HIM INTO A HUG??????

venti: non hetero moment

childe: this is so cute

venti: you want that to be you and zhongli huh

childe: CAN I GO ONE DAY

childe: JUST ONE

zhongli: ??

zhongli: you want to hug me childe?

childe:

venti: wait i didn’t expect you to see that

childe: um

childe: anyways anyways

childe: ahahhaahhahhshabs moving on

zhongli: alright..

xinyan: chongyun is whispering smth into xingqiu’s ear

xiangling: WHY IS HE BLUSHING

hu tao: holy shit i’ve never seen his face turn that red

xiangling: WHAT IS CHONGYUN SAYING CAN ANYONE HEAR

hu tao: i’m sitting with his back faced to me so no

childe: wait i can kinda hear it

hu tao: what’s he saying

childe: omg..

childe: he’s

childe: he’s saying….

childe: hey lil mama lemme whisper in your ear

venti: LMAO

hu tao: NO DEADASS WHATS HE SAYING

childe: um ok so

childe: i heard “you’re” and “pretty”

zhongli: oh.

hu tao: WAIT.

noelle: :O

venti: HUH

childe: yeah

bennett: now xingqiu is saying something to chongyun!!

hu tao: PLS THEY BOTH LOOK LIKE TOMATOES

venti: fellas is it gay to whisper confessions in ur buddy’s ear and blush🧐

kaeya: absolutely not good sir

childe: that is very hetero good sir

venti: thank you gentlemen

diluc: pls just shut up

keqing: what’s happening now

xiangling: he just jumped off the table and ran somewhere

venti: AYO XINGQIU WHAT DID HE SAY TO YOU

xingqiu: he just complimented my outfit

yanfei: LMAO THATS BULLSHIT

venti: STOP LYING LITERALLY EVERYONE WITNESSED THIS

hu tao: xingqiu😁😁😁😁😁

hu tao: it was ur idea to feed him those flaming hot cheeto puffs😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

hu tao: face the consequences😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

hu tao: tell us what he said😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁

xiangling: so you guys did feed him

hu tao: what no we didn’t idk what ur talking ab

zhongli: where did he go?

xinyan: i think he went backstage

xingqiu: what

xiao: why is chongyun up here

venti: LMAOOOO CHONGYUN MY MAN

jean: what is he gonna do….

chongyun: THIS ONES FOR YOU XINGQIU

xingqiu: WHAT

xinyan: LSMMDKDODKDKDD

xiao: am i fired

chongyun: yes get off

xiao: k

hu tao: 💀

keqing: ur not gonna fight for your job

xiao: why should i fight for a job i never signed up for

keqing: hm

venti: ok but does he even know how the dj station works

razor: yes he playing song now

noelle: wow

barbara: oh i haven’t heard this song in so long!!!!

eula: who tf is playing baby by justin bieber

kaeya: LMAOOOOO

venti: xingqiu are you sure he only complimented ur outfit🤓

xingqiu: stop

xingqiu: guys it’s not romantic i swear

venti: 🧢🧢🧢🧢🧢

lisa: sweetie this boy is playing a whole ass romance song for you

xingqiu: yeah but that’s probably only bc of his condition

zhongli: what exactly is his condition?

xingqiu: if he gets too hot he starts going crazy and super wild

hu tao: idk man

hu tao: he acts kinda sus around you when he’s normal too

xingqiu: like how

hu tao: why do you wanna know👀👀

xingqiu: IM JUST CURIOUS

hu tao: ok well i can’t rlly explain it but i think fischl can back me up on it

fischl: indeed

hu tao: and you know fischl’s hunches have almost like never been wrong bruh

lisa: xingqiu i think you should pay more attention to the lovely dj skills that chongyun is displaying for you~

xingqiu: GUYS IM NOT GAY I SWEAR

childe: right

childe: they don’t understand us

venti: hey can someone help i’m looking for someone

jean: did kaeya go missing again

zhongli: strange, everyone should be in the auditorium

zhongli: venti who are you looking for?

venti: i’m like panicking she’s super important to me

venti: her name is candice

zhongli: candice?

zhongli: hm..

zhongli: do we have anyone named candice at our school??

zhongli: who is candice?

kaeya: 😁

venti: 😏😏😏

Chapter Text

chapter fiveteen

la signora’s basement

ganyu: rip zhongli lol

keqing: no rip venti💀

keqing: he has a bounty on his head now

kaeya: your sacrifice was not in vain brother🦶

kaeya: *✊

childe: LMAO DO YOU HAVE A FOOT FETISH

kaeya: WHAT NO

kaeya: HOW DID YOU EVEN GET THAT

childe: WHY ELSE WOULD YOU SEND A FOOT🤣

diluc: guys he does

diluc: he told me

kaeya: I DIDNT TELL YOU SHIT

childe: it’s ok kaeya we accept you for who you are

kaeya: STOPSJDKSCHNDXKKS

kaeya: I DONT

keqing: how do you mistake a foot for a fist

eula: screenshotted

kaeya: STOPPPPPPPPP

eula: wait but is chongyun gonna keep playing this goddamn song

chongyun: careless whisper is next

chongyun: @xingqiu 😘

xingqiu: .

lisa: are you two dating yet??

xingqiu: IM STRAIGHT

keqing: bro i’m sorry but at this point it’s so obvious

keqing: do u think we are homophobic or smth

keqing: i cant think of a single cishet person in this gc

childe: me

keqing: 💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀

ganyu: yeah sure

childe: I AM

xingqiu: what about baizhu??

baizhu: enby luv

baizhu: wait pause

baizhu: did you really think i’m a cishet🧍

keqing: LMAOOAOSJDJDJDJDJD

baizhu: dhmu i hate it here😹

jean: why did baizhu just drop his drink

jean: nvm don’t tell me

xingqiu: can we go back to bullying kaeya

keqing: we can multitask

kaeya: no we can’t

kaeya: i don’t like feet

eula: but you like albedo and la signora’s right

kaeya: no

kaeya: 🙂🙂

keqing: that seems awfully sus

dainsleif changed kaeya’s name to “foot lover”

foot lover: NO

foot lover: CHANGE JT BAKCKS

jean changed foot lover’s name to “kaeya”

dainsleif: aw man

kaeya: thank you jean

jean: mhm

dainsleif: wait i don’t remember giving you admin yet

jean: have a taste of your own medicine, dainsleif

dainsleif: 😨

diluc: LMAO

keqing: PLS

lisa: that’s so hot jean

lisa: let’s make out

jean: what

lisa: what

xingqiu: what ab zhongli isn’t he cishet

zhongli: ☺️

xingqiu: what does that mean

ganyu: xingqiu it’s ok to be not straight‼️

xingqiu: i know but i’m not not straight

hu tao: that applies to you too childe

childe: what

childe: no guys lol im straight

childe: women🤤

keqing: LMAO

diluc: we know damn well you meant to say men

childe: i’m running away

zhongli: where are you going?

childe: nowhere lol

childe: hi

zhongli: hello :)

childe and ganyu

ganyu: gay pride🏳️🌈❤️

childe: straight ally✊

la signora’s basement

zhongli: where are you?

childe: i’m in the back with hu tao

childe: by the corner

zhongli: can i sit with you guys?

hu tao: no

childe: yeah sure i can pull up a chair

hu tao: 😾😾

zhongli: who else is sitting there?

childe: xiao hu tao ganyu venti and yanfei

zhongli: so the old group :)

zhongli: truly brings back memories.

jean: have you guys known each other for a while?

zhongli: xiao, ganyu and yanfei were family friends, so venti and i would see them often since we were little

zhongli: hu tao was the daughter of a business madame ping worked at, and eventually madame ping took her in and she came to live with us when we were all around four years old

zhongli: as for childe, we met him in preschool

ganyu: childe and venti

ganyu: our token whites❤️

childe: 😄

jean: aw how sweet

xingqiu: what was childe like when he was younger

hu tao: LMAO STILL GAY

childe: NO

hu tao: YES

childe: 🧍

bennett: can someone please help me

bennett: i am stuck in the bathroom stall

ningguang: what.

bennett: the lock is broken

bennett: can you help me?

razor: bruh

bennett: @fischl @razor pls help

razor: fischl phone dead

razor: you use phone to play game

xiao: why do you only use fischl’s phone to play games

bennett: mine always lags and crashes

xiao: hm

bennett: please help

bennett: i wanted to watch chongyun’s dj skills :(

xiao: you won’t need to worry about that

venti: yeah i think he’s taking over for the rest of the night he won’t let either of us use the dj station

venti: he’s playing elevator music rn which is kind of weird but it’s a vibe so wtv

bennett: what happened to careless whisper

chongyun: omg i forgot

chongyun: @xingqiu playing it rn😘😘😘😘😘😘 xoxo

xingqiu: h

ningguang: 😂

ningguang: lgbt is a sin

keqing: i literally just watched you grab beidou’s ass

ningguang: no you didn’t

ganyu: homophobic lesbian🤨

beidou: babe should i tell them😘😘💗

ningguang: wdym

ningguang: we don’t have anything to tell

beidou: guys we are dating😍😍😍😍😍❤️😍😍❤️❤️😍❤️😍😍❤️❤️❤️

xiao: finally

ningguang: SHUT UP

keqing: LMAOSODJDFNDOODKFJD

zhongli: congrats you two, good wishes to the happy couple :)

ganyu: ^ 💗

childe: why are you so nice to everyone else but not me

ganyu: bc

bennett: congratulations!!🎉🎊

ganyu: WAIT I FORGOT AB BENNETT😭😭

keqing: PLS

diluc: are you still stuck

bennett: yeah

zhongli: i’ll come help you bennett

zhongli: are you ok?

