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One afternoon while Hyunggu was working in his studio and getting lost in thinking of lyrics that would fit the mood of the melody he found while playing around with his keyboard, he heard a knock on his studio door. Since his one ear is covered with headphones, he thought he imagined it but it was soon followed by the beeping sound of the door’s keypad lock. Only his members knew his password and he checked his phone that was sitting on his computer table if they kakaotalk-ed him but there was nothing on his notifications. He turned around at the same time the door closed and Hyunggu was genuinely surprised to see his least expected visitor standing in front of him, chuckling.
“Why do you look so surprised?” Hui asked, approaching Hyunggu and absentmindedly going for the younger’s nape to caress as a habit before he leaned on the wall at the end of Hyunggu's keyboard.
“I just did not expect to see you today.” Hui figured and honestly no one knew he'd be back this early. He, himself, thought he'd be back tomorrow morning for their schedule. All of his weekends now are freed up since there’s really no reason for him to be busy when he’s about to enlist 11 days from now. Hui appreciated that they wanted him to rest but they really can't stop him if he wanted to stay the whole weekend locked up in his studio.
“Ah, well, I’m here. Jjajan.” Hyunggu gave him a ridiculous look as he jumped while saying jjajan, as if he magically transported from somewhere.
“Hyung?? What are you doing?” The younger tried not to laugh but seeing Hui's face turned red, and his ears, pursing his lips and trying to act as if it was not embarrassing made both burst into laughter. Hui naturally leaned towards Hyunggu as he laughed, and moving behind the younger to hide, hands found its place on Hyunggu’s shoulders. Hyunggu was still teasing him about his corny joke but Hui’s attention was already caught by the open software they use for composing song.
"Are you composing again?” Hui almost whispered that Hyunggu did not able to catch it at first, he was about to ask his hyung to repeat it again but Hui just continued, patting the younger's shoulder gently, “Yah! We just finalized the tracklist for the album, and you're making another one? Rest your brain, Hyunggu-yah." He pressed his hand over Hyunggu's head and pushed it back so he can look directly at his eyes.
"You're the one to talk." Hui clearly knew that coming those words from him is pure absurdity. He just hoped that the younger was not too busy today. Hyunggu removed the hand on his forehead to which Hui grabbed and held it before the younger could let go of his hand. Contrary to what Hyunggu usually portrayed on screen, he lets Hui hold his hands most of the times. Hyunggu even initiates it when he felt like being clingy for the day. "Didn't you come back earlier because you'll be composing too?"
"Nope." Hyunggu was too taken aback, staring wide eyes at his hyung, how confident Hui answered. Hui spun the chair the other was sitting on around and pulled Hyunggu along with it, as he sat down on the sofa to level with him, “I’m actually here to ask you for a date... if you’re not busy.” Hui stared at the other hopefully.
It’s really been a long while since the both of them went out together alone, let alone just spend time and just talk. Whenever they meet, it’s always for Pentagon. Whenever they talk or kakaotalk each other, it’s always about work and schedules. The whole year of 2020 has been hard for the both of them, they were more like a business partners rather than romantic partners. Hyunggu once asked him if they should take a break so the other could focus more in accomplishing his goals before he enlist at the end of the year. That way, Hui will stop apologizing and feel guilty for not giving Hyunggu time and attention. Hui thought that he had a point, but just thinking of the things he would not be able to do if they remained just friends pained him more than leaving his members for two years. To Hui’s relief, Hyunggu talked to him the day after and that he did not mean anything he said. Though after that, both of them did not really made effort to have time for each other until their 10th mini album promotions where both of their schedules finally matched and could talk before they sleep together, either in Hyunggu’s room or Hui’s.
But going out on a date really was the couple thing they haven’t done for a long while.
“Seriously? Are you really being serious, right now?” Hui saw how the big doe eyes lit up and he could feel his heart stop beating for a second. He missed this. Hyunggu could not actually believe what he heard. When he found out that Hui was free during the weekends, Hyunggu planned to ask him what he wants to do but then he heard that he’ll be with his family, which he totally respects. It’s just that Hyunggu wants some Hui time as well.