bennett: yeah just a little thirsty

kaeya: just drink the toilet water🙄

childe: fetish #2⁉️

kaeya: NO

zhongli: i will bring bottled water

bennett: ok!!

bennett: i’m a little scared

xiao: why

bennett: i think someone is kissing in here

venti: omg who

bennett: i cant tell but one of them is wearing a dress with stars on it

diluc: oh my god

keqing: BYEEEEE

venti: LMFAO ARE SCARAMOUCHE AND MONA MAKING OUT

rosaria: i’m not letting them live this down

bennett: i don’t think they know i’m in here

bennett: help😨

bennett: ok they stopped

bennett: probably because zhongli got here

bennett: yeah they are walking out now

venti: zhongli who was it

zhongli: …i’ll keep that confidential

xiao: @scaramouche @mona were you guys making out in the boys bathroom

scaramouche: and what if we were hoe

diluc: wait are you guys dating now

mona: yeah

keqing: this isn’t even a dance anymore it’s just irl tinder

xiao: answer my question

mona: yes we were

diluc: dude bennett was stuck in the bathroom stall

diluc: he fucking heard you guys

scaramouche: what the fuck

mona: BENNETT WHY DIDNT YOU SAY ANYTHING

bennett: IDK

bennett: I DIDNT WANNA BOTHER YOU GUYS

razor: oh my dear bennett, your kindness is far greater than it ought to be

keqing: huh😭

oz: she means, “you’re too nice bennett”

diluc: oh is that fischl

razor: indeed

razor: doth any one person have a cord woven to give power to devices in their possession?

oz: she means, “does anyone have a charger?”

ganyu: oh i do!! keqing isn’t using it anymore

razor: my sincerest thanks

ganyu: 😊😊

razor: this razor now

razor: what is time

eula: dude just look at the top corner

zhongli: it’s currently 9:45

razor: when dance end

zhongli: the music will stop and lights will be turned back on at 10:30, along with the food being put away, but everyone can stay around until 11:00 if you want

ganyu: that’s so late omg💀

razor: thank zhongli

zhongli: you’re welcome :)

zhongli: i’m sorry for bothering anyone, but could someone please help? i am trying to pry the stall door open but it won’t budge

ningguang: bye is he still stuck

ganyu: WHAT I THOUGHT HE GOT OUT BY NOW😭😭😭

bennett: haha pls help

childe: ok i’ll be there

xiao: same im bored

kaeya: i’ll come too

bennett: wow thanks you guys!!

———————

lisa: it’s been some time now are you guys okay??

lisa: all of the boys at the dance are in the bathroom now,,

kaeya: THE DOOR LITERALLY WONT MOVE

kaeya: WE HAVE BEEN PULLING AT THE DOOR FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES

kaeya: WE ACTUALLY DONT CARE ANYMORE CAN SOME OF THE GIRLS AND ENBIES HELP TOO

beidou: coming

childe: bye is beidou coming

childe: the door is gonna fucking fly open

kaeya: beidou our savior🙏

beidou: hell yeah😈‼️

lisa: wait i’m coming too i wanna record this

yanfei: same

xinyan: PLEASE THIS LOOKS SO FUNNY

xinyan: THEYRE ALL JUST PULLING AT THE DOORKDJFWJNDKKD

barbara: 😂😂

chongyun: who tf built these fucking doors

venti: wait chongyun are you in the bathroom

venti: there are so many people in here i can barely see anyone

childe: lmao shorty

venti: shut

chongyun: yes i left the dj station to barbara

barbara: 😋

baizhu: i probably wouldn’t do shit to help but i’ll watch over the dance for now~

zhongli: thank you, baizhu

baizhu: np

baizhu: btw beidou should be there by now

beidou: wtf why is the bathroom so crowded

beidou: everyone move lemme get there

beidou: which stall is it

diluc: the big one closest to the wall

beidou: k

beidou: wait isn’t that the one venti broke a while ago

venti: WE DONT TALK AB IT

beidou: LMFAO🤣‼️

beidou: anyways

beidou: zhongli can you tell everyone to get back

zhongli: of course

zhongli: please be careful beidou

beidou: mhm

hu tao: holy shit zhongli you’re so loud

xingqiu: wow he’s good at getting everyone to shut up

jean: that’s why he’s our student council president ^_^

baizhu: someone send the video to me

barbara: me too!!

yanfei: 👍

lisa: we’re recording from the entrance so idk if you’ll be able to see it good

baizhu: idc just get beidou busting the door open

lisa: k

hu tao: ok ig i’ll commentate from here

hu tao: everyone is crowded at the entrance so nobody is near the stalls except zhongli and beidou

hu tao: beidou is telling zhongli smth

hu tao: he’s coming over to us

hu tao: ok so now he’s like guarding the people at the entrance with his arm

hu tao: beidou is rolling up her sleeves

hu tao: she’s counting down from 10

il dottore: holy shit she’s buff

childe: she’s literally the strongest in the entire school of course she is

hu tao: 3

hu tao: 2

hu tao: 1

xinyan: KRNDOSONDJOKDMDMDD

yanfei: oh my god

baizhu: what happened

hu tao: LMAO THE DOOR FUCKING FLEW OUT AND HIT THE WALL

hu tao: AND THEN IT SNAPPED IN HALF

barbara: bennett are you okay?!

bennett: yeah i’m ok!!!!

bennett: drinking water rn thanks zhongli!!

zhongli: 😊

lisa: [video]

yanfei: [video]

baizhu: k lemme watch it

chongyun: barbara give me my dj station back

barbara: ok!!

baizhu: bye wtf she made the door look like cardboard

beidou: beast mode😈👹‼️

ganyu: at least that’s all over now

diluc: wait a damn minute

zhongli: ??

ningguang: what now

diluc: couldnt he have just crawled out from under the door

zhongli:

ningguang:

jean:

ganyu:

kaeya:

beidou:

bennett: oops

childe: bruh

albedo: are you serious

venti: LMAOSJDJJDJDJXKKDKDD

xiao: i hate it here

Chapter Text

student council

zhongli: what a wonderful dance, even though it was a bit hectic

jean: yup we did it!

ganyu: thanks to everyone’s help :)

keqing: how long do you think we will have to stay after?

jean: it will probably end up being about 11:00 or so

keqing: jeez that’s late

zhongli: yes, i apologize

jean: i will have to have lisa and barbara stay because i’m driving them home if that’s ok !

zhongli: of course 😊 childe is also staying with me as he is chauffeuring me, ganyu and yanfei back to our homes

ningguang: yeah i drove beidou here so she has to stay as well

jean: ok great!

la signora’s basement

razor: razor has question

fischl: what for is thy question thou wishes to speak?

oz: what mein fraulein means to say is: “what is your question razor?”

razor: razor need ride home

fischl: ah i the princesszin is able to second thy statement thou has just spoketh

oz: she means: “me too”

bennett: me 3!!

hu tao: me four, im pooped fr

kaeya: damn anyone else?

sucrose: m- me five

rosaria: how in the hell

eula: just don’t even question it

mona: well who can drive them

scaramouche: yeah we sure as hell can’t we failed the test

kaeya: omg same

venti: me too 😏🙏

ganyu: i would love to help but i have to stay very late for student council :(

kaeya: so that means…

diluc: …

diluc: fine

kaeya: ok ladies and gentlemen who need a ride, diluc will be your personal chauffeur for the evening! riding in his 2006 keep liberty, which definitely doesn’t have enough room for all of you, sit back, relax, and enjoy the comfort of his favorite tunes like: my chemical romance, pierce the veil, and adele😘🥰💞

diluc: i hate you

diluc: but yeah i’ll take you guys

bennett: YAY THANK YOU DILUC 😁😁😁

fischl: your chauffeurtitude is much obliged

venti: chauffeurtitude 💀

kaeya: bless you

rosaria: wtf is a chauffeurtitude

oz: while mein fraulein has a most expansive of vocabularies, sometimes the english language is not quite enough for what she has to say

kaeya: translation: she spittin straight bs

mona: STOPPPSJSKSJSKSNSJWN

fischl: oh shut your trap i speak however the fuck i want

fischl: ahem

fischl: pardon the princesszin’s momentary outburst

diluc: 💀

xinyan: anyways who all wants to have a makeup removal party at my house ( possible sleepover ⁉️)

xiangling: ofc babe!!

fischl: i would love to be present, however my stamina has been excruciatingly depleted

xinyan: that’s ok🙏

scaramouche: me and mona will go

mona: what he said

sucrose: ii will go

xiangling: @diluc can u drop me and sucrose off at xinyan’s

diluc: sure

xinyan: ok sweet!!! i’ll tell my momma to make some rice krispies ☝️😈

xiangling: YUM

xiao: guys.

eula: what is it emo

xiao: gonna ignore that

xiao: i think venti is drunk off his mind

kaeya: my brother’s done it again‼️‼️😩

mona: oh lordy

diluc: just take him to your house

rosaria: yeah aren’t you guys like dating

xiao: i would but madame ping wouldn’t let me live it down

bennett: just stay with him at his house then!!😁

xiao: you know what-

xiao: fine i’ll do that

chongyun: oh no

chongyun: please do not kill me if i happen to see you walk him in

xiao: why would i kill you-

chongyun: you gave me a death stare earlier when you picked him up 😢

xiao: what

xiao: i was smiling at you

chongyun: oh. 🧍

kaeya: LMFAOOOO

hu tao: bruh seriously

hu tao: is he gonna be screaming i wanna sleep😐😐😐

xiao: um

xiao: lmao

zhongli: hu tao you aren’t going to ride with me or xiao?

hu tao: no bc 1. i wanna sleep i’m tired and you’re gonna be awake until like 2

hu tao: 2. xiao’s car smells like axe i’m not doing this today

xiao: I JUST CLEANED IT

hu tao: what did madame ping say ab lying😡😡

xiao: die

jean: hello everyone! sorry for interrupting any convos, but we just wanted to thank you all for coming to this dance :))

jean: it was very… lively and i enjoyed being with all of you!

venti: wkjdjsjssissojaajjajahhahahahahahaha

jean: most of you

jean: anyways, as a thank-you-for-coming gift, we have left pop rocks and fun dip on the table by the entrance for everyone to enjoy!!

jean: again, thank you all so much for coming <3

childe: OMG POP ROCKS

childe: TY COUNCIL PPL

xinyan: WAIT LEMME GET ONE

xinyan: TY STUDENT COUNCIL

fischl: my sincerest of gratitudes goes to you, council of students

razor: thank

aether: oh shit awesome ty

lumine: ^

kaeya: wait diluc lemme get a candy don’t drive off without me

razor: lmao he started engine

kaeya: WHAT

fischl: alas, the ragnivindr family has lost a brother

hu tao: WAIT HOLD ON WE ARE SPRINTING

hu tao: ok bye everyone!!!

xinyan: hu tao r u coming to my sleepover party thing

hu tao: i would love to but i think i am going to pass out any minute i am sorry

xinyan: it’s ok!!

kaeya: xinyan i’ll be going diluc’s gonna drop me off at ur house

xinyan: ok sounds good!!

xiao: i’m off

xiao: bye

venti: I DIDNT IT AND WAS THINKING IT WAS A GOOD IDEA THING FOR YOU TO DO THAT TOO LOL I LOVE YOU MAMA MAMA

hu tao: c u guys at home

xiao: yeah

venti: gahyuck

zhongli: see you later, hu tao :)

ganyu: xiao do you want me to tell CR and MS that ur gonna sleepover at their house

xiao: yes pls i’m driving

ganyu: ok

family gc

ganyu: @cloud retainer @mountain shaper

ganyu: xiao is gonna sleepover at venti and hu tao and zhongli’s house

cloud retainer: can you please change my name

ganyu: no

yanfei: lmao

mountain shaper: is he gonna drive back himself?

ganyu: idk he didn’t tell me

cloud retainer: why is he sleeping over there

cloud retainer: is he going to have sex?

yanfei: 😭

ganyu: no venti is drunk and someone needs to watch him so he doesn’t end up on the national news

cloud retainer: why can’t madame ping and zhongli watch him?

ganyu: last time we left them with drunk venti he escaped their grasp and he climbed onto their roof and screamed bloody murder

cloud retainer: ok and?

ganyu: mom they got the cops called on them😭

cloud retainer: ok

moon carver: 🤣

la signora’s basement

ganyu: xiao she said ok

la signora: what is happening

venti: LA SIGXSNOFA

venti: i bruh i love you too sexy mama mama mommy mommy kiss mommy mama mommy hug hug kiss 😘 mommy mommy hug 🫂 mommy hug 🫂 mama mommy mama mama kiss kiss hug kiss kiss mommy hug kiss kiss 😘 mommy mommy mama kiss kiss hug hug

kaeya: same

la signora: 😐

ganyu: what the fuck

childe: down atrocious💔

keqing: how did he even get drunk there wasn’t a single article of alcohol at the dance

yanfei: anything is possible with venti

beidou: damn this kid is admirable🙏

————————————-

gerard’s sugarbabies

diluc has added hu tao, xinyan, and dainsleif to the group chat

la signora: why did you add them

diluc: did you not see their outfits

diluc: anyways

diluc: keqing if you were here we could’ve been blasting mcr💔

fischl: tis a shame💔

hu tao: yeah man😕

keqing: UGHHSBSSXXNDND IM SORRY

xiao: just leaving me out huh

hu tao: aren’t you driving

xiao: no we’re here

hu tao: bruh how did you get to my house faster than me

xiao: two cars

xiao: one is carrying two passengers

xiao: the other has like fucking eight

xiao: which do you think would be faster

hu tao: wtv diluc is on his way to the house rn

keqing: don’t text while driving hoe

diluc: i wasn’t driving when i was texting you guys

keqing: someone snatch his phone pls

rosaria: wait before we do any of that

rosaria: xiao pls explain

xiao: huh

xiao: explain what

eula: we literally caught you picking venti up

rosaria: not to mention you are literally watching after him while he is drunk

fischl: 🧐

razor: suspishus

mona: they aren’t wrong

xiao: why should i tell you

xiao: maybe we just agreed on it

xinyan: lmao i’m not even near him but i can tell he’s sweating

xiao: shut

xiao: stop ganging up on me pls

xinyan: no

hu tao: no

keqing: no

mona: no

eula: no

rosaria: no

fischl: no

razor: no

mona: diluc is driving rn but he would’ve said no too

xiao: STOP

xiao: OK FINE

xiao: i asked him to the dance

xiao: he said yes

xiao: the end

rosaria: let me guess

rosaria: you are both still single

xiao: yes

keqing: are you serious

mona: it’s always the aries bitches

hu tao: just do it bruv🙏🙏

xiao: i am going to sleep goodnight

eula: night

hu tao: H U H

hu tao: SLEEP WHERE⁉️⁉️⁉️

hu tao: ARE YOU GONNA SLEEP IN VENTIS BED WITB HIM

hu tao: ANSWER ME

rosaria: he probably muted the chat

eula: diluc can you chat rn

diluc: yes i just dropped hu tao off

hu tao: i would bully xiao but i’m too tired

hu tao: gn guys🖤💦

diluc: why the emoji

mona: night

razor: good night

eula: who else is left

diluc: mona, scaramouche, sucrose, xiangling, albedo, kaeya, fischl, razor, bennett, and chongyun

diluc: the first six are gonna be dropped off at xinyan’s house

mona: i never knew chongyun was in here???

scaramouche: he’s in the backseat dumb bitch

diluc: um well his whole crazy thing is gone so now he’s kinda drained and i don’t think he has the energy to pick up his phone to call his parents so i just decided to drop him off

keqing: tsundere🙏

diluc: no

diluc: ok next stop fischl bennett razor be ready your house is like three minutes away

fischl: ok

mona: PLS EVEN FISCHL IS POOPED

la signora’s basement

barbara: GUYS HELP

barbara: CHILDE IS DYING

zhongli: WHAT

ningguang: 💀

barbara: HES CHOKING I THINK

barbara: I WOULD HELP BUT HE WONT STAY STILL😭😭😭

jean: do you know what he is choking on

barbara: IDK BUT I HEAR A CRACKLING NOISE

ningguang: bye

yanfei: this man rlly found a way to choke on pop rocks

ganyu: i witnessed it

ganyu: he tried to down the entire pack in one go

ganyu: i’m not helping

barbara: ok guys zhongli is here

jean: he started sprinting it was scary

yanfei: gay people🗿

barbara: HELP HES LIKE HYPERVENTILATING NOW

ningguang: HUH

jean: @baizhu are you awake??

baizhu: huh yeah what’s up

baizhu: oh wow

baizhu: barbara can you tell me how he’s acting

baizhu: name some characteristics

barbara: um um

barbara: heavy breathing red face choking noises and pop rocks????

baizhu: i just don’t understand the breathing part

barbara: well zhongli is doing the heimlich on him rn

ningguang: so he is hyperventilating either bc of the pop rocks or bc one of the prettiest boys at our school is pushing on his stomach from the back

ningguang: who wants to bet it’s the second one

ganyu: me

keqing: me

yanfei: me

jean: me

baizhu: um

baizhu: what tf am i supposed to do

baizhu: i am at home in my pajamas laying in bed

yanfei: ur such a good doctor

baizhu: ikr

ganyu: nvm he is ok now

ganyu: ayaka delivered a hand chop to his stomach at the same time zhongli did the heimlich thing again and a clump of pop rocks came out

baizhu: ok

baizhu: good job ayaka and zhongli

ayaka: ty

yanfei: i just realized ayaka has never texted here once

ayaka: hey

ayaka: i am here

ganyu: so amazing😍

ayaka: 😎

baizhu: childe are you ok

childe: yes

ganyu: his face is bright red

keqing: gabe itch

student council

ayaka: zhongli when are we going to seven eleven

ganyu: huh

yanfei: wait what

zhongli: ah, i forgot to tell you guys

zhongli: once everyone has left the school i’ve decided to take everyone to seven eleven to eat for a bit then go home, if that is alright

zhongli: any other non-student council member that you came to the school with can come as well :)

ganyu: so in total, that would be: me, zhongli, ningguang, childe, ayaka, jean, barbara, keqing, yanfei, beidou, and lisa

keqing: those poor seven eleven cashiers

yanfei: wait what ab thoma

yanfei: isn’t he always with ayaka

ayaka: we drove to the dance separately this time :-)

yanfei: o

jean: hasn’t everyone left the school by now? i don’t see anyone here that isn’t on the list

zhongli: hmm, i believe so

zhongli: let me double check to make sure

jean: ok!