“Of course. I came back as soon as I can so we can have more time together. So?” Hyunggu eagerly nodded and jumped onto Hui’s lap from his chair, cupping the older’s face with both of his hands and giving a peck starting from the forehead, on his nose, on both cheeks then leaning back a bit to stare at Hui, whose hands were caressing Hyunggu’s sides. Hyunggu always loved staring at Hui’s eyes before leaning for a kiss because the same look Hui had given him when the older first kissed him and told him the three words was still the same look Hyunggu saw everytime. It's a mixed look of happiness, adoration and love.
Hui parted the younger's legs and pulled him closer, making Hyunggu gasped which he took advantage of by slipping his tongue inside his mouth. It hasn’t been a long time since he made out with the younger but this felt different. He can feel how Hyunggu wanted it now and just being in his studio, not even recalling if he had locked the door, turned him on. As much as he wanted to, there’s time for that tonight (hopefully) but now, he just wanted to have the long overdue date with Hyunggu. Hui sucked on his lower lips for the last time before managing to pull away from Hyunggu. Hyunggu pouted his already swollen lips, finding it cute, Hui pecked it and reminded him that they have to have a date first and left a promise that he hoped he could follow through.
“You have me all day and night.”
*
They went to the dorm first, as requested by Hyunggu. He admittedly went straight to the company building as soon as he had breakfast and did not even bother taking a shower. Hui honestly didn’t notice it because the younger looked and smelled good already but Hyunggu insisted on dressing up for 1) confidence, 2) reputation and 3) it’s a date after all.
Hui wondered what he would do for 30 minutes. Sitting on the couch with nothing else to do made him yawn, suddenly feeling a little sleepy but he knew that if Hyunggu saw him taking a nap, he would never wake him and the day will be a disaster. He decided to check Pentagon videos on youtube, the edits of their fans were always funny. Changgu or Shinwon either sends it to their group chat, though admittedly he doesn’t watch all of it, but when he did, it never failed to put him in a good mood. It made him realize his members were funny but Universe were funnier.
He was on his third video edit when he heard someone entering the password to their dorm. It was Hongseok, frozen on his spot and looked like he had seen a ghost upon seeing the leader sitting on the couch, smiling at him.
“This can’t be real.” Hongseok muttered, still loud enough for his hyung to hear and chuckle, with eyebrows creased in the middle.
“This is weird, yes, but it’s real.”
“Is this how I will see you until next year?” Hongseok half-joked. Hongseok will not deny that seeing the leader that relaxed, with a smile on his face from whatever he was watching on his gigantic phone, brought him small happiness. He does not wish anything else for their leader to get some rest, because they knew that after his enlistment, there’s no stopping Hui anymore. “Who’s in the bathroom?”
“Ah, Hyunggu.”
“Are you both going out?” Hui nodded, suddenly conscious of Hongseok’s hmmm response. He knew that the proper thing to do was invite Hongseok as well, but if he did, it would not be a date anymore and God knew how much endless nagging he would have to endure from Hyunggu. The worry was easily replaced by curiosity when he heard Hongseok said finally. “What do you mean finally?” Hui asked.
Hongseok glanced back at the direction of the bathroom, went closer to Hui, and spoke just a little lower than his normal speaking tone. Obviously not wanting to be heard by the other person in the dorm, “Hyunggu’s been whining for days now how you’re enlisting and yet you haven’t spend time together.”
Oh.
“Don’t tell him I told you that. He’d kill me for sure.” Hongseok tapped him on the shoulder before leaving the room. They both know Hyunggu won’t kill Hongseok but it’s clearly something that the former doesn’t want Hui to know because it’s different from what Hui sees. Though as Hui recalled that night after the group’s meeting with their manager where schedules were announced, Hyunggu approached him and asked about his weekend plans. In which he answered anything but nothing including Hyunggu. He must have upset Hyunggu that night and yet the younger still didn’t say anything. I really don’t deserve someone as understanding as him.
*
Hui drove them to a Japanese restaurant that Hyunggu picked. The younger has been craving for authentic Japanese food but since they can't leave the country yet, they have to settle for something close to it.
As Hyunggu chose the menu for the both of them, what Hongseok told him earlier crossed Hui's mind again. He recalled each messages from Hyunggu that were read a day later, the times when the younger would approach him after their schedule to ask if they can eat together, but will be turned down because he still has to arrange songs, they would eat together but Hui was glued to his phone and barely registered what Hyunggu was saying, the nights when Hyunggu will just climb and lay beside him, whispering he just wants to hug Hui. However, when Hui approached asked the younger for time, Hyunggu drops everything just for him.
Hui was brought back to present time when Hyunggu kicked him under the table. "Have you ordered?"
"Yes. What are you thinking? You've been staring at me. Was it me?" Hyunggu jokingly asked, but Hui nodded, thoughtfully. "Why?"
"Do you remember that Christmas, two years ago?" Hyunggu despite being weirded by the out of the blue question, he couldn't hide the sweet smile drawing from his lips. He knew Hui already got his answer by the way the older smiled, yet Hyunggu can still see in Hui's eyes that something was bothering him. So he decided to play around.
"Ah, 2018? Yan an and Yuto's vlive?"
"That was 24th, dummy." Hui snorted at Hyunggu's failed attempt to trick him.
"Of course, I remember." It's a date both of them will never forget. "Why do you ask all of a sudden?"
"Do you still remember what I said that night? Do you not regret it?"
2018 was especially the year that tested Hui's leadership. He was a leader of a rising two-year old boy group that time and in the same year, lost a member, his bestfriend, and being in a scandal himself. At the same time, he was the backbone of Pentagon's music. He would not let his team perform any song made by any one outside of his group for the next comeback on the same year. It was the beginning of what Hui has become now, getting himself drowned with work and more work. Not to say that Hui was not working hard before, but at least he was able to enjoy himself unlike nowadays where holidays were also being spent at his studio.
Hyunggu witnessed it all. Though he sometimes wished he had not. He and Shinwon would take turns in accompanying Hui through the night, listening and criticizing his music, or bring him take out food, or just check if he haven't passed out yet. Hyunggu never liked the scene whenever he goes to Hui's studio, but he did it anyways because it's the only time he could talk and see his hyung outside of their schedule. And maybe part of doing this was because he secretly like the leader. He liked Hui more than a leader, more than someone he looked up to, more than a friend. He does not expect anything from the opposite as Hyunggu knew it was impossible given their situation, and Hui liking him back was the least thing that could happen.
Or so he thought.
After the foreigner's line Vlive, Hyunggu went back to his studio to pick up his stuff and go back to the dorm to celebrate Christmas, probably drink wine with Jinho or watch Christmas movies with Shinwon and Hongseok. He stepped out of his studio at the same time Hui was entering his, Hyunggu debated for a bit to ask his hyung if he wanted company but settled with greeting Hui a Merry Christmas and walked away. Until he heard Hui called his name, asking him if they could welcome the Christmas together in his studio and Hyunggu, of course, didn't mind.
They talked about the latest song Hui was working on, letting Hyunggu hear it and criticize it, what they usually do during Christmas pre-debut and reminiscing the past years holiday with the members, until Hui noticed they have 10 minutes before midnight.
"You know I realized since it’s Christmas, maybe it’s time to thank you for I everything you did for me for the past months, for putting up with my cranky mood, and for taking care of the members when I could not,” Hui lifted his head off of Hyunggu’s shoulder and stared at him as he continued, whispering, “thank you, Hyunggu.” Even with the yellow warm light, Hui could see the other’s ears reddening as he slipped his hands in between Hyunggu’s joined hands.
"You don’t have to, Hoetaek hyung.” The younger looked away, feeling the distance between him and his hyung was too close, too intimate. Not to mention the way Hui looked at him. He could not think of what it meant... He actually could interpret it, but chose not to. “I did all of it on my own accord, but I appreciate it.” Hyunggu spared the other a glance and a sweet smile, squeezing Hui’s hand.
“I meant it. You’re as busy as me, with composing and being the performance leader, but you took care of the members along with Jinho more than I did to the members, to you.” Hyunggu’s ears perked up hearing the last two words, and then pushed the surging hope back down. Now is not the right time, Hyunggu.
“I love taking care of you, hyung. So it’s really not a problem.”
“Is that so?” Hui almost uttered silently that Hyunggu was not sure if he should answer it, instead he nodded gently. Hui leaned back, brushing his shoulder with the younger, staring straight at the opposite wall where football uniforms of his favorite team were displayed, but his mind was nowhere close to it.
Hyunggu took a quick glance at his hyung. His face was unreadable. He might have almost missed his question, but it’s clear as the day that he sounded disappointed. With what? Hyunggu have no idea. Or was it the opposite?