———————————

zhongli: everyone has left

zhongli: will you all be coming?

zhongli has created a poll: going to seven eleven: yes or no?

all chat members have voted yes

zhongli: alright then, we should start getting to our cars now

ningguang: should we follow you

zhongli: yes, but we are going to the nearest seven eleven by the school so it doesn’t necessarily matter ^_^

zhongli: is everyone ready?

jean: yes i think we are all in our cars

zhongli: alright, let’s get going 😊

la signora’s basement

diluc: xinyan’s house is the next stop be ready

kaeya: ok

albedo: hm

razor: what time

eula: DO YOU NOT HAVE CLOCKS OR SOMETHING

zhongli: @razor it is 11:15

razor: th

barbara: omg seven eleven!!

lisa: oooh i haven’t been here in a while~

yanfei: the tofu here is so good

ganyu: !!!

beidou: and the cup ramen😩💦

beidou: right babe

ningguang: yeah

childe: ooh sweet ive never had their ramen i wanna try

ganyu: you were literally just choking on pop rocks do you really think you can handle spice rn

childe: YES😡

xiangling: @xinyan WE ARE HERE WHERE ARE YOU

albedo: you have a nice house, xinyan

xinyan: ty ty!!! i’m in the basement come downstairs!!

kaeya: this basement is so nice and warm

kaeya: ours is like half finished and freezing

diluc: adelinde keeps forgetting ab it

xinyan: hey diluc after you drop chongyun off do you wanna come and hang with us⁉️

xinyan: we’re doing a spa sleepover it’ll be fun😋‼️

diluc: sure

sucrose: please don’t start fighting kaeya though,,

diluc: no guaranteeds

xinyan: fight outside though we just got new paintings

mona: omg you have those feet spa things

scaramouche: this is like a dream to you huh

mona: and what ab it

xinyan: OK EVERYONE CHOOSE A FACE MASK AND SIT IN A LINE WE’RE GONNA START A BRAID TRAIN‼️🙏

xinyan: diluc do you want one and if yes then what kind do you want

diluc: what do you have

xinyan: cor lapis, green tea, milk, glaze lily, egg yolk, qingxin and valberry

diluc: @zhongli which do you recommend

zhongli: what a coincidence, lisa and i are helping ganyu and jean find face masks

zhongli: hmmmm

zhongli: what is your skin type?

diluc: dry

kaeya: like his humor

diluc: SHUT

zhongli: then i would recommend egg yolk, as it’s known for its moisturizing qualities

diluc: @xinyan egg yolk

xinyan: kk!! i’ll save one for you

zhongli: what’s going on over there?

albedo: mona and kaeya are arguing over who has better skin

sucrose: no fists flying thankfully

xiangling: yup!! just braiding and screaming

mona: guys don’t listen to kaeya he has musty oily skin

diluc: i can back that up

diluc: btw chongyun is safe and at home i saw him walk into his house i’m omw

zhongli: 👍

xinyan: ok!!

kaeya: don’t you have wrinkles from staring at your astrology thing

kaeya: guys mona ages faster than the average human i would know

mona: shut up

xinyan: why are you guys texting youre literally right by each other

childe: ummmmm what ramen do you guys recommend

beidou: OH GET THE WANMIN ONE

beidou: ITS SO GOOD

beidou: xiangling’s family rlly makes the best food😭‼️

ayaka: i like the pork flavor🙏

childe: ok i’m gonna try it

childe: do they have boiling water here

yanfei: yeah theres a little station over by the chips aisle

childe: ok and can i try some of your tofu

yanfei: only a BITE

childe: OK

ganyu: do they still sell the vegetarian ramen??

yanfei: yes

ganyu: kk

ningguang: what face mask did you get

ganyu: i got qingxin and i think jean is going to choose the dandelion essence one

venti: ty love to see if we we are are you to to the moon and see see if we can see it it

zhongli: please go back to sleep venti

venti: 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

venti: criesjasljsndndjsdkcdksa cfurejrbf

xiangling: um

xiangling: so what are you guys doing over there???

zhongli: we are all eating cup ramen on the sidewalk😋

xiangling: oh nice!

xiangling: wait.

ganyu: ???

xiangling: ganyu you need to tell us what that whole thing was ab

ganyu: huh????

xiangling: when venti mentioned showering reminded him of a “certain time of the year”

xiangling: why did everyone get excited what does it mean👹

ganyu: ah…

jean: i’ll explain

jean: every year the school has a lockdown! it last two days one night and everyone just plays games and hangs out at the school until the next day :))

jean: venti mentioned the showers because most people will do so during this time

diluc: the showers at this school are surprisingly nice

xinyan: a lockdown???

xiangling: why would an emergency drill be fun

ganyu: no no, not lockdown drill

ganyu: lockdown!! like a sleepover at the school!!

xiangling: OHHHHH

razor: 😃😃😃

xinyan: wait that sounds so fun

jean: yes of course! you guys are going to enjoy it for sure 😊

jean: however….

xinyan: oh no

sucrose: 🙂

jean: you freshmen are all pretty close right?

xiangling: yup!!! very very!!

xingqiu: yeah we’ve known each other for a while

xinyan: bro where have you been

xingqiu: huh

xingqiu: at home????

xingqiu: my mom drove me home?????

xinyan: oh

xinyan: do you wanna come over for a spa sleepover

xingqiu: no too tired next time maybe

xinyan: 👌

jean: back to my question :>

jean: let me get straight to the point

jean: are any of you obnoxious sleepers?

xiangling: oh god

xingqiu: …

xinyan: LMAO CHONGYUN

bennett: oh i think i can agree!! when we were in diluc’s car i think chongyun fell asleep for a bit and he was snoring rlly loud!!

bennett: i thought it was diluc’s car engine😰

razor: was talking in sleep

jean: i see…

xinyan: oh and also he sleep walks lmao

xiangling: yeah whenever we have sleepovers he would be like in the other side of the house in the morning

ningguang: ……

jean: ……

ganyu: ……

student council board minus zhongli

ningguang: add him to the hazard list.

ganyu: ofc.

jean: ganyu can you name everyone on the list right now?

ganyu: zhongli, childe, hu tao, and now chongyun

jean: perfect. who’s keeping watch this year?

ningguang: i believe yanfei is

ningguang: but she doesn’t know that yet

jean: alright ladies, this year saved thanks to us💪

ningguang: we’re so good

la signora’s basement

jean: anyone else xiangling?

xiangling: nope everyone else sleeps normal

jean: ok, ty 😊

xiangling: why did you ask

jean: just curious haha

jean: beidou is kazuha an obnoxious sleeper?

beidou: well no but when he sleeps his eyes are kind of open so you can see the whites and it’s creepy as hell

jean: ok!

ganyu: 😃

razor: what time

eula: you know what

zhongli: exactly 12 :)

razor: ty

xinyan: lmao we’re having a pillow fight and diluc and kaeya are going at it

sucrose: feathers are flying everywhere

eula: when did he get over there

xinyan: like a while ago

xinyan: i hope they know they’re gonna pay for the pillows🙏

xinyan: NNnnJjJjJHHAHAIAIIAIWISUUSUSUSUWUWUWWUWUUuuuuyausuawuwuwuwuwu j i iuiquqi is

xingqiu: she got hit didn’t she

yanfei: shouldn’t have been texting during a pillow fight💋

ganyu: [image.png]

ganyu: guys white boy is leaning on zhongli

sucrose: aw omg

ganyu: aren’t you having a pillow fight

sucrose: i used my sheer brainpower to create a fort out of the sofa cushions

albedo: i helped

ganyu: nice

ganyu: anyways what’s their ship name

sucrose: chili

ganyu: CHILI💀💀💀💀

childe: why did you take a picture of me

keqing: #gaypride

childe: guys i’m just tired

albedo: childe, if it were ningguang instead of zhongli would you have been leaning on her

childe: no

keqing: NOT THE IMMEDIATE RESPONSE

ningguang: fuck you too

childe: 😄

albedo: what ab keqing

childe: she’s too short for that

ningguang: LMAO SHE JUST SMACKED THE SHIT OUT OF HIM

zhongli: 😨

albedo: wait quick question but how is childe eating ramen

albedo: don’t you need chopsticks

zhongli: we got him the beginner chopsticks 😊

keqing: aka the ones kindergartners use

albedo: fitting considering his name

childe: 😡😡😡

Chapter Text

la signora’s basement

aether: signs your bird is in heat

aether: wait oops

la signora: what the fuck

sucrose: did you get the bird??

aether: OH I FORGOT TO TELL YOU GUYS

aether: guys guess what

la signora: what

aether: we got the bird

la signora: k

sucrose: SHOW

lumine: [image.png]

aether: [image.png]

lumine: how do you achieve this level of shit photography

aether: YOURS LITERALLY LOOKS THE SAME AS MINE

aether: fucking spot the difference

sucrose: oh um

sucrose: i’ve never seen that type of bird before

albedo: same

sucrose: did they say what it’s called?

aether: no

sucrose: that could very well be a new species…

albedo: could we-

lumine: no we are not going to let you experiment on the bird

albedo: fuck

sucrose: it’s ok you tried

zhongli: that’s an adorable bird :)

childe: yes

aether: omg thanks guys

lumine: ^

kaeya: what’s the bird’s name

aether: tubby

venti: TUBBY😭😭

hu tao: omg

childe: aw so cute

mona: i would die for tubby

venti: we love tubby in this house

lumine: wait venti are you ok

lumine: ur like hungover rn aren’t you

venti: i was for a little bit but i chugged an entire gallon of mountain dew so i am ok now👍

zhongli: venti wouldn’t that just make you feel worse? gatorade would be much better…

hu tao: let him be stupid zhongli

aether: guys we should play roblox to celebrate my new bird

albedo: what that’s literally so random

lumine: OUR new bird

aether: anyways

aether: who wants to play

venti: what game r we gonna play

aether: ummm murder mystery bc i have a private server

xiao: i’ll play

venti: same💋

scaramouche: what tf is roblox

mona: you don’t know what roblox is????

mona: what a fucking idiot

scaramouche: shut up bitch

mona: i’ll help u make an account

keqing: i’ll play if diluc plays

diluc: i’ll play

keqing: k

la signora: does it have to be roblox,,.

aether: um no but it’s the easiest

aether: why

la signora: …..

la signora: nothing

kaeya: my queen 🙏💋‼️

kaeya: i will play since la signora is playing😩

childe: lmao you guys are weird no one plays roblox anymore

zhongli: i will give it a try :0

childe: ILL PLAY

kaeya: 💀

sucrose: albedo and i will play

albedo: HUH

albedo: WAIT WHAT

sucrose: lol

fischl: i shall bless the pixels of you robloxians and grace you with my presence as well.

oz: “i’ll play too”

ningguang: i’ll try it

venti: hu tao you’re not gonna play??

hu tao: i think i got banned from murder mystery for clipping in the map

venti: damn

aether: ok so in total thats 16

aether: guys that’s too many

aether: the limit is 12

la signora: you won’t need to worry about a limit

lumine: ???

aether: huh

la signora: just trust me

kaeya: of course 🙇

aether: ok???

Murder Mystery 2

aether: hey guys

lumine: hey

foullegacy69__: wait wtf how did you get such simple usernames

iloveblondesxoxo: right

lumine: we have been playing since launch

frickthestars: /hello

frickthestars: /how do i do this

monamegistus: did you rlly have to choose that as your username

frickthestars: /yes

frickthestars: it wouldn’t let me say ####

frickthestars: ####

frickthestars: ####

monamegistus: just give up they censor curse words

foullegacy69__: la signora just texted me and said she joined

frickthestars: um

pussyslayer5000: do not.

electrostiletto: HOW DID THEY LET YOU GET AWAY WITH THAT😭

Ningguang: /wow

foullegacy69__: NINGGUANG TOO

foullegacy69__: la signora can you use your roblox ceo powers to change my user

pussyslayer5000: no

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: greetings my fellow robloxians

iloveblondesxoxo: lmaox did ur name get cut off

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: perhaps

conquerorofdemons: hi mona

monamegistus: conqueror of demons💀

conquerorofdemons: stop

dark_knightheroxx: who is chalk prince??

chalkprince_..: this is albedo

C12H22O11: hi

iloveblondesxoxo: lmao that’s sucrose isn’t it

C12H22O11: yes

aether: wait everyone say your names

aether: aether

lumine: lumine

Ningguang: ningguang

iloveblondesxoxo: kaeya💋

C12H22O11: sucrose

chalkprince_..: albedo

foullegacy69__: childe🤣‼️

frickthestars: scaramouche

monamegistus: um mona

electrostiletto: keqing

dark_knightheroxx: diluc

electrostiletto: WHAT IS DARK KNIGHT HERO😭

dark_knightheroxx: STOP I MADE THIS ACCOUNT WHEN I WAS LIKE SIX

pussyslayer5000: la signora

conquerorofdemons: xiao

aether: so we’re waiting on zhongli and venti

pussyslayer5000: i think they’re here

Zhongli1231: hello?

foullegacy69__: hey

Zhongli1231: who is who?

iloveblondesxoxo: scroll up in the chat

Zhongli1231: how do i do that?

Zhongli1231: where is the chat??

foullegacy69__: top left corner

Zhongli1232: thank you

foullegacy69__: oh venti joined

cookieswirlcfan345: hi guys

electrostiletto: LMAO WAIT DID YOU WATCH COOKIE SWIRL C TOO

cookieswirlcfan345: YEAH LMAOX

aether: ok the game should start pretty soon but everyone needs to vote first

Zhongli1231: how do we do that?

Ningguang: right

aether: do you see the house entrance door

Zhongli1231: yes

Ningguang: yes

aether: go in there and step on the plate in front of the map you like

Ningguang: ok

Zhongli1231: ok

aether: wait but la signora how are you doing all of this

aether: extending player limit and changing ppl’s names and other stuff

pussyslayer5000: um

foullegacy69_: go ahead and tell them pussyslayer5000😁

pussyslayer5000: shut up

pussyslayer5000: so basically i would keep making accounts with this username and they kept deleting all of them but they eventually gave up and gave the entire game to me

pussyslayer5000: so to summarize it all up i am the new owner of roblox

aether: wow

lumine: can i have free robux?

pussyslayer5000: no

cookieswirlcfan345: the match is starting guys

Ingame chat

cookieswirlcfan345: wait who doesn’t know how to play

Zhongli1231: me

Ningguang: me

chalkprince_..: me

frickthestars: me

aether: oh right we should explain

lumine: i will

lumine: ok so at the start of the match you get assigned either murderer sheriff or innocent

lumine: so you should’ve just gotten it

Zhongli1231: yes

lumine: ok so the murderer tries to kill everyone

lumine: sheriff tries to shoot murderer

lumine: innocents try to stay alive

lumine: the game ends when the following happen: the murderer kills everyone, the sheriff shoots the murderer, or the time runs out

lumine: oh and also if the sheriff dies then someone can pick up the gun

lumine: press 1 to bring out your weapon if you have one and click to stab/shoot

lumine: if you have a knife hold click to throw it

lumine: everyone is playing on computer right

lumine: say smth if you aren’t

lumine: …

lumine: ok anymore questions

lumine: ok if anyone here bought like special skills from the shop or smth don’t use them since we have beginners here

aether: dammit

lumine: you guys know how to like move and jump and stuff right

Ningguang: yes

Zhongli1231: kind of

frickthestars: yeah

chalkprince_..: yes

lumine: ok we should start now

iloveblondesxoxo: i just heard a gun

dark_knightheroxx: who keeps shooting it💀

cookieswirlcfan345: force of habit

Ningguang: won’t the murderer go for you first now

conqeuerorofdemons: yeah he’s stupid

monamegistus: who keeps blasting music

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: tis i

monamegistus: can you turn it down

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: ########################

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: ##############

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: ##############

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: i give up

Zhongli1231: i heard a knife sound

cookieswirlcfan345: WHAT WHERE

Zhongli1231: near these big carts outside

electrostiletto: wait what map is this again

iloveblondesxoxo: military base

Zhongli1231: ningguang is dead

dark_knightheroxx: zhongli who is it

Zhongli1231: someone with purple hair

conquerorofdemons: bye it’s keqing

conquerorofdemons: we already lost

Zhongli1231: is she good at this game?

monamegistus: very

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: no need to worry comrades, for i will save this game

dark_knightheroxx: yeah we’re screwed

dark_knightheroxx: SHES CHASING AFTER ME HELPSJXJX

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: have faith

chalkprince_..: why does sucrose look bunched up like this??

chalkprince_..: she is not moving

monamegistus: BECAUSE SHES DEAD😭😭

chalkprince_..: oh

Zhongli1231: help

conquerorofdemons: VENTI HURRY UP

cookieswirlcfan345: OK OK IM HERE

Zhongli1231: oh dear

Dead Chat

dark_knightheroxx: you have the worst aim

cookieswirlcfan345: shut up

Ingame Chat

iloveblondesxoxo: SOMEONE GET THE GUN PLEASE IM TOO SCARED

foullegacy69__: OK ILL GET IT

iloveblondesxoxo: omg go go childe

electrostiletto: nice try #####

iloveblondesxoxo: HOWWW

iloveblondesxoxo: AND SHES NOT EVEN CAMPING

iloveblondesxoxo: SKMEONE PLS GE TIT OR DO SMTH

conquerorofdemons: ok i’ll do it

electrostiletto: 🙂

Dead Chat

conquerorofdemons: ####

dark_knightheroxx: 🙏

Ingame Chat

Zhongli1231: she is very good…

electrostiletto: girlboss moment

iloveblondesxoxo: well gg guys

iloveblondesxoxo: i’m hiding and i don’t plan on coming out anytime soONNWJKAMKZ

Zhongli1231: kaeya no!😰😰

chalkprince_..: who is alive??

pussyslayer5000: me

monamegistus: wait i am

monamegistus: i watched scaramouche and the twins die right in front of me

chalkprince_..: i’m hiding but i can see her

chalkprince_..: zhongli are you hiding too

Zhongli1231: yes, i can also see her

electrostiletto: that’s all the information i need

chalkprince_..: ####

chalkprince_..: ####

chalkprince_..: la signora can you make it so we can curse

pussyslayer5000: ok

chalkprince_..: ty

chalkprince_..: FUCK

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: i shall save you from your sufferings!

chalkprince_..: omg she picked up the gun

Zhongli1231: you can do it fischl!!

Dead Chat

iloveblondesxoxo: watch her completely fail

dark_knightheroxx: at least she wasn’t hiding the entire time

cookieswirlcfan345: LMAO

foullegacy69__: welp

Ingame Chat

Zhongli1231: go fischl i believe in you!

pussyslayer5000: lmfao

chalkprince_..: oh she’s good

chalkprince_..: keqing has not been able to get her

monamegistus: this is the longest anyone with the gun has lived wtf

monamegistus: the way the dead chat was trashing her

chalkprince_..: how do you know

monamegistus: intuition

electrostiletto: HOLD STILL BITCH

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: nay!

Dead Chat

iloveblondesxoxo: wait she’s rlly good💀

conquerorofdemons: wow

cookieswirlcfan345: how are they typing while jumping and shit

lumine: they’re just that good

dark_knightheroxx: FUCKING GET HER FISCHL

dark_knightheroxx: SHOOT HER

dark_knightheroxx: KILL THAT BITCH

aether: WHAT THAT BULLET LITERALLY HIT HER

aether: this is bs☹️

Ningguang: oh wait-

Ingame chat

Zhongli1231: what just happened??

monamegistus: FISCHL WON

chalkprince_..: good job fischl

Zhongli1231: yay fischl!!! i knew you could do it

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: tis but a minor achievement

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: my greatest thanks to you zhongli, for holding thy faith in the prinzessin‼️

Zhongli1231: ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: ƪ(˘⌣˘)ʃ

Lobby

The Hero has saved the day!

Murderer: electrostiletto

Hero: xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur

conquerorofdemons: wait can we curse now

pussyslayer5000: yes

conquerorofdemons: ok

cookieswirlcfan345: g fucking g

dark_knightheroxx: gg

electrostiletto: jee jee ig

dark_knightheroxx: i hate you

electrostiletto: i’m sorry comrade i had to 💔

iloveblondesxoxo: wait fischl but u have rlly good aim

foullegacy69_: right

frickthestars: fischl how did you do that

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: thou must have the skills of the prinzessin

frickthestars: huh

frickthestars: furries are weird

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: bitch wtf

conquerorofdemons: 🤣🤣🤣❓💗😭😭😁‼️‼️‼️😂

conqeuerorofdemons: sorry that was hu tao

dark_knightheroxx: hi tao

electrostiletto: hey tao tao

conqeuerorofdemons: hey😩💦

cookieswirlcfan345: lmao she keeps taking xiao’s computer

electrostiletto: how does he have his computer at your house

cookieswirlcfan345: it’s not rlly his it’s an old laptop we have

Zhongli1231: my old one?

cookieswirlcfan345: yeah the one i accidentally cracked that one time

Zhongli1231: Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

cookieswirlcfan345: who taught you about kaomojis

Zhongli1231: ningguang did

Ningguang: i regret that

Ningguang: he always spams them to me and only me

iloveblondesxoxo: everyone shut up the next round is starting

Ingame Chat

lumine: ok is everyone ready

chalkprince_..: yes

chalkprince_..: hi sucrose

C12H22O11: hi

chalkprince_..: suffer with me

chalkprince_..: we can be noobs together

C12H22O11: sorry albedo i’m already done doing that

chalkprince_..: what

iloveblondesxoxo: SOMEONE JUST DIED

Dead Chat

chalkprince_..: 😐

Ingame Chat

cookieswirlcfan345: WHO HAS THE GUN

frickthestars: i do

cookieswirlcfan345: GO BEFORE WE ALL DIE‼️

monamegistus: GO SHOOT WHOEVER IT IS

frickthestars: ok

Dead Chat

monamegistus: why would you shoot me

frickthestars: why not

Ingame Chat

pussyslayer5000: hey i got the gun

foullegacy69__: who even is the murderer

dark_knightheroxx: help sheis chasing me

foullegacy69__: WHO IS SHE????

foullegacy69__: oh my god diluc is dead

lumine: i think it’s sucrose

aether: right i have not seen her

C12H22O11: i’m right here

aether: hi

lumine: ITS SUCROSE SHE JUST KILLED AETHER

pussyslayer5000: where tf r u guys

lumine: living room

pussyslayer5000: ok i’m here

lumine: FUCK

lumine: SOMEONE GET THR GUN SUCROSE KILELED HER

Zhongli1231: 0_0

foullegacy69__: lumine’s dead body just flung over here

cookieswirlcfan345: i love when this game glitches

Zhongli1231: hello childe

foullegacy69__: hi

Zhongli1231: /e dance

Zhongli1231: 😎

foullegacy69__: omg so cool

foullegacy69__: /e dance

electrostiletto: gay

dark_knightheroxx: fischl died we’re fucked

dark_knightheroxx: keqing pls stay alive

conquerorofdemons: literally three seconds after you said that she died

iloveblondesxoxo: diluc you fucking idiot

dark_knightheroxx: WHAT DID I DO

foullegacy69__: LMAO I GOT THE GUN BITCHES

Zhongli1231: go childe!!

cookieswirlcfan345: FUCKING AIM WHAT ARE YOU DOIJG

foullegacy69__: OK HOLD ON

foullegacy69__: FUKFJCUFKCKCFUCKFUCKFUCK

conqeuerorofdemons: he just got obliterated

Zhongli1231: you did good childe

Dead Chat

pussyslayer5000: why didn’t he say good job to anyone else with the gun

foullegacy69__: idk

pussyslayer5000: hmm

Ingame Chat

C12H22O11: kaeya this hiding spot is so bad why would you choose it

iloveblondesxoxo: PLEASE

iloveblondesxoxo: HAVE MERCY

C12H22O11: mmmm

C12H22O11: no 💖

dark_knightheroxx: rip kaeya ig

cookieswirlcfan345: xiao can we have a dance party like zhongli and childe did

conqeuerorofdemons: we are literally three steps away from dying

cookieswirlcfan345: damn 💔

Ningguang: 🙏that’s tough

dark_knightheroxx: who is left

Zhongli1231: me

cookieswirlcfan345: hey

conquerorofdemons:

Ningguang: me

C12H22O11: just killed zhongli

dark_knightheroxx: fuck

conquerorofdemons: help she’s chasing us

cookieswirlcfan345: I GOT THE GUN

conquerorofdemons: switch computers with me you can’t aim for shit

cookieswirlcfan345: ok 💔

Ningguang: xiao where are you shooting..

Dead Chat

conqeuerorofdemons: venti what is wrong with your fucking mouse

cookieswirlcfan345: i think it’s bc i spilled some of my mountain dew on it

conquerorofdemons: how have you been playing for this long wtf

foullegacy69__: it’s ok you don’t need to blame your horrible aim on the broken mouse

conquerorofdemons: if i get murderer next you’re gonna die

Ingame Chat

dark_knightheroxx: it’s just us ningguang

Ningguang: i am hiding

C12H22O11: where are you guys

Ningguang: up your mom

C12H22O11: i’m going after you first

dark_knightheroxx: 💀

C12H22O11: oh i see you

Ningguang: no you dont

C12H22O11: shes dead

C12H22O11: diluc👹👹

dark_knightheroxx: FUCK

dark_knightheroxx: HELPDJXJEKKDJDJD I CANT FIND THE GUN

C12H22O11: any last words??

dark_knightheroxx: yeah don’t kill me

C12H22O11: sorry but i need to win this

Lobby

The Murderer has won.

Murderer: C12H22O11

Sheriff: frickthestars

C12H22O11: gg💖

conqeuerorofdemons: gg

electrostiletto: gg

Ningguang: gg

chalkprince_..: the way you killed me first

C12H22O11: that’s for thinking im a noob

dark_knightheroxx: ur rlly good sucrose

C12H22O11: ty

conquerorofdemons: ok one more round then i’m going back to sleep

cookieswirlcfan345: same

pussyslayer5000: where are you even sleeping aren’t you at venti’s

conquerorofdemons:

electrostiletto: 👀

cookieswirlcfan345: LMAO HES SLEEPING IN VENTIS BED🤣

cookieswirlcfan345: sorry hu tao again

cookieswirlcfan345: zhongli can you lock her in the basement or smth

Zhongli1231: …

foullegacy69__: sleeping in his bed

foullegacy69__: that sounds fruity

foullegacy69__: homosexual if you will

dark_knightheroxx: you truly cannot be talking

aether: right💀

Ingame Chat

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: thou shall suffer thy wrath⚡️🥀

electrostiletto: why did you just out yourself as the murderer

C12H22O11: maybe it’s a bluff

dark_knightheroxx: who’s sheriff

cookieswirlcfan345: dee

dark_knightheroxx: dee?

cookieswirlcfan345: deez nuts

dark_knightheroxx: 😐

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: i told thee of my ranking as a fair warning

electrostiletto: well what a coincidence, i’m the sheriff

iloveblondesxoxo: OH SHIT

aether: PLS

conqeuerorofdemons: is this gonna be 1v1 i wanna watch

cookieswirlcfan345: same omg

chalkprince_..: don’t we need to play though

monamegistus: some servers just fuck it and chill around so we’re probably just gonna let them fight each other

chalkprince_..: ok

frickthestars: 👀

electrostiletto: you only shot me last time bc of pure luck

electrostiletto: someone count us down

monamegistus: i will

monamegistus: ok everyone besides keqing and fischl go to the upper floors

lumine: what’s this map called again

aether: hotel

lumine: ok

lumine: idk who to root for😕😕

lumine: go girlbosses go

C12H22O11: ^‼️

monamegistus: ok everyone

monamegistus: keqing vs fischl rematch

monamegistus: literally no rules lmao

monamegistus: 3

monamegistus: 2

monamegistus: 1

monamegistus: start

aether: PLS IT JUST STARTED AND THEYRE ALREADY MOVING UPSTAIRS

dark_knightheroxx: i’m sitting on the pillar thing on the top floor

frickthestars: who tf is blasting that godforsaken music

foullegacy69__: me😎💯

pussyslayer5000: that sounds so bad

conquerorofdemons: my ears are ringing

iloveblondesxoxo: nah this song is FIRE🔥‼️

cookieswirlcfan345: EXACTLY🤣🙏

electrostiletto: mhm it’s burning my ears

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: curses, thy blade had nearly hit thou head!!

electrostiletto: yeah nice try bitch

aether: everyone is on the third floor now

lumine: we know aether we have eyes

aether: anyways

dark_knightheroxx: fischl literally just walked past you how did you not get her

electrostiletto: ITS HARDER WITH A GUN OK

conquerorofdemons: 🗿

——

cookieswirlcfan345: where did keqing go

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: WHERE ART THOU KEQING??

cookieswirlcfan345: KEQING SHOOT HER WHEREVER YOU ARE

conquerorofdemons: oh my god

foullegacy69_: AYO SHES RIGHT THERE

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: AH I SEE

electrostiletto: 😙

Zhongli1231: they are running towards each other!😧

monamegistus: and the winner is….

Lobby

The Sheriff has saved the day!

Murderer: xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur

Sheriff: electrostiletto

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: alas, i have been defeated

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: twas a well fought match

electrostiletto: mhm gg😎😎

cookieswirlcfan345: isn’t it technically a tie rn

monamegistus: oh yeah

aether: yeah cause you both have won once

C12H22O11: next time will determine the real winner

xXx._.PrinzessinDerVerur: i shall await that day

electrostiletto: maybe we should do it during the lockdown

chalkprince_..: how do you guys do all that i barely know how to move

Ningguang: right like i just learned how to move in a circle

frickthestars: this is so weird

Zhongli1231: perhaps with more time the four of us will reach the same level as the others ^_^

cookieswirlcfan345: ok well i’m gonna get off i’m sleepy

conquerorofdemons: same

aether: wait yeah let’s all get off i’ll close down the server

la signora’s basement

aether: that was fun

aether: thank you for celebrating our new bird with us

lumine: i forgot ab that💀

diluc: yes

scaramouche: that was literally so draining

zhongli: i am a bit sleepy…

venti: LITERALLY SAME

venti: AND XIAO IS ALREADY SLEEPING AND I CAN HEAR HU TAO SLEEP TALKING

venti: zhongli pls don’t fall asleep i dont want to have to deal with sleep talking and loud fucking snoring

zhongli: snoring?

venti: zhongli i don’t know if you know this but the female student council board literally made a hazard list of the loudest most obnoxious sleepers to look out for at the lockdown and you’re at the top next to childe

zhongli: oh..

childe: huh

childe: i literally don’t snore

ganyu: yes you do…

childe: proof

ganyu: remember when you came over and we tried to make a pillow fort but we ended up falling asleep

childe: yeah

ganyu: you were snoring so loud i woke up in like 30 minutes

childe:

jean: 🙂

zhongli: i apologize if my snoring has ever bothered anyone. i was not aware i had this habit

jean: it’s ok zhongli☺️

zhongli: will i be removed from the hazard list then?

jean: no

zhongli: (Ｔ＿Ｔ)

where art thou titty

chongyun: who made here it to callbacks

chongyun: i heard a bunch of people auditioned this year

chongyun: oh and i made it btw

xingqiu: me

xinyan: me

xiangling: me!!

barbara: i did~~

hu tao: meeee

xingqiu: yunjin, lyney and lynette made it as well😁😁

chongyun: i wonder who’s gonna get casted as who

barbara: shrek…

barbara: what an interesting musical choice

xinyan: when are callbacks again??

chongyun: monday

xiangling: good luck everyone!!

xingqiu: can’t wait to see how this will turn out

Chapter Text

zhongli and yae miko

zhongli: ˚✧₊⁎❝᷀ົཽ≀ˍ̮ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧༚

zhongli: (*☻-☻*)

yae miko: yes?

zhongli: ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

zhongli: ☆～（ゝ。∂）

zhongli: (((o(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)o)))

yae miko: ok i get it you learned how to use
kaomojis

zhongli: (｀・ω・´)

yae miko: bruh

zhongli: (΄◉◞౪◟◉｀)

yae miko: STOP WTF IS THAT

zhongli: my apologies i was just trying to show you something i learned and get your attention

yae miko: ok well you successfully accomplished both so what do you want

zhongli: would you like to join a group chat? (๑>◡<๑)

yae miko: is this that huge one you’re in

zhongli: that would be the one

yae miko: no thanks

zhongli: ʕʘ‿ʘʔ

zhongli: (c" ತ,_ತ)

zhongli: (´⊙ω⊙`)

zhongli: (☝︎ ՞ਊ ՞)☝︎

yae miko: FINE ILL DO IT PLEASE STOP IM GONNA HAVE NIGHTMARES

zhongli: ( ◠‿◠ )

la signora’s basement

zhongli has added yae miko to the group chat

dainsleif: HOW DO YOU GUYS KEEP DOING THAT

yae miko: hi

barbara: hello!!!!! :)

baizhu: hey

kaeya: hey babes what’s ya pronouns

yae miko: they/she thanks for asking

kaeya: noted 🤞😘

albedo: hi

jean: hello! who is this if i might ask?

yae miko: hi i’m miko i am zhonglis friend

venti: she’s the heir of that big shrine near the park

jean: oh i see thanks

venti: on that note, i have the callbacks for this years play 😈

yae miko: on that note-

yae miko: how are they even connected

diluc: just don’t even ask

keqing: you’ll do yourself a lot of good

yae miko: ok.

venti: and i would know because i happen to be the director this year 🤩

hu tao: what.

xiangling: no it can’t be

xingqiu: 💀

barbara: please lord save me 🙏

venti: STOP HURTING MY BODACIOUS FAT FUCKING EGO TODDLERS

venti: hem hem

venti: anyways

venti: the roles this year are as follows:

xinyan: lowkey excited

chongyun: same

venti: the three blind mice are played by: the wonderful lyney, lynette, and yunjin !!!

xingqiu: honestly figured

venti: pinocchio as played by: the dashing xinyan!!!

hu tao: HUH

xinyan: 🧍🏾

xinyan: i mean

xinyan: ok ig

xingqiu: LMFAO

venti: gingy will be played by: the lovely xiangling!!

xiangling: yay!! :)

chongyun: good job ^^

venti: lord farquad by: the elegant xingqiu!!!

xingqiu: 👦🏻

xinyan: HA

xingqiu: SHUSH

venti: donkey shall be played by the beautiful barbara!!!

barbara: oh dear

keqing: 😟

xiangling: NOT EXPECTED AT ALL

xingqiu: PLSNAS S AIM CRYIN SKSJASJSBLMFAOSNS

xinyan: HELP

hu tao: LOLOLIKOOAMSJSKSNLMFAO

barbara: 😁😁

venti: princess fiona is played by: the amazing chongyun!!!

xinyan: WHATTTT

chongyun: 🤔

chongyun: ok

xingqiu: AKSJSJSKWNSNQKSNAKSNAKS

hu tao: 😏

xingqiu: 😡

hu tao: ✋😳🤚

venti: and last but not least…

venti: the leading role of shrek will be played by: the superb hu tao!!!

hu tao: as i deserve

xinyan: queen

xiangling: go off

xingqiu: what the hell is this cast😭

keqing: i have to watch this 🗿

diluc: venti what the hell

venti: aren’t i such an amazing director

diluc: no

zhongli: yae will you come to see this musical?

yae miko: um

yae miko: i’ll probably be busy

zhongli: ☹️

childe: zhongli i’ll come see it

zhongli: 😊

mona: 🌈

yae miko: …

zhongli and yae miko

yae miko: who is that?

zhongli: who?

yae miko: “childe”

zhongli: you don’t remember him?

zhongli: he has orange hair with lots of freckles

zhongli: he is a ginger

yae miko: oh yeah that kid

zhongli: why do you ask?

yae miko: no reason🙂

beidou and dainsleif

beidou: hey

dainsleif: hey

beidou: can you add kazuha to the gc now

dainsleif: ok

la signora’s basement

dainsleif added kazuha to the group chat

dainsleif: OK BEIDOU I ADDED HIM STOP HARASSING ME😭😭😭

beidou: HUH

kazuha: hello

ayaka: hello

venti: hey exchange student😎

kaeya: what are the pronouns good sir

kazuha: any

kaeya: 👍

kazuha: can i add my friends

kazuha: they are gonna come to this school too

zhongli: of course :)

jean: wait are they?

kazuha: yes they just recently enrolled

jean: ohh i see

zhongli: now that i think about it, varka did mention a bunch of new students coming

jean: go ahead and add them ^_^

dainsleif: wait lemme give you perms first

dainsleif has given invite perms to kazuha for five minutes

kazuha: ty

dainsleif: mhm

kazuha has added gorou and kokomi to the group chat

kazuha: hi guys

gorou: hello?

barbara: hi!!!!

jean: hello

zhongli: hello :)

beidou: hey are you three gonna come see the musical

kazuha: what musical

beidou: shrek

kazuha: i will go if you take me but idk anyone here

gorou: same

beidou: it’s ok you guys can sit with me

kazuha: ok

zhongli: yae will you ever come to our school?

yae miko: yeah i think next semester

barbara: so dainsleif and yae are gonna come next semester and a bunch more will be coming like tomorrow!!

yae: oh and sara

gorou: .

kazuha: um

zhongli: let me find the list of new students coming in this week.

zhongli: hmm

zhongli: i see the ones mentioned just now and someone named yoimiya??

thoma: AYY

thoma: WAIT RLLY

kaeya: well hello to you too

venti: THOMA MY MAN🙏🙏

thoma: VENTI‼️🗣

xiao: why are we getting so many new people

venti: thoma has been at this school for so long wdym

xiao: i’m talking ab everyone else

zhongli: do you want me to add sara?

gorou: no

yae miko: sure

gorou: 🙃

yae miko: wait how do you have her number

zhongli: cousin has her on her phone

zhongli: oh and she will be coming to this school as well ^^

venti: which cousin

zhongli: raiden

venti: wait are you serious

zhongli: yes ,,

yae miko: omg rlly i haven’t seen her in so long

zhongli: dainsleif, if you would. i sent her number to you in dms

dainsleif has added kujou sara to the group chat

kujou sara: bye

kujou sara: what

yae miko: ??

xiao: you can’t leave

xiao: they locked it

kujou sara: fuck

kujou sara: i’m muting

gorou: bye bitch

kazuha: 🧐

kazuha: @kokomi say something

kokomi: hi

gorou: hi kokomi!!😊😊

xiangling: hello!!

venti: woah ur name is pretty

barbara: i was just gonna say that😮

baizhu: ^

kokomi: thank you ( ◠‿◠ )

mona: thoma how come you this is the first time you’ve talked here

mona: ur like the last person we expected to be quiet

thoma: taroumaru ate my old phone

ayaka: oh my god

mona: what the hell is he ok😭

thoma: yeah he shit it out the same day

thoma: dainsleif can u add yoimiya i sent u her number

dainsleif has added yoimiya to the group chat

dainsleif: i’m gonna sleep bye

thoma: ty for ur service good sir🙏

jean: if anyone else needs to be added then you can send their numbers to me as i have admin :)

yoimiya: hello!!!

thoma: HEYYY

yoimiya: AAAA THOMA

kazuha: hi

yoimiya: woah so many people

yoimiya: must be a big school

zhongli: things are going to get a lot livelier it seems

thoma: feels like we’re missing someone

thoma: let me check

thoma: OH

thoma: jean i will send her to you

jean: ok!

jean has added sayu to the group chat

yoimiya: OMG HI SAYUUUU

barbara: hello!

xinyan: hey

yoimiya: sayuuuuu

yoimiya: sayu sayu sayu sayu

yoimiya: sayuuuuuyuuuu

yoimiya: why isn’t she answering

thoma: i think she muted

yoimiya: 🗿

zhongli: do you all know what your home rooms are?

yoimiya: YES the principal told us

yoimiya: i’m in pyro

kazuha: sayu and i are in anemo

beidou: fuck💔

kokomi: hydro

xingqiu: finally we have more people

baizhu: how do you think i feel😐

gorou: geo

gorou: @kujousara what’s your homeroom

kujou sara: huh

kujou sara: the purple one

jean: so electro then

beidou: ayyy

barbara: kokomi you’re with me!! :DD

kokomi: ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

kokomi: what was going on before we joined

barbara: we were talking about our school musical

xinyan: it’s shrek💀

diluc: i feel sorry for you guys

venti: what are you implying

diluc: exactly what you think i’m implying

venti: 🧍♂️

kokomi: i will come watch :))

kazuha: do u wanna watch with me and gorou and beidou

kokomi: yes

kazuha: ok

gorou: yay!!

beidou: I ALMOST FORGOT

beidou: @ningguang OUR SON IS HERE💖💗💘🥰😍🥰🥰

ningguang: i was sleeping

beidou: LOOK

beidou: KAZUHA SAY HI TO YOUR SECOND MOTHER💗💗💞💖💘💘💝

kazuha: ok

kazuha: hi

ningguang: hey

ningguang: bye

beidou: GOODBYE BELOVED😭💖💖💘💖💖💘💖💖

beidou: ok guys i’m gonna get off peace✌️

kazuha: bye bye

diluc: bye

keqing: it’s like she’s two different people

kazuha: is beidou a lesbian

keqing: was it not obvious just now

kazuha: i just never thought ab it

keqing: she’s like the opposite of straight💀

kazuha: ok

kazuha: cool

kazuha: 😃👍

keqing: anyways

keqing: barbara how are you holding up

baizhu: oh my god i forgot ab that

baizhu: my colleague🥺

barbara: haha i’m ok🙂

noelle: i’m sure you’ll do great barbara!!

barbara: ty noelle🥺💖

noelle: you will be a very pretty donkey😁😁

barbara: 🙂

amber: i can bribe him into changing the roles if u want

barbara: no it’s ok lol

barbara: i’m ok guys🙂

mona: venti you are so evil😭😭

ayaka: if it makes you feel any better barbara, for third grade i had to play a tree in the background

barbara: aww

barbara: ty guys i rlly am ok!!💖💖

amber: barbara is too nice for us

venti and zhongli

venti: is raiden actually coming

zhongli: yes

venti: fuck fuck fuck is she gonna stay with us too

zhongli: no actually, she somehow managed to buy herself an actual house

venti: oh

venti: omg

venti: i just gained three years back on my lifespan

zhongli: why are you so scared of her??

venti: what do you mean i’m not scared of her🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂😂😂🤣🥲🥲🤣😂😂😂🤣😂🤣

la signora’s basement

childe: wait i heard we got a new homeroom classmate

childe: who

kokomi: hi it’s me

childe: heyy

childe: where ya from i’m schneznayan

kokomi: inazuma☺️✌️

childe: ooh inazuma ok👀

childe: our group is kinda small but ur gonna like us i promise‼️

kokomi: ok（＾ω＾）

diluc: you’ll like all of them but childe

keqing: ^

childe: ouch

venti: HEY

venti: YOURE HURTING HER😡

venti: 😄👍

childe: my savior🥺

venti: anything for you bro👨❤️💋👨

venti: no homo though‼️🔥

childe: full hetero‼️🤣

kokomi and keqing

kokomi: are they homophobic..?

keqing: no that entire group are actually the fruitiest ones in the entire school

kokomi: oh

keqing: childe is the ginger dude with blue eyes in your homeroom

keqing: do you know who zhongli is?

kokomi: yes he’s the guy with dark brown hair and super long legs right

keqing: oddly specific but yes 💀

keqing: if you ever see those two together take a picture and send to the gc

keqing: and maybe “accidentally” push them closer or smth

kokomi: ok but why??

keqing: all of us collectively agreed that seeing them pining for each other with no progress has physically pained all of us

keqing: we have more that are like this actually

kokomi: who?

keqing: here i’ll send a list rn

kokomi: ok

keqing: venti and xiao, chongyun and xingqiu, amber and sucrose, jean and lisa

keqing: it seems like a lot but memorizing everyone’s names is pretty easy

kokomi: so do i do the same for all of them?

keqing: yes

keqing: don’t worry you aren’t the only one in this it’s basically everyone in the gc except them

kokomi: ok!

keqing: also don’t feel pressured to do anything lol

kokomi: no it’s ok i can do it😉

keqing: 😋

gorou, kokomi and kazuha

kazuha: what do you guys think of the ppl here so far

kokomi: they seem very fun

kokomi: i was just invited into some operation lmao

kazuha: what operation

kokomi: idk if i can say🤷

kazuha: ok

kazuha: they are all nice

gorou: mhm

kazuha: i think we are going to like it here

gorou: 😊

kokomi: (*≧∀≦*)

Chapter Text

zhongli has created a group chat

zhongli has named the group chat “knitting and crocheting club

zhongli has added yae miko, kazuha, xinyan, and two others to the group chat

zhongli: hello everyone :-)

xinyan: heyyyyy

yae miko: hi

kazuha: hello

thoma: hey

childe: hi zhongli

zhongli: hello childe 😊😊

zhongli: welcome to the knitting and crocheting club everyone ^_^ our first meeting will be next thursday

yae miko: i signed up for this club for when i transfer here btw

thoma: okkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

childe: do we need to bring anything

zhongli: nope, we have all the supplies in the clubroom 🙂

childe: ok!

xinyan: which wing is it in

zhongli: geo wing room 203 :-)

xinyan: okayyyy

la signora’s basement