“Can I ask you a question, Hyunggu?” The boy in question jumped a little when Hui broke the heavy silence. This time, Hyunggu surely felt terrified. If... if Hui really did find out how he feels for him, will the older push him away? Will his hyung think that he took advantage of his weakness just to satisfy his own feelings? He wished he could disappear right now, sensing Hui's gaze boring into him.
“Do you like me?” Hyunggu tried to still his heart that was now beating crazily. How many times had he imagined this and practiced making his way out if ever he and his feelings were caught. You can manage this, Hyunggu, he silently told himself.
“Of course.” Hyunggu chuckled, masking the nervousness bubbling up, and continued nonchalantly, “you know, I like you.”
It seems like fate was not on Hyunggu's side today as he felt his hyung pulled his hand, prompting him to look back at him, and he did. There were no judgments in Hui's eyes, if anything, Hui looks at him with adoration that Hyunggu feels like melting on his seat.
“Do you like me?”
"Hyung..."
“I am a mess right now, ggu. As you already know. I might probably not in the best state to be in a relationship again, but you... you are the only person that makes everything feel normal. You make me look forward to another tiring day because I know you’ll be there. I feel different, light, happy when I’m with you in a way that I have never felt with anyone else. I need you more than a member.” Hui took a deep breath before continuing, squeezing his hand, “I like you, Hyunggu. I can feel that you feel the same but if I ask you to be with me now, that is going to be selfish of me. So I will understand if you don’t wa—“ Hui was stunned when the younger leaned closer, lips hovering his. Hyunggu doesn't want to hear any of it, nor does he want to wait anymore. Hui likes him back, it's all that matters now.
“I like you too, Hui hyung, but you already know that." Hyunggu hate that he giggled like a teenager in a high teen drama, but what can he do, he's flying in euphoria. He tilted his head sideways and kissed the other on the corner of his lips, before putting distance between them. "I like you when we were trainees, it didn't disappear even when you’re in a relationship, and I still do after all these months. I think I even love you now, and there's no way that will change.”
“I don’t need an answer right now, ggu. Please think about it first. I don’t want you to be tied up with someone that can’t give you the attention, love that you deserve. I'm afraid I won't be able to take you out or bring you to beautiful places that you wanted to see. You know me, I might end up prioritizing the group more than you. I don't want to hurt you.”
“Honestly, hyung. I can live with all of that. We can compromise along the way, but now, I want you to be selfish and let's choose to be happy. Please?" Hyunggu's eyes started watering up and it painfully struck Hui's heart. His hand reached out the younger's cheeks, feeling Hyunggu leaning on his touch, thumb smoothing his cheeks. Hui supposed he could indulge himself with happiness after a long time, if that means making Hyunggu happy too.
“Of course, not. We may not be spend most of the times together like Wooseokie and Yuto, or regularly catch up like Jinho hyung and Hongseok hyung, but I’m happy. I'm happy working with you. I'm happy even just hearing your name. I'm happy to just see you even for five minutes. I have always been happy to be in love with you.”
Hyunggu reached out for his hyung’s hand, to which the latter held tightly. Even though Hui was lacking in so many ways, it's nice to hear that he can still make Hyunggu happy in one way or another. In all honesty, he felt the same way as the younger. Sitting besides Hyunggu at the van, holding hands, exchanging smiles, or the few touches they do on and off air, it's enough for Hui to make his heart beat crazily. It's funny that both of them have a clingy personality but lives on from these little things.
“I know I have a close door policy when I’m working, but please do drop-by, eoh? You’re my partner, so you’re an exception to the rule.”
“For real?” For the nth time today, Hui felt so full seeing the other’s face light up with joy. “Is it my birthday today? Woah, why are you being so generous?”
“I just... you know, I’m leaving and we really haven’t spend much time together. I really felt bad.”
“At least, we’re making up on the lost times. Besides, I will have more time with you than Jinho hyung and Hongseok hyung ever had. So, don’t feel bad, okay? We’ll make it through.”
Hyunggu knew and meant it. He did not just say those just to make his hyung happy, but he knew himself and Hui so well that being apart from each other was not their best forte. Hyunggu knew they will do anything to make every second counts.
And as he stared at the man, head heavy on his shoulder, sleeping peacefully and tightly, with his arm across his bare waist, he knows they can work this relationship through his military service.
They will be fine.
Hui will be fine.
Yes, I am fine, Hyunggu thought as he typed it in the mix of Korean and French language on his phone, before clicking the post button.
-끝-
